by Saundra
Chapter 13
Secret
It was a challenge, but I tried to chill and forget about Jackie for a minute, but only because I thought about what Isis had said. She had a point, and as hard as I knew it was for her to say it, I was glad she had. Maybe pushing Jackie away from Penny was not the best idea. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt Penny; that was never my intention. So as hard as it was for me, I tried to understand. Fuck that, there was no understanding her point of view. Tolerating would be the best I could try to do. Each morning I woke up, I fought back the urge to drive over to Penny’s place, wake Jackie up, and toss her and her shit out in the middle of the street.
Each time I had to picture Penny’s sad and broken face as she begged me not to make Jackie leave. And then Isis’s words of truth, that maybe it was for the best. But tonight was going to be an even bigger challenge. Penny had invited Isis and me over to dinner at her place. The last thing I was in the mood for was an intervention with Jackie, because that simply would not happen. I had almost turned Penny down, but I did not want to disappoint her. And, of course, Isis had put in her words of encouragement, basically saying she did not want to be alone with Jackie, either.
So I agreed to go, but I invited Calvin along. I figured with him around I would keep my cool, since I considered him company. I tried to behave in front of company . . . most of the time. Penny also had shared that she had invited a new guy she had met, Patrick. With all the company that was now involved, I figured everything should go smoothly enough. Calvin and I arrived first, and thankfully Penny answered the door. I was glad because Jackie’s face was not the first thing I wanted, nor needed, to see when I stepped inside.
“Hey,” Penny said when she opened the door. She had a huge smile on her face. I wasn’t surprised, though. She was still in denial that this was a combination for disaster. “What’s up, Calvin?”
“Hey, Penny,” Calvin said back. They hadn’t seen each other since Penny had moved out of my place. Of course she liked him, but she knew I was not on any commitment-type thing, so she let it be.
Jackie wasted no time making an appearance, and I had to fight to keep from rolling my eyes. I silently counted to five. She smiled as she approached us; shockingly, she looked sober, or at least not sloppy drunk. I was not used to seeing her this way. “You made it.” She looked directly at me; the eye contact was brutal in my mind. It took so much for me not to just look away.
“Jackie, this is Calvin, Secret’s . . .”
I wasn’t sure what Penny might introduce Calvin as, so I finished her sentence. “My friend.” No sooner did I have the words out of my mouth, the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get that.” Penny smiled at me.
“Hey, Calvin,” Jackie said.
“Hi.” Calvin extended his hand. I contemplated smacking his hand out of Jackie’s reach, but that would be petty.
“I’m Jackie. Penny’s and Secret’s mother.” I nearly fainted when she let the bullshit seep from her lips. I was sure the scowl that suddenly appeared on my face burned a hole through Jackie as she looked away from my stare.
“Isis.” She walked away quickly, acting as if she was surprised to see her.
I looked at Calvin briefly, then turned to see Isis’s eyes glued to me. She knew something was up.
“How you been, Isis?” Jackie asked. The doorbell rang again. This time it was Patrick.
Suddenly we were all standing in the living room, and it was clear Penny was now nervous. She introduced Patrick to all of us. He was cute; he was about six foot one, thin build, with a flat fade, kind of a mocha chocolate skin tone, and a slight dimple on his left cheek. He spoke to all of us and stood back and waited. After we all said hi, silence overtook the room. There was definitely an elephant in the room. But I was a raging bull, and I wanted to attack Jackie. I just couldn’t help myself.
Penny broke the silence. “I hope everybody brought their appetite, ’cause I cooked a lot.”
“I’m ready to eat then,” Isis said with a nervous laugh.
“Y’all head to the table then, and I’ll bring it all out.” Penny looked at me like she needed some type of confirmation.
Everybody followed her direction and went to the dining table. I went into the kitchen behind Penny. I figured the least I could do was help her grab a few things. You would think Jackie would have gone into the kitchen to help her, since she was living there. But Jackie was always just that, Jackie, selfish as hell. Everything was all about her. She took her butt to the table and sat down with the company.
“So what do you think about Patrick?” Penny asked me right away, as soon as we were safely away from everyone else in the confines of the kitchen.
“He’s a cutie. What he do, though? He looks blue-collar.”
“He’s in school to be a psychologist. He’s in love with the way the mind works.” Penny smiled.
I was actually impressed to hear he was educated, because that’s exactly the kind of man Penny deserved. Not that I wanted her in a relationship because, personally, I preferred she lived life and got herself together first, but if she had to be in love, a guy with a real future was the route I wanted her to take. “That’s what up. Cute and he got brains.” I opened the cabinet to fish out the hot sauce. It wasn’t sitting out front, so I had to move some thing around. “What the fuck is this?” I snatched the bottle of vodka from the shelf.
I was immediately pissed and wanted answers. One of the conditions for Jackie being able to stay in the house was no drinking or being there when she drunk. “Why is it here, Penny?” I said through my clenched teeth. I tried to keep it down; I didn’t want to scream and alarm the guests.
“Calm down, Secret.” I was getting tired of Penny telling me to calm down. It was becoming a habit.
“Fuck me calming down. You better say something real fast.”
“It’s not what you think.” she sighed. “Erica came over the other night, and we made frozen Jolly Rancher drinks. It’s not Jackie’s vodka, okay. She is tryin’ to get clean.”
That was a new batch of bullshit, and I was not trying to be in the mix of it or hear it. “Sure, she is,” I said sarcastically.
“She is. Whether you wish to believe it or not.” Penny wanted to convince me, but it was falling on deaf ears.
“Whatever. Just keep alcohol out of this place. Jackie is an alcoholic, a chronic one at that, so keep this shit from around her so that she won’t be drunk in this house. ’Cause if she is tryin’ to be clean as you say, it won’t happen if you give her free access to it.”
“You can be sarcastic if you want to, Secret, but I believe her. So I will take your advice and be more careful.” Penny grabbed the platter of catfish and headed to the table. I rolled my eyes and followed with the pan full of homemade macaroni.
Once all the food was on the table, we all wasted no time digging in. Penny had fried catfish, macaroni and cheese, cabbage greens, corn on the cob, and homemade red beans and rice. In my opinion, little sister had shown out, and Patrick was enjoying all of it.
“So how is Felicia doing?” Jackie decided she wanted to start conversation. My skin started to crawl just hearing her voice. I hated when she pretended to care about something. We all knew she didn’t give two fucks about Felicia. I remembered when she would get mad and curse Felicia out for buying us new clothes or feeding us. Jackie was full of shit.
“She’s good. Taking some college courses and staying positive,” Isis replied.
“That’s good to hear.” Jackie bit off a piece of fish.
“Yeah, she made a mistake but is on the right path to turn her life around.” I looked at her and watched as she chewed her fish. She kept her eyes on her plate as she tried to ignore me. The room went silent again.
“This food is good,” Calvin complimented, breaking the silence, which I was sure was awkward for him and Patrick.
Penny gave a nervous laugh. She knew what was happening, and she glanced at me. “Thank you. I
cooked everything.”
“Well, you are a good cook,” Calvin said.
“Yep, she learned everything from me. You know how it is when you grow up and don’t have parents. Some things you learn from your older siblings,” I said as I stared at Jackie.
Jackie looked up from her plate but tried not to look in my direction. She grunted out loud to clear her throat. “So, Isis, you’re not dating?”
“Yes, actually I am dating myself.” Isis chuckled. I knew she was just trying to lighten the mood. “No, really, I’m focused on me right now. Relationships only complicate things.”
Jackie’s eyes left Isis and met Calvin’s. I watched her like a hawk scoping its prey. “So, Calvin, are you Secret’s boyfriend?” I could not believe the nerve of her. I had already answered that for her when I introduced them. But I was not surprised I had her bothered, even though she tried to pretend she was cool.
Calvin moved his lips to speak but I was not having it. “Like I said earlier, Jackie . . . Calvin is my friend. I don’t have a boyfriend. I have fun.” I gave her a fake smile.
“That’s cool. Maybe I misunderstood.” She tried to downplay her intentions. Thankfully for me, I was not stupid.
“I am young. I have a long time be in a serious relationship. I have to make sure I choose the right one. Or else I might become fucked up and weak.” I glared at her so hard I could feel the steam rising off of myself.
For the first time since we sat at the table, her eyes met mine, and I knew I had sparked her fire. She dropped her fork. “A’ight, Secret, you got something to say to me, then spit that shit out.”
Patrick looked at Penny, and she gave him a weak smile as her pleading eyes met mine, but it was too late. Clearly Jackie wanted to get a rise out of me, and unfortunately for her, I had risen. And I was just getting warmed up. “Damn right I got a lot to say. It was you who fucked us up. You were supposed to be the adult, the parent, but instead you was a fuckin’ monster. Now you think you can come up in here like you deserve this mother-daughter shit from us.” Spit flew out of my mouth; my emotions were all over the place.
“You think I owe you something, little girl?” Jackie screamed.
And that was the Jackie I knew. I had wondered when she would show up. “Damn right, you owe us a fuckin’ childhood, and I want it,” I demanded as I pounded the bare palm of my right hand on the table.
“Me, me, me.” Jackie beat at her chest with her right. “It’s always about you, Secret. You ain’t never been nothin’ but selfish and demanding from me. Always cryin’ over your life like you’re the only one who has suffered. Fuck that, I don’t owe you shit. I gave you life and you alive and breathin’. For that, you can thank me.” Her words of bullshit had, once again, cut me deep, and all I saw was red.
I was beyond hurt and in disbelief; I would never have a mother. Before I could stop myself, I jumped across the table. My destination was my hands around Jackie’s throat to choke her until she stopped breathing. “Kiss my ass, bitch!” I screamed. Calvin grabbed me just as my hands almost made contact with her flesh.
Jackie stood back from her chair and stared at everybody, then stormed out of the room. Penny and Isis both stood frozen in their spots. Patrick still sat in his seat with eyes bulging. I looked at them and walked away, with not so much as a goodbye. I grabbed my purse off the living room couch and snatched opened the front door. Calvin followed me outside yelling my name as I sped up my pace. I just wanted to be away from there.
“Secret, just wait up.” He was starting to annoy me. I reached his Cadillac Escalade and stood there.
“Unlock the door, Calvin,” I ordered in an annoyed tone.
He hit the lock. “Wait, let me talk to you. Maybe you could go back and talk to your mom and work this out. It can’t be that bad.” I just stared at him for a minute. Maybe he was slow.
“Calvin, clearly you’re deaf and dumb if you didn’t hear what just happened in there.”
“I did, but—”
I cut him off. “Listen, you don’t know shit about my fucked-up life. So leave me the fuck alone and just take me home.” I jumped into his truck, slammed the door, and sank down in my seat. As soon as he pulled up in front of my house, I jumped out and all but ran inside. He tried to jump out and come behind me, but I locked my door and ignored his knocks and the ringing of my doorbell. Eventually he got the message to leave me the fuck alone.
Chapter 14
Secret
Shit had been a bit fucked, and with all that was going on, I had kind of forgot all about what Kirk had asked me to do. But I had agreed, so there was no way I would back out. So here I was basically last minute trying to throw a banging outfit together so I could go shake my ass and bait some whack-ass dude.
While I tore my stripper wardrobe apart, I threw on some music and tried to practice my moves. But I was so pressed for time I gave up. Either he would like what I had to offer or he could kiss my ass. Jumping in my whip, I drove in the direction of the address Kirk had texted to me. According to Kirk, the dude thought some of the guys from his crew had hooked him up with a private dance for his birthday.
When I pulled up and stepped out of my ride, Kirk stepped from behind a bush and nearly gave me a heart attack. “Why would you sneak up on me like that? Is you crazy?” I scolded him.
“My bad.” He laughed.
“That shit ain’t funny. I should kick yo’ ass.” I pushed his right shoulder.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I was about to call you when you pulled up. Listen, everything straight. One of my niggas that work for him gone let you in. Just go in and do your thing. I’ll be in when it’s time. Don’t worry. The kilos already inside.”
“I ain’t worried. ’Cause I trust you.” I looked him in the eye.
“Good. Now go.”
When I told Kirk I wasn’t worried, I lied. I was shaky as hell. But I was no weak bitch, so I would do what I had to. The guy who led me to the room told me that Rock, which turned out to be the unknown dealer’s name, would be right in. As soon as he shut the door, the lights went out and club lights came on. The room was small but looked like a VIP room with a comfy couch and glass table. Suddenly the door opened and this short, bald-headed, stout dude, with a lazy eye stepped inside. My first thought was that he did look like a rock. An ugly, beat-up rock. But my thoughts were interrupted by a familiar song that blasted out of the speakers: R. Kelly’s “Honey Love.”
I was disgusted. The last thing I wanted to do was dance for him. But I thought of Kirk and I fell into step. Rock smiled at me, and it sent chills down my spine. I ignored it and carried on twerking and gyrating my pelvis. I had his undivided attention; he used his middle finger and motioned me closer. When I got closer, he motioned for me to turn backward and dance on his lap. Against my better judgment, I complied, knowing Kirk would soon be coming in. I dipped my ass into his pelvis and froze as I felt something cold that resembled steel to the back of my head. Then his left hand came around my side, up my stomach, and stopped at my chest. Next I felt his vile breath as he stuck his head to the side of my face.
“I’m going to move this gun from the back of your head, and I want you to turn around and straddle me.” He moved the gun, and I complied. No sooner had I straddled him facing forward did he put the gun to my forehead. “Don’t let this gun scare you. I like thrills, and I want you to participate.” I was so scared and in such shock. I instantly nodded my head in agreement.
I felt the coldness of the gun leave my forehead as he placed the gun beside him. I breathed a soft inward sigh of relief. But then I felt his short, stubby hands around my throat, at first lightly, but slowly he gripped tighter, then squeezed. I wanted to scream but couldn’t. I could feel my face swelling and spit bubbling from my lips. I couldn’t breathe. Suddenly he released me and I gasped for breath. And with one motion I jumped from his lap and grabbed his gun.
Pop. I squeezed off one round right between his eyes.
“Yo, w
hat the fuck.” Kirk burst into the room.
I watched the ugly-ass Grinch still sitting up with a hole between his eyes and blood gushing out of the back of his head. “It’s done,” I said without looking at Kirk.
“What happened?” Kirk asked.
I dropped the gun out of my hand and grabbed at my neck, surprised that I was still breathing. “He was a sick fuck,” I mouthed with disgust.
“You okay?” Kirk reached for me and tried to examine me.
“I’m good. Just take off this shit.”
“I got this.” Kirk bent down and picked up the gun.
“Don’t leave not one kilo behind.” I turned to leave without an ounce of regret.
Chapter 15
Isis
I had my own problems, but Secret’s issues with Jackie trumped that. The dinner we had a few nights back had ended horribly. To hear the words that came out of Jackie’s and Secret’s mouths was just bothersome. Their relationship had always been beyond strained, for obvious reasons. But never had I experienced it to that degree and with such hateful passion from both of them. Felicia and I had had our problems with our mother-daughter relationship in the past, and it had not been easy getting to the place we were now, and still we were not perfect and needed work. But I honestly did not know if Jackie and Secret could ever even get close to having a civil word with each other, let alone have a relationship. I felt bad. For one, I always knew what to say to comfort Secret, or at least try to make some sense of things. But in this situation, I too was at a loss.
But what I wanted to do was get Secret and Penny together so that they could talk. Secret said that they had not spoken since the incident, and I knew that was not normal or good. The last thing I needed was them allowing Jackie to come in between them and rip them apart. So I decided to get us all together for glam. I invited them out for manis and pedis, because we all always enjoyed pampering. What woman didn’t?
