by Saundra
“Secret, Penny over here laid out on the couch. I came over to check on her because she called me, and she sounded strange. When I first got here she was cool, but then she passed out.”
I sat and listened to Erica, trying to process what she was saying before jumping to a conclusion. “What do you mean when you say she passed out? What’s wrong with her?” I needed better clarification.
“I think she drunk,” Erica said straight out. That caught me off guard. Why would she think that?
I had talked to Penny not even three hours ago, and she had sounded fine. So something was up, but talking over the phone was not going to get at it. I told Erica I would be right over. I threw on some clothes, jumped in my Mercedes, and skidded out at top speed. I had to find out what was up with my sister. Just as Erica had said, I found Penny on her living room couch passed out. And I knew right away what the cause was. There were empty bottles of liquor: bottles of Hennessy and Patrón scattered about the coffee table. Now I knew why Erica thought she was drunk.
“Penny.” I started calling her name and shaking her lightly. A few times her eyes opened but closed right back up.
“This is what she’s been doing with me when I try to wake her.” Erica’s voice was shaky; it was clear she was scared.
“Why didn’t you call me when you got over here? Especially after you seen all this shit,” I almost yelled. “Wait, I’m sorry. This is not your fault,” I apologized.
“I started to, but I really didn’t know she had actually drank all this herself.” Erica started to cry.
“It’s okay, stop crying.” I turned to Erica. “She is gone be all right. Help me get her to the shower. Some cold water should do the trick.”
Penny was a little thing; she didn’t weigh more than a hundred twenty pounds, but she was heavy as a ton of bricks. Somehow we managed to get her in the shower. I let the water run down her face. I smacked her lightly; the last thing I wanted to do was bruise her high-yellow face. Eventually she started to come around.
“What are you doing, Secret!” she screamed. “Erica, what the hell is going on?” She continued to scream and tried to fight to get out of the water. “Get off me, this shit is freezing!” I grabbed her flapping hands and held her still.
“Stop flapping your damn arms around. This is what happens to people when they get drunk. Chill your ass out.” It was my turn to get angry.
“I ain’t drunk. Get off me.” This time her words were sort of slurred.
“My ass, you ain’t drunk. Erica, go put on some coffee.” Erica raced out of the bathroom. I turned off the cold shower water.
“Put your arm around my shoulder.” With Penny’s help, I managed to get her to her room and changed into some dry pajamas. Then I helped her into the living room. Erica brought in the coffee, and I was able to get her to drink two cups. She was still drunk, but the coffee had worked miracles. Her words were now clear, and she was thinking clearly. But she was tired, so she went back to bed. Erica and I sat and watched her take a few breaths before heading back into the living room.
“At first I wasn’t paying it much attention until about a week ago. Penny had been coming around all the time wanting to have drinks. Or she would invite me over and make us drinks—there was always a drink involved in whatever we were doing. And it didn’t used to be like that, and I mean she was putting them away. I asked her about it last week, but she denied she was drinking any more than usual. And her behavior was a bit over the top for Penny. So when she called today, I could tell something was up. She was super happy, and her words were a bit slurred. So I came over.”
Listening to Erica put a few things in perspective for me. Now that I thought about it, Penny’s behavior had indeed been a little questionable the last few times I had seen her. And she was putting away the liquor at my house not that long ago. I guessed that would explain some of those vodka bottles in the cabinet. But I never put two and two together—not that I would have ever thought that my little sister was becoming an alcoholic.
And suddenly I knew the exact reason why. It was Jackie. I had known she would ruin Penny if I let her get close to her, and boy, was I on the money. That lady didn’t care about anybody, not even her baby daughter, who had already been through a traumatic situation. I all but tripped over the living room couch as I raced to the guest room that served as Jackie’s room. I rustled through every drawer, one by one, snatching all of her clothes out; next on my list was the closet. I threw everything she had back into the raggedy suitcases she had dragged them there in, and dragged them into the living room one by one. Just as I dragged the last one in, Jackie strolled through the door like everything was peachy keen. My eyes must have rolled into the back of my head.
“You got some fuckin’ nerve!” I yelled out. “How you gone bring yo’ fake alcohol-recovering ass up in here like you Queen B., knowing you turned your daughter into a mirror of you?” I was shouting so loud my head hurt.
“What are you talkin’ about now? I ain’t did nothin’ but come home.”
“Home? This ain’t your fuckin’ home. Get yo’ shit and hit the bricks. You turned Penny into a funkin’ drunk like you. Look.” I picked up the Hennessy bottle and thrust it toward her. “She in here drinkin’ bottles of this shit. This what you teach her while you claim to be getting clean,” I accused, full of malice.
“Wait, this ain’t my fault. I don’t know nothin’ about it.” She cried innocence, but I knew she was lying. She would say anything to excuse herself and get out of whatever trouble she had caused. Never once in my life had I witnessed her taking the blame.
“Here you go with that shit. Lying again. Just admit it so we can get on wit’ it.” I clapped my hands together so hard they burned.
“Where Penny at? Get her out here. She’ll tell you.”
“I gettin’ shit. What you can do is stay the hell away from Penny, so she can have a chance at life. Just stay the fuck away.”
“You know what, how about you let Penny be a woman? Don’t you think it’s time you did that? Besides, you ain’t Penny’s mother, I am.” She claimed the title as if she had earned it, and that burned my soul. What mother turned her own daughter into an alcoholic?
Once again, I lunged at her with all my might, but Erica all but sat on me with all her weight to hold me back. “Get the fuck up outta here before I end you!” I screamed with tears in my eyes. Jackie fixed her mouth to say something, but instead she turned and stomped out the door. “Get the fuck off of me,” I yelled at Erica. I wasted no time racing to the front door. “And don’t bring yo’ ass back over here. Ever,” I yelled out the door. “And take yo’ shit.” I ran back in the house and one by one tossed her suitcases out into the middle of the street. They were so old and fragile that each one flew open and all her things were dumped out as they landed on the ground. Jackie looked back up at me as if she was shocked at what I had done.
Slowly she bent down and attempted to pick up her things. I gave her one last smirk before slamming the door shut. When I shut the door, I realized Penny was now standing in the living room.
“Just don’t say shit to me.” I threw my hands up as if to stop whatever might come out of her mouth. But at this point it didn’t matter. Jackie was not allowed back in the house, and that I meant. And no tears from Penny, no amount of falling on her knees begging to have her there because she needed her would work. She was out. “I don’t want that woman back in this house under any circumstance. Ever!” I screamed.
I was exhausted and just over it. I snatched my keys off the end table. It was my turn to stomp out of the house as I slammed the door behind me with uncertainty. It just seemed no matter how hard I tried, shit just continued to flow downhill. There was just always something to fix, something to make better. One thing after the other. I was no weak bitch, I could handle a lot. Hell, I already had, but Jackie was a battle I wondered if I would ever win. Anything affecting Penny was my weakness. And now my girl Isis was going through it. I had
to ask myself in all honesty and for sanity: what the fuck?
Chapter 21
Secret
I was beyond pissed and confused. When I got into my car, I had to just sit there for a minute and try to get my head together I racked my brain for some explanation of the craziness in our lives, but nothing made sense. The only thing I tried to do was calm down. I also realized that leaving was not the best decision. I needed to be with Penny. I went back inside and told Erica she should go home and get some rest. After she left, I sat in the quiet, deep in thought. I jumped when I heard the doorbell ring. I had told Isis to come over, so I was expecting her, but I guess my mind was so clouded I was in a trance.
“What’s going on over here?” Isis asked, as soon as I opened the door. For moment I just shook my head. I had to fight to hold back the tears; I wasn’t a crier, and I knew that tears didn’t fix shit.
“It’s Jackie. I told you she didn’t need to be in this house. Penny over here gettin’ drunk, from the looks of it on the daily. Erica called me because she was over here passed out.”
“What?” Isis’s whole forehead crinkled. She was just as shocked as I was. “She okay?”
“Yeah, I had to put her in a cold shower and force coffee down her.”
“Where she at now?”
“She in her room.”
Isis stood up and without a word walked away. I watched as she disappeared toward Penny’s room. I sat in silence and waited, my mind still full of all kinds of thoughts. I wasn’t really sure how to fix this. But I had to come up with something, and fast. I had to make sure Penny got better. Alcoholism could ruin her life, for sure, and it didn’t take much effort. Just a bottle and a dirty cup or glass.
“I couldn’t get her to talk. She’s just layin’ there,” Isis announced as she bounced down on the couch next to me. “Where is this coming from?” Isis glanced over at me. All I could do was shrug my shoulders.
“All I know is Jackie is responsible . . . I don’t know what to do about this, Isis. It’s a lot.” I could feel a knot growing in my throat. I tried to fight the weakness of my emotions. I had to be strong. “This whole thing could ruin her life if it’s not controlled, and quick.”
“The only thing to do is get her some help. Because if it’s anything like we think it is, we can’t fix it on our own. She will need to be in one of those alcohol abuse classes.”
“Shit sound crazy to even have to say, she too young for this shit.” I held my head in my hands. “I should have never allowed Jackie in this house around her. Now look at the mess we have to clean up.”
“Where Jackie now?”
“In hell, I hope. I threw her trifling ass out!”
“What did she have to say about all this?”
“What she known to say. She ain’t have nothin’ to do wit’ it.” I twisted my lips up. “Isis, you should have seen the empty Hennessy and Patrón bottles on the table.”
“Hennessy?” Isis’s eyebrows rose. “Damn, that probably explains why she was passed out.”
“Tell me about it. But you know what, Isis, I should have known something was up. Remember that day she came by Hot Rides all extra hyped, or better yet, the way she finished off that bottle at my house when we were swimming just recently?”
Isis’s eyes bulged. I knew she was remembering exactly what I was talking about. “Yes, she was puttin’ that away. ’Cause you made her spend the night afterwards.”
“Exactly. I can’t believe I didn’t notice then. Guess I just didn’t see this comin’.” I shook my head with disappointment. I had done a bang-up job protecting Penny, making sure she was good.
“Secret, don’t beat yourself up. This ain’t your fault. Now you just got to focus on helping her heal. And I got your back one hundred percent.”
“I know you do . . . I’m gone get some of my things and come stay over here for a minute. I don’t want her to be alone for a while.”
“That sounds like a good idea.”
Having Isis over was a big relief and helped me calm me down and focus on the problem at hand, and actually come up with sensible ideas instead of half-assed quick fixes that would work for a day and then dissolve with no real impact. I didn’t want to leave Penny alone, so I gave Isis a list so she could run by my crib to grab a few things for me until I could go by the house the next day. After a long, hot shower, I lay down on the living room sofa and stared at the ceiling until sleep claimed me. I couldn’t bring myself to go to one of the guest rooms. The couch did me just fine.
By morning I wasn’t feeling any relief. I opened my eyes, and even though the drapes were closed, I could tell the sun was shining outside. Sitting up on the couch, I craved a fresh rolled blunt but, unfortunately, I had forgotten to tell Isis to grab my stash. After going to the bathroom, washing my face, and brushing my teeth, I went into the kitchen and decided to prepare breakfast. My appetite was nonexistent, but I hoped Penny would have one.
After throwing some bacon in the oven and putting on a pot of water for some grits, the aroma of breakfast filled the air. I was surprised to look up and see Penny standing in the doorway. She looked around, almost as if she didn’t know why I was there.
I spoke first. “Good morning.”
“Hey.” She rubbed her eyes, then yawned. “What made you cook breakfast?” I hated when she questioned me about cooking. It seemed no matter how many times I did it, she always acted as if she was surprised that I did it.
“I figured you might want to eat since you went to bed with no dinner.”
“Oh.” She seemed confused about my answer. “Where Erica and Jackie at?” Stirring the grits, I looked up at her. I wasn’t sure if she was being funny or trying to annoy me.
“Erica went home last night. And I put Jackie’s ass out, remember?” I was not in the mood to toy around. Just because I was cooking breakfast didn’t mean all was forgiven and, damn sure, not forgotten.
“Why you put Jackie out, Secret?” she asked me as if she didn’t know.
“What you mean why? I told you last night.”
“No, you didn’t. At least I don’t remember.” She rubbed the left side of her face.
“Wow. Maybe you were still wasted. I put Jackie’s ass out because she done turned you into an alcoholic. And don’t bring her back to this house.”
“She ain’t done nothin’, Secret. Don’t start that.”
“So you call you being passed out on the couch with all type of empty liquor bottles around you nothin’?”
Penny looked away and scratched her head like she was thinking of her next comeback. “Maybe I had a few drinks, but I was not drunk. And either way, Jackie ain’t had nothin’ to do wit’ me drinkin’. She has never influenced me to drink. She has never offered me a drink or nothin’ like that. She ain’t never even been around me when I was having a drink. You got it wrong this time, Secret.” Penny tried to convince me, but I was not in the mood.
I gave a fake laugh, because Penny would say anything to convince me Jackie was an angel. “So you expect me to believe that you became alcoholic overnight on your own? I’ll wait,” I taunted her. I stopped stirring the grits as they popped out of the pot, folded my arms, and tapped my right foot as if waiting for an answer.
Penny sighed. “You just refuse to listen to me when it comes to Jackie. She just has to be the villain in your book. All I have to say is the name ‘Jackie’ and you say guilty.” I was getting tired of her dramatic thoughts and perceptions of how she thought I felt.
“Whatever, Penny. I’m not playin’ these games wit’ you anymore. This shit ends now. And it’s not up for discussion. Don’t bring Jackie’s ass back over here. And no more drinking for you.” I pointed my finger at her and raised my voice.
“Ughh . . . I’m not a drunk,” Penny screamed, then stomped her right foot with her fist balled.
“Be pissed all you want, I’m gettin’ you some help, and now. I’m not waiting until this whole thing is out of control.”
“But I don’t need any help, Secret. You can’t just force things on me. I’m grown,” she reminded me. And she was right, but that didn’t mean spit to me.
“Say whatever you wish, Penny. Whatever makes you feel better but you gettin’ some help, and you don’t have any choice. It’s not a negotiation, it’s what I say it is.” I laid out it and drew the line in the sand. There was no way I was going to give her a choice. I would drag her on the hot pavement to get treatment, kicking and screaming. “Now try me and see what happens to this apartment. I’ll tell you what will happen, so you don’t have to wonder . . . I will break the lease, and that will force you to have to move out.”
“You wouldn’t,” Penny challenged me, but I was serious and not giving in.
“Try me and you’ll get your answer.” I smirked. I meant every word that fell from my lips. I would not have her fuck up her life while I was front and center.
Penny looked me up and down and rolled her eyes. “Ugh. I swear,” she screamed and then went out the front door. I knew she was mad at me, but I couldn’t be bothered with that. I had to do what I thought was best when it came to her. And she was always number one to me, so I had to make sound judgments.
Chapter 22
Secret
“Secret, where you been at? I was blowin’ you up all day yesterday,” Kirk all but yelled through the phone.
“Boy, you need to calm down and stop yellin’ in my ear.” I held the phone in midair.
“My bad. Aye, I need you and your girl Isis to hop a plane and come to California in the next two days.”
“Damn, Kirk, just like that.” I hunched my shoulders. “Just come to California in two days. Where the hell they do that shit at, dog? What you think, we ain’t got no life here in Miami?”
“I feel you. But I need you here.”
“What’s so damn urgent that you can’t wait at least two weeks?” I was sure the annoyance was in my tone. But I had my own shit to deal with.
