Shattered & Scarred

by A. J. Downey

  “SPF 666. Put it on Girl so you don’t burn.” She sauntered over to Reaver.

  “Gimme a ride cousin dear?” she asked.

  “Get on Runt.” He grunted.

  Ashton was smearing the sunblock on her hands face and the back of her neck.

  “Thank God for Shelly! I didn’t even think about sunscreen.” She said and put the sunblock into her inside pocket. I smiled over my shoulder as the smell of coconuts and Shea butter assaulted my nose, sickly sweet. I preferred her orange blossom scent.

  Dragon gave the announcements and the opening speech and led the way down the drive. We fell into line according to rank behind him. I looked over at Dray beside me, Reaver behind me in my side view, Doc and Chandra beside Reaver and so on down the lines.

  Ashton hugged me tightly and we drove down the highway, open road in front of us sun shining above us. My heart lightened and I did a deep cleansing breath. I was getting us both out of town for some much needed rest and relaxation. The club had handled business with her husband midweek. I knew nothing which was the way it had to be. Reaver seemed happy as a pig in shit over it though so I know some justice had been delivered. Probably a beat down from Hell if I had to guess, but no one needed to know what I was thinkin’…

  We had agreed that as much as we wanted him dead, dead would be too messy and we just weren’t in that business anymore. That was the extent of my knowledge and that was as good as it was gonna get. I wanted so bad to beat the brakes off that son of a bitch myself but I trusted my brothers delivered.

  I felt Ashton sigh behind me and checked her out in the rear view. She was smiling, long auburn hair streaming in the wind, golden eyes obscured by dark lenses. She’d settled in and was enjoying the ride and it felt awesome. It was a four hour ride to the lake across some state lines. Short for a lot of us guys not so much for the women unused to doing any kind of run so we made it a point to stop halfway at this little bar and grill for some lunch. We packed the place as a club and they looked forward to it every year so it worked out fine.

  I helped Ashton down and she was grinning. She popped her headphones out of her ears and unclipped her iPod shuffle from the front of the messenger bag. She stuffed it and the wires into her pocket.

  “Well you’re new!” our waitress exclaimed, handing a menu to Ashton once we were seated. Ashton flashed her a brilliant smile.

  “Yeah.” She agreed shyly and I smiled. Usually she said ‘yes’ all prim and proper like.

  “Well welcome! These guys aren’t such a bad lot when you get to know them but I’m sure you figured that out.” She winked, took our drink orders and wandered away.

  We ate and laughed and joked, generally enjoying each other’s company and the run. It was a four day weekend for the club and its affiliates. Zander was down the back of the line on his custom bike. Derek was thinking about becoming a prospect and was on as an affiliate too. Even Squick was following up in his car. Most of them were gathered at my table.

  “How did you get that name?” Ashton was asking and I tuned into her conversation.

  “It’s actually kind of embarrassing,” Squick was saying, “When I was a teenager, like seventeen to nineteen I used to do a bunch of stupid shit, things that would gross people the hell out,” he turned red, “Anyway I used to squick people out, that’s what ‘squick’ means. It stuck and I’ve had it ever since.” He shrugged.

  “What about you?” she leveled Reaver with her steady golden gaze.

  “Well Sunshine,” he leaned back in his seat, tipping the front legs off the floor as was his habit, “Once upon a time I was not a nice man,” he said, “…and I like knives.” He shrugged.

  “That’s it?” she asked.

  “Don’t make me spell it out for you Baby. I want you to still like me.” He flashed her a grin and her gaze turned compassionate.

  “What about you?” a club whore whose name I didn’t know looked at me and I shrugged. Derek was happy to tell her.

  “Trigger was the best damned Marine corps sniper I’ve ever worked with. He was the trigger man, and so it stuck.” Derek grinned. Ashton looked at him.

  “You keep saying that… that you worked with him, I thought snipers worked alone.” She was curious and I could tell she’d been that way a while.

  “Derek was my spotter.” I said.

  “What’s that?” the new girl asked and Ashton was watching me carefully.

  “A spotter is a trained sniper too and goes out with a sniper in a two man sniper team to help the sniper by locating and identifying targets. He also gives the sniper information to adjust his fire on targets so he can improve his shot. As a spotter I’m also responsible for close range security meaning I protect the sniper from anybody that’s found us so he can keep picking off targets.” Derek explained. His knee was bouncing excitedly and Ashton’s hand gripped mine under the table.

  The difference between me and Derek was pretty vast but at the same time pretty simple. He wanted to go back and I wanted to stay. He loved reliving what were the glory days for him and what was pure hell for me. Ashton got that about me and I could see why. I kissed her temple, pulling her against me and she smiled.

  “So what’s your nickname? Spotter or Spot seems kinda lame.” the new girl asked Derek, smiling.

  I snorted. “Douchebag works for the most part.” The table erupted in laughter and Derek threw his balled up napkin at me. I half dodged but it hit me. Ashton smiled and whispered something.

  “What?” Derek asked her and she blushed.

  “I said ‘Loyal’.”

  “Loyal?” he asked.

  “Yeah, if I had to call you anything I would call you Loyal.” The table was quiet as people thought it over.

  “Cool,” someone said as people started to get up.

  “See you at the lake Loyal,” the new girl said over her shoulder and Derek looked at Ashton.

  “Why?” he asked.

  “Because you are.” She shrugged as if it were obvious, which it kind of was to everyone that wasn’t Derek.

  “Come on Sunshine, he might figure it out by the time we get there.” I said and we went up to the counter and paid for our meal. Outside I bent down and kissed her to howls and cat calls and a round of cheers. She smiled against my mouth and her lips traced the words ‘I love you’ against mine.

  Damn she didn’t know how hard she made me.

  The next two hours felt like two days with how badly I wanted to get her to the cabin and lodge and to a room of our own. The cabin had seven bedrooms and three baths, the lodge had twelve bedrooms, each with their own bathrooms. The cabin was reserved for the council. The two extra bedrooms reserved for the presidents of any MC’s that joined us out here. The lodge was used for the other club members or the ranking men of any other MC’s that joined us. In the even other MC’s joined us, the rank and file club members, affiliates and friends of the clubs set up in camps on the grounds. It’s the way we’d been doing it for the last five years.

  We parked in front of the lodge in long lines and three bikes deep, all gleaming chrome and sleek lines. The walk down to the cabin was pretty short. It was further from the lakefront set off to the side like it was, but it was more private to facilitate any church meetings.

  I took Ashton by the hand and we followed Dragon and Dray down to the cabin, Doc and his Old Lady Chandra, and Reaver brought up the rear. We were a council of five. It’s the way it had been in the beginning and it was the way it would stay. Odd number, always, to facilitate never deadlocking on an issue. One vote to sway. I took Ashton up to our room and set the heavy bag down.

  “God I want to love you.” I said pulling her against me, and I did, something fierce.

  Chapter 20

  Ashton…

  “I need you to love me.” I murmured against his mouth. I slipped the jacket from my shoulders and let it land in a heap on the floor. His joined it a second later.

  “Fucking hell, shut the damned door before you get start
ed.” Dray demanded and our bedroom door shut.

  Our mouths locked, hands scrambling to touch one another we danced in place. It was hard to get undressed with both of us feeding at one another like we were. He broke the kiss and hauled me up his body and I obediently wrapped my legs around his hips. I loved his strength. He was so different, using it to protect me, shelter me… It was extremely erotic and I grew too warm in my leather riding gear.

  Ethan walked me backwards and sat down on the edge of the bed with me still twining around him like ivy. He lifted my thin tank top and camisole over my head and dropped them carelessly to the floor, his big hands smoothing over my heated skin. He peeled the straps of my bra down my arms and I pulled them free, promptly burying my hands in his hair to hold his mouth against mine. He chuckled, a low, deep sound that rubbed along my body thick as fur.

  I gasped and he swallowed it, he broke the kiss so I could pull his shirt over his head, he raised his arms and once it was clear I dropped it forlorn beside mine. He crushed me to him, skin on skin and went for the clasp at the back of my bra. Once unsnapped he let his hands smooth up and down my back uninterrupted sending chills through me. I buried my hands in his hair, holding it off from our faces while we kissed passionately as if it might be our last chance at one another.

  Our desire for one another grew to a fevered pitch. Ethan picked me up, standing in one powerful fluid movement, pivoting on his booted feet to lay me down on the scratchy hotelesque comforter. His hands went to my belt, fumbling both it and my fly open. He peeled the leather and lace of my pants and underwear off my body, pausing to tug my boots off my feet before dropping the whole mess with a thud.

  I giggled but it was quickly stifled when he covered my body with his. I reached down between us to free him from his denim and cotton prison but he stopped me, preferring to do it himself. He didn’t even bother with getting completely undressed, he slid the material down his hips and mouth sealed to mine positioned himself between my thighs.

  His urgency startled me and flipped some primal switch in my brain. I arched my hips to meet him and we crashed together. I was wet and turned on but not quite as ready as he usually made me and so it was a tight fit, riding just this side of the line over into painful. I felt an erotic little pulse in my pussy and ground my hips just the way I knew he liked. He groaned and buried his face in the side of my neck, sucking gently, nipping with his teeth and I cried out.

  That seemed to be the only invitation he needed. He drew back and surged forward powerfully invading my every sense. Touch, smell, taste, sight and hearing were all for him. He was warm, his body sliding against mine in a near punishing ebb and flow that had a sheen of sweat breaking out over our skins. He smelled of the wind and open road, of moving machine parts, rubber and asphalt but mostly the clean, crisp scent of the outdoors.

  I kissed him and beneath the slight chemical tang of his e-cigarette he tasted like Ethan, hot and salty sweet, primal and male. He found that spot inside me and my mouth tore from his so I could arch provocatively against the swell of his muscular physique. A low wail of pure bliss escaped my throat, spilling from my lips to swirl out into the small room and it was met with masculine cheers faintly out in the rest of the large cabin.

  I didn’t care. I held onto my lover with legs and arms, twining myself as completely as I could around him. He smiled and nipped my shoulder and ground himself over that place inside me, exploiting it. One of his hands braced on the bed beside my face he levered himself up some and let the other one stroke down the center of my body. The pad of his thumb slicked through my folds and then began to torturously spiral around my engorged clit in a feather light touch that maddeningly set me on edge but did nothing to push me over.

  “Please Ethan…” I begged breathlessly and he grinned playfully.

  “Please what Baby?” he asked, innocently.

  “Please touch me harder.” I begged and he levered himself up a bit more and gripped my shoulder, pulling me down onto his pounding cock as he simultaneously thrust a bit harder. Oh my god it felt good, but that’s not what I meant and he knew it. I palmed his shoulders and tried to arch into his teasing thumb which was maddeningly close to but not touching that not so secret bundle of nerve endings.

  “Please?” I begged.

  “Please what?” he smiled, he was going to make me work for it, beg for it.

  “Please touch my clit!?” I gasped.

  “Oh, you want to come?” he asked me and I let out a frustrated wail. I couldn’t deny it though, his little game had me coming apart at the seams… it was incredibly sexy at the same time it was incredibly maddening.

  “Yes!” I cried desperately. I heard laughter out in the cabin and I colored furiously. Ethan, though… Ethan lit up. The fact that his brothers were out there listening to us was turning him on, making this better for him and I was surprised to find it was me too. I felt bold, sexy and beautiful… but I didn’t have time to dwell on it. The need for release was becoming a sharp and grinding thing, grating across every nerve ending, I couldn’t take it anymore.

  “Say it Baby. Tell me you want to come and I promise to make it good for you.” He was out of breath but his stamina wasn’t even close to flagging and I knew that if I didn’t say it, I didn’t ask, then he would keep me like this indefinitely.

  “Ethan I want to come, please! Please make me come!” I begged and he smiled the most beautiful victorious smile I’d ever seen on him and gave me just what I needed. His thumb slid over those few millimeters and he stroked lazily across my clit. Sparks of pleasure ignited the inferno that swept through my body and blasted me apart into a million tiny pieces. I screamed with the sheer mind blowing intensity of it and Ethan jerked, stilling inside me and for a brief second I thought I may have hurt him but the pure bliss that came over his face told me just the opposite.

  My voice died in my throat and I lay beneath him, completely boneless carried away on the current of our pleasure and mutual satisfaction. Ethan’s legs trembled and he let himself down gently over me. I wound my arms around his shoulders and held him to me as we both panted, our mingling sweat cooling on our bodies. Loud and rowdy cheers came from the other side of our bedroom door but I was too spent to even blush let alone work up enough energy to be embarrassed.

  “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a bit of an exhibitionist.” He panted into the side of my neck, he dropped his lips to my shoulder and placed a kiss there.

  “I think I just figured that out.” I panted.

  “You okay?” he asked and concern clouded his expression when I didn’t answer right away.

  “You know, I think I am but mostly because I know and trust everyone out there.” I said speculatively. Ethan grinned.

  “Can we have a conversation about some of ‘em potentially watching someday?” he asked and I could tell he was serious, I could also tell the idea really appealed to him when I felt him stir where he was still inside me.

  “No cameras or anything right? Nobody else joining in or trying to?” I asked frowning.

  “No! Nothing like that, I wouldn’t do that to you Babe.” He said smoothing my hair out of my face. He looked me in the eyes and his voice when it came was low and intense.

  “It’s not about humiliation or making you uncomfortable, I’m not into that shit. It’s about heightening the experience, showing you the fuck off. You’re beautiful and I love you and I want you to feel beautiful and sexy that and I’m kind of a dick… I want some of these guys to see what they can’t have.” He grinned at the last part and it was so boyish and open that it made my heart light and I laughed.

  “It’s a far cry from knowing some of them are listening to knowing they have their eyes on me.” I said thoughtfully. Ethan didn’t say anything.

  “Can I think about it?” I asked softly, surprised that the idea wasn’t totally unappealing in fact I felt a little thrill of adrenaline just at the notion.

  “Yeah Babe sure, you think about it as long as y
ou like. No pressure, it’s just something I like to do. Can’t help it. I’m a kinky bastard that way but I get that my kink might not be your kink and it’s not like it’s something I need, just something I like to do at the club house or on lake runs with people I know and trust.” He shrugged and I think it was a mark of how well we fit together that I completely understood where he was coming from.

  We kissed and I filed this new development away for later. Ethan withdrew from me and slid to the side, awkwardly kicking off his boots and pants. I laughed and he kissed me silent, drawing it out, bringing my body back to a slow rolling simmer.

  “Again?” he asked softly and I nodded and so we made love again only slower and more deliberate this time. We napped for a short time in each other’s arms before someone started pounding on the door.

  “You guys are not spending the entire weekend locked in there!” Reaver yelled and Ethan and I laughed. Ethan looked at me to make sure it was okay, I nodded and hid behind his much larger body.

  “Come on in Reav!” he yelled and Reaver opened the door, stepped in and shut it behind him like we weren’t just on top of the covers wrapped up in each other naked. He was totally cool about it. He did give me a good once over and smiled.

  “Freshly fucked looks good on you Sunshine,” was his only comment.

  “What’s going on out there?” Ethan asked and Reaver stood there and crossed his arms.

  “Everyone is heading up to the lodge for some grub. Sun is still out and will be for a couple more hours. Hotter than Hell so wear shorts. He looked us over one more time eyes lingering on my ass and a slow grin spread across his face.

  “Damn, hotter ‘n hell in here too.” He said and ducked out the door. Funny thing was I didn’t feel gross… I felt… appreciated, sexy, like some kind of siren and it felt pretty good. After a near lifetime of not being good enough I felt pretty and desirable. It had me thinking.

  “Shower and food?” Ethan asked. I nodded and he smiled. He stood up and stretched, and I drooled a little. God he was beautiful. Gorgeous in fact, all masculine planes and angles, body ridged in all the right places. He bent and scooped me up shrieking, throwing me over his shoulder cave man style and I laughed. I struggled a little and he swatted me on the ass, the light sting making me yip.