Vika doesn’t reply and I go on, understanding already that I’ve made a mistake, I shouldn’t have shown her this empty apartment, and even less – to tell her about others, she won’t ever understand this weird stuff, these ravings that I was building for two years…
– There’s an old woman on the third floor, she lives alone in three room apartment, her life is hard, I know… especially because she’s from somewhere in Ukraine, from Kharkov, I suppose. She turns the TV on only when the soap opera is being shown, and even then she keeps the brightness down thinking that less power is being consumed this way and the tube doesn’t wear off… But she fears to sublet the rooms or to change her apartment, maybe this is right… I seldom visit her, I can’t help her anyway, and it’s dreadful to see how she is living. Especially before the holidays, you know, the most terrible-looking poverty is the one that tries to celebrate the New Year. Her children have forgotten her, or maybe she never had them or they were killed in wars, she has a picture on the wall – a guy in the Russian military uniform…
Vika keeps silence.
– There’s a couple on the second floor, they are funny. Married for just a year, from Ufa. They quarrel all the time, then make peace, sometimes one can hear them from the staircase… sometimes the cup gets shattered, sometimes they shut the door with such force that plaster falls down. But anyway it seems to me that they’ll never divorce, something keeps them together, either some secret or love or both; love is a great secret too, you know… And the three room apartment there is empty… just empty. The Jewish family lived here, then they left, selling the apartment to some mediator company which still can’t get rid of it… probably they’ve boosted the price too much, the apartment is in Moscow, in a good district…
I’ll suffocate in this silence, in her not saying a word.
– The disabled old man lives on the first floor, he moves with crutches, possibly the most noisy and caustic person in whole Kursk. He brawls in shops, quarrels with neighbors, I always pass the first floor as fast as I can, fearing to run into him, but it’s not right, it’s not his fault that he became what he is, it’s life… Life.
I can understand myself how ridiculous does this word sound here.
Life? What life – in the drawn apartments of the drawn house, in these concrete crypts where only things remember people. Only neutron bomb would appreciate this, not an alive woman.
I’m really an idiot, a clinical case. Ah well, still for good: Vika can start working on her new thesis.
– Len’ka, – says she, – My God, Len’ka, what happened to you?
Oh yeah, here comes…
– Forgive me, – she says, – All my screams… about the work with psychos… about all those assholes… if I was hit like you…
– Vika… – I can’t understand a thing anymore.
– Somebody deserted you, betrayed you? You lost the ideals you wanted to believe in? And you gave up? – she asks quietly, – You don’t believe that you can help somebody, to do a bit of good? And you ran away here, into the deep, into the fairy tale? You really can love but you fear your love?
– I can help – here. Here only. At least by dragging the ones who got lost out of this drawn world. But you know, one drowns not when he can’t swim, one drowns when there’s no more strength to stay on the shore. And the shore… it’s not in my power anymore.
– You don’t see any hope at all there, in reality?
– I do – now. Now Unfortunate have appeared.
– Lenia, you hide something! Do you know who is he?
– Yes I do, and it means that there’s a hope. If they could became as they are, then we’ll be able too.
– But who are – “they”?!
How can I explain? How to make her believe in impossible, in something for which the tabloid pages is the best place?
– Vika, he almost said that there… back in the Elvish city. Their servers don’t support English, this is the purely Russian party. He called himself an Alien.
Vika shakes her head, she understood, but she doesn’t want to, she can’t believe.
– He’s an alien, Vika. He’s not from the Earth.
– He’s a human…
– In some sense – yes. Much more human than we all are. Better than we are, and maybe even the one that we’ll never be able to become.
– Lenia, why do you think so?
– He doesn’t even have the body – here. Yes he flew, by the most usual and boring way, from one star to another. Do you remember his words about the Silence?
Vika shivers.
– It’s dreadful to imagine for us but he had passed all this. Hundreds, thousands of years, the void and silence, the darkness with nothing in it. I even think that his ship is immaterial…
Vika shakes her head and freezes suddenly. I turn around – Unfortunate stands in the corridor.
– I was calling for you, – he says, – I came into the staircase and called. Then just entered, the door was opened.
We don’t reply. Then Vika asks:
– You aren’t human?
– No, I’m not. Let’s go, coffee is ready.
11
We sit and drink coffee; I don’t like the girl’s from Rostov recipe. Strange that I’m able to distinguish the subtleties of taste at all.
– A choice stuff, – says Unfortunate putting the cup aside, – I think.
– Can you feel the taste? – inquires Vika.
– Yes.
– How comes? Taste in virtuality is nothing more but the memory about what we tried in the real world! If you aren’t human, then…
I can feel her aggressiveness growing, but can’t do anything.
– I’m trying to imagine whether so much salt should improve the coffee’s taste or not. I think not.
– Did you try something like coffee before?
– Only when visited you. I… – Unfortunate looks at me and hesitates,
– I can’t even say that I eat at all.
Looks like it’s some threshold beyond which Vika loses patience.
– You’re lying, – she says with conviction, – Look, you’re just lying! You know what? Just go to the Viner Square, it’s the UFOlogists’ club there! They’ll be so glad to meet you! They’ll believe you!
– I don’t ask you to believe me. – replies Unfortunate softly.
I jump up:
– That’s enough, both of you! Vika, I believe him!
– Lenia, you are just convincing yourself! – Vika deliberately ignores Unfortunate. – You aren’t the specialist in computer technologies, are you? You couldn’t trace his signal and believed in all that? He’s human, his behavior and knowledge are human! He’s human! Can you prove me wrong?
Unfortunate gazes at the wall.
– I can’t. He can. – I look at Unfortunate’s face, – Tell her, I beg you. Prove it to her.
– I can’t prove anything.
– You helped me to get away from the trap, – I whisper, – I don’t know how, but you did give me a part of your strength, your abilities, remember? Please, do the same for Vika!
Unfortunate raises his look at me.
– Leonid, I gave you nothing. I don’t have a right to meddle into your life.
– But…
– You could do it, yourself. You only lacked the faith in this to be possible. You needed the goal worth fighting for. You had met me and got this goal, you believed that everything is still ahead, that the world won’t crumble as a house of cards, won’t crash down into the deep. I only helped you to find your faith.
I shake my head, no, I couldn’t! I couldn’t do it myself!
Unfortunate doesn’t avert his gaze.
– I gave you nothing Leonid, nothing but troubles. I’m really sorry. I don’t have right to make such presents.
– Listen fellow, don’t take me in, okay? – says Vika sharply.
– Unfortunate… Alien… – I put my hand on his shoulder, – But you’ll h
ave to prove who you are anyway, you’ll have to explain, maybe not to us, but to the scientists and politicians…
I stop at the half-phrase. Unfortunate shakes his head.
– I won’t explain anything to anybody, this is senseless and not needed.
– But the contact…
– What IS the contact? – he smiles, – A shiny starship on the lawn by the White House? A long legged blonde presents flowers to the purple crocodile in a space suit? The holds full of machines and devices, the galaxy encyclopedia recorded on 1001 synthetic diamond? The cure for cancer and the means to control the weather? Or, rather… something else. Flying saucers burn cities, the mankind leads a guerilla war against the intelligent jellyfish? You’d rather believe in this Leonid, isn’t it true? Just remember the man in command of star armies, remember “Labyrinth”! Are these – the contacts? You believed in me, you decided that I’m an alien, that the moment of contact have come…
– But if you came to us, – I shout, – Then there IS something! You do want to say something to us!
– No.
That’s it. I understand and it makes no sense to talk any further.
– I just live here. You can’t even imagine Leonid how different we are. I’ll never step on the ground – I have nothing to step with, and I won’t be able to shake your hand – I don’t have any.
– But you’re human here! – says Vika.
– Yes. If you want to know the sky – become one. If you want to know the star – become the star… – Unfortunate glances at me and smiles, – If you want to know the deep – become the deep. I became the human, as much as it was possible.
– It’s your method of knowledge? – asks Vika ironically.
– Yes.
– What for, if we are so different? If we don’t need each other?
– I’m tired. I was alone for too long. – Unfortunate either apologizes or tries to convince her, – I needed this memory… the city and the people, the taste of coffee and the smell of fire. It all was alien for me but now will stay forever. Your distrust and Leonid’s faith. Those who were killing me and those who were rescuing. I didn’t mean to cause any trouble for you, I didn’t want to meddle. This is a norm… not to cause harm.
– Your norm… – I say.
– Yes. You live according to the different laws. It’s not for me to judge which ones are better.
– Then you found the best place to appear on Earth, – I nod to Unfortunate, – The freedom and no interference, all life’s colors, from black to white.
– Of course.
– For some reason I thought differently, – I say, – That you could not only take from us… the tastes and smells, the words and colors… but also to teach us at least something… No, sure not how to extinguish clouds or to cure flu… At least – kindness.
– Leonid, kindness is just a word. I can’t kill a living creature. But it’s not a moral, it’s more of a physiology.
Now it’s really finish.
I wished to find an answer, an ideal, to find a miracle which didn’t have a place for it on Earth for a long time. The one that came from the stars or was born by the Net – it doesn’t matter. Maybe Man Without Face understood that when he offered me to go into “Labyrinth”.
But the miracle doesn’t care about us, it’s completely alien and its kindness is not more elevated than a contented belch.
– If I try to explain you my ethics, – says Unfortunate, – I’ll have to switch to the language of Physics laws and mathematical formulas. If I try to explain science – I’ll have to write poems and to paint. Do you understand? The difference is not in the level of development but in the basis itself. We have nothing to take and nothing to give to each other. Whatever I’ve got is just memories, emotions. But do you really think they’ll retain their human form?
– Yes, so I thought.
– It was a mistake, Leonid. I’ll leave you soon and everything will change. I’ll change myself, and so will my memory.
I step from the table and look into the window, at Deeptown’s illumination flashing outside. Man Without Face, maybe you were right? It’s impossible to approach Unfortunate with human measures. I tried – and look what came out of it.
– Let’s assume, – says Vika behind my back, – that you’re not lying. You’re really an alien. The one from the stars, let’s say, the one who has nothing in common with humans. Then tell me…
Maybe Vika really starts to believe. Now, hiding behind the words “let’s assume” she will try Unfortunate about his ethics and culture, about his ship’s construction and interstellar journey principles. Good idea too…
– I’ll leave you for a minute, – I say without turning around.
Vika doesn’t protest, probably she thought I gonna exit the deep temporarily.
Nope…
The drawn wall, the drawn window – I break through them, make a step and find myself above the city. Buildings, neon signs, pedestrians, cars… I’m not here anymore, my body have vanished, I just glide in the air, as if hackers’ dreams and Hollywood directors’ fantasies have become true, it’s the virtuality as it must be, the freedom of directions and forms.
Further… further…
I make a round around Microsoft’s palace, a huge, monstrously bloated building all covered by windows, descend trying to determine the direction towards the Elvish server. Just along this street…
Most likely I’m invisible for others.. I speed above pedestrians’ heads, faster than Deep-Transit’s cars, switching from server to server.
What am I looking for anyway? For the trace of the battle that was over a couple of hours ago? The virtual time is condensed, there’s no traces to find anymore but I must do it anyway.
Here… An Elvish hut, an empty street. A taxi cab blinks in the distance and vanishes. I step on the pavement and turn back into human.
Dibenko’s bodyguards’ corpses have disappeared already, either they were removed or decomposed by themselves. But at the place where the werewolf was fighting with Man Without Face the asphalt is still melted and pressed in, the only token. So what will it give to me?
I walk around the dent considering whether it’ll make any sense to drag search programs from home and to reconnoiter the space. Of course not, the ordinary methods won’t help here.
A taxi cab drives from the alley slowly and approaches me, too slowly for it to be a coincidence, Deep-Transit is famous for its speed. Oh well, I had to expect the ambush.
I’m so sure that Dibenko will emerge from the cab that I don’t immediately recognize the man that appears.
– Gunslinger? Huh? – exclaims Guillermo cheerfully, approaching me, – You, Gunslinger?
I stay silent. I still like “Labyrinth“‘s chief of security service and this is very vexing.
– You’re Gunslinger? – requests Guillermo, – I just want to be sure, tell me!
– Hi Willy, – I say. He beams in a smile:
– Hi! I knew it, I knew… – Guillermo eyes the melted asphalt and tsks, – Cool. It was tough. Yes?
– Yes.
– Gunslinger… – Willy parts his hands, – It’s really-really unpleasant to me, honestly! I was even against charging you in damages! But there, – a hurt glance up, – they decided to scare you. This isn’t the right method!
– So what’s now?
Guillermo sighs and sits right onto asphalt without mercy to his fancy suit. I sit by his side. So here we are, by remains of Romka’s funeral fire, like two hippies of different generations, one is settled down but still liberal, the other one in the height of his protest.
– I did suspect that this accident was caused by you, – says Willy, – quite unusual and bloody fight. Yes… I was waiting for you on my own… errr… risk.
– Why? – I ask, – Will you try to detain me? You’ll fail. It couldn’t be successful before, and even less now.
Guillermo pricks up his ears but doesn’t ask anything:
– No-no, Gunslinger! It’s absolutely not that I’m sure that our troubles is your fault! Maybe some frictions with Al-Kabar were the reason? Huh?
He winks conspiratorially. Like a quiet rebellion against “Labyrinth“‘s management.
– Gunslinger, I’d like to restore our cooperation. After all, you were the first to suspect something unusual in Unfortunate and you shouldn’t suffer for that!
– Thanks.
– But we can’t be left aside either! Penetration have happened on our territory, right? In juridical sense the question is very complicated, it’s easier to solve it in a good will… in a human way. We’re humans, aren’t we?
What I’d never expect from “Labyrinth“‘s guys is such pep. How quickly did they get what’s going on!
– Willy, – I say, – It’s useless. You know what our common problem is?
– Al-Kabar? – asks Guillermo quickly, – Or Mr X?
– No. Willy, we all want something from Unfortunate. I was dreaming about some kind of goodness for everybody. You know, a common, abstract happiness and stuff which he could bring…
Guillermo nods in understanding.
– You obviously wanted to become famous, to get your share in distribution of technologies that he could give…
A protesting handwave. Oh yeah, sure, “Labyrinth” is not a commercial organization, we heard these songs before…
– Willy, he doesn’t want to communicate with us! At all. He doesn’t need us.
It seems that I’ve really shocked him.
– Doesn’t need us? – he exclaims.
– Absolutely. He stopped here to get some rest and now he’s going to resume his journey amongst the stars.
Labyrinth of reflections lor-1 Page 34
