When he arrived upstairs, she was just coming from the shower, wrapped in a pink bathrobe. She walked straight passed him without an acknowledgement. He followed her into the bedroom, but as she slid the robe from her shoulders and got into bed, she continued to act as though he wasn’t there.
“I brought you a cup of tea, Sara,” he said awkwardly, and set the cup on her bedside table. “I’ll get the orders packed and ready to go, and wait up for the courier.”
“Don’t bother, Reed. The business is no longer at the forefront of my mind. Just go to bed.”
“Sara—“
She sat up, and lifted her hand to stop him. “Listen, Reed. I know you’re scared, okay? I’m not going to throw you out if that’s what you’re worried about. You can stay here as long as you like, and I will help you in any way I can to get you on your feet. But when you are gone, I never want to see you, or hear from you again.”
He simply stared at her, not quite believing what she just said. How was he supposed to just walk away after all they shared together?
“Don’t look so stunned, Reed. I mean, why would you want to be a part of my...” she paused momentarily and then nodded. “Pathetic and lonely life.” Her tone was positively sardonic.
“I’m sorry, Sara. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I love you.”
She waved her hand in dismissal. “Please, Reed. I’m tired, and I just want to sleep. I don’t care about anything else. Just go to sleep, okay?”
There was no point in hanging around and further inciting her wrath. He turned and left the bedroom without another word.
***
Reed did little more for hours than allow his mind to go numb since his last bitter exchange with Sara-Kate. Now the sun was beginning to light the living room.
When the doorbell rang, he vaulted from the couch, so the early morning visitor wouldn’t disturb Sara-Kate’s sleep. Most likely it was the courier on his daily rounds arriving to pick up and drop off the day’s packages.
When he opened the door, it was the last person he expected or wanted to see—ever. Dr. Andy Stark, Sara-Kate’s wannabe beau.
“What?” he asked, impatience permeated his tone.
“I want to see Sara-Kate, and I want to see her now,” the doctor stated.
How dare this guy show up at dawn and making demands? His temples began to pound.
“Have you bothered to look at the time? Sara’s asleep, and she will remain that way.”
“That’s not acceptable. I’m not leaving until I’m sure she is okay.”
“Then you’re going to be waiting a long time. I’m not waking her up.”
Dr. Andy’s blue eyes shot daggers. “I’d really like to know who you are, and what you’re doing here. Sara-Kate has changed since you showed up. I mean, I know she has problems, and never leaves this house—that someone hurt her in her past.” He paused and tapped his sneakered foot as if unsure he should continue. He then spoke. “Then out of the blue she turns up on my doorstep last night...and then runs away.”
So that was why Sara left the house—she went to see Dr. Andy. An undefinable emotion rose in Reed. Was she deliberately trying to hurt him by going to another man? In the next thought, he knew he deserved to be hurt by her. His cutting words devastated her, and drove her straight to Andy.
“Be that as it may, I still won’t wake her.”
After a brief silence, the doctor spoke again. “I’m not going to stand here and argue with you. I’m also not going to barge my way in and upset Sara-Kate. Do tell her that I will be back soon. If she still won’t see me, I’ll come back again, and have the police with me, because...” he stopped and pointed a finger at Reed’s chest, “...I know something isn’t right here...and that something is you.”
Reed grabbed the front door, prepared to close it on Dr. Andy. Before he did, he said, “What happens between Sara-Kate and myself is only between the two of us. It’s not anyone else’s business.”
“Well, I love Sara-Kate, and I plan to marry her,” Dr. Andy stated.
“No, you won’t.” With that, he closed the door.
Reed was relieved to see the back of Dr. Andy Stark. He knew his appearance at the door should matter very little to him, except it did matter that Sara decided to leave the house to see him in the middle of the night. Something she never did. Clearly, the doctor was in love with Sara-Kate. Perhaps if she wasn’t a spirit, Dr. Andy Stark was probably the man she would marry, and that did bother Reed...tremendously.
A wave of exhaustion enveloped him, and he made the decision to make his way to the sun porch to print off and pack up any outstanding Sara-Kate’s Spirit orders before the courier arrived. Once inside the glass enclosed porch, he stopped to take in the amber colored sky of the new day. He would miss this house when he had to leave, but more than anything, he would miss Sara-Kate. A day would not go by, he knew, when there wouldn’t be a tremendous sense of loss and regret.
He turned on the computer and while it powered up, he went back to the main house for a cup of tea. When he returned, he prepared to pull up the orders when the need to do an internet search on himself suddenly seized him. He tried to brush the need aside, and instead tried to tackle the orders, but the need continued to needle him, and finally he gave in and searched for “Reed Thayer”.
The page of results resulted in what felt like a blow to his stomach.
Nothing. No one even similar to himself.
He simply did not exist.
His fingers stumbled over the keys as he tried to pull up a national bookstore to search for his books.
It didn’t exist.
He rubbed circles on his temples, trying to process the cold, stark fact that he knew now to be certain. Nothing he knew existed. He really and truly was dead in his old existence, and alive in this new one. A potent mix of emotions bubbled up inside him. Anger, fear, despair, devastation, and sadness, all mixed and mingled inside him, producing a deep ache in every fiber of his being.
He switched off the computer. Maybe later he could fill the orders. Right now, in his state of mind, he would just mess everything up, and he wouldn’t do that to Sara-Kate’s business.
He made his way back into the house and up the stairs. In his bedroom, he removed his clothing and dropped it into a pile on the floor and managed to pull on a pair of sweat pants before sinking on to the bed. Closing his eyes, his confusion caused his senses to swirl, and within a few minutes, the whirlpool seemed to spin off, and he drifted into a light sleep, only to bolt upright a few minutes later. Clutching his chest, his heart beat triple time, and he struggled to catch his breath.
A heart attack? That was his first thought. Then a grim thought entered his brain. He was no longer human, no longer alive. The dead didn’t have heart attacks. It was nothing more than useless panic.
He sat on the edge of the bed, and leaned forward. Raking a hand through his hair, he waited until his heartbeat returned to normal, and his breathing slowed again. Getting up from the bed, he tip-toed down the hallway to Sara-Kate’s bedroom, and peeked inside. Just being able to see her, asleep in the morning light, calmed him.
How was he ever going to leave her?
He entered her room and pulled up the rocking chair near her bed, and sat down. He wasn’t sure she would appreciate him being in her room, but he needed to be near her for a just a little while.
CHAPTER FIVE
Sara-Kate opened her eyes, and stared half-asleep at the sight before her.
Reed was in the rocking chair, slowly rocking back and forth. Eyes wide open, his features were pale and drawn. He was absolutely exhausted, she knew.
“Reed, what are you doing?”
He continued to rock back and forth in the chair. She could feel his devastation and sadness vibrate from his body. Her first impulse was to go to him, comfort him. Yet her pride caused her to resist.
“I was wondering if maybe you could find it within yourself to cut me a little slack with what I did, and said
to you last night. I had just found out that I was dead, and everything I knew and had was...gone forever.” He bowed his head forward.
A pain seared her heart. As much as she professed that she didn’t care about Reed anymore, she knew it was untrue. No matter what was said between them, he was in pain. She didn’t know what would happen in the future, or even later this day, but right now, she couldn’t leave him alone in his misery.
She reached over from the bed and touched his knee. “Come on, Reed. Get into bed now. We’ll...we’ll figure this out later.”
He lifted his head. “Do you mean...?”
“We’ll figure it out later,” she interrupted him. Right now, she could make no further promise.
Slowly he rose from the rocking chair. He walked around the bed and slipped in beside her. Instinctively, she draped the sheet and blanket over his body. When he turned toward her, she felt the heat from his body. At that moment, she wanted to forget what happened hours earlier, and wrap herself around this man, and sleep peacefully in his arms. Her mind sternly reminded her how cruelly he had treated her, of all the nasty things he said. But her heart, oh her heart, was leading her back to him.
His gaze never left her face, he said nothing. Finally, Sara-Kate reached out and gently closed his eyes with her fingertips. Her hand remained still on his face as she tried to impart her special healing into him.
The night of his deadly accident and rebirth as spirit filled her mind. She found herself saying, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner what you have become. I didn’t know how.” Tears pricked her eyes.
“There was never going to be a right time to tell me, Sara. I always suspected something within me had drastically changed that night. Now I know, and it is okay. Besides, it was totally unfair that you were saddled with the responsibility.” His hand covered hers, and held it against his cheek, yet his eyes remained closed.
She truly hoped he really was okay with what he was now. It would take a period of adjustment, but acceptance was the first major step in his new life.
“Sleep now, Reed...just...sleep.”
For a very long time, Sara-Kate simply held very still, her hand never leaving his face. When his breathing slowed and evened out, she finally relaxed, and closed her eyes. She wouldn’t allow herself to rehash the night’s events, or even try to work out different scenarios of what might happen in the future. Finally, she gave in to her stubborn emotions and maneuvered her naked body against Reed’s body, wrapped a protective arm around him, and buried her face against his chest, allowing herself to become lost in his familiar scent.
***
It was nearly noon when Sara-Kate woke in Reed’s arms. For a moment, she thought maybe the ugly events of the previous night were nothing more than a bad dream. Then she knew the truth in the next instant, and strangely, it was all okay. It was in fact a relief. The time when she held back the truth from him was torturous. She was glad that Reed knew everything.
And he would okay, too. Yes, there was shock, and in time, he would adjust to his new life and find his purpose, just as she had.
She pressed a kiss against his forehead and caressed his stubbled cheek. In the light of another day, she realized how much she loved him. Sure, he said ugly, hurtful things, but she knew he only lashed out at her because she was the only target for his shock and disbelief. In reality, they were only words. She could forgive that.
If they were destined to remain as a couple, or if Reed’s path took him elsewhere, that remained to be seen.
Carefully, she eased herself from the bed, careful not to wake him. As she wrapped a robe around herself, she thought of Sara-Kate’s Spirit. She loved her little business. She also loved making cookies for the assisted living facility, and using her gifts to bestow health and happiness. In the light of this new day, all of her horrible thoughts of the night before dissipated like a bad dream.
After heading down the stairs, she started her usual routine. She put the kettle on to boil and went to the foyer to gather up the mail. Unfortunately, she missed the courier, but he left a little note that her deliveries were in the greenhouse, signed with a smiley face.
She leafed through the mail at the kitchen table until the kettle boiled, and prepared her morning tea, taking time to savor the fragrant aroma, before taking her first sip and allowing the taste to remain on her tongue.
After a few moments of peace, she decided to get dressed, and head out to the sun porch to fill any outstanding orders. As she looked outside the frosty pane of glass on the kitchen door, she took in the bright, beautiful autumn day, and looked forward to another winter soon to make its appearance.
There was a tapping at her front door. Perhaps the courier decided to return. Instead, the person outside was the man she desperately was trying to put out of her mind. She let her emotions get out of control the night before. It was a lesson. She would be much more cautious in the future. But right now, she needed to face him.
She opened the door. The was such a look of concern over his features. He was a good man, she knew.
“Hi Andy.”
“Sara-Kate, I’m so glad to see you.”
Then she did something she never did before. “Come on in, Andy.”
“Wow, you’ve never let me past the foyer before.”
She could sense his hope and excitement, and knew she had to be gentle but firm with him. She caused this hope in him, and now her regret was an acid that blistered her. She did not want to hurt this man.
“Would you like coffee or tea? Something to eat?” She asked, as she showed him into the living room and patted the couch.
“No, I just needed to see you.”
She sat in the easy chair. It was better if she tried to stop this right now. “Listen, Andy...I am so sorry for what happened last night.”
“I...” he tried to interrupt.
She lifted a hand to stop him. “Please, let me speak.”
He nodded, ever so polite.
“I hope what happened last night...showing up at your door uninvited...that I didn’t cause any friction with the woman who was with you.”
An immediate blush covered his face, and she felt worse. She didn’t want to embarrass him.
“She’s not who I want to be with Sara-Kate. I want to be with you.”
There was such a seriousness in his blue eyes that caused her to quiver just a bit. Somewhere in the back of her mind she wondered if the Fates sent Andy into her life as a test. A test to see if she would fail, and fall in love with him against the rules of the spirit world. Yesterday, she nearly succumbed after her fallout with Reed.
It was so clear now. For two years, Dr. Andy and she played the little game of his coming to the door every week. Perhaps she let it continue for so long because she was lonely, and maybe he did it to see if he could break her from her shell.
However, today it ended.
“Andy...” she paused to gather her thoughts. “I have a very complicated life. Yesterday, a lot of it caught up with me, and I regret it.” Somehow, she just knew it wasn’t going to be enough to satisfy him.
“Sara-Kate, I’ve been coming to your house for two years now. You know it’s not to just pick up cookies. I know someone hurt you deeply at some time in your life. I know it’s caused you to never leave this house until last night. I don’t know what this is all about, but I am willing to do whatever I can to help you, no matter how long it takes. I want to marry you.”
If it had been another time, another life, he was saying all the right things. Yet it wasn’t another life, and upstairs was Reed, the man she did love, the man who was spirit just as she was.
“As great as that sounds, and as wonderful as you are, Andy, I can’t, and I’m truly sorry for that. That’s just not...going to happen. Ever.”
“The guy?”
“Reed?” She wasn’t willing to discuss Reed with him. Their life was private. “My relationship with him is personal, I’m sorry.”
“I think that kind
of says it all,” he stated, but not in a nasty tone. He stood up from the couch.
She said all there really was to say. She wouldn’t wallow in apologies. She already apologized. There was also no sense in prolonging this conversation, nothing was to be gained from it with the possible exception of finality.
Wordlessly, she walked him back to the foyer.
At the last second, he turned back. “Sara-Kate, I wish you all the happiness in the world. I hope whatever it is you are waiting for has arrived.”
With that, he walked from her house and didn’t look back. She knew she would never see him again, and she wished him happiness. As she closed the door, it suddenly hit her.
The Fates.
She passed their test.
***
By mid-afternoon, Sara-Kate finished packaging and labeling all of the outstanding Sara-Kate’s spirit orders and stacked them in the foyer for the next morning’s courier pickup. Reed was still upstairs asleep. She debated whether to wake him, or let me continue to sleep. After all, he experienced the worst shock of his life the day before. Perhaps he needed to sleep and heal.
She walked the stairs and crept into her bedroom. Reed was peacefully asleep on his back, his breathing even. For a moment, she was overwhelmed by how much she loved this man. Could they ever return to what they had before Reed found out about his new life? The anger she felt from the night before was long passed. Reed professed to her how sorry he was for pointing his own anger and shock at her, but how would he feel when he awoke today and realized that indeed, this was his new existence.
If his feelings for her changed, she would adhere to her promise. She would allow him to stay on in her home, and help him in any way possible to get on his feet. He would then be free to go on to a life without her. If he did leave, she would remain rigid they never see each other again. She blinked back tears at the thought. Seeing Reed again would be too painful for her.
She needed a diversion, so she sought refuge in her pink bathroom. Sitting in the plush pink chair, she pulled up the matching footstool close and chose a bottle of pearly white nail polish from a shelf. After shaking the bottle, she opened and forced herself to concentrate at the task at hand. Just as she carefully stroked the thick liquid onto her big toe, she looked up to find Reed in the doorway.
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