I knew when I married John what I was getting—an older man who wanted a family. In exchange, John knew what he was getting—a woman who did not love him but needed financial stability for her family. So what has changed? Absolutely nothing, except that I don’t want to do it anymore, and because of that I feel so damn guilty.
He is the exact same man I married. He has no hobbies, no friends; he lacks spontaneity, and sex is a nightmare. I settled for it in the beginning because I figured for what I was getting in return, it was a small sacrifice to pay.
John gave me the opportunity to pursue my career and he shared in the success of my first book. Now that my career is on its way, I am ready to jump ship and part of me doesn’t feel that is fair. Now you would think as selfish as my ass is, I wouldn’t give a fuck, but I do. I really do. With John, for the first time in my life, I have met someone who challenges my ability to make a decision.
My psychiatrist told me that I was hurting John more by staying with him because by doing that I wasn’t allowing him the opportunity to find someone who would truly love him. And her old ass is right. It is unfair of me. But even knowing that doesn’t make it any easier.
Damn! My ass is confused. I’m no closer to coming to a decision than I was six months ago. What’s a sistah to do?
I’ll have to think about it some more tomorrow, because right now I’m going to bed.
Chapter 47
NADINE
The next morning Nadine rose slowly out of the bed. The slide door was open and a gentle breeze flowed into the room.
After checking for phone messages, Lisa hung up the receiver. “Jordan called.”
Nadine simply nodded and slid out from under the covers.
“You can’t keep avoiding her.”
“I know,” she said as she reached inside the dresser for something cool to wear.
Lisa leaned back on the bed. “I’m still dying to hear about your date last night.”
Nadine finally looked over at her and released a shaky sigh. “RD got on my last nerve. Then I went back to his room and let him screw me.”
Lisa’s eyes grew wide. “Did it work?”
Nadine made a face. “Hell no.”
“Because of Jordan?”
“Yeah, because of Jordan.” Not in the mood to further the discussion, Nadine turned and stepped into the bathroom. She turned on the shower, then stepped into the tub. Standing under the spray, she thought about last night. Not about RD—he had been a big waste of her time, and any thoughts of what she had done last night made her sick to her stomach. Instead, she thought about the woman who had been watching her from across the room. Just remembering her smile caused a tightening of her breasts. The tingling between her legs was not a result of RD’s performance, but was a result of the beautiful woman’s stares. In fact, her mind flooded with memories of the first time she and Jordan had made love.
Two weeks had passed since their first introduction and yet she still had been avoiding Jordan’s calls. Then, finally, after another lonely evening, Nadine admitted to herself that she could no longer go without seeing her. She contacted Jordan and asked her to meet her at a party at her law firm.
By the time Nadine had arrived shortly after nine, conversations and music flowed throughout the room. She had arrived late, as usual, and spotted one of their criminal attorneys, Christopher Monroe, trying to get her attention. They were in a deep conversation about an upcoming case when she spotted Jordan coming through the door.
Something hit Nadine when she took in Jordan’s thin face and large hazel eyes. The smile radiated her way and her heart fluttered. She couldn’t understand what she was feeling. All she knew was that her life was about to change.
For the rest of the night no matter how much she tried to fight it she kept finding herself migrating to Jordan. They ended up spending most of the evening sipping coffee in the corner while talking and discovered they had a lot more in common. They discussed men, kids, their dreams and fears, and Nadine had an intellectual conversation that she never seemed to find with a man. When it was time for the evening to end, she felt a sense of disappointment. She didn’t know what it was but there was this strong need to be in her presence that she didn’t even bother to try to understand. All she knew was that when Jordan asked her for a ride home, she agreed. They talked and laughed all the way to her apartment. Jordan’s hand found its way to her thigh, to her arm, and even to her cheek. It seemed so natural Nadine didn’t have the willpower to tell her to stop. All that kept running through her mind was that there was no denying she was attracted to this woman. A small part of her regretted inviting her to the party. When she pulled in front of Jordan’s apartment, she felt a bit relieved.
Jordan paused before exiting her vehicle. “Would you like to come up?”
Nadine shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Jordan looked hurt, then she covered Nadine’s hands with her own. “I’m sure you’ve realized that I like you.”
“I like you too.”
“No, I mean I really like you. I know why I haven’t heard from you and why you’ve been ignoring my calls. You’re scared and I understand because I’m scared too of what I am feeling for you.”
Nadine gasped, unable to speak because she knew Jordan was right.
“Have you ever thought about making love to another woman?”
She dropped her eyes so she could shield her embarrassment. She couldn’t bring herself to admit the nights she lay awake fantasizing about her and Jordan—caressing her breasts, running her tongue between her legs. “I’ve been curious,” she admitted.
“So why don’t you find out, with me?” Jordan reached up and stroked her cheek, sending tremors through Nadine’s body. “I want to show you how good it can be.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready.”
“I won’t pressure you. I just wanted to let you know how I feel. But I won’t take this a step further unless you feel the same way. We can spend the rest of the evening drinking wine and listening to music and I’ll be happy just as long as I am with you.”
There was a moment of silence before she heard herself agree.
They climbed out of the car and Nadine followed her up to her apartment on the second floor, a beautifully decorated room filled with African American art and rich wood furnishings.
While Jordan went to pour them both a glass of wine, Nadine strolled over to the stereo and turned on a slow jam radio station.
Jordan returned carrying two glasses of wine and a bottle of white zinfandel on a tray.
For the next several hours they talked and listened to music. Nadine allowed the wine to relax her.
Jordan would lean forward and whisper in Nadine’s ear, and she found herself getting turned on again. She tried to blame the night on the wine, because she too started caressing Jordan’s thigh and arm with slow lingering fingers.
Around eleven, she was totally relaxed as they sat on the couch, caressing and petting one another.
“Listen, Nadine. I want you so bad it hurts.” She cupped her chin so she had no choice but to look at her. “I want you but you’ve got to want me too.”
Nadine licked her lips, then heard herself say, “I want you too.”
Jordan seized the moment and leaned forward and kissed her, a slow sensual caress that Nadine willingly accepted. She didn’t even realize that her tongue was in her mouth until she moaned. She kissed with more passion than she’d ever experienced with any man. She opened her eyes and they locked gazes. She felt like the kiss would never end, and she wasn’t complaining.
Jordan then rose and took her hand and led her to the bedroom.
While Nadine sat on the end, Jordan slowly removed her clothes. All her thoughts and fantasies didn’t come close to what she was feeling and seeing. She was about to be made love to by a woman.
Jordan unbuttoned her shirt and peeled it away. Nadine feasted her eyes on small perky breasts with nipples that were choc
olate and hard. Jordan lowered her skirt over her hips and Nadine gasped when she slipped her panties off and stood before her. Now she knew why God had created women. Now she knew why men couldn’t keep their hands off women and always felt the need to be buried deep between their legs. Jordan took everything off and all that remained was black high heels.
“Now I’m going to undress you,” she said, stretching her hand out to Nadine.
Nadine’s response to her request was a gasp. She was aroused and she placed her hand in hers. She gently tugged her upright and brought her against her bare breasts. Her fingers ached to capture one in her hand, but instead she waited to see what would happen next.
Jordan unbuttoned Nadine’s blouse and allowed it to fall to the floor. As soon as Jordan removed her bra, she cupped one of her breasts in her hand, then leaned forward and began to suckle her nipple gently. She glanced down to find Jordan staring up at her.
She then slipped her fingers down past her inner thighs, where she eased them apart. Slowly she slipped two fingers inside of her and they were doing things she had only dreamed of. Jordan urged her to lay back on the bed. Nadine willingly complied, then eased her legs open wider so that she could have plenty of room.
Jordan then kneeled down between her legs and licked the spot that only another woman would be able to find. She shivered and bucked against the bed. There was no way she could have passed up the pleasure she was receiving, and from a woman, for goodness’ sake. She was powerless to fight it. It was only a matter of minutes before she felt an explosion travel though her. Afterwards, Jordan held her in her arms while her heartbeat returned to normal.
After that their relationship took off. They spent days and even nights together. Every chance she could she dashed over to Jordan’s just to be in her arms and to feel her naked skin against hers. She never allowed her to stay at her house for fear that her son would find out about them. Instead, Jordan would drop by like a casual friend. After a year of living behind closed doors, she was tired of the sneaking, tired of feeling ashamed of loving another woman.
Jordan wanted them to move in together. She was ready to let the world know just how she felt about Nadine. Only Nadine wasn’t ready yet to admit that she was in love with a woman. Nadine had never been completely comfortable or willing to accept her feelings and it had taken a toll on their relationship. Jordan had given her an ultimatum that had ended in a heated argument with Nadine calling off the relationship.
As she scrubbed away the memories of the night before she told herself it was for the best. Her family would never have understood.
Chapter 48
KAYLA
Kayla woke up to the sounds of reggae music coming from the jerk-chicken hut below her window. She didn’t know when she had finally dozed off. The last thing she remembered hearing was a couple out in the hall, laughing near her door. She remembered glancing over at Renee’s bed and finding it still empty.
She rolled over and spied the clock on the side table. It was almost ten. Renee’s bed was still empty. She didn’t know how she did it. Party all night, drink like a fish, then roll out the bed the next morning and start her day.
Kayla stretched her body as memories of the night before came flooding back. Her lips curled as Clayton came to mind.
She had never had a man interested in just holding her. Usually after the sex there was no moment of cuddling; instead the men she had been with broke their necks trying to get out the door. Not Clayton. He wasn’t interested in sex. Instead, he had held her and kissed her with enough passion to make her feel like a beautiful and desirable woman.
However, as Kayla slipped into her clothes, doubt lurked in the corners of her mind. Was his reason for not wanting to sleep with her because he didn’t find her attractive? She tried to brush that possibility aside, yet she could not help wondering if that was the case. Maybe she should have insisted that he make love to her. What man turns down sex if it’s right in his face?
If he rejected her this morning she was going to cry.
Suddenly she wasn’t as eager to join the others for breakfast. Yet she couldn’t hide in her room forever. If Clayton was no longer interested, then at least she would know. Although being rejected by two men in one week was going to be a lot more than she could swallow.
Her thoughts suddenly shifted to Leroy. He still hadn’t called her. She felt like such a fool believing that he really cared about her. She had just been another piece of ass. As stupid as she was, she had fallen for him hook, line, and sinker. Lisa was right. It was time for her to move on.
When they returned home, she intended on finding a new church and getting on with her life.
Chapter 49
RENEE
We were sitting at a booth laughing and having a good time when Kayla arrived.
“What’s so funny?” she asked.
I glanced up at her as she neared our table. “Gir-r-rl, Nadine was telling us how frog boy kissed her like he was swatting flies with his tongue.”
Kayla giggled and lowered onto the bench, beside Nadine. “Y’all need to stop talking about that man. He really isn’t all that bad.”
Nadine snorted rudely. “That’s ’cause you didn’t have to spend the evening with him.”
“I did have to spend part of my evening with him and I have to admit he is a little arrogant, but he does have a charm about him.”
We all whipped around and looked at her crazy ass at the same time, then after a long moment started laughing.
We were still laughing when I spotted Clayton moving forward in a strong, even pace. When he saw Kayla, he smiled and waved, and she finger-waved back. Then he moved and joined his friends at the other end of the room.
I swung to my right. “Dayum, Kayla, I hope you gave that brotha some last night.”
“Not every man’s out for sex.”
Nadine snorted rudely. “Since when?”
“Since there are still a few gentlemen out there,” Kayla replied with a dreamy expression on her face. Obviously she was thinking about last night.
It was my turn to add my two cents. “Believe me, no matter what bullshit lines they send your way, they all want the same thing: some ass.”
Lisa looked appalled. “Renee, I know you don’t really believe that shit.”
“Why not? It’s the truth. They might act like they value your virtue and your desire not to sleep with their asses the first night, but believe me, as soon as they drop you off at the door they are leaving to sleep in somebody else’s bed and that’s where their asses are until you are ready to give up the goods.”
Lisa gave me a disappointed look. “Renee, you’ve got issues. I didn’t give Michael any for an entire year.”
I cackled. “My brother-in-law was a virgin his damn self, so his ass doesn’t count.”
They started laughing. As soon as they quieted down, I continued. “A man loves for a woman to take charge. He may be telling you no, but his dick is saying, hell yes. Shit, you gonna end up sleeping with his ass anyway. I believe it’s better to find out what he’s got to work with up front—that way you save yourself a lot of wasted time and efforts. Shit, you know I know.”
“Yes, we know,” they said in unison.
Shit, after Everton’s ass I wasn’t taking any more chances.
“It’s obvious how Kayla’s evening was. How about you, Nadine?”
“Girl, puhleeze.”
Her eyes dropped to her plate. I eyed her closely and noticed the flushed tint of her cheeks and could tell Nadine was trying to hide something.
“Come on. Give us the four-one-one,” I encouraged.
“Let’s just say, RD needs to stay the hell away from me,” she replied, flipping her wrist.
I pointed my fork at her and asked, “Did you give him some?”
“Nope.”
I could tell the bitch was lying. “Yeah, right.”
“Renee, everybody ain’t like you,” Nadine countered with a tart smirk.
“Shit, don’t hate. Participate.” With that said, I resumed eating my breakfast before it got cold.
Kayla leaned to the side and playfully bumped her shoulder against mine. “Where were you last night?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
Lisa’s interest was piqued. “When did she get in?”
Kayla shrugged. “I have no idea. All I know is, when I finally drifted off to sleep your sister was nowhere to be found.”
Nadine’s eyes sparkled with amusement. “I bet I know where she was.”
Kayla and Lisa looked in her direction and together they shouted, “Mandingo!”
I smiled, then wagged my arched eyebrows suggestively.
Nadine clapped her hands excitedly. “Oh, my God! You were with Solomon, weren’t you?”
I dug into my food. “I ain’t telling y’all heifers anything.”
“Yes, you are.” Kayla snatched my plate of food from me.
“Hey, give that back!”
She passed the plate to Lisa. “Not until you tell us.”
I slumped against the seat and faked defeat. Shit, I had been dying to tell them all morning about my evening.
“Okay, I met Solomon last night.”
They each shrieked. Even Lisa seemed intrigued. “And, what happened?” she asked, leaning into the table and smiling, looking for more information.
I collapsed onto the table. “I ain’t never had that much dick in my life.”
“Hell naw!” Nadine screamed.
Kayla grabbed my arm. “Bitch, get up and give us details.”
I knew I had to make the story better than ever before. I put my elbow on the table and rested my chin in the palm of my hand, and put on a dreamy expression. “He picked me up on his moped and we rode to his neighborhoods, where he took me to an authentic Jamaican restaurant. The food was so good!”
Kayla was getting impatient. “Girl, get to the good part.” We all laughed and slapped high fives.
In The Company of My Sistahs Page 23
