by Emery, Lynn
“This is more than a difference in political views now. Eric may have used me, lied to me, to further his political career and impress Senator Raymond.” Shani could not keep her voice from wavering.
Paulette stood up to go. “I won’t try and dress it up, sugar. This looks pretty bad,” she said pointing to the newspaper. “Make him explain. Bring him to his knees to beg forgiveness and swear to make it right. But don’t be too quick to write him off.”
Shani accepted her quick goodbye hug, and closed up in her office after Paulette left. She tried to call Eric. His secretary told her he was gone to an afternoon meeting. Fruitless hours of trying to concentrate on the new five-year plan, memos to staff, and the quarterly budget report left her spent. A tap on the door made her glance up from the rows of figures on a spreadsheet.
“Yes? Oh, Elaine.” Shani rubbed her tired eyes.
“Have a good evening. I’m going home now.”
“It’s five already?” Shani glanced at the clock on her credenza. She was shocked at how time had passed. In one hour, Eric would be at her apartment.
“Yeah, and my husband is probably burning up chicken even as we speak. His night to cook,” Elaine said with a laugh. Her laughter died when she saw the gloom on Shani’s face. “Listen, I know it’s none of my business but… Give Senator Aucoin a chance to explain.”
“Oh, you can bet I want him to tell me all about this one,” Shani shot back.
Elaine came into the room and sat opposite her. “I mean, take time to hear what he’s saying. You still may not agree, but listen without judgment. My mama taught me that not long after I got married. Her and Daddy were together forty-two years.”
“Thanks, Elaine. I’ll try to remember that.” Shani tried to lift the corners of her mouth into a smile and only half succeeded.
“Good night.” Elaine hesitated at the door. “And take care.”
“Bye.”
Shani was touched by Elaine’s concern. She was both anxious and reluctant to see Eric. Part of her was poised to demand answers, another part wanted to avoid what promised to be a painful confrontation. As she changed clothes, she tried to follow Elaine and Paulette’s advice.
“I’ll keep calm and ask him about the article. Let him talk without interrupting,” she said the words trying to make her outrage subside. She glanced at herself in the full length mirror on the bedroom closet door. “After all, there could be a reasonable explanation.” The woman staring back at her looked far from convinced. At that moment, the double chimes of her doorbell sounded.
Shani took a deep breath and opened the door. “Hi.
How’ve you been?” She resisted the urge to avoid the kiss on her forehead.
“Whew! What a grueling day. But knowing I’d end it with you made it bearable. Sorry I’m late. But the meeting went on way past the one hour they promised. Then I ran by the house to change.” He took off his leather jacket to reveal a forest green sweater, striped cotton shirt underneath, and dark brown pants. “I was tired of wearing that suit and tie.”
“Oh, I see.” Shani sat next to him, her back straight.
Eric crossed an ankle over one knee. “So how’s my sweetie doing? Your day was better than mine I hope.” He dropped a muscular arm behind her on the sofa’s back.
“It started out okay. Then it went downhill real fast. But of course you know about it.” She shot him an accusing glance. His casual behavior was infuriating. Did he think his charms were so over powering she would forgive anything?
“I do?”
“Yes, since you saw fit to trash my reputation in the Advocate. “Shani picked up the newspaper from her coffee table and waved it.
“What? Oh, the article about problems at help centers. Baby, I told you we would be looking into them. And—”
“But did you ask for reactions from us?” Shani’s ire sprang forward like a hot spark. “You planned this all along. I should have seen it coming.”
“Now hold on, I didn’t trash your reputation.” Eric spoke in an unruffled tone. “Trumaine described problems in his report identified long ago. Some of them you and other directors pointed out.”
“Widespread theft common at the agencies? I don’t recall ever saying that. How could you listen to the allegations of one disgruntled ex-employee and splash it all over the wire service?” Shani glared at him.
“What?” Eric took the paper from her hand. A frown creased his face as he saw the headline. “I didn’t see this edition. I’ve been swamped and Trumaine only gave me a summary of major stories, including this one. This isn’t the way it was supposed to be done.”
“What do you take me for? You want to destroy our credibility so we won’t have any chance to get funding.” Shani turned her face from him. “You’re good, I have to give you credit.”
“What does that mean?” Eric’s jaw clenched.
“It means you used your oily charm to dazzle me. You knew all the right words to lull me into trusting you. How you cared about the poor but wanted the money to be used wisely. Self-determination is what our community needs. But that’s not the best part. No, your most impressive performances were when you said how special I was to you,” Shani said in a hoarse voice. “And now you think I’m so in love I’ll accept any thin lie you offer me?”
“Honey, that’s not true at all! Shani, you have to believe me.” Eric clutched her arm. “I didn’t know the reports of theft would be made the focus by this reporter. Even more important, I never lied about my feelings for you.”
Shani twisted from his grasp. “I tried to convince myself all afternoon you couldn’t have known about it. But this sentence kept ringing in my head.” She jabbed a finger at the last paragraph. “According to Senator Aucoin, these programs are aimed at keeping the poor dependent and provide jobs for social workers. I’ve heard you say that at least a half dozen times.”
“And it’s what I believe.” Eric drew himself up to his full height. “Look, if these programs can stand up to scrutiny then you’ve got nothing to worry about. But I resent being accused like this. You always knew my views.”
“So you admit being behind this?” Shani was flabbergasted despite her early suspicions. What brass to show such arrogance. How could she have misjudged him so much?
“Shani, you knew all along all of the budget items were under a microscope.” Eric’s face was like a gathering storm of thunder and lightning. “I think we’d better both stop before we say things that can’t be taken back.”
Shani stared at him coldly. “I wonder just how far you’d go to get ahead politically. What with Congressman Johnson announcing he won’t run for the House of Representatives next election. Your name has been mentioned more than once.” She remembered a speech in which Eric talked about his ambition to run for Congress one day.
Eric looked at her through narrowed eyes that glinted with indignation. “And you’re willing to defend programs that waste the taxpayers’ money even when it’s obvious every dollar must count in the black community. Save the status quo no matter what. Is that it?”
“So you don’t bother to deny your agreement with this hatchet job of an article,” Shani spat at him. “I should have known.”
Eric picked up his jacket. “Maybe we haven’t known each other long in terms of time, but I thought you knew what kind of person I am.” He walked to the door. “Obviously I was wrong.”
Shani felt a warm flow down her cheek and tasted salt. She turned from him. “You counted on using the famous Eric Aucoin charisma. Didn’t work this time, pal. That’s what you were wrong about.” She made her voice hard as steel.
“If that’s the way you see it fine. Good thing I found out early in the game. Who needs this?”
When the door slammed behind him, Shani felt the jolt more than on a physical level. She collapsed onto the sofa and gave in to the urge to weep. A tidal wave of loss washed over her that left her feeling weak and more lonely than she had since losing her mother.
***
Brendon’s fine black brows drew together over chocolate brown eyes. “You sick? Looks like you haven’t slept in weeks.” He paused in wrapping gifts for Colin and Kara.
He and Janine used Shani’s apartment as a hiding place for their Christmas toys. With Christmas only two days away, they did the usual. Ate dinner out then came over to get everything that needed assembling put together.
Janine slapped his arm. “Nice going, Brendon. Make her feel even better by telling her she looks awful,” she muttered.
Shani came back into the living room with three cups of hot cocoa. She managed a feeble smile.”It’s okay, Janine. He’s never been one for diplomacy.”
Brendon ignored his wife’s reproof. “Shani, what’s wrong? You know better than to try and hide anything from me. I can look at you in two seconds and see something bad has happened.”
“It’s just…” Shani bit her bottom lip unable to go on.
His eyes went wide with fear. “Is it J.J.? Did he get hurt in prison? You don’t want to tell me because of the way I’ve been acting, is that it?”
“No, no,” Shani said in a rush to calm his rising panic. “J.J. is doing fine. This has nothing to do with him.”
Brendon let out a long, slow breath. His relief was visible as he clasped Janine’s hand on his arm. “Then what? Work got you down? I’ve told you about running yourself ragged at that center. Why you don’t go into private practice with this psychiatrist friend of mine is beyond me.”
Janine shook her head at him. “Brendon, you sure can miss the boat sometimes.”
“I don’t know what you mean. If it’s one thing I understand, it’s my baby sister. She’s got herself all worked up about a misguided kid or poor welfare mother with no more food stamps.” Brendon went back to wrapping a doll for Kara. “You’ve got to learn some day not to take all the world’s problems on your shoulders. You’ll wind up with an ulcer.”
“Wrong again, Mr. Perceptive. Shani, I read that article.” Janine wore a sympathetic expression.
“What article?” Shani busied herself tying a ribbon.
“The one that has probably caused big trouble between you and Eric Aucoin,” Janine said.
“Shani and Senator Aucoin?” Brendon blinked as though waking up from a nap.
“Brendon, I mentioned it to you several times. You said, ‘That’s nice, baby.’ “Janine turned to Shani. “He’s been up to his neck in work for weeks.”
“Yeah, I remember something about Shani having a date. But with Senator Aucoin? He’s a staunch conservative.” Brendon gazed at his sister in amazement.
Janine gave a short laugh and pointed him to the extra bedroom Shani used as an office where other toys still waited to be wrapped. “Here, sweetie. Put this pin ball machine together. I’ll catch you up later.”
Brendon took the large game from her. “Don’t be such a smart aleck. And I’m not going anywhere. Besides, I saw the article you’re talking about, and now I do remember about Shani and Senator Aucoin.” He seemed close to sticking his tongue out at her.
“Lord, I’m so humiliated. Why don’t we just rent a billboard that says ‘Shani Moore, proof that you can be the same kind of fool twice.’“ Shani spoke in an acrid voice.
“Oh, come on. You knew the guy’s politics when you met him. At least he was always honest. Something you can’t say about a lot of public officials. In fact, I have to agree with some of what he says—” Brendon held up a finger in preparation of launching a discourse.
“Honey, please,” Janine cut in. “Shani, from the look on your face, I’d say you had one mean argument with him. Right?”
“It was awful. I got angry, one word led to another, and well you know.” Shani pushed aside the green shiny paper in her lap.
“Too awful for reconciliation?” Janine put an arm around her shoulders.
“It’s not just an argument. He used our relationship to get information against Mid-City. And not only could we be hurt. Every center in this state might suffer.”
“Are you sure his party or maybe another legislator didn’t use his name to avoid being called racists? They do stuff like that you know. Don’t be too quick to think he’s a bum.” Brendon wore a self-satisfied expression at the surprise his comment brought. “Pretty perceptive of me, huh? I haven’t been that immersed in work.”
“Amazingly, he could be right.” Janine rubbed her chin in thought. “What did Eric say about the article?”
“He claimed not to have known they would go the sensational route and use that theft allegation.” Shani kicked a wad of paper across the carpet. “Either way, he’s being used. And had the nerve to get an attitude with me.”
“I guess so if you jumped the brother,” Brendon snorted. “I’d catch a ‘tude myself if you called me a liar to my face.”
Janine sent him a scathing glance. “What my husband must mean is harsh words lead to hard feelings. But if he wasn’t guilty, he should have just answered the questions.”
“Excuse me, I know what I meant. Look, Shani, I know how strongly you feel about those programs. Maybe you didn’t give the guy much of a chance to tell his side. Maybe the man just made a mistake.”
“Eric Aucoin didn’t make a mistake. I’m sure of it. Now the subject is closed,” Shani said in a firm voice.
“Okay. If you say so.” Brendon cocked an eyebrow at his wife.
“And don’t give any eye signals behind my back either.” Her foot bumped against a gift bag under her small Christmas tree. One of J.J.‘s gifts, homemade tea cakes from her grandmother’s recipe. “Besides, you don’t practice what you preach.” Shani pointed a finger at his nose.
“Meaning?”
“Meaning J.J. has very little to look forward to during Christmas except visits from us. Why can’t you forgive him?” Shani shoved thoughts of Eric away to focus on a different source of pain.
“It’s not the same. J.J. hurt Mama with his wild behavior. And his being in prison is a disrespect to her and Daddy’s memory.” Brendon had a stubborn set to his square jaw.
“He’s ashamed of himself, Brendon. He needs us to stand by him.” Shani wanted to shake reason into him.
Janine looped her arm through his. “Sweetheart, we both know how torn up you’re going to be if you don’t see him. You’re miserable,” she said to him in a soft voice.
“J.J. is not going to put my entire family in prison with him. He made his choices. Now let him deal with the consequences. Let’s drop it.” Brendon stormed out of the room.
Janine nodded to Shani. “Talk to him alone. This is something only you can help him work through.”
Shani followed him into her office. She pushed aside empty boxes that only recently held toys and other gifts now wrapped. “Brendon, I know you feel partly responsible for J.J., but it’s not your fault. He did make certain choices.”
Brendon stood with his back to her staring out the window into the night “I was so into high school, the band, and Charlene. Or was it Darlene?” He gave a grunt of self-disgust. “I can’t even remember her name. J.J. was drifting from mischief into crime while I went to parties and hung out with my buddies. Oh, I remembered my promise to Daddy. I lied to myself that a few lectures and taking him to the movies once in a while was the best I could do.”
Shani stepped closer to him. “You were only a teenager yourself. I counsel parents much older than you were at the time who can’t figure out how to save their kids from the streets. It really isn’t your fault, Brendon.”
He turned to her, his face drawn with torment. “You don’t think I failed you both?”
Shani hugged him to her. “No. J.J. and I looked up to you. We always thought we’d never be able to be half the person you are today. J.J. understands your anger. He doesn’t think he’s worthy of you.”
“Mama used to clap her hands and laugh with joy seeing us running to get our presents Christmas mornings. She would say …” Brendon could not go on.
“She’d say,
‘Ain’t nothin’ like bein’ with family on Christmas. Thank you, Jesus. I can feel your daddy smilin’ down on us, too,’ “ Shani finished for him. “Please, come with me Sunday.”
Brendon wiped his eyes. “Here are his presents.” He pointed to a large bag. He wore a sheepish expression, “We went overboard and spoiled him as usual.”
“Now you can give them to him yourself. By the way, he agrees you shouldn’t bring the children.” Shani squeezed his hand.
“Thanks little sister.” Brendon shook off his somber mood. “Now quit stalling. You suggested I buy this contraption, and you’re going to help me put it together.” He held up a wide sheet of instructions with tiny print.
“My goodness! We’re going to be here all night.”
For the next hour, the three of them wrestled to finish. Shani was relieved to the see tension melt from her older brother. He laughed with ease as though a weight was lifted from his shoulders. The holiday would not be so bad after all. Then she thought of Eric. The bright lights and shiny wrapping seemed to go dim. She continued to chatter with them, but her heart was not in it.
“Bye, sis. See you Sunday,” Brendon said. He kissed her forehead.
“Take all this stuff and put it in the trunk, babe. I’m coming.” Janine loaded his arms with tools and bags. “Thanks for everything, sugar.”
“Hey, you don’t have to thank me. I love wrapping presents for our beautiful babies.”
“I’m not talking about that. Thanks for helping Brendon unload that heartache he’s been lugging around for months.” Janine hugged and kissed her. “About Eric Aucoin, from what I hear he’s a good person.”
“Janine, I just don’t know what to think.”
“Try to work it out once more. No accusations, just openly share the hurt you feel. Talk to him.”
“It’s not so simple.” Shani hugged herself against the cold that came from inside, not the chill night air.
Janine sighed. “Honey, it never is. But from the light in your eyes when you talked about him, I’d say don’t give up without a fight. Promise you’ll consider what I’ve said?”
