Oh crap, he recognized that pale, sweaty sheen on her face. “You’re sick.” Another thing the doctor mentioned to expect—morning sickness.
“Just queasy. Not—” She clamped her mouth shut.
“Go lay down. Now.” His words came out harsher than he meant. Gently prying the spatula from her hand, he said, “I’ll do this, then bring you some 7 Up. Touching her face, he noted the clammy feel to her skin. “Please, go back to bed for an hour or two.”
She nodded and headed out.
Brittle silence filled the kitchen, broken only by the hiss of eggs cooking and the pop of the toaster.
After plating the eggs, he buttered two slices of toast and set them in front of his dad.
Noah closed the laptop and stared at his food. “What’s wrong with her?”
It was one of the few times his dad had addressed him. So far, they had only told Sloane, since he was Beth’s boss, and Emily and Ben about Beth’s pregnancy.
Justice didn’t want to think about telling the band. Dread crapped a few bricks in his gut. He might not want to do it, but he’d man up. He owed the guys the truth and to make sure he told them before they heard it somewhere else.
But his dad wouldn’t tell anyone, and he seemed worried about Beth. Justice needed to clear things up now before they got out of hand. Much as he wanted to take care of his dad, he now had a woman he loved to protect too. “Beth is pregnant. We’re having a baby in late July.”
Noah froze mid-bite. Carefully setting the fork down with his left arm, he kept his gaze on his plate. “A baby.” He glanced up, then away from Justice. “She seen a doctor?”
“Yes. She’s in good health.” And this was where it got tricky. “I love Beth, Dad.”
“I know.”
It was surreal. This was the first real conversation that wasn’t about food and what Noah needed. He eyed his dad’s right arm in the dark-blue cast, his left arm covered in scars and weak. That, along with the pain in his hips and general weakness from the life he’d been living, kept him here at the house with them.
But for how long? Justice didn’t let himself hope too much. The man would leave again.
“Dad, Beth doesn’t have a father. Do you see what’s happening here?” Could Noah get outside of his head long enough to grasp it? She was stopping on her way home from work each night to bring Noah a supersized fries and a chocolate milkshake. As if the treats would entice his dad to stay. Justice had kept his mouth shut, but now he had to make his father understand. “Her own family won’t have anything to do with her because of me.”
“She told me.”
He blinked. Shit. How much was Beth confiding in his father? Apprehension knotted his guts. “Don’t break her heart, Dad.” It was out before he could stop the words, a primitive need to protect his woman, the mother of his kid.
Noah stared down at his plate. “I’ll leave.”
Justice grabbed his dad’s scarred hand. “I don’t want you to leave, damn it. I want you to—”
“What? Stay like this? Up at night and walking circles in your backyard so I don’t scream? You don’t want me, son. You want the father you once had, and I’m not him.” He shoved up to his feet, jerking his hand back. “You don’t want me.”
Fury ripped into him. “What are you doing to do? Walk in front of another car?” Shit. Goddamn it to hell. “Beth thinks you were hit by accident. But you were trying to end it, weren’t you?” It pounded viciously in his brain. The one thing he hadn’t wanted to face. But he’d known it.
Noah stopped, his thin shoulders bowed. He wore the pajama bottoms and shirt Beth had bought for him. “Yes. Couldn’t even do that right.”
“So why did you text Beth?” Why not just fucking end it if that was what he wanted? Why keep torturing them all?
The second he thought it, Justice hated himself as much as he had when he was sixteen and told his dad he’d wished he’d never come home. He didn’t want his dad to die, he wanted him to want to live.
His dad turned his gaze to him. “Because she doesn’t remember what I was. She’s never known me as anything but broken and useless.” He walked out.
Justice clenched his fists, struggling to rein in the kaleidoscope of whirling emotions. Anger, hurt, fear, frustration, love, and maybe hate. But his dad had a point. For the first time, Justice began to see how unfair that was. Noah had come home a different man, and no one wanted to accept that.
Most of all, his son.
* * *
Beth slathered peanut butter on a piece of toast, and said, “Stop staring at me. I’m fine.”
Justice leaned back against the counter. “You look better. Want some tea?”
“I have water, thanks.” Sitting at the table, she added, “No more eggs for a while.” It’d been so sudden. She hadn’t felt great when she got up this morning, but she hadn’t expected to look at the eggs and get so nauseated. At least she hadn’t actually thrown up. Fortunately, she’d fallen asleep, and once she woke, she felt better. “Emily and I are going out shopping.”
Justice crossed to her and slid his hand beneath her hair. “You said you’re done with Christmas shopping.”
“But Emily’s not, so I’m helping her. I’m going.”
“I’m not trying to stop you if you feel up to it.” Backing up, he dropped into a chair. “How are you going to work with morning sickness?”
Was that what had him hovering over her? “Women do it all the time.” She could tough it out. “I’m off next week for Christmas anyway.”
He didn’t look convinced. “What happens when I go on tour? You’ll be here alone.”
“Not alone. Your dad is here. And—”
He took her hand. “He’s not going to stay, Beth. He never stays.”
“But—”
The doorbell rang.
“You finish your toast, I’ll get the door.” Justice got up and walked out.
Beth assumed it was Emily and followed, or Justice would make a big thing of her bout of queasiness, and the two of them would gang up on her. When they opened the door, it was Ben.
“Where’s Emily?” Beth said, surprised.
Ben’s gaze swept over them. “She’ll be here soon. I’ve come to talk to Mr. Cade.”
Surprise trembled through her. “You mean Noah?” He wouldn’t call Justice Mr. Cade. What was up? “Come in, I’ll get him.”
“I’m right here.”
The three of them turned to Noah. He stood by the couch, a thrashed backpack in his hand. Worry and confusion clashed in her stomach. “Noah, what are you doing?”
He locked his attention on her. “Justice told me you’re pregnant.”
“You’re leaving because I’m pregnant?” Liza didn’t understand.
Misery swirled in his eyes. “I want to be in your baby’s life. But not like this.”
Did he think she would object? “You can be. I won’t ever stop you. You can see the baby and—”
“Not like this.” He set his jaw beneath his beard exactly as Justice did when he was being stubborn. “That car didn’t hit me on accident. I walked in front of it.”
Liza stumbled at the impact of his words. “Oh, Noah.” The man’s pain radiated off him, raising goose bumps on her skin.
“Ben knows it and so does Justice. But you…you just see me. Broken and crazy, yet you seem to believe I’m worth the effort.”
“You are.” How didn’t he get this? “You’re Justice’s dad. My child’s grandfather. Did you know that Justice has changed the oil in my car? You taught him that.” She didn’t know what she was saying, it was all emotion tumbling out. “You didn’t just teach him how to change the oil, but how to take care of someone he loves. Okay, he didn’t love me then, but—”
“Beth, easy.” Justice put his arm around her, tugging her into his side.
His warmth flooded through her muscles, and she realized how selfish she was being. “Sorry. He’s your father, not mine. I just—” She cut off the words, lo
oking up at Justice’s harsh face. “He’s our family.”
* * *
Her word’s punched him right in the throat. She really did accept Noah in ways Justice hadn’t been able to. Every time he looked at his dad, he searched for the hero of his childhood.
Beth just wanted a family.
He faced his dad. “What are you planning to do?”
Noah stared at the floor. “I’m going into a program, one that Dr. Gunderson in the emergency room mentioned to me. Ben emailed me more information days ago. I’ve been considering it.”
Ben stepped up. “Dr. Gunderson is a veteran who does some work for the program. The Transitioning Warrior Recovery Center is a live-in treatment facility, run by veterans. They treat some of the most difficult cases of traumatic brain injury and PTSD. With Noah’s permission, I was able to get his records and have them sent over. They’ve reviewed his case and are willing to take him on.”
Of course, Noah hadn’t said a word to him. He eyed Beth. “Did you know?”
“No.” She touched Noah’s arm. “If this is what you want, we’ll support you any way we can.”
Relief settled into his dad’s eyes.
“Dad,” Justice began. “I’ll take you. Wherever this place is, I’ll take you there. Check it out.”
Noah shook his head and strode for the door. Once there, he stopped, his back to the room. “The last thing I thought of before that car hit me was you, Justice. As much as I’d like to see your son or daughter, my real reason for trying again is you.” He opened the door and walked out.
Justice’s lungs locked, and the room closed in on him. Had his dad really said that? Did he mean it? But when had his dad lied?
Never.
Noah said nothing rather than lie.
Throat clearing got his attention, and he focused on Ben. “What happens now?”
The other man handed Justice a dark-green folder. “Here’s the information, including the address. Your father will have his cell phone. The only requirement is that it’s turned off during any therapy. There are emergency numbers in there for you to reach him if he’s not answering. Otherwise they’ll admit him and do an evaluation, not only of his mental and emotional condition, but his physical. The first goal will be pain control. Then they’ll focus on therapies and strategies to work through his specific issues and to help him cope.” Ben laid a hand on Justice’s shoulder. “I honestly think it’s his best chance. I’d leave my own father there without a second’s hesitation. I didn’t recommend this to your dad lightly.”
Justice held out his hand to Ben. “Thank you, man. Thank you.”
After shaking his hand, Ben said, “I’ll text you once he’s there. If he sticks it out, it’s going to take time. Mr. Cade has been dealing with this for a decade now. I’ve seen his medical files, and the fact he survived his injuries from the explosion is a testament to his strength. If he wants this badly enough, I believe he can achieve a substantially improved quality of life.”
“How do you know so much?” Beth asked.
“I have a friend.” He grimaced. “Had a friend who was in the military. We all missed the signs when he came back from a tour in Afghanistan. He didn’t have to die. And neither does Noah.”
She hugged Ben. “I had no idea, I’m so sorry.”
He squeezed her once and let go. “Thanks, Liza. Now look, guys, this isn’t an easy fix. But it’s hope. Let him settle in, send a text or email, but any more personal interaction is harder for him. Especially with you, Justice. He thinks he failed you.” Ben moved to the door.
Regret kicked him in the gut. Justice could hear himself screaming at his father that he wished he’d never come home. “He didn’t.” It was Justice who had failed to be the son he’d needed.
Stopping, Ben turned. “Don’t lie to him. Your dad is a highly intelligent man forced to live in a state of constant hyperawareness of a soldier in danger even though he’s been home for a decade. He did fail you, Justice, and lying makes it worse. But the system also failed him. Get that shit out in the open and let it breathe, and you’ll all have a better chance to move forward.” Ben lifted a hand and added, “Noah’s waiting, I need to go.”
Justice shut the door and tried to get his balance back. Before he could do or say anything, Beth walked straight into his arms. For long minutes they just stood in the Christmas-cheer-filled living room.
Beth. Would this have happened without her? No. She came into his life with her sweet yet damaged spirit and somehow reached Noah in a way no one else could. Beth was the bridge between him and his father.
As long as he had Beth, Justice could deal with everything else. He’d go on tour, make Savaged Illusions’ album a success and give her the life she deserved. But he was going to be gone for months, and he wanted to know for sure she was his before he left.
The idea grew in urgency. His dad had just walked out the door again. His mom had walked out. He needed to know Beth wasn’t going to leave.
* * *
Christmas morning, Liza plopped down on the floor in front of the tree and handed Justice her gift. She was so excited, even morning sickness couldn’t compete. She hoped he’d like it. “Open yours first.”
He stared at the box. “We were supposed to get gifts for each other? I don’t remember that in the story of the Christmas Chicken.”
Liza jerked the box back. “Fine, I’ll give this to someone who believes in Santa and the Christmas Chicken.”
Justice grabbed the end of the present and tugged. “Mine.”
She laughed, seeing a flash of the little boy in the picture on the ornament. “Say ‘I believe in the Christmas Chicken.’”
He narrowed his eyes. “That’s blackmail.”
“Say it.”
“Maybe I won’t give you your present.”
“Ha! I knew you got me one.” Of course he had. “Now say it.”
“I believe in the Christmas Chicken.”
The wiseass smirk totally ruined his serious voice, but she released the box anyway. She was too excited to torture him properly.
“Who.” he added as soon as he had possession of the gift, “shows up in the middle of the night, can sniff out all secret stashes of chocolate and carries them off to sell them on the ChickenDeals4U website.”
Of course he thought he could get in the last word. “Well sure, for bad kids. But I’m good, so he’ll leave me extra chocolate. Now open your present.”
Justice tore into the wrapping, his long fingers ripping off the box lid.
Liza grinned at his eagerness.
After shoving back the tissue paper, he pulled out the garment. His eyes lit up. “Is this a Lazaro? For real?” He turned it, studying the distressed leather blazer.
Worry edged into her chest. Would he care? “It’s preowned. I couldn’t swing a new one, but it’s in good shape.” Her neck muscles bunched. She couldn’t return it, and yeah, the price had been steep. But she’d haggled shamelessly, using her position as Sloane’s assistant and throwing in a pair of tickets to a UFC fight. “I could picture you strutting out on stage in it.”
He ran his fingers over the black handcrafted jacket, then popped up to his feet and swung it on. Holding out his arms, he focused on her. “Tell me how hot I look.”
She ran her gaze over his naked chest and flat stomach, down to the plaid PJ bottoms he’d pulled on when she’d bounced on the bed and insisted he get up. Despite her usual morning queasiness, she’d been too excited to sleep. “Like a rock star. Perfect.”
He hunkered down, taking her face in his hands and kissing her. “Thank you. I love it.”
“You don’t mind that it’s preowned?”
“No. I’ll wear it for the tour opening at the Nosh.”
She was so pleased he liked it and didn’t mind it was secondhand. “Are you going to make me beg for my present?”
He grinned. “Not this time.” He rose and strode down the hall. A minute later he returned, still wearing the leather bla
zer. He sat in front of her, crossing his legs, the coat long enough to brush the floor around him. He had a bag in his hands and silently handed it over.
Beth took the pretty red bag and pulled out the tissue. Nestled deep inside was a blue velvet jeweler’s box, small and square. Her heart tripped and pounded.
Wait, don’t jump to conclusions. It could be a necklace, earrings and something else small. A chicken-shaped charm.
Her belly flipped. Not morning sickness, but nerves and excitement.
“Open it.”
Slowly, she opened the hinged lid. There sat a white-gold ring with a small oval diamond surrounded by tiny diamonds that flowed partway down the band. It was feminine and romantic. The lights from the Christmas tree gleamed off the diamonds.
She lifted her gaze to Justice. “It’s gorgeous… Is this…?” Was this really happening?
“I love you, Beth. Will you marry me?” Before she could answer, he took her free hand, his warmth closing around her fingers, and went on, “Say yes. Marry me before the album drops, before the tour and our life changes. Let’s make our vows to each other. Swear to love and protect each other first and always. Promise to be there for one another, through it all, no matter what.”
It was the most perfect Christmas present and proposal ever. “Yes.”
He slid the ring onto her finger and kissed her.
“I love it.” She touched the center oval diamond. “Can we afford this? Rings are expensive.” More than his leather coat would cost brand new.
He pushed back a lock of her hair. “One day I’ll buy you your own ring—anything you want.”
She frowned, trying to follow him. “It’s not mine? What, did you borrow it?” That didn’t make sense.
“It’s yours. But I took the diamonds from my grandmother’s wedding ring and had them reset into a white-gold band for you. She’d like you, Beth. I think she’d approve.”
“Oh.” She couldn’t stay anything else for a moment. She studied her ring, one that had a shared past with Justice’s grandmother.
“Beth? It’s only temporary. With the tour and my dad’s treatment, it was the best I can do right now. But one day, I’ll be able to afford any rock you want.”
Savaged Vows: Savaged Illusions Trilogy Book 2 Page 13
