by Blair Grey
My chest constricted. I wanted this child so badly. I wanted to be elated, finding out that I was really pregnant. But instead, I just felt panicked. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.
31
Marcus
Wednesday
I went to the diner by myself on Wednesday. I just needed to get out of the house. My thoughts were too damned loud. I wanted to call Leila and talk her out of this stupid artificial-insemination plan. I got that she wanted to have a kid, but we weren’t ready for that yet. And I still wanted to think that someday we would be ready to take that step together.
It just wasn’t the right timing.
Everything else was still swirling around my head, too. I had expected Ray to call me immediately after the meeting and rip me a new one. When he hadn’t called immediately afterward, I had expected him to call on Monday night. Or on Tuesday. But now it was Wednesday at lunchtime, and I still hadn’t heard from the man.
I didn’t know what to make of that. So I came to the diner that Belle worked at, one of the local businesses that was still loyal to Red Eyes, hoping that maybe Belle could shed some light on things.
“What’s up?” she asked, sliding into the booth across from me. “Were you looking for Will?”
“Nah, I was looking for you, actually,” I told her. I paused. “Have you heard from your dad lately? I know you don’t live with him anymore.”
“Lately, like in the past week?” Belle asked, looking worried and confused. “Is everything okay? Did something happen to him?”
“No, no, no,” I said, holding up a hand. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry. I just maybe pissed him off on Monday during the meeting, and I was wondering if he had mentioned anything about it to you. He hasn’t talked to me since.”
“You know he doesn’t let me near anything to do with MC business,” Belle said, shrugging a shoulder. “But I’m going over there for dinner tonight if you wanted to join us. I might make a good buffer.”
I grimaced. “The last thing I want is to just show up at his place,” I admitted. “He’s probably still pissed at me.”
“What did you do anyway?” Belle asked curiously.
“I called him out for doing nothing with regards to the sheriff and the Unknowns,” I sighed.
“In front of everyone?” Belle asked, grimacing.
“Yeah. I know it wasn’t the smartest decision, I just feel like there’s this threat that’s been hanging over our heads for months now, and we’re just not dealing with it.”
Belle stared at me for a long moment. “There’s something more to it, isn’t there?” she asked. “It’s not just about club business.”
I blinked in surprise. “How do you know that?”
“Call it women’s intuition,” Belle said, winking at me. “You’ve got heartbreak written all over your face.”
“I’m not heartbroken,” I said gruffly.
Belle laughed. “Just teasing,” she said. “Dad mentioned that you might have a girl. Easy enough to draw the connection between that and your current pissy mood.”
My phone rang, and when I looked down, I was surprised to see that it was none other than Leila. I rejected the call; the last thing I wanted right now was to talk to her about her stupid insemination procedure. If she was really going to go through with that, I was going to have to put some distance between the two of us. It was enough of a risk for the Unknowns to know that I was interested in her; if they found out she was pregnant as well, shit could go really bad. Fast.
“Come on, what’s going on?” Belle asked. “Why are you avoiding her? Is everything moving too fast?”
I looked at her in surprise again. “How did you…” I trailed off, feeling stupid for asking the same question again.
Belle shrugged. “Things were like that with Will and me, too,” she reminded me. “I know exactly what you’re feeling right now.”
“She wants to get pregnant,” I blurted out.
Belle cocked her head to the side, not commenting on how soon it would be. Not reminding me that I was a Red Eyes thug through and through and that this was the path I had chosen with my life. Instead, she just said, “I bet you’d make a great dad.”
“Why would you even say that?” I groused. “I mean, it’s totally beside the point anyway. But you’ve never even seen me around kids.”
“I haven’t,” Belle agreed. “But you’re a good guy, Marcus. You’re better than you think you are. And you were always like an older brother to Will. You know how to take care of people. He’s always looked up to you.” She paused. “Between you and me, I think you’re a pretty big part of the reason that he decided to use his inheritance to go back to college. You made him realize that there was more to the world than just enforcing the MC rules.”
I thought about that for a moment. But I was startled from my thoughts when Leila stalked in the door of the diner. “So, what, you’ve already gone off and found someone else?” she snapped, marching over to the table and putting her hands on her hips.
Belle couldn’t hide her smile. She slid out of the booth, putting a hand on Leila’s shoulder for a moment. “He’s all yours,” she said.
Leila shrugged her hand off, glaring at the other woman. Belle held up her hand, displaying her pretty wedding ring. “Already married, hon. And not to this old sourpuss, either!” She laughed and headed back to work, scrubbing at the countertops.
That seemed to mollify Leila somewhat. She looked back at me and then slowly sat down across from me. I started to get up, but she caught my hand. “Wait. Please,” she said. She was looking down at the table, unable to meet my eyes, and she actually looked pretty upset.
I couldn’t walk out on her when she looked like that. Even if she was still set on carrying some fucking medical miracle of a baby.
“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I should have told you what I was planning sooner. The truth was, I was thinking about getting artificially inseminated even before I met you. And I guess it was selfish of me to think that I could still go through with it, without even talking to you about it. I just didn’t want you to talk me out of it.”
“And what, now I’ve talked you out of it? Because if you’re still going to go through with it, you should leave right now. I’m not having a kid with you, not right now.”
Pain flickered across Leila’s face. “No, I… I’m not going to go through with the artificial insemination,” she said, her voice barely audible. She peeked up at me through her lashes and then quickly looked back down at the table. “And you didn’t talk me out of it. I just… I really want you in my life. I like you. A lot.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
I could tell that there was more that she wanted to say, but before she could continue, the door swung open, the bells chiming merrily. “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” I muttered under my breath as Lex, the leader of the Unknowns, sauntered in. Of course he would choose this time to make an appearance.
I could feel all my anger from Monday rush back to me. We were as good as on Red Eyes territory right now. Why not start a fight with him? Show him what he had coming to him? The sheriff might come after me, but I was all by myself, and there was nothing to tie me to Red Eyes. I could beat the shit out of the guy, and although I might get drawn up on assault charges, there was only so much they could do to me with only that as my charge.
I glanced at Leila, though, hanging back. I didn’t want her to see me like that. Like some common thug. Besides, even though we were nominally on Red Eyes territory right now, I didn’t have anyone for backup. Oh, Belle might be able to get Will or some of the other guys there, but who knew if they would get there fast enough. We all knew that Lex didn’t fight fair. For all I knew, he had goons staged right outside, waiting for any reason to bash my head in.
And besides, if Ray wasn’t already pissed enough with me after Monday’s meeting, he’d be irate if he heard that I’d attacked Lex in the diner, especially while Belle was in there. He’
d probably kill me, even if the sheriff didn’t get involved.
Knowing all that didn’t make me feel any better, or calmer, though. I was halfway out of the booth before I even realized I had moved.
Leila turned to look over my shoulder, curious as to who I was looking at. Then, she frowned. “Dad?” she asked. “What the hell are you doing here?”
I froze.
32
Leila
Wednesday
It had been a long time since I had seen Dad, but he still looked just the same as ever. Just as slimy, just as rat-faced. He might have a couple more tattoos now than he had the last time I had seen him, but he was definitely recognizable. There was no mistaking him.
I hated to see the way he was looking at Marcus. Like he was sizing him up. Like he was going to pulverize the man.
Which was fucking hilarious, because where the fuck had he been for the past few years? Did he really think he could just swoop back into town, forget all about the stupid past, and come protect me? I didn’t need protection, and I wasn’t Daddy’s little girl. I had long-since learned that I had to look out for myself and make my own choices. I didn’t need his interference in my life.
I saw Marcus looking back at him in almost the same way. There was an unmistakable tension between the two of them that I couldn’t ignore. Almost like they already knew one another. I wondered if Lex had already gone after Marcus for sleeping with me. If he was trying to protect me or something.
And for a moment, I was tempted to let Marcus deal with getting rid of him. He’d win over Dad, I was sure. Unless Dad decided to fight dirty.
I didn’t really want the two of them to fight anyway. I just wanted Dad to stay the hell away from me. So I got up, placing myself between the two of them.
“Come on, sweetheart,” Dad said, grabbing my arm and hauling me off to the side, where Marcus couldn’t hear us. Marcus looked livid, but I shot him a warning look, and he held back, his arms folded across his chest.
I didn’t know why I was defending Dad—if defending him was really what you would call it. But I had an inkling that if Marcus beat the crap out of Dad, Marcus would be the one to get in trouble. And I didn’t want that.
I was livid, though. Dad didn’t belong here. I didn’t want him anywhere near me. Anywhere near my life. I had made that clear enough the last time I had seen him. I had been so relieved when he had finally agreed to leave Las Cruces. I had thought that would be the end of him, the last I would ever have to deal with him.
I should have known better. That was the thing with cockroaches: they just kept coming back.
Still, I would have thought that he would have better sense than this. I didn’t know the full list of his enemies, but I knew he hadn’t left Las Cruces on good terms. I knew there were people who wanted his head. Motorcycle guys, guys he had screwed over.
Or maybe those things passed, after a while. Maybe if you left for long enough, people forgot that you had fucked up their lives. There was a new sheriff in town, too. He was going after some of the criminal shit that happened here in Las Cruces. Maybe it was safe for Dad to come back because all the people he had pissed off were behind bars now.
That was pretty hard to believe, though.
Maybe he had been laying low, though. Maybe the only reason he was showing his face now was because he wanted to ruin whatever chance I might have for happiness. He couldn’t know about the pregnancy, but he must have seen me hanging around with Marcus, and he must have come to break us up.
Because “his little girl” deserved better. I wasn’t his little girl anymore. I hadn’t been his little girl in decades now.
“What the hell are you doing?” I hissed at Dad.
“What the hell am I doing?” Dad scoffed. “What the hell are you doing? You know he’s with Red Eyes, don’t you?”
I stared at him for a minute, feeling my heart sink. It was as though all my worst fears had come true. I glanced over at Marcus, dismay written all over my face. Red Eyes? Really? I didn’t know much about the motorcycle club, and everything I knew about them was pretty outdated by this point. But I knew Dad had made enemies with them a long time ago.
Actually, I didn’t know how many of the current guys would recognize him now, though. That had been a long time ago. There had to be other people in the city who would recognize him, but Dad would know to stay clear of those guys. He would want to fly under the radar as much as possible.
Which begged the question of what Marcus was doing with me. Did he know who my father was this whole time? Was he using me to get back at Dad for something he had done last time he’d been in Las Cruces?
Marcus suddenly had had enough. He pushed Dad, sending him stumbling. But he didn’t attack him. Instead, he just grabbed me by the shoulder, manhandling me out of the diner.
“What the hell?” I snarled once we were out there. I tried to pull away from Marcus, but he wasn’t having it.
“Just calm down,” he said through gritted teeth. “The last thing we need is for the sheriff to get involved.”
“The last thing you need, maybe,” I snapped. “As far as I’m concerned, I was having a polite conversation with my dad when this brute decided to kidnap me.”
Marcus gave me an unimpressed look, but he let go of my shoulder. “You want to run, run,” he said.
I stared up at him for a long moment. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked. I had suspected it, of course. Sort of. I knew that he rode a motorcycle, and I knew he was involved in some sort of risky business. But all the same. Why hadn’t he told me he was part of the most powerful MC in New Mexico? I would have known to stay away, if so. I didn’t want any part of this life.
I didn’t have any choice in it now, though. I was pregnant, and the child was his. Fuck, this was all so wrong.
“I didn’t want you to be involved in any of this,” Marcus said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t want to put you in danger.”
“A little late for that,” I scoffed. Because, Jesus, when it came to MCs, I had been in danger since birth.
I remembered all those terrible nights when all the men had gathered at our house. How I had started to slip off to Rachel’s house just to get away from them. They had never really done anything to me, but they were big and mean and usually drunk, and sometimes they would fight right out there in the living room. They weren’t well-behaved bikers, if there was such a thing.
Marcus had me believing that maybe there was, but now wasn’t the time to dwell on it.
The point was, I had been educated from a very young age that there were bad people out there, bad people who might come after me if I got too tangled up in my father’s business. And I had learned to steer clear of all of that shit.
At least until a sexy body and a smart tongue had made me fall head over heels in love with the last person that I should be in love with.
“Yeah, well, you weren’t exactly truthful with me, either,” Marcus snapped. “Lex is your father?”
I wished that his clear surprise made me feel a little better. At least I knew he hadn’t just been using me to get back at the man. But instead, I just felt hollow. Marcus is in Red Eyes. He really is just like my father.
“When were you going to tell me that?”
“I didn’t know you knew him,” I said, shaking my head.
“Oh, come on,” Marcus said in disgust. “What’s his plan, huh? How is he going to take over Red Eyes? You’re part of it all, aren’t you?”
“No,” I whispered, shocked that he would even think such a thing. “I haven’t seen my father in years,” I told him. “I didn’t even know he was back in Las Cruces. Last I knew, he was in California or somewhere.”
“Bull-fucking-shit,” Marcus said, shaking his head. “You’re a fucking liar. But hey, I guess it’s like father, like daughter, right?” He spat off to one side. “And I guess your baby is going to be just the same. Just like the two of you. I’m glad I never got involved in that.”
/>
It hit me like a punch to the gut. I took a couple steps back, staring up at him in horror. I’m glad I never got involved in that. It just went over and over in my head. What if he knew? What if I had told him that this baby was his?
He wanted nothing to do with the kid. Just like I’d suspected. I could never tell him that this kid was actually his.
I turned and ran, needing to put as much distance between myself and him—and myself and my father—as I could. By the time I made it to Rachel’s house, I was gasping for breath. I took a moment to compose myself, knowing that Gavin was probably there. I didn’t want him to see me like this.
But when Rachel opened the door, looking at me with concern, the tears started to fall.
33
Marcus
Thursday
I had fucked up. I knew that. I had really fucked up, and now I couldn’t get Leila to talk to me.
I couldn’t stop remembering what she had said at the diner the previous day, either. Before Lex had shown up. Before her father had shown up. She had said that she liked me. She clearly wanted to figure things out between us.
And I had been all set to have a serious conversation with her. She had been so jealous when she had seen me chatting with Belle, and I don’t know, it had brought everything into perspective. I didn’t agree with the idea of her getting artificially inseminated. But that didn’t mean I was ready to write her out of my life. I liked her just as much as she liked me.
I might even love her. In the time I’d known her, I had definitely fallen head over heels for her. She was cute, she was attractive, she was smart as a whip, and she was a hard worker. She was everything I could possibly have wanted in a woman.
