by Chris T. Kat
Connor curled up into my side. After a while, he asked, You’re going to keep my secret, right?
Of course. You’re keeping mine as well, right?
You betcha.
How do you make it happen? That you smell so utterly human? I asked.
How do you manage it? Connor countered. Oh, wait. It’s the cologne! But that’s not all, right?
It’s the cologne, yes, and that’s all. Though I have to use more and more recently. That’s never happened before. I’m so small that I really don’t have much scent, and the cologne always covered any trace before.
Did you have much contact with alphas before? We’ve got four alphas in our unit, and only one’s mated. That’s bound to trigger all your instincts. Besides… the way Sam’s watching you, and the way you’re watching him, I’d bet you’re mates. That’s bound to make things very difficult.
I swallowed and put my head between my paws, absently starting to groom them. How do you do it? I asked again. I know Jesse thinks you’re his mate, so it must be as difficult for you as it is for me.
Connor hesitated. His tail twitched nervously as he pushed himself into a sitting position. Promise me you’ll keep it a secret.
I shouldn’t have promised because the inflection in his voice was enough for me to know this was going to be bad. Still, I said, I promise.
I’m taking a drug that’s designed to make me smell human. I’ve got to take one pill every forty-eight hours, and right after taking it, I have to shift for at least an hour for it to take full effect.
I thought those drugs were illegal.
I’m participating in a field study. He added, Secretly, of course.
Oh. I thought the side effects of those drugs were too severe. Like…. I jumped to my paws, nudging his shoulder with my nose. I remember one side effect was that your real mate sometimes reacted aggressively. There’ve been cases where the mates even killed the drug users. Also, the drug users had trouble with insomnia and sometimes lost weight or got irritable. Females became barren.
At least that’s something I don’t have to worry about.
Connor….
He lifted his head. His dark eyes shone with sadness so deep it hurt. I slapped my right forepaw on his back and tackled him into the pillow. He huffed as I groomed him—again. I couldn’t help it. Grooming was my way of giving comfort, and he seemed to be in dire need of comfort.
It sucks, Connor said in a heavy voice. I’m sure Jesse’s my mate, but we can’t act on our feelings. If I stopped taking the drugs, he and everyone else would know, and I’d lose my job. Besides, he wouldn’t want to have a baby shifter as a mate anyway.
You don’t know that.
You don’t know that, either. And I don’t see you telling Sam.
I barely know him, I defended myself.
Then change that.
It’s not that easy, you know that. I pinched his left ear lightly. I want to be a cop. That’s all I ever wanted to be. Can you see Sam allowing me to keep my job? Putting aside the fact that I don’t think he’d be all too happy with a baby shifter as his mate? I’d resent him sooner rather than later for denying me my dream job. No, I’m better off without a mate.
I hate this shit, Connor spat with venom. Why can’t we be as good at being cops as them? Why is it that everyone sees us as someone who needs guidance? It’s just our beasts that are small. We’re still grown men.
I hear you. I sighed.
So we keep doing what we did before? Pretend we’re human and deny our mates? Hooray.
Lovely, I added. We’ll lead a happy and contented life. I’ll probably suffocate on too much cologne soon anyway.
Connor laughed. Oh God, not more cologne! How do you stand it?
You wouldn’t believe the sneezing attacks I have every morning.
If you ever want to take the same drug that I do, let me know.
I thought you said you’re part of a program? I replied, concern pooling in my belly. Had he told me the truth about the field study? Could I really trust him on that? But… I had to trust him! He knew my secret and I knew his. Yes, he had to be trustworthy.
I’m sure I can get you into it, if you want. They’re always looking for new participants. Hey, wanna play some more?
Did I want to? Heck, yeah!
Chapter Ten
Sam
ROLAND DIDN’T move a muscle. He didn’t even seem to breathe when Jesse opened his snout to give him the final bite.
Jesse! I roared, talking to him via the telepathic connection all shifters could use. You could always deny someone access to your mind, but I hoped Jesse wasn’t completely gone, that part of my colleague and friend remained inside his beast.
Jesse’s jaws closed around Roland’s neck. Roland’s gaze caught mine for a brief second, and then he closed his eyes and went limp.
No!
Jesse jerked, his muscles rippling underneath the sleek black fur. His ears twitched, and his green eyes narrowed as if he didn’t know what was going on.
Jesse, I said more softly. I padded toward him and made eye contact with him. Jesse, let Roland go, okay?
Pictures flashed inside my head, jumbled images of Jesse’s feelings, most of them centered around Connor—Connor laughing, Connor flipping someone off, Connor leaving the office with Nick. The last image was connected to a deep feeling of betrayal and rage.
It’ll be all right. Connor will come around, Jesse. Give him time. Now let Roland go. He’s got nothing to do with what’s going on between you and Connor.
He’s the one who set me onto him. He’s the one who’s responsible for… for….
Jesse, let Roland go. I put more authority into my voice. Immediately, Jesse’s ears flattened to his head, and a low rumble reverberated through the room.
The office door opened, and Julie peeked inside. She held a tranquilizer rifle in her hand. Even though her eyes showed her fear for Roland’s life, nothing else of her body language gave her away. She eased the door wider to get a better sight on Jesse. Several other cops stood behind her in full armor, ready to kill Jesse should he attack any of them.
Still, they had no clear sight because Jesse cowered halfway behind a desk and an overturned chair, partially blocking their view. Besides, Jesse could snap Roland’s neck before they were able to get a single shot in.
In my human form, sweat would have trickled down my back. As it was, my whiskers twitched and my mane felt itchy. I edged forward, staying out of sight of the guns.
Jesse’s voice sounded suspiciously close to a sob when he shouted, He set me up with him, and I can’t do it! Connor doesn’t want me as his mate!
I’m sorry this is hurting you so bad, Jess. At hearing Roland’s voice, Jesse started. In his beast form, Roland’s voice sounded as it had before the attack, smooth and soft, without the scratchiness underlining every single word. I don’t know why he’s rejecting you.
Jesse gave a humorless laugh. Everyone else thinks it’s because I’m a pompous ass.
If you’re destined mates—and I think you are—then that shouldn’t make any difference. The only thing I can think of is because he’s human, and they sometimes have foreign thought processes on the matter. They fight on principle.
For some reason, that seemed to appease Jesse. He withdrew from Roland’s neck, gave a swift lick over his head, and sat down on his haunches. Roland thumped his tail on the floor before he slowly lifted himself up to all fours.
I’m sorry, Jesse sobbed. This time it really was a sob. Something’s wrong with me. Seriously wrong. I need to go… I need to leave… I’m a danger to you.
Jesse, Roland started but didn’t get far. Jesse bounced up, intent on running toward the office door, his only chance at an exit. I could smell the panic on him, but I could also smell a great level of anxiety from the people guarding the door. If they met, it wouldn’t go over well.
Sam! Roland shouted at me.
He didn’t have to. I was already there, blocking Jesse
’s exit.
Get out of my way, Sam. Jesse swiped a paw at me—with his claws sheathed.
No. You need to calm down, Jesse. We’re assuming someone sent a drug through our ventilation system. It’s probably the same kind of attack they had a while ago in the Chicago Alpha Unit.
Jesse shook his big furry head. No. It’s me. I’m not in control anymore. I need to go. Sam, let me go!
Nothing I said was getting through to him, but I couldn’t let him go either. The frenzied look in his eyes could be mistaken for murderous intent. He might be a pain in the ass sometimes, but he was also the guy who’d been there for me after the disaster with Taylor. This was the guy who’d cried inconsolably after a drug raid gone bad ended in the death of two innocent children.
I shook my head too, my mane flying around me. I can’t do that. They’ll shoot you. Please, Jesse, calm down.
He hissed at me. Only a second later, Jesse’s hard body collided with mine. A roar ripped from my throat when his claws dug into my left side, tearing me open. I whirled around, blocking his escape route. From the corner of my eye, I caught Roland slinking toward the door, staying out of Jesse’s vision. He was right in doing so. He knew he couldn’t take Jesse down in his jaguar form. I didn’t know if I could do it myself.
I struck out with my right forepaw. The blow sent Jesse flying backward. He rolled back onto his paws in one fluid movement, barely winded.
Jesse!
Another hiss answered me. My only chance was to subdue him until someone could tranquilize him. While he was certainly more agile than me, I had greater weight on my side. Now I only had to use it.
For a while, we hissed at each other and batted lightly with our forepaws, trying to catch any weakness in the other’s defense. Jesse pretended to go left but then whirled to the right, almost catching me off guard, but in the last moment I headed him off. Jesse fell onto his side, and I threw myself on top of him. I grabbed his neck and shook him hard several times, until I heard a soft mewl from underneath me.
Sam! Stop, please!
Jesse’s body trembled violently, but I refused to let go. Roland, tell Julie to tranq him. Now.
Tranq me? No! Jesse screamed.
I grabbed his neck tighter, and shook him again. Julie edged closer, a look of utter concentration on her face. Several armed cops followed her. She shot the tranquilizer dart into Jesse’s side. I had to bite down harder on his neck to stop him from throwing me off.
I kept my whole weight on him until his heart rate went down and his breathing evened out. When I was sure he was unconscious, I climbed off him on shaky legs, blood running freely down my side, and shifted back. “Where are the paramedics? We need to get him to the hospital right away. This room needs to be sealed, searched, and cleaned.”
“Roland and I will get everything sorted with the office. You go with Jesse and let the paramedics patch you up.” Julie nodded toward Jesse, who’d shifted and looked horrible. Tear streaks smudged his face, and his whole body jerked with shivers.
Paramedics filtered into the room, taking care of Jesse and me. My superior healing abilities were already at work, but I accepted the antiseptic on the long gash on my left side.
I gave everyone a curt nod after the paramedics had loaded Jesse up, and then I followed them outside.
Chapter Eleven
Nick
AFTER ANOTHER great round of chasing each other, and completely wrecking my apartment, we curled up on my favorite pillow again and took another nice nap. The beeping of both our phones pulled me out of a comfortable sleep. Bleary-eyed, I tried to locate our phones. Connor beat me to them, his big ears turning this way and that. He leaped from the sofa and shifted seamlessly. When he found our phones, he threw mine to me. “It’s work.”
I shook off the last remains of sleep and powered through my shift, forcing down the little bout of nausea. More often than not, shifting too quickly did that to me, although it only happened when I shifted from snow leopard to human. Probably the size difference, or something like that.
I heard Connor answer his phone; then I did the same. Roland’s distinct voice said, “Hey, Nick. There’s been an incident at the office. Jesse’s in the hospital, and everyone else needs to come there too and get tested.”
“Uh, tested? For what?” I glanced over at Connor, whose complexion had turned ashen. A blood test would probably reveal the drug he was taking. Well, and obviously it would show we were both shifters. Shit!
Roland told me in a clipped tone what had happened, and that Sam had ordered everyone on the team to get checked out. Annie and Jake were already on their way. Obviously the drug mostly influenced shifters, but it abated within a few hours. “Um,” I hedged. “I still don’t feel so good. Can’t it wait till tomorrow?”
“Are you still throwing up?” Roland asked.
Damn! If I said yes, I’d have the perfect reason to stay at home, but it would also mean outright lying to Roland.
I couldn’t do it. The guy had been nothing but nice to me, and he was also someone who knew about me and didn’t care. “I didn’t throw up at all.”
“Then get your ass over here.”
“Roland,” I whined. “The blood results will show more than I’m comfortable with showing.”
“Kiddo, this drug is dangerous. Jesse went feral. We don’t know about the aftereffects, but there was a similar incident at the Chicago unit a good while ago. That whole team is now dismantled.”
I remembered. Three members of the team were dead now. Had to be taken down because they’d gone feral and went on a killing spree. Two other members showed belated aftereffects that rendered them incapable of working as cops anymore. The other three members were still under observation. That whole ordeal had been one of the reasons why Alpha Units consisted of shifters and humans nowadays.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I muttered.
“Nope, I don’t think so, but here’s someone standing next to me who might be more up to the task.” Roland gave the phone to someone else, and I had a good idea who that other person was.
“Nick? What’s going on? Are you still feeling sick? I can send an ambulance to pick you up.” Sam’s concerned voice floated through the phone, putting me at ease and on edge at the same time.
“What? No! I don’t need an ambulance!”
Connor gave me a startled look from the other side of my living room. His dark eyes stood out prominently against his pale skin. I could smell the fear on him. My whole apartment probably stank of it.
“Then get over here.”
“But Sam… wouldn’t it be better for me to stay home and recuperate? Roland said that humans usually show no effects from the drug.”
“You and Connor both showed signs, that’s why you’re feeling sick,” Sam replied. “Maybe they changed the drug composition so it can target humans as well. Now stop dawdling about and get into the car.”
“But—”
“Nicholas, I’m all out of patience. This is a direct order from me to you. You be here in fifteen minutes. I’m on the fifth floor. Come and find me, and I’ll set you up with the doctor assigned to our case.”
In my snow leopard form, I’d have cowered on the floor and mewled. He’d never used his dominance on me. Even though I knew he was right and that everyone else would’ve done and said the same thing, it still hurt.
Fucking hell! He really was my mate! Rebukes hurt baby shifters so much only when they came from their mates. Geez, this was hell.
“Nicky?” Sam asked, much softer.
“Yes?”
“Is there any reason why you want to avoid the hospital? Something I should know about?”
“No!” I shrieked. Panic started to squeeze my lungs, and my scent intensified. “I’ll be there soon.”
I ended the phone call without waiting for Sam to say goodbye and threw the phone next to me on the sofa. Pulling my trembling legs up under my chin, I folded my arms around my knees, trying to anchor myself. My heart ached so
mething fierce, and I couldn’t get enough air.
Suddenly, hands stroked my back, and Connor murmured soft words into my ear. After what seemed an eternity, I lifted my head to stare at him. His expression mirrored my own—full of trepidation.
“Hey, there you are.” He attempted a smile, but it came out as a grimace. Oh God! How could I fall apart when his supposed mate had gone feral?
I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. “I’m so sorry, Connor. This must be horrible for you.”
“Well, at least now I know he really is my mate, because that message hurt like a son of a bitch.”
“What are we going to do? Everyone will find out!”
Connor shook his head slowly. “Not if I can help it.”
“What do you mean?”
Connor extricated himself from my arms. “Can you get yourself under control? You’re reeking pretty bad of panic right now. I’m gonna call in some favors.”
“Favors?” Unease spread within my belly. What kind of favors? What was Connor mixed up in?
Connor hesitated, then said, “I know someone who should be able to do something about our blood results so it won’t show we’re shifters.”
“Seriously? You think that’s possible?”
“I know it is. I’m just not sure if my contact will be able to get to our results in time. It’s our only chance to keep our secret, though. You okay with it?” Connor asked.
Honestly? The thought of tampering with our blood results didn’t sit well with me—absolutely not. Given the fact that Sam very obviously was my mate, I either had to come clean sooner or later or take a new job in a different city…. “Not really, but I guess we’re out of options.”
Connor gave me a thumbs-up when I stalked toward the bathroom to wipe away the worst of my scent and douse myself in cologne. The sneezing attack followed immediately.
