The Monster Hunter's Manual

by Jessica Penot

  “This place is the source of my magic.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Give it time,” she said. “Some magic takes time.”

  I looked around at all the strange monsters. Two-headed monsters with beaks carrying people away. Baby-faced monsters with lizard like bodies. I thought it must have been terrifying to live back then, to be afraid all the time. Suddenly, I thought of Eleanor, all alone in her tower and I wondered if she had been afraid.

  “You know,” Aunt Perrine said. “Zere is more to being a monster ’unting than ’unting and fighting.”

  “What else is there?” I asked.

  “We must also keep the world safe. Zere are bad monsters and zere are good monsters. We must protect those that need protecting.”

  “Like Roger and Uno? Like the Molemen?”

  “Yes, and zere is more.” Aunt Perrine’s voice took on a sorrowful tone. “Zere is a price that comes with it. Your fazer once zought he wanted to be the next ’unter, but then he fell in love and had you. It is a hard path.”

  “I think I understand…” I interrupted. “You’ve been here for a long time and you lost your daughter.”

  Aunt Perrine looked off into the distance. Her eyes filled with tears. “Yes,” she said. “Zere are some zings I would change, but for me zere can be no ozer life. It is my destiny. Is it your destiny, little prince?”

  I nodded. “I think it is.”

  “You cannot zink. You must know in your ’eart. If you choose zis path you will fight unspeakable evil. You vill do battle to protect zis world. You ’ave ’eard much of zis Angerboda. All ze monsters and spirits ’ave whispered of her. You ’ave ’eard ’er name in all your adventures. You know she is coming and you know she vill try to kill you and all zose you love. If you are ze next monster hunter, you and you alone, must face ’er in the end. I cannot fight Angerboda again. If I did zis, we would all die and she would be freed. I must train you and teach you and when you are ready, I must let go of the magic that has kept me in this world so very long. When I am gone, you vill ’ave to fight the mother of all monsters, as I once did and as the ’unter before me did. So, little prince, is it your destiny?”

  “It is,” I said. “I know it is. This is why all these horrible things have happened, because I was meant to be here.”

  “What about your brozer?”

  “He’s fine,” I said dismissively.

  “Yes,” Aunt Perrine said. “I will teach you to be a monster ’unter, but first you must do something for me.”

  I nodded eagerly. “OK.”

  “I have a mission for you.” Aunt Perrine put her hand on my shoulder. “Go and find your brother. You will need ’im. Take ’im and go see the troll under zee bridge in zee village. Ask the troll three questions. ‘What do you do with your days?’ ‘Where do you come from?’ And ‘What’s most important to you?’ And zen go and ask the man who lives on the farm on the way to the dolmen the same question. Come back and tell me what you have learned.”

  I nodded. “Is that all?”

  “For now,” Aunt Perrine said.

  I sprinted away from the church and breakneck speed. I didn’t know how to get to the gnomes so I ran upstairs and went into the attic. I shook Uno’s coffin. I shook it so violently that it almost tipped over. Uno came out.

  “What?” he said crabbily.

  “I need to find the gnome’s kingdom!”

  “Why?”

  “I have a mission.”

  “I’m sleeping.” Uno began to pull his coffin shut.

  “Just tell me how to get there?”

  “All right.” He drew me a map with crayon and construction paper.

  I set out into the woods alone. It didn’t take me long to regret my decision.

  Once you know that there are monsters and ghosts and things that go bump in the night, it’s harder to convince yourself there’s nothing to be afraid of. The woods around Chateau Larcher were old and the trees were tall. The wind whistled through the branches making them moan and I couldn’t help but shudder.

  In the distance, I could hear a low snarl and I froze.

  “Alex!” I called my brother’s name and looked down at Uno’s crudely drawn map.

  “Alex!” I called again.

  I began to walk more quickly in the direction I thought I was supposed to be going, but the further I walked the more I realized I was completely lost. I looked at the map. It was terrible, nonsensical. Turn left at the large, knotted tree. All the trees had knots. What was that supposed to mean?

  “Alex!” My cry was becoming desperate.

  Turn right at large, moss-covered rock. I looked around. There were rocks of various sizes scattered throughout the woods. I yelled and ripped up the map in moment of utter frustration, and then panicking, I tried to pick up the pieces. A gentle breeze came and the pieces slipped through my fingers. The map vanished into thin air and I was left alone and lost.

  I heard the snarl again and tried to remain as calm as I could.

  Suddenly, something or things jumped out at me from the woods and pinned me to ground.

  I screamed. Alex and Roger rolled off me in hysterical laughter.

  “You were so scared,” Alex laughed.

  “I was not!” I argued. “I was just lost.

  “No,” Roger said. “We completely had you. We got you good.”

  “You did not.”

  “Did so,” Alex said.

  “Did not.”

  “Did so,” Alex said more firmly.

  “OK,” I admitted. “Maybe just a little.”

  Alex smiled and helped me to my feet. “You wanna meet the gnomes?”

  “No, I’m on an important mission,” I said.

  “What mission?”

  “Aunt Perrine sent me on a mission to meet a troll and she wants you to help me,” I said.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to meet the gnomes?”

  “Yes. We have a mission.”

  “Why are we on a mission?”

  I hesitated. I didn’t want to tell him the truth. I didn’t want him to know I wanted to be the next hunter, because I thought that he might want to be the hunter to. I didn’t want to have to fight with him over it. I struggled to find a lie, but the words got stuck in my mouth. I didn’t want to lie to Alex any more than I wanted to tell him about the origin of my mission.

  “If you’re not going to tell me,” Alex said. “I’m going back to the gnomes.”

  I needed Alex. I couldn’t let him go back. “I asked Aunt Perrine if I could be the next monster hunter.”

  “You did?”

  “I did.”

  “But,” Alex said, “what about me?”

  “You can be my assistant.”

  “So you get to live forever and learn magic and fight dragons, and I get to sit at home and polish your boots?” Alex said with bitterness.

  “No, I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “You want to leave me behind.”

  His voice was so filled with sadness that I almost changed my mind, almost turned around and handed Alex the amulet, but I couldn’t do it. All my life I had dreamt and read of magic and dragons. I had spent a lot of time buried in books and movies. This was everything I had ever wanted and I couldn’t give it up, not for Alex, not for anyone.

  “No,” I said. “But it has to be one of us, doesn’t it? And the molemen gave me the amulet. It has to be me.”

  “Why should I help you?”

  “Because I’m your brother.”

  “OK,” Alex said after a while. “I’ll help. What do you have to do?”

  “We have to go see the troll under the bridge.”

  “She wants us to go see that troll under the bridge?” Roger repeated.

  “Yeah,” I said.

  “She must think you’re a hunter already if she wants you to go see that rotten old lump,” Roger said.

  Roger led the way and we all followed him. It was a short walk. Alex and Roger
talked all the way there. They told me everything I ever wanted to know and more about the gnomes. It didn’t sound too interesting to me but they seemed to think it was fascinating.

  I nodded politely, but I wasn’t listening. Nothing they said mattered. My mind was fixed on one thing, the Monster Hunter’s Manual and all the magic that lay inside.

  Chapter 10

  The Farmer and the Troll

  By the time we made it to the bridge, evening was coming. The bridge was cramped and aging. It was hardly large enough for one car to drive over. It was made of stone and it passed over a slow, muddy river.

  “This is it,” Roger said.

  I looked at the muddy embankment with trepidation, but Roger slid down through the mud without thinking twice. He hit the bottom and signaled for us to follow. I watched Alex slide through the mud and then followed them. The bank was wet and I sank into the dirt at the bottom. My shoes were sloshy with dirt and water. The mud didn’t faze Roger or Alex who were splashing in it and throwing mud clods at each other, but I didn’t like being knee deep in muck.

  “So where’s the troll?” I asked Roger.

  Roger smiled. He looked at the embankment beneath the bridge and found an odd green stone.

  “It’s a troll stone,” Roger said. He pulled the stone out of the mud and pushed it back in. “Trolls like the mud.”

  An eerie green light spread out by the troll stone and formed a rectangle. The rectangle became a door. Roger knocked three times and the door opened.

  The troll wasn’t what I expected. He looked old and bent. He was big and ugly. He had a huge nose and beady, black eyes that peered out at me from his hairy, sloped brow. There was moss on his back and in between his huge, muddy toes. He had warts on his nose and the parts of him that weren’t covered in hair were covered in moss. He wasn’t as big as I expected and didn’t stand much taller than a man, but his shoulder’s were broad and he was as wide as an aging oak.

  “H-hello,” I said with a stutter. “The Lady Perrine sent us.”

  The troll growled unhappily.

  “She wanted me to ask some questions.”

  The troll growled again and I backed up into the mud.

  “This is a cool house,” Alex said peering inside. “Do you have trees growing in there? How did you get trees in there?”

  The troll stared at Alex and then his face softened a little. He spoke slowly with a thick French accent. “I work at night,” he said. “You people think you can only build by destroying. We trolls know that the best building is by preserving. I carefully dug up the roots and carried the tree down here. It holds up the walls. If you look up on the street, you can see the leaves.”

  Alex ran through the mud and looked up. “That’s awesome,” he said. “I’m Alex and that’s Roger.” He pointed to Roger, who was building some kind of sculpture out of the mud. “And that’s Gabe.”

  “Come in then,” the troll said gruffly, and we all followed him into his house.

  The troll’s house was built out of rock and trees. The roots of the trees above were woven together to form the walls. The parts of the walls that weren’t supported by the roots were supported by stone. Small trees grew up from the ground and their branches stretched up to the ceiling supporting the roof of the house and covering it in a blanket of green leaves. Small colored stones littered the mud and rock floor. There was a rock table and bed, and there were leaves everywhere. Pictures of other trolls hung on the carved walls. Generations of trolls lined the walls.

  The troll sat down on a stone stool and glared at me from across the room. I shuffled uncomfortably, trying to summon the courage to ask him the questions I had come to ask.

  Alex sat down on the floor across from the troll and smiled vibrantly. “I met the gnomes today.”

  “You met Gnilkolay?” the troll asked in his gruff voice.

  “Yes,” Alex said with a smile. “He taught me how to make tea with mushrooms.”

  “Gnome tea is a fine delicacy,” the troll said. “I am Lore. I would like to try some of this tea.”

  Alex stood up. “Do you have a pot?”

  Lore took a teapot that had been hanging off a branch down from the ceiling and handed it to my brother. The pot, carved from stone, had runes engraved around its base. Lore started a fire and my brother went outside to gather mushrooms and water. I sat quietly and waited for my chance to speak.

  It wasn’t long before Lore had made a pleasant fire that crackled and sputtered. Alex came back and put the water and mushrooms in the pot. He placed the pot over the fire and we all waited for the water to boil.

  Roger stood up and smelled the tea. He smiled at Lore.

  Lore grimaced. “You are the undead?”

  “Kind of.”

  “I hear it is a hard existence, being undead.”

  Roger nodded. “It is.”

  “I offer you my sympathy,” Lore said earnestly.

  “Thank you.”

  “The tea should ease your suffering,” Lore continued. “Gnome tea is supposed to take away all suffering.”

  The water boiled and the teapot cried out. Lore put out four cups on his table and Alex took the pot off the fire. He filled each cup carefully. The steamy mixture smelled like cloves and cinnamon. I picked up my cup. The tea was red, like fire. Steam curled up and over the cup. I sipped it gently, careful not to burn my lips. The hot liquid was bitter, but strangely soothing. I leaned back in the stone chair and closed my eyes.

  “It is delicious,” Lore said.

  Alex smiled. “Thank you.”

  We all drank deeply and there was a moment of contented silence. We all sat sipping our tea and contemplating the brilliance of the gnomes. Even Lore smiled a little over his teacup.

  “So,” Lore said after a time. “You are Lady Perrine’s new protégé.”

  “I am,” I answered.

  “I do not look forward to her passing. She has been kind to us.”

  “Can I ask you a question?” I asked hesitantly.

  “What?” Lore asked.

  “Where do you come from?”

  “I come from here,” he said. “I’ve always been here. I was born here. I raised my children here. My mother,” he pointed to one of the trolls on the wall, “came here with the Vikings. My people are from the North.”

  “What’s most important to you,” I pressed.

  Lore’s frown deepened. “My family, my home, the earth.”

  “What do you do with your days?” I continued.

  Lore snarled again and I set down my tea.

  Roger laughed at me. “Don’t mind him He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t mean to be rude. He’s only a person.”

  Lore looked at me with an angry glare. I had clearly offended him, but I wasn’t sure how.

  “You are supposed to offer him something,” Roger whispered in my ear. “He invited you into his home. Alex gave him the tea. You have to give him something as well.”

  “Oh,” I said. I thought for a moment and then I began to dig through my pockets.

  “I thank you for inviting me into your wonderful home,” I said. “And I would like to offer you…”

  I didn’t have much in my pockets, just a few coins, some old gum, and one the knights Aunt Perrine had given me. I took out the knight and handed it to Lore with the coins.

  Lore took the quarter and smiled. “I have never seen an American coin before. I’ve only seen them in books,” he said. “I spend my days with my family when they are here and resting when they are not. My time grows thin. I am not as young as I used to be.”

  “Thank you.” I gave Lore a dime and a nickel. He seemed pleased, but snarled at me, for good measure, one last time, before showing me to the door.

  On the way out, Lore hesitated. “How is Lady Perrine?”

  “Fine.”

  “Tell her to visit sometime. There aren’t many of us left that remember the good times. The old times. She should come.”

  I nodded earnestly.
“I’ll tell her.”

  “Thank you for showing us your house,” Alex said. “I loved your trees.”

  Lore smiled at Alex, which was a fearsome sight, but somehow I was a little jealous that he hadn’t smiled at me.

  The three of us had to scramble to pull our way out of the muddy ditch beneath the bridge. It was much easier sliding down the mud than climbing out of it. By the time we pulled ourselves to the road, we were all covered from head to toe in mud. Roger was so caked in filth that I could barely see the white of his bones.

  “There’s one more person to see,” I said.

  “Who?” Alex asked.

  “A man on a farm.”

  “I can’t go,” Roger said.

  “Really?” Alex said this with obvious disappointment.

  “Look at me.” Roger pointed to his bony body. “I can’t walk around in the world of men. I can’t be seen.”

  “You’ve been walking around all day,” Alex said.

  “In the shadow, but I can’t go knock on some farmer’s door.”

  “I won’t go if Roger can’t go.”

  “No,” Roger said. “Go ahead. I’ll go bother Uno. You two have fun.”

  We waved goodbye and started down the long road of men.

  “Does the farmer speak English?” Alex asked.

  “I guess. Why would Aunt Perrine send me to see someone who didn’t?”

  Alex shrugged and walked behind me kicking the dirt. The sun was beginning to set casting long shadows on the road. The farmer’s house wasn’t far. It was a small, old house. It was surrounded by fields of sunflowers. Alex and I walked slowly up the drive and knocked on the door. The old man that answered the door had a cigarette hanging from his mouth.

  “Quoi?” he said.

  “Bonjour,” I said.

  “Quoi?” he said again.

  “Parlez-vous Anglais? Do you speak English?”

  “Yes. What do you want?”

  The man seemed angry and he smelled worse than the troll. I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the words so I just stood there with my mouth hanging open. Alex also looked like a deer caught in the headlights and seemed much more afraid of the old man than the zombies from the other night. The old man just continued glaring at us. I finally mustered the strength to speak. “Madame Perrine sent us to see you.”