“There’s only one way to know for sure. Think about it.” Dad stepped away, reached into the fridge, and pulled out a frosty bottle of beer. “I think you could use one of these.”
Snorting, Finn accepted the offering, popped the top, and took a deep swig. The slightly bitter brew fit his mood perfectly, but it didn’t wash away his dad’s words. They nagged at him the rest of the evening, through the drive back to the hotel, and on the walk to his room.
He’d come into this thinking he was all in, that he’d be playing to win, but somehow during this week, he’d started to hold himself back, realizing he might be risking far more than he could afford to lose. His very soul. But she’d taken it anyway. She just didn’t know it, and he doubted she’d even want it. And yet…he knew she cared, knew this wasn’t a simple fling for her. She wasn’t the kind of woman who had simple flings.
Should he tell her the whole truth? Risk everything? If she still left, knowing how he felt, it would gut him. It would be so much worse than saying nothing. But what if knowing he loved her made the difference?
Shaking his head, he pulled out the key card for his room. “Sorry, I forgot to ask if you wanted to stay in my room or yours tonight. I was on autopilot.”
“Your room is fine.” Tilting her head back, she searched his face, but he had no idea what she’d see there. She gave him a wan smile. “Let’s end where we began.”
He swallowed back the pain that statement caused. If he had one last night with her, he wanted to take it. Tomorrow was soon enough for regrets and wallowing in the suffering he’d volunteered for.
They walked through the door and he shut it behind them. Her hips swayed as she moved around the room, and he drank in the sight of her. She was so lovely. Everything he’d ever wanted all in one package. Warm, sweet, and sexy.
She looked over at him, her gaze tentative. “I, um, I got you a going away present.”
The only present he wanted was for her to forget about going away, but he kept that to himself. “Oh, yeah? Show me.”
He expected her to pull something out of her purse, but she tossed her bag on the dresser. Reaching behind her, she unzipped the back of her dress and let it slide down her arms. The garment pooled around her on the floor and she stepped out of it.
His jaw sagged and his cock rose. “Fuck. Me.”
“That’s kind of the idea.” She did a little pirouette for him, and he got a full view of her in the skimpiest teddy he’d ever seen. It was made of black lace he could see straight through, the top connected to the bottom by a thin strip of fabric, and a tiny black bow centered between her ripe breasts. The darkness of the lace contrasted with her skin and shadowed the thatch of hair between her legs. Thigh-highs and a pair of black heels completed the erotic ensemble.
The breath wheezed out of his lungs as he tried to find something intelligible to say. “You were wearing that at my father’s house?”
“I did feel a little bad about that when I was getting ready, but it’s not like I was going to strip during dinner.” She approached him, the silk of her stockings whispering as her legs brushed together.
The closer she came, the more his brain seemed to short-circuit. Her nipples thrust into the sheer fabric, and he wanted to suck them. His cock throbbed, chafing against his fly. Heat exploded through his veins, made his hands shake with need.
Her fingertips brushed down the ribbon of lace that lay against her stomach. “Do you like it?”
Groaning, he dragged her forward and kissed her hard. His tongue thrust into her mouth, his hands moving to grasp her backside and grind her against his erection. He bit her bottom lip, then licked and nuzzled his way along her jaw and down her throat. She gasped, her hands bunching in his shirt. He took one nipple in his mouth, suckling it through the lace.
A shudder ran through her and she arched her body into him. “Please, Finn.”
He offered the same attention to her other breast, his tongue circling the tight tip. Then he bit down, and a low sob spilled out of her. He continued his journey downward, kissing her side, nipping at her navel until he dropped to his knees. Level with her pussy, he pressed his face into her. The lace abraded his chin, but he could smell the musky scent of her arousal.
“There are snaps to open the front,” she whispered, her fingers threading through his hair.
He glanced up at her, a grin forming on his face. “And you’re hoping I use them?”
“God, yes.” Her cheeks were rosy, her lips puffy from his kiss, and the look she gave him lit his blood on fire.
A quick jerk opened the snaps and then she was bared to him. Teasing the lips of her pussy with his fingertips, he parted her and found that beads of her moisture had dampened her thighs. “So wet for me.”
“Yes.” Her hands tightened in his hair, urging him forward. “Please, Finn. Please.”
There was nothing as sexy as knowing he could make her beg. He couldn’t resist her pleas. Not that he wanted to. He dipped one finger into her slick pussy, teasing more moisture from her. She whimpered, her hips pushing forward to seek more. He had to taste her. Curling his tongue around her clit, he groaned when her nails dug into him. The flavor of her cream burst in his mouth—ripe and feminine. He added a second finger to her channel, pumping both into her as he licked and nipped at her sex.
“Oh, God. Yes, yes, yes,” she chanted, her breath catching on a little sob.
The way she tugged on his hair made his scalp burn, pain to intensify the experience. His cock was full to bursting, so hard and hot that he was close to coming in his pants. He pushed her harder, fucking her with his hands and mouth. The soft sounds she made told him how near she was to climax. He hooked his finger so it rubbed the spot he knew would make her break. Then he bit her clit.
“Finn!” Her hips jerked, her legs shaking as her pussy gripped his fingers in rhythmic pulses.
God, he couldn’t wait another second. He had to be inside her. Now. Right this very second. He dragged her to the ground and ripped open his fly. His hands shook as he pulled a condom from his wallet and covered himself. She arched for him, her fingers teasing her nipples while she stared at him in blatant desire.
God, he loved her. Loved to strip all the shyness away until there was only the fiery angel left. He could spend the rest of his life with her and never grow tired of watching her go up in flames. For him. Only for him.
“Hurry, Finn. I want you.”
As if he needed the extra incentive. He was over her in moments, his cock surging deep in one sure stroke. They both gave a harsh groan. Her arms and legs twined around him, her hips already undulating beneath him. There was no room for subtlety here—he just pounded into her, his self-control in tatters. Her hand slid under his shirt, her nails digging into his back as she moved with him, her moans driving him even wilder. It was fast and rough, and he rode her hard, grinding his pelvis against her clit.
Their gazes met, locked. Her need played across her expression, and something tender mingled with it. He loved when she looked at him that way, and his chest tightened with emotion that he had to keep in check. A little smile formed on her lips, and her sex squeezed around his thrusting cock. It was too much. Grasping the flagging ends of his sanity, he reached between them and thumbed her clit. She froze for one split second, and then screamed as she climaxed. The way her pussy milked his cock sent him straight over the edge. He came, his body shuddering, and he leaned his forehead against hers, unable to look away, even now.
“I love you.” He couldn’t hold the words back. His father was right. He had to try.
“I love you, Meg. Stay with me. Don’t leave.”
Her heart stopped. The breath clogged in her throat and time seemed to stand still. The high of her orgasm crashed and agony stabbed her soul. Why? Why was he doing this to her?
She pushed at his shoulders until he rolled away from her, but the distance between them made her feel so alone, bereft. Choking back a sob, she forced herself to do what she knew was right. “I can�
��t stay with you. You knew that from the beginning. This week was all I ever promised.”
“Tell me why.” He straightened his clothes, zipping himself back into his pants. His voice was tight when he spoke. “I deserve that, at least.”
He deserved a hell of lot more than that, but she couldn’t be the woman to give it to him. “You know why. You knew why before we ever slept together. I’ve seen how wrong it can go when two teachers date, and I don’t want that.”
“That’s bullshit, Meg. There has to be more to it than that. What we’ve had in just a few days is better than most relationships I’ve had…and it’s not because I’m bad at relationships so don’t even go there. I’m a fucking amazing boyfriend.” He crossed his arms, the muscles in his biceps bulging, and the look on his face dared her to contradict him. “So tell me why? Why are you so bullheadedly against dating another teacher? We aren’t those other people who had the big meltdown. I wasn’t even here and you weren’t the one who got dumped, so why—”
“Because I was the one who was dumped.” The ugly truth of it ripped out of her throat. Familiar shame and humiliation flooded her.
“What?” His brows dipped together. “No, you weren’t. The chick was named Gina or something. I heard all about it after I was hired. Teachers like to gossip.”
“Regina, not Gina. Regina and Brandon.” She swallowed. “And you heard the version everyone knows.”
His gaze sharpened on her, so blue it burned like a laser straight into her soul. “And in the real version, you got dumped instead of Regina?”
“In addition to.” Her smile was a mere twitch of the lips. “I… Brandon was my friend. There was a bit of chemistry between us—unspoken, of course, since he and Regina had been together for years before we met. Things were always tempestuous with them. They both liked drama and excitement.” This time her lips curved with bittersweet memory. “Brandon came to my apartment one night and told me they’d had a huge fight, that it was over between them. He didn’t want to deal with the craziness anymore. We…we had some wine. A lot of it. And one thing led to another…and we…”
“Shit,” he breathed.
“It was fine, I thought.” She straightened her shoulders, tugging up the strap on the teddy she was wearing. Suddenly the idea of wearing it tonight didn’t seem as good as it once had. Pushing to her feet, she went to the bed, picked up a pillow, and hugged it to her chest. “He was available, there’d always been some attraction between us. Now, maybe we could…you know…explore it.” Moisture glutted her eyes, but she blinked it away as she sat on the edge of the mattress facing him. “He spent the weekend at my apartment, then went home to start packing his things so he could move out. And move in with me.” She rolled her eyes, a tear slipping free. “Because, of course, I was willing to take him in while he got back on his feet.”
His throat moved as he swallowed. “Then how did the public meltdown I heard about end up happening?”
“Ah, yes. That.” She gritted her teeth to hold in a sob. God, she had to say it. Admit aloud, for the first time ever, just how big a fool she’d been. “So, it took a couple of weeks for him to get his stuff together. He brought a box or two to my place, and told me he was going to put most of his belongings in storage for the time being. He stayed with me most nights, so I didn’t have any reason to doubt him. But then…”
“Then?”
She couldn’t meet him gaze, so she squeezed her eyes shut. “There was a staff meeting after school one day and Regina confronted him, said she didn’t believe him about staying on a friend’s couch while they worked stuff out, and accused him of cheating on her. It was ugly.”
He drew up a knee and propped his arm on it. “From what I heard, he called her insane, said things were over, and then she attacked him.”
“Yep, that about sums it up.” She cleared her throat, wishing to be anywhere but here, talking about anything but this. Self-loathing curdled in her belly, and she hated herself for what she’d done three years ago and hated herself even more for what it would cost her now.
Finn.
“So, did he lie to you about breaking up with her in the first place?”
“Or was I an affair that he lied to her about? I’ll never know. I’ll never know if he turned me into the kind of woman Dad’s Barbie was. The bitch who came along, stole someone else’s guy, and left a woman humiliated and alone like my mom was.” She swallowed the need to vomit. God. It sounded even more horrible when she put it into words. “Regina was fired for assaulting another teacher on school property, and then… I thought when things settled down we could—” She forced herself to finish. “A week after that, the principal let us know that Brandon had resigned effective immediately. He’d given no notice. He’d just quit and walked out. Said he needed to get away from what had happened.”
Finn’s brow furrowed. “What did he tell you before he left?”
“Nothing. I never saw or heard from him again.”
That brought him to his feet. “What the fuck?”
“Yes, exactly.” She tried to laugh, but her attempt was pathetic. “I kept hoping for a while after that, but…no.”
“Jesus.” He loomed over her, curling his hand under her chin to make her look at him. “Why didn’t Anne say something about this?”
“She doesn’t know.” She pressed her lips together, jerking her chin out of his grasp. “After everything that had happened…I couldn’t tell anyone. What would I say? I may have been a Barbie-like home-wrecker, but I’m not quite sure? I might have caused Regina’s mental breakdown by accident? Oops, my bad.” She dragged a hand across her eyes. “Or how about a classic? My not-really-boyfriend bailed on me and didn’t even leave me a Dear Jane note? How pathetic and disgusting is that? How awful would all that make me?”
“What a douche bag.”
She flinched. “At least you’re honest.”
“Not you, him. Any man who treated two women that way didn’t deserve either of them. He should have had the balls to tell both of you he wanted to leave.” He sat beside her, catching her shoulders in a hard grip. Fury tightened his face, his jaw turned to iron. “What a spineless fucking douche bag. I’d like to kick his ass for doing that to you, Meg. You deserve better.”
She shook her head, pushing to her feet. Having his hands on her was too much. It made her want to lean on him, to believe in him—in them—in the possibilities she so desperately wanted but couldn’t have. “I just…I can’t go through that kind of thing again. Coworkers don’t mix. I can’t do it.”
“I would never do that to you, Meg.” He tried to reach for her, but she shrank away from his touch. “I’m not your father or Brandon. I get that your parents left you with some qualms about relationships and then you got tangled up with a guy who reinforced all of your fears, but they are just fears. Life is about taking chances. You can’t live it afraid all the time.”
“It’s not just a fear if you lived through it. Then it’s reality.” She pressed her hands to her eyes, a small sob shaking her body. “I can’t risk going through that again, Finn. I just can’t. It’s better not to have it at all than to have it and lose it.”
“I can’t agree with that.” Finn’s palm curved over the back of her head, and she could feel how desperately he wanted her to believe him. “My mom died and it’s not like I run from every woman because she might get breast cancer someday. Hell, even my dad’s willing to give a relationship a shot again. People can conquer their fears, Meg, even when those fears are very real. What you and I have is worth fighting for.”
“No,” she whispered, tears sliding down her cheeks. “Life is about knowing what you can handle and what you can’t. And I can’t.”
And that was the pure, ugly truth. Because things with Finn were so much better, so much more than they had been with Brandon. After only a week. If she let herself get any deeper than this, she couldn’t even fathom how bad breaking up with Finn would be a month from now—a year, a decade. She’
d be the one forced to leave town if they split up because there was no way she’d be able to face every day of being around him at work and not having him. Losing him could mean losing everything. It was too big of a gamble, too overwhelming to even consider.
Better to cut her losses and run now.
Chapter Twelve
It had killed Finn to see her cry, and he found he couldn’t bring himself to push her for what she wasn’t ready for. The bottom line was, he was willing to take the risk of a relationship, of the pleasure and pain that came from loving someone.
She was not.
Three weeks later, he had to acknowledge that she might never be ready. There’d been the tiniest thread of hope that she might reconsider once she’d had some time to think. But he had to admit—finally—she wouldn’t be able to get over her past. Hell, if he’d dealt with a divorce like her parents’, and then a breakup, blow-up, and breakdown that made her the same kind of villain she’d hated for shredding her parents’ relationship…he’d be gun-shy too. It wasn’t as if he didn’t understand, but what his brain knew and what his heart felt were two very different things.
At first, he’d been pissed. With her, with fate, with the whole damned world. But he’d learned after his mother died that anger didn’t help and would only turn to bitterness. He wasn’t willing to let that kind of ugliness consume him, so he’d had to find some acceptance.
The days since his return from Vegas had slipped by, his fury had worn away, and all that was left was missing her. Being without her was like a slow-leaking wound inside of him, a bruise that might never heal. But he had to find a way to get on with his life, even though he’d never have her in it. They’d managed to avoid each other in the weeks they’d been back, and he didn’t even want to think about how he’d react when he saw her again. He winced when he realized it would likely be at a staff meeting—something else that was far too close to her experiences with that little pissant bastard Brandon.
Finn shook his head, stuffing a change of clothes into his backpack. It was Friday afternoon and he wanted to get an early start in the morning. He needed to get out of town and clear his mind. A hiking trip in Big Basin sounded perfect. A ninety-minute drive and then two days of quiet solitude in nature with no temptation to go knocking on her door. It was just what he needed now.
Vegas Vacation (Destination Desire) Page 12
