by Meg Collett
Luke’s breathing sounds stopped. My eyes adjusted enough that I saw the outline of his square jaw, saw the muscle there clenching as he leaned toward me. Caramel breath swirled across my face, making my mouth water. “I can find something else to teach you.”
His husky, quiet voice nearly made my knees buckle. Suddenly, he was too close, too hot, too Luke. And this damn staircase was way the hell too dark. “Right. Well, I have to pass my evaluation tomorrow,” I said, stuttering like a moron. For once, Ollie Andrews didn’t have a snappy comeback.
“You’re worried because we didn’t practice today,” Luke said, leaning back and giving me some space.
“No shit.” I breathed a little easier now in this familiar territory.
I sensed Luke’s smile in the change of his body, the corners of his mouth cracking with moisture from his teeth. I regretted the damned darkness for not being able to see him smile, anything but the stoic expression he normally sported.
His voice deepened when he responded, “Go back to your dorm, Ollie, and get some sleep. You’ll do fine tomorrow.”
N I N E
The next morning, I sat in my Fear Theory class listening to Mr. Abbot talk about brains. Brains and rats. Rats and brains.
Apparently, some rats with damaged amygdalae will walk right up to a cat with no fear. Pretty cool, but not so smart. I wondered if I was like those stupid rats with the screwed-up brains. Luke had practically told me that he would do anything to keep Dean from creating an army of civilian soldiers like me. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that I was the bad thing here, the monster to kill monsters.
Not that I minded. I’d always thought of myself as a monster anyway, but damn if it didn’t bother me that Luke thought the same thing.
I copied Mr. Abbot’s notes with little interest. Last night had opened my eyes to many things, Luke’s past being one of them. After our little field trip, I’d barely managed to make it back to the dorms before lockdown, but Luke had walked me the entire way, his eyes as watchful as they ever were. He never took a break, never relaxed. He seemed to be weirdly calm ninety-nine percent of the time, and the other percent was spent being incredibly angry and violent.
Almost as if he’d been conditioned all his life, which, I guessed, was true with a father like his. All Luke’s work to control his anger and stay calm stemmed directly from his tumultuous upbringing. He worked so hard to be a different man than his father, to be better. To take the honorable ways of Fear University that his father had warped and make them right, even if it lost him the war.
It broke my heart to see him try so hard.
I sat back in my chair and rubbed my eyes. Mr. Abbot was giving us a lot of notes today, and I’d long ago tuned out his droning voice. Luckily, I didn’t have to worry about him calling on me to answer a question, since he acted perfectly content to pretend I didn’t exist, which didn’t bother me. I was fine with just taking notes and spending the time figuring out Luke Aultstriver.
Which I was doing way too much of. Especially when I needed to be more concerned about my evaluation with Dean today.
“Christ,” I muttered under my breath. I raked my hand through my tangled hair. My evaluation was today and I really didn’t know if I was ready.
After class, I numbly packed up my notebook as a few students tried to talk to me. I wasn’t good for conversation today, and I barely managed single word replies to their endless chatter about Fields.
The rest of day fell into a similar rhythm: endless Luke thoughts, notes, lunch with Sunny, more notes, more Luke, stress about my evaluation. When the end of sixth period came, I was wrung out.
Sunny stood outside the gym with me while I waited on Luke to arrive. I took my chance to ask about the other thing that had bothered me all day. “Sunny, do you know anything about Hatter’s childhood?”
She glanced at me, surprised by the question. Her smile faltered slightly. “No,” she said, nibbling on her lip in thought. “His family isn’t Original or even all that old. Just a few generations since they became a part of the hunters. Why?”
“Have you heard about how they treated him?”
Her face paled. “What are you saying?”
I took that as a no, which made sense if his family wasn’t on anyone’s radar. “You know how Luke was raised?” She nodded. “I think that happened to Hatter too.”
“Fudge.” She looked away and took off her glasses to clean. “These families . . .” She took a deep breath, clearly pissed, her little doll-like hands shaking. “They just shouldn’t do that. We have it hard enough here. Kids should get to be kids while they can.”
I put my hand on her shoulder. I knew how much she cared for Hatter. “You had good parents. Not everyone is that lucky.”
“I hate it,” she said quietly, more venom in her voice than I’d ever heard. “It’s not fair.”
We waited for a while longer as Sunny’s breathing slowly returned to normal. Students called out to us as they passed, waving and smiling. Eventually, Sunny asked, “Do you think you’re ready?”
I knew she was talking about the evaluation without having to ask. “I hope so, or you’ll have to find a new cuddle buddy.”
In the hall, other students loitered, using the time to group together for gossip before dinner. They seemed to constantly group around us, even if we weren’t talking to them. But it was nice during times like these, made me feel less alone.
“That’s not funny,” Sunny said. “I doubt Dean will make you leave if you don’t pass.”
I appreciated how hard Sunny tried to make me feel better, and I shot her a relieved smile for her effort. But I’d seen how committed Dean was to winning this war. Thinking about the rat cages still made me shudder. The fear conditioning, Luke’s father, Hatter’s family, and the cutting were too extreme. Of course Dean would cast me aside if I didn’t prove important enough. I shoved my hands into my jacket’s pockets to keep them from trembling.
“I guess we’ll see,” I said so that I didn’t worry Sunny.
Suddenly, Sunny stood straighter next to me. “Thad’s been released.”
“Who?” Confused, I glanced at her, wondering what had distracted her.
“Thaddeus Booker.” Sunny subtly nodded toward a group of students walking toward us. Unfortunately Jolene and Allison were among them, holding court and fawning over a guy with light-blond hair and a tall, muscular form. I couldn’t see his face, but I guessed he was older than us based on his sheer size. “You remember. The throat bite guy who was in the ward when you came in.”
“Oh.” I glanced at the guy with renewed interest, but he was already staring right at me and coming closer still, like he was aiming straight for me. Subtly, I glanced behind me to see if he was really staring at me. Unfortunately for me, no one stood behind me. I resigned myself to his attention with an unhappy scowl. Anyone who hung out with Jolene was not a friend of mine.
“You must be the new girl,” Thad said, stopping in front of us. Jolene and Allison reluctantly drew to a stop, their lips curling into territorial snarls. Sunny shifted nervously beside me.
His face was beautiful, almost pretty with long lashes trimming weird lightly colored eyes. He still had a thick bandage wrapped around his neck, almost like a neck brace. I raised my eyes back up to his. “You must be the guy who almost got his throat ripped out.”
His popular entourage gasped at my audacity, but Thad laughed, like howled so loudly we drew the attention of everyone else in the hall. “You’re awfully bold for a girl I’ve seen naked.”
That, more than his raucous laughter, definitely shut everybody up. I narrowed my eyes at his lie. I hated lies. They brought back memories of mothers and closets, and even more than I hated lies, I hated memories. “No, you haven’t.”
“Trust me. I wouldn’t forget those.” His eyes locked onto my chest and didn’t move.
“Oh, come on, Thad,” Jolene said, stepping forward. “She’s a civvie.”
“It�
�s okay, Jo. Ollie and I know each other really well.” Thad winked at me. Winked. I pictured peeling his face off with my nails.
“I’ve never met you before.” Heat bloomed across my face, not from embarrassment but fury.
“Ollie. Ollie,” Thad said. “It’s okay. Don’t be ashamed. Technically, we haven’t met, but I would never forget a body like yours.”
“You’re lying,” I growled. Sunny put a hand on my arm in warning; Thad noticed and grinned wider. I really think he wanted me to finish the job with his throat or something. Jolene’s eyes roved between us, the hallway silent as a grave.
“Not at all! You remember, we were in the ward together. That morning, when you left, you changed clothes, and I got to see you in all your naked glory. Where did you get that scar on your back by the way? You know, the one that looks like an upside-down seahorse?”
Carefully, I sat my backpack down. I didn’t want to get anything bloody, and this would certainly turn bloody. When I looked up, Sunny grabbed my arm harder. “Ollie, wait—”
“You’re late.” Only one voice could pull me out of my red murder haze. Luke walked up beside me, noting Sunny’s death grip on my arm and Thad standing in front of me. “Thaddeus,” he said, saying the name with the same amount of hate and damnation people used when they said “’swang.”
“Hey, Luke. I was just telling Ollie here that she should give up this ’swang hunting business and go into porn or something. She has the body for it.”
“Excuse me?” Luke spoke with such steely calm that I put my hand on his arm to hold him back. He wore long sleeves, but I felt the bandages from his cutting last night through the material. The tendons in his forearm twitched as he tapped his fingers together.
“Sure,” Thad said, grinning. His obvious delight made me realize that it wasn’t me who he wanted to pick a fight with; it was Luke. “Your girl here isn’t very modest.”
“I’m not his girl.” I spat the words, my grip tightening on Luke.
“Leave it, Thad.” Students, Jolene and Sunny included, stepped away from the confrontation, driven back by the threatening growl in Luke’s voice. I stayed, but gooseflesh prickled along my arms.
“Don’t be like that.” Thad’s grin stretched wider, making the bandages around his neck pull. “I heard your father was here yesterday. Little family reunion?”
Before I reacted, Thad reached over and grasped Luke’s arm, the one I gripped. With my own hold on Luke’s arm, I felt how hard Thad squeezed the bandages above Luke’s cuts. A hiss of pain escaped his lips.
The sound undid me.
I let go of his arm and slammed my palms into Thad’s chest, shoving him back as hard as possible, sending students scattering farther away from us. “You better fucking watch yourself,” I said as Thad stumbled back, laughing.
“Feisty!” Thad’s eyes flicked over my shoulder to Luke. “I hear that’s what you want, right? For them to fight back a little in bed? I guess you really are your father’s son.” Thad threw back his head and laughed, outlining all the missing chunks in his neck.
A vibration began in Luke’s throat. He’d gone much too still beside me, like he wasn’t breathing.
I didn’t know how much Thad knew about Luke’s father, but I didn’t want to risk anything else coming to light in front of all these students. With one last glare, I turned away from Thad and put my hand on Luke’s chest. “Let’s leave,” I whispered to him.
“You better listen to her.” Thad must have come closer to us, because Luke’s head reared back, nostrils flaring. I pressed my hand harder against his chest. “Before Daddy’s little monster comes out to play.”
“Luke,” I said, but he wouldn’t look at me. “Don’t let him get to you.”
“I’ve always wondered something since you inherited your reaction to ’swang saliva from your father.” Fear spread through my belly as Thad kept talking. “When Daddy Dearest went on all his little hunts, how did he work out his aggression when he got bit? Cause I heard your mom isn’t much good for that kind of pounding anymore. Tell me, did he come for you—”
I was ready when Luke launched himself at Thad. I practically crawled up his chest, grabbing his chin in my hand. With all the strength I had, I forced him to look down at me, my fingers digging into his cheeks. I stared into his eyes long and hard until I knew I had his attention. “Luke, we’re late for my evaluation, and I’m not failing because of this idiot.”
Slowly, Luke’s body relaxed as he stared at me. He nodded, an arm still around my waist from where I’d jumped on him to stop him from ripping Thad’s head off. I didn’t look around us at all the other students who were watching with their mouth’s hanging open; I kept touching Luke, kept reminding him to keep looking at me. Slowly, Luke sat me back down on the ground.
Quickly, before Thad could taunt Luke again, I grabbed my backpack and eased Luke toward the gym. Sunny darted behind us, calling a hasty goodbye before she disappeared down the hall. The other students, Thad included, followed her lead and went to dinner.
When we were alone and inside the gym, Luke asked, “Did he really see you naked?”
His tone still worried me, but his eyes slowly returned to normal. Not so glinty and dangerous. “I guess he was awake when I changed the morning you brought me in. I didn’t know.” I shrugged like it was no big deal, but the asshole had seen my scar. Only two other people had seen it, and I’d killed one already. Max was next.
“I don’t like him.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed.”
“I don’t want you around him. He’s dangerous. And he’s not as good as he thinks he is.”
“Why, Luke, are you jealous?” I swatted his uninjured arm, trying to lighten the mood. Anything to keep him from going over the edge.
“Hardly.”
“I think you’re supposed to kiss me now.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Luke’s complete look of surprise told me I’d accomplished my goal of distracting him from the awful things Thad had said. Things that really worried me for Luke. I prayed Thad was just being a dick and none of it was true.
“You know, in the movies, the guy always kisses the girl after the big jealous blowup scene, where the guy makes himself look like an ass, but the girl deals with it anyway because she’s settling and wants to get married and move to the suburbs and have babies and gain twenty pounds?”
Luke didn’t laugh like I’d hoped he would. He blinked a couple of times at me before closing the distance between us. I was a tall girl, but he still loomed over me. I swear, some asshole was pumping carbon dioxide through the central heating unit in the gym because I suddenly couldn’t breathe with Luke’s dark stare bearing down on me. A piece of black hair fell over his eyes and I’m pretty sure my knees almost buckled for the second time in twenty-four hours.
The bastard wasn’t playing fair.
“You wouldn’t be settling for me.”
With that Luke stalked off to the locker rooms to change, leaving me and my stomach, which had dropped to the floor, behind. Luke Aultstriver, flirting. I’d seen it all. And damned if it didn’t get me a little fluttery, like my insides were humming. I glanced toward the glass wall of the gym, making certain no one else had witnessed my drool fest. Luckily, the hall was completely deserted.
I seriously had to get my shit together when it came to Luke.
Thanks to Thaddeus Freaking Booker, I didn’t have much time to change. Not that I needed much, but I wouldn’t have minded a little pick-me-up speech with myself in the mirror before I facing down this evaluation. I managed to shovel my hair up into a tight, no-bullshit ponytail before I hurried back out to the gym.
Dean was already there, standing with Luke. Both looked up as I walked out. They’d been talking about me, because now they grew silent, eyes serious, mouths pressed into a tight line. They leaned away from each other, arms crossed over their chests. Luke’s jaw clenched and unclenched in a fury.
Something told
me that they hadn’t just been talking about me; they’d been fighting about me too. At the risk of sounding like a total pussy, after the fight with Thad, I really didn’t want to deal with any more drama today. I wanted to pass my evaluation and go to bed.
When I was close enough, Dean uncrossed his arms and clapped me on the shoulder, his smile too broad to be natural. “You ready for this?”
“Sure.” I glanced at Luke, who gave me a tight nod.
“Great,” Dean said. “Let’s get started then. Practice how you normally would. Try to forget I’m here.”
Said the guy who held my fate in his hands. I watched as he took a seat on the bleachers. The flutter in my stomach had nothing to do with Luke’s earlier flirting, and everything to do with the fact that I might puke at any moment.
“Calm down,” Luke whispered, positioning himself between me and Dean to block my view. I craned my head back to see his face. “You can do this. Focus on me, okay? Just me.”
Focusing on Luke that much wasn’t going to help me at all, but I didn’t tell him that. “Maybe you can go easy on me today,” I joked, knowing if anything, Luke was going to lay it on harder.
“Don’t be nervous.”
“I’m not!” I lied.
“You say stupid things when you’re nervous.”
I gritted my teeth. “Asking you to go easy on me isn’t that stupid,” I said under my breath.
Luke ignored me, and I began my warm up. He led me through a series of exercises with his punching and kicking shields to get me loose. I lost myself to the rhythmic thwacking of my fists striking the thick pads. We moved in a circle, our dance perfected after weeks of practice. It was just warm up, but Luke hit back with the shield hard enough to send me rocking back on my heels. I gritted my teeth and dug in. He kept his eyes on me, and I focused on the shield, perfecting my punches and dodges, my kicks and parries. He came at me hard enough, harder than any warm up before, that I had to focus and forget about my nerves or else end up on my ass.
