“Mr. Ayer?”
“Inez.” He ducked, knowing she could as easily as not close the door in his face. His hand found his pants pocket. “Is Mag… Ms. Montgomery here?”
Confusion slid over her face. “Umm, yes. I think she’s upstairs.”
With his head tilted he looked at her. “Do you mind?”
It took a breath but she opened the door wider. “Go on.”
“You’re an angel, Inez.”
“Yeah, well, they’ll strip my wings if they find you here, so be careful.”
The thought of church always brought with it a pang of guilt and a pang of regret. Maggie wished she could load the kids into the little Chevette and no one would know. But there was fat chance of that happening. “God, I hope You know I would be there if I could.”
A soft knock sounded on the door, and she looked up. Joy jumped through her followed immediately by painful indifference. “Keith.”
“Hey. You guys busy?”
He was in his un-Keith outfit again. Nice pants, a button down white cotton shirt that revealed a solid gold chain at his neck. It made her think of Dallas, which made her heart fall even further.
“No, come on in.”
“What’s up?” He sat down Indian-style on the carpet in front of her.
“We’re learning our letters.” She pointed to another one.
“P,” Peter said with no trouble.
“And what starts with P?” she asked.
“Peter!” he said jubilantly, and she held up her hand for him to slap.
“Very nice.” Keith beamed his approval, which Peter obviously soaked up.
For her part, Maggie couldn’t look at Keith. It just hurt too much.
“Listen,” Keith said, and his gaze drifted over her. She hated the way he looked at her because it always made her think she was doing something wrong by being with him. “I was going to go into church. I wondered if y’all wanted to come with me.”
Her gaze jumped to his, and he smiled softly.
“I… I don’t know.” She looked at her watch. “We don’t have much time. I can’t get the kids and me ready that fast.”
“Then you get you ready, and I’ll get them ready.” He stood from the floor and reached down for her hand.
Maggie put her hand in his, and gently he pulled her up. When she was standing only a foot from him, the scent of his cologne invaded her senses, and she fought not to get lost in it. “You sure?”
“Positive.”
There was no other place Keith was meant to be other than right there, in that little church, holding Isabella with Peter between them. His heart filled his chest as he watched Maggie show Peter how to fold his hands and how to bow his head. He wanted only for her arms to be wrapped around him as easily as she wrapped Peter under her wing and guided him through his prayers.
So many things would’ve been so very different about Keith’s life had that one night not happened. He could see in Maggie all the things he had missed when his mother had died–a calm hand to guide him, a compassionate heart to shield him from the cold, harsh world, a way of peace in an unstable, volatile existence. That’s all he now prayed for, some way to find what Maggie so effortlessly gave to Peter.
Keith let his gaze trail to the front. “God, I’m asking here. I don’t know how to do this. I see how she is, and I know I want that. But everything is so messed up. Dad’s furious. My job’s in the gutter. I don’t even know if I want to be with Dallas anymore. Nothing is making sense anymore. Nothing.”
The congregation sat, and Keith sat with them, resting Isabella on his knee. The little girl snuggled in to his chest and stuck her thumb in her mouth. Just to stay here. He would’ve settled for that.
“People talk about discerning God’s will in their lives,” the preacher said. “They talk about not being sure what will find them favor in God’s eyes. In Psalms 37:4 and 5 it says, ‘Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass.’
“‘Delight yourself in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.’ To understand this verse, you must first get hold of what the word ‘desire’ means. Desire is made up of two parts. ‘De’ meaning ‘of’ and ‘sire’ meaning ‘the Father.’ So desire literally means ‘of the Father.’
“Contrast this with what we often think desire means—our wants, our needs, our plans. That’s not what it means at all.”
The sermon had Keith’s attention, and he shifted slightly in concentration.
“When the Scripture says, ‘He will provide you with the desires of your heart,’ that means that He will provide you with what He knows you really need—those things that He has put in your heart. Now, what happens a lot of times is we have what seem to be competing desires—two things that are tugging us in different directions. This is where the question of discernment comes in.
“My best advice on this subject is to walk through the doors that He opens for you and stop pounding on the doors that are locked. You may think that door number 2 will lead you to everything you’ve ever wanted. So you try it, and when you find it locked—it doesn’t work out or roadblocks seem to drop from the sky, so you start pounding on the door. Many people pray, asking for what they want to have happen.
“But God…” He pointed upward. “God in His infinite wisdom knows that door will ultimately lead you to heartache and pain, so He chooses to keep it locked for your sake. But if you’re like me, you just know that whatever’s on the other side of that door will lead you to what you want, and so you will pound and kick and bang on that door, sure that it will lead you to what you want.
“And if you’re like me, you might even get mad at God for not opening that door. ‘God, please, if You’ll just let it work out this way…’ No.” He stopped, his face intense. “No. That’s not going for the desires of our hearts, that’s not walking in His ways. That’s walking in our own ways and asking God to bless it. He won’t.
“No. God will never bless what He doesn’t instigate. Why? Because He will not bless what is not from Himself. So what’s the answer to this dilemma? How do we know what God wants us to do? Simple. You walk through the doors that are open. Quit banging on the ones He has closed. Ask Him to lead you and to guide you and to open up those doors you are supposed to walk through. Then, as the doors open before you, you will know that you are in God’s will for your life. And when you get to a door that is locked, know deep down that He locked it for a reason. You may not be able to see that reason right at this moment, but He has your ultimate best in mind, and if you let Him, He will guide you to your ultimate best.”
The preacher stepped away from the pulpit. “Let us stand.”
Keith stood, but the sermon was on-loop in his brain. Walk through the doors that are open. Stop banging on those that are closed. He felt like he’d been banging his whole life. Banging to get his father’s approval. Banging to feel whole again. Banging to get someone to notice him just for him. “God, he makes it sound so easy, but it feels so hard. Please help me to know which doors it makes sense for me to go through. I’ve never needed anything more in my life.”
When they got back to the mansion after church, Maggie couldn’t get out of the pickup fast enough. His presence was threatening to overload every ‘No’ circuit she had. Gentle and kind, he was right there the second she needed anything—carrying kids, helping them in, smiling at her in that way that curled her toes. It was starting to frazzle her nerves.
“Hey, why don’t you leave the car seats in, go change, and we’ll go riding?” Keith asked when Maggie started to remove the car seat from the Dodge.
That slammed her to a stop. “Today?”
He tilted his head to the side. “I’m off. Y’all don’t have lessons. Come on. What do you say? It’ll be fun.”
No! Her head screamed so loud she thought it would explode. The only problem was, it wasn’t her head that had th
e controls anymore. “Okay.”
“Y’all good?” Keith asked Maggie as she sat on Nell with Izzy in front of her.
“Great.”
How one simple word could make his heart pound, he had no idea. He swung Peter up and then got on Buck. Reins in hand, he turned them and headed out to the waterfall. He hadn’t exactly told her where they would be going, but he didn’t think she would mind. Just a couple hours to be sane, and then he would find a way to deal with the headache of his life.
To say the falls were breathtaking would’ve been an understatement. Maggie had the distinct impression that Heaven couldn’t be as gorgeous. However, what really stole her breath away was the once again scruffy cowboy riding in front of her. He had traded in his pressed white cotton button down for a green and gray plaid shirt with the sleeves ripped off. Coupled with the bandana and the cowboy hat, Maggie knew she was in for a full day of trying not to stare.
“How’d you do?” Keith asked as he stood at her feet, waiting to help her off the horse.
“Great.” Maggie handed Isabella down and then swung her own leg over and off. She felt him standing behind her, his hand out lest she stumble. “I can take her.” She reached for Isabella. “Come here, you.”
“Gie. Gie!” Isabella squealed happily, and Maggie didn’t miss Keith’s heart stopping smile.
“I think you’ve found another fan.”
Maggie smiled, took Peter’s hand, and they walked over to the shade of the tree near the second shelf of rock. It was so unbelievably peaceful out here, like the rest of the world didn’t exist. She sat down and set Isabella on the soft, cool grass beside her. Instantly Isabella rolled, crawled, and then stood. She toddled off just as Keith walked up and swept her up in his arms.
“Where do you think you’re going, missy?” He blew on her belly, and then lowered himself to the ground as she giggled appreciatively.
Maggie fell back onto the grass herself. “Oh, I could live out here.”
Keith stood Isabella on the grass as Peter sat down next to Maggie.
“You and me both.” Keith breathed in the day. “Just that sound.”
“It’s enough to put you to sleep.” She let herself drift away on the lilting splashes of the falls. A yawn danced through her. She hadn’t been this truly relaxed in longer than she could remember. Every muscle, every thought. The soft breeze blew a curl across her face, and she brushed it aside. “I think I could go to sleep right here.”
“So go to sleep.”
Her eyes came open, and she laughed at him. “I’m on duty, remember?”
“Well, I for one think you could stand to take an hour off.” He picked up Isabella who was climbing all over him. “Go to sleep. I’ll take care of them.”
The offer was too good to be true, she thought as another yawn attacked her. If Greg hadn’t kept her up so late talking, it might not be such a struggle to stay awake now. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. Relax. I’ve got this.”
It was as if two seconds after he’d suggested it, Maggie was asleep. She had rolled to the side, taken her glasses off, and curled up with her face lying on her hand. As he played quietly with the kids, Keith watched her. She was beautiful—especially minus the glasses. They threw harsh lines over a face that was anything but harsh. He wondered about them, and about the car, and about the clothes. It was as if more than the bare minimum meant she had asked for too much.
His thoughts traced to Dallas and over how different they were. It wasn’t that Dallas was a bad person exactly, more that she was shallow in ways he couldn’t even adequately explain. Even the college education was about how much money she could make with it rather than about following her heart’s desire.
Isabella had long since settled into the crook of his arm, and she too was dozing. He looked down at her, and the thought came to him that this was it. His heart’s desire. To have a family, raise them, be there for them, hold them at night, tuck them in. It was as simple and as complicated as that. He glanced over at Maggie, and his thoughts traced to Dallas.
Sure, he knew about her dreams of the house and the cars and the jobs, but what about her deeper dreams? What about what she really wanted? Gazing at Maggie, he knew that complicating her life by pursuing her wasn’t fair. She was happy where she was, and it was clear from the party that she would never be happy where he had to be.
Still, when he looked down into the now-sleeping eyes of the child in his arms, he couldn’t help but wish that things could be so, so different. A life with Maggie. Simple and honest. Family and a few friends. He shook his head at those thoughts. It would never happen, and he was setting himself up for more heartache by thinking that it could.
When she woke up, Keith was sitting with his back to the tree, holding Isabella and taking a nap of his own. She reached over and pulled her glasses on making as little noise as possible. It was nice to have this chance just to watch him. He looked so peaceful and content. Next to his thigh laid Peter. The three of them made a picture she knew she would remember forever.
It occurred to her then what a good older brother he was and in almost the same thought what a good dad he would make some day. Strong and sure. Gentle and loving. Dallas was one lucky woman. Maggie’s heart panged at the thought.
At that moment he stirred and opened his eyes. His smile was slow but obvious. “How long have you been awake?”
“Few minutes. You have a good nap?”
He took a long breath. “Yeah.” He leaned his head first one way then the other to get the kinks out. “Whew. I haven’t done that in a while.” His gaze found hers, and there was no awkwardness anywhere to be seen. “I take it things are going good at the mansion.”
She shrugged. The thought of telling him about Peter crossed her mind, but she crossed it off again instantly. There was nothing he could do, and getting him in the middle of it was pointless. “Okay.” She rolled onto her back so she was looking up at the sky. “Keep the kids occupied and out of sight. That’s about the extent of it.”
There was no response, and she let her head fall to the side so she could look at him. She brushed an errant strand from her face. “So did you get put in the closet for parties when you were little too?”
Confusion traced across his face. “In the closet?”
“Yeah, like ‘we don’t want to hear from them or see them no matter what.’” She deepened her voice in emphasis.
His face fell in concern. “Did they tell you that?”
She rolled to her stomach. “Basically. Apparently they are having some ultra-important party next Saturday. I think Patty Ann may lock us in the playroom to keep us from ruining it. I just hope she doesn’t throw away the key.” Maggie laughed at her own joke.
However, Keith wasn’t laughing. “They’re banishing you?”
“Banishing. Yep. I’d say that’s a pretty good word for it.” She picked up a blade of grass and twisted it through her fingers. Then she rolled back onto her back. “It could be worse. We could be invited like last time.”
There was a long pause during which the only sound was the waterfall.
“Or you could escape altogether,” he said softly.
That brought her around to look at him. “Escape? Yeah, right. They’d have my head.”
“Not if they knew where you were escaping to.” He smiled.
She was intrigued and just a little more than concerned. “Such as…?”
“My place?”
The suggestion smashed through her, and Maggie shook her head, sending the strands of hair spiraling through the breeze. “No. You don’t want us. Besides how would I put the kids to bed?”
He shrugged, and it brought her attention to his sleek, tanned arms. “I have two extra rooms that nobody uses. We could put Izzy on the floor. Peter in the bed. You could take the room right next to them.”
The words were like a torrent, one coming as fast as his light southern drawl would let them. “Y’all could come over early. We could
make supper. Watch a movie…”
“Hold…. Hold on.” She waved her hands to get him to stop. Then she pulled up to her knees. “You’re not serious?”
But he never wavered. “Yes, I am. Please, Maggie. Please. Let me do this for you.”
It was the epitome of stupid. “You sure you won’t mind?”
“No way. I think it will be fun.”
Chapter Fifteen
Keith grabbed the phone on the third ring. “This is Keith.”
“Hey, dude, are you not picking up your messages again? What is up with you and not returning my calls? You’re going to give me a complex if you don’t watch it,” Greg said with a laugh.
“Not my fault. Some of us have to work,” Keith said, shifting the cell phone to his other ear as he hauled a slab of hay through the stables to Dragnet’s stall. “What’re you up to?”
“Numbers. Clients. Problems. Same as always. You?”
“Horses. Hay. Problems. Same as always.” He threw the hay over the gate and stopped only a second to pat the horse. “Haven’t heard from you in a while.”
“Aren’t you lucky?”
“Hey, you said it, not me.”
“I guess you got Dallas to the airport and back home in one piece.”
“You know me. Mr. Responsibility,” Keith said, dragging two more slabs off the bale of hay.
“Seems that part comes and goes as I remember.”
“Oh. Uh-huh. Hello, pot, this is the kettle calling.” He slung those slabs over the gate to Buck.
“Well, you may have a point there,” Greg said. “Considering I got driven home the other night, that might not be too far from the truth.”
Coming Home: (Contemporary Christian Romance Boxed Set): Three Stories of Love, Faith, Struggle & Hope Page 38
