by K. B. Wagers
I pressed my palm to his. The years had added even more size to him. My long fingers still only came to his first knuckle and he towered over me—a rare feat given my height.
A whole wealth of emotions went to war in my chest and I had to settle for smiling awkwardly instead of saying hello until I could be sure my voice was under control.
“It is good to see you again,” I said.
“I did not think the Dark Mother would be so kind.” Taz smiled.
“She rarely is.”
“We are grateful, Majesty, for this chance to speak with you.”
“I know it took a lot of trust for you to come here,” I said. “Demanding no weapons was a risky move.”
“I suspect that you still have the upper hand even without weapons, Majesty.”
“I have been told that fistfights at negotiations are frowned upon.”
Tazerion laughed, causing everyone else to stare, and I covered my mouth with a hand in a poor attempt to hide my smile.
Rather than joining me, Abraham struck up a conversation with my chamberlain. Taz folded his hands together and bowed again. “Do you mind if we sit, Majesty?”
“Not at all.” I took a chair and gestured at the seat next to me, feeling stupid and awkward. “Abraham is content to speak with Alice and Zaran?”
Taz nodded and looked over his shoulder, sending his black hair shifting over his neck. It was long, brushing the collar of his black shirt. “This is the easy part. It will be much harder after we leave here.”
“Trouble in paradise?”
He laughed. “More like human nature, Majesty. Tell me when more than three people have been able to easily come to a consensus about important issues. The moderates have always supported Abraham’s vision for the Upjas, but don’t let that fool you into thinking everyone does.”
“Point.” I leaned back against the sturdy gray cushion of the chair and crossed my legs. “You all appear to have come to some kind of agreement as to how to proceed.”
“Some kind,” Taz replied with a shrug of his shoulder. “Christoph’s faction was just the most vocal and willing to split. There are plenty still with us who think that only violence will get people’s attention—it’s really just a matter of degree.”
“Words versus fist versus hammer.”
“Versus tactical sonic device.”
I grinned at him, then sobered and studied my old friend. Taz sat calmly under the scrutiny. He’d always been good at that. A still mountain to my raging storm.
He hadn’t changed much, adulthood filling out his face in some places and chiseling it to sharp planes around his jawline and eyes.
“Did you ever marry?” I hadn’t meant to ask the question out loud. “Bugger me. Sorry—you don’t have to answer that.”
“I didn’t, Majesty. I wasn’t interested in raising children in a society that tells half of them they’re not as good simply for the way they were born.”
I raised an eyebrow at the snap in his voice and deliberately didn’t look at my three BodyGuards, all of whom had given up the pretense of not listening to our conversation.
“How do we fix it, Taz?” I leaned forward, resting my forearms on my knees. “Things were wrong when I left; I can only assume they’re worse now. But my assumptions won’t go a long way to offering up useful solutions. I need some solid details and even more solid ideas for fixing this.”
His relief was visible and for a second I thought the tears in his eyes were going to spill over. Then he blinked, cleared his throat, and smiled. “How soon do you want it, Majesty?”
“Tomorrow if you think you can manage it. Changing people’s minds is going to take a lot longer, but I can implement actual procedural changes whenever I feel like it.” I winked. “It’s apparently one of the perks of this job.”
“I’ll send it to Alba tomorrow, then.”
“Bring it by in person, Taz,” I said. “I’d like the chance to talk more.” Exhaustion slammed into me as the Phrine ran out and I barely kept myself from tipping over onto the floor.
“Hail, what’s wrong?” Taz reached for my hand, stopping short at Emmory’s warning snarl.
“It has been a long month,” I managed, knowing my weak smile didn’t ease anyone’s worry. “I’m just tired.”
“Get her out of here; you can’t let Abraham see her like this,” Taz said.
“You’ll have to carry me if you try to get me on my feet right this second,” I murmured, intrigued by Taz’s concern not only for my well-being but for how the Upjas would perceive any sign of weakness from me. “Just give me a moment. Emmory, I’m sure you have a distraction up your sleeve that doesn’t involve hurting anyone?”
He gave me the Look and I saw Alba shift out of the corner of my eye to block me from Abraham’s view. “It’s not unreasonable that Your Majesty would have another commitment,” Emmory said softly. “Can you make it to the door?”
“Should be able to.” I took a few deep breaths and then stood just as Alba brought Abraham over. I held out my hand with a smile. “I’m sorry to have to leave, though I’m sure you’ll all get more work done here without worrying about me.”
“Majesty,” Abraham said with a quick bow over our pressed-together hands. “Thank you again for this. It means more than you know.”
“It will benefit the people of the empire.” I nodded. “We will speak later.” I smiled at Taz, nodded at Alice and Zaran, and somehow made it out of the room before my knees gave out.
Zin caught me around the waist. “Majesty?”
“Just pick me up,” I said with a sigh. “I don’t have the energy to argue with you about carrying me.”
He muffled his laugh but I still felt it rumble in his chest as he carried me down the hallway.
Leaning my head on the back of the couch, I fought against the blackness that was trying to drag me under.
“Ma’am, just sleep. We’ll be right here.” Caspian Yuri Kreskin had been silent up to this point. My baby-faced Guard had started out as a shy, hesitant member of my BodyGuards; now he was my Dve, Emmory’s second-in-command. Of all of us I think he’d changed the most in the past few weeks.
“There are things in the dark, Cas.” My reply was slurred.
“I know.” He closed a hand around mine. “We’ll be right here.”
I gave up and slid under the surface of consciousness.
4
I woke to stillness. No panicked flailing or tears. A quick glance at the time on my smati showed I’d been asleep for close to sixteen hours and the first of Pashati’s suns was starting to rise. The light from the primary star, Nasatya, would drown out any coming from Dasra. The secondary sun’s orbit had taken it away from us to the edges of the system. It would be another ten years before it swung back around, bringing with it an eerie twilight during the winter months and oppressive heat in the summer. Right now though it would appear as little more than a dim star following behind the sun—when you could see it at all.
I felt much the same. Adrift and yet following some path I couldn’t quite see. “Bugger me,” I muttered, rubbing both hands over my face as I rolled from my bed. I was still dressed in my clothes from yesterday—a small blessing—and padded over to the window in stocking feet.
I’d made the choice to stay in the chaos of the weeks prior, knowing even now it was the right decision. For all my outward calm I felt like I was lurching wildly from one decision to the next with nothing but a desperate hope the people around me wouldn’t let me fuck up too badly.
You’re being a ridiculous drama queen, Hail. Portis’s voice was low and amused in my head. I didn’t mind it, even if he was making fun of me. He was dead and gone, so in my head was the only place I’d ever hear his voice again. Portis had been my best friend, my love, and the man my childhood BodyGuards had sent after me when I left home.
While I’d been away he’d tried to keep me safe. The whole time he’d been reporting on my exploits back home, albeit heavily editing t
hings at times.
“I miss you, ass.”
This isn’t any different from running a ship and you know it. Stop second-guessing yourself and get on with it.
“There aren’t enough hours in the day.” I hated the whine in my throat and turned from the window with a hiss. There were as many hours as there had always been, and other people managed just fine.
Emmory stood by the window in the main room, staring out at the sea. His lips moved, low voice rolling across the room as he had a conversation via his smati. He half turned toward me with a smile.
My smati blared a jarring warning of an incoming rocket, but before I could scream the window disintegrated, flame eating the air. Emmory vanished through the gaping hole in my quarters.
I woke so violently from the nightmare that I fell from the bed. The floor bruised my knees and as I dragged in gasping lungfuls of air I could taste the smoke and fire. I pressed my forehead to the smooth wood, feeling the tears drip from my eyes.
“Dream. It was just a Shiva-damned dream, Hail. Pull yourself together.” But the time showing in the corner of my vision said I’d been asleep for sixteen hours. The similarity to my nightmare had me lurching to my feet and out of my bedroom.
Emmory stood by the window, but unlike my dream he cut his conversation short the moment I came through the door. “I’ll call you back. Majesty?”
“Get away from the window.” Knowing it was stupid, I grabbed him by the arm and dragged him back toward my bedroom door. “There was a—I had a—you died.” I sank to the floor and Emmory followed me down.
“It was a dream, Majesty. One of the side effects of Phrine is the nightmares. You know this.”
“It was so real.” I buried my face in my hands, hating the tears but unable to stop them. “How stupid. I shouldn’t let it—”
“You have been going since our boots hit planet. You have been nearly stabbed, shot at, poisoned, and damn near blown up. Hail, any one of those things would have put a lesser person on their knees.”
It sounded so strange to hear him say my name. The last time had been right after the explosion in Garuda Square. I looked up at him, rubbing the tears from my face.
“How do you know what to say?”
That rare smile peeked at the corner of his mouth. “It’s a gift, Majesty.”
“It doesn’t feel like I slept at all.”
Emmory helped me to my feet. “You did and soundly. At least up until a few minutes ago. I’ll have Stasia bring some food while you get a shower. That should help.”
“I’ll hurry, I’m sure we’re behind—”
“I canceled all your meetings for today, Majesty. Alba rescheduled what she could; the others will manage fine without you there for one day.” He grabbed my shoulders and stared me down. “You’re done, Majesty. No more Phrine. We’ve pushed it past the breaking point here.”
“I’m fine—”
“Your heart almost stopped.”
I blinked at Emmory’s clipped tone and then nodded. “Okay. We’re done.” Laughing at his surprised expression, I tapped him on the chest and slid out of his grip. “Did you expect me to argue? We’ve gone to great lengths to keep me alive, Emmy. It’d be stupid if I went and did myself in just trying to run the empire. If I’m in this for the long haul we’ll have to figure out a better way to get things done.”
“I’ve instructed Alba to pare down your schedule to start. We’ll revisit things after you’ve rested up and see where we can adjust permanently.”
“Maybe I should just let you run the empire, Emmy.”
“Not in a million years, Majesty.”
The laughter helped chase away the fear as I headed into the bathroom. One shower and change of clothes later and the last vestiges of the dream faded away.
“Who were you talking to?” I asked Emmory before taking a bite out of a biscuit.
“General Saito has a call-in scheduled with Trackers Winston and Peche in two days and wanted to know if I’d be free to join her.”
“Do they have news about Bial?”
“I have no way of knowing that, Majesty.”
Bialriarn Malik had been my mother’s Ekam. His involvement in the plot to murder my whole family was as yet unknown because he’d fled just after saving my life.
Only after he’d vanished did my own Ekam inform me that Bial had been chosen for the Tracker Corps. An accident that killed Bial’s sister just after they were paired put him into a coma. The coma kept him from succumbing to the madness that usually befell severed Tracker pairs.
“What did you tell her?”
“That it depended on how Your Majesty felt.”
“I don’t need a babysitter, Emmory,” I replied, holding up my glass and wiggling it at him. “I’m of legal drinking age and everything.”
It was more fun to try to make him laugh than it should have been. Emmory’s chuckle was accompanied by a resigned shake of his head. “Majesty—”
“Seriously, I’d rather you go hear what they have to say so that you can report back to me. I’m not going anywhere and I’m assuming we have enough Guards on duty?”
“I’ve approved Iza, Gita, and Indula for full duty. Unless Your Majesty has objections.”
“You know I don’t. I like Iza and Indula. I’ll know better when I spend more time with Gita, but I trust your judgment on it.”
Iza Hajuman was a policewoman who’d stumbled upon us after the explosion in Garuda Square. Cool under fire, she’d stayed with us the whole way through the assault on the palace. I was pleased she’d accepted Emmory’s offer of a job.
I’d had six other offers of BodyGuards from major houses since news broke about Gita, but she was the only one Emmory had accepted so far.
Indula was an enigma. He’d clearly done something to earn Emmory’s trust. I’m sure it had to do not only with the fact that he’d been one of my mother’s BodyGuards but also that he was instrumental in preventing Bial from taking me prisoner when we’d returned to the palace to confront my cousin.
“I’m putting Gita on Team One with Zin and Kisah. Iza and Indula will be on Two with Will. There’s still a decent pool of Guards to choose the rest of your teams from, but I need the time to really vet them.”
“Take whatever time you need. I trust you.”
Emmory smiled. “That’s nice to hear, Majesty.”
“Well, you haven’t tried to kill me yet, is all I’m saying.” I stuck my tongue out at him. “You know what we need in terms of security and I’m pretty sure I promised you at one point that I’d keep my nose out of that arena. Besides, we’ve got all the time in the world,” I said with a shrug.
5
It was more than strange to spend the rest of the day doing nothing. Emmory had been right about my schedule, and the Phrine. The withdrawal headache hit several hours later and I realized how off I’d been on my own dosage estimates.
I managed to nap for a few hours but shook myself awake when the nightmare started and spent some time catching up on Hansi and the other social media networks, and reading through an endless stream of emails.
It was after lunch when the news reports started rolling in and I sat up on the couch. “Alba, turn the news on the wall.”
A young male reporter was standing in front of a park I recognized as the one within a few kilometers of the palace. “… the protesters clashed at about 17:00 standard time. Though the majority of either side seemed to stay out of the fighting and it is unclear just who initiated the conflict, Indranan Police Force riot control swept in and intervened in the fighting. Those responsible for the violence have been arrested, but no word yet from the IPF as to what the charges will be.”
“Bugger me,” I muttered. “What happened?”
“From what I can see, Majesty, there was a group of Upjas supporters engaged in a demonstration at Indranan Lights Park. A group of counterprotesters showed up and things got violent.”
“Do we know who started it?”
�
��We don’t, ma’am. I’ve requested a list of those who were arrested from the IPF; we’ll see how long it takes for me to get a response.”
“If you don’t have one in an hour, let me know.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Alba tried unsuccessfully to hide her frown behind her tablet.
I raised an eyebrow at my chamberlain. “What?”
“Nothing, Majesty.”
“Cowshit, Alba, what is it?”
“It would perhaps be better to just let the police handle this.”
“Oh?” I glanced over her shoulder at Emmory.
He shrugged. “It is their jurisdiction, ma’am. It would be better for the crown to remain unbiased.”
Laughing, I got to my feet. “Depending on who you ask, that’s already an issue, Emmory. I’ve read the news articles. I’m either being far too lenient on the Upjas or not listening to their reasonable requests.”
“Be that as it may, Majesty, there are laws in place for these situations. If the crown starts interfering in them without good reason it could cause more problems than it will solve.”
I glanced back at the screen, where footage of the violence replayed. Pulling a face, I waved my hand and turned it off. “All right, I’ll stay out of it for now. I want a regular update on the situation.”
Alba nodded. “Of course, ma’am.”
I survived the rest of the day and into the next morning before the restlessness took hold. After lunch, Stasia and I undertook the task of cleaning out my father’s office. She’d offered to do it without me, but I felt like I needed to be there.
“I had it aired out and we shut down the screens, Majesty.”
I nodded, stepping through the door straight into the past. “Mother shut up his office the day after he died. Nothing has been touched in here for twenty years.”
The desk and shelves were pristine, protected from the dust that coated the floor by the screens. That dust was marred by footprints.
Father’s desk was a massive thing, pale wood streaked with stains, and my breath caught as a memory surfaced.
