“Oh, I got it on eBay,” she says as she sits up. She’s gotten animated again and stopped crying.
“eBay?”
“Yeah, remember the guy that sold that movie prop black book we looked up? He has a whole inventory of awesome stuff and I won the deck. It costs me like $50.”
So there is this guy on eBay who buys up old movie props from D-list horror movie sets and then sells them as real magic items. It was a fake grimoire sold to an untrained adept that resulted in Lee escaping into the material world and taking over a body. And now my non-spellcasting employee is getting eerily accurate readings from a deck he sold. I start imagining the creepy shopkeeper in Needful Things with internet access.
“Where is the deck now?”
“In my purse.” We go back into the shop. Anastasia retrieves her purse from behind the counter. She removes a leather pouch from her purse and hands it to me. Inside is an ornately carved wooden box. Both the pouch and the box are lovely craftsmanship. I open the box and find the deck wrapped in a silk cover. Someone took extraordinary care of this deck.
The deck appears to be hand-painted with an antiqued finish, but the card stock is clearly a modern creation. Flipping the box over sees a small engraving from the creator. It’s the same company that made the movie prop grimoire. The deck’s creator mimicked the old Etteilla tarot. “Been so long since I’ve seen something other than the Rider or Crowley styles,” I mutter. “I can’t believe you got this for $50. The pouch and box alone are worth almost that much.”
“Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” thinks Houston.
“What? I haven’t activated Third Eye.”
“There are these silver strands running from the deck to Anastasia.”
“Huh. What do you know? She actually bonded with a deck.”
“And that doesn’t bother you?”
“Silver strands means that it is an anima. It won’t hurt her.”
An anima is similar to a wisp. Whereas a wisp is generated from intense primal human emotions like greed or anger, an anima is generated from intense faith or belief. They spontaneously manifest under rather peculiar conditions. First, there has to be an intense source of faith or belief. Anastasia obviously believed very strongly in the power of the tarot deck and her ability to use it. Second, you need the Veil to be thinner than normal so that energies from the Aether can seep into the material plane. This usually happens around the Solstices or the Equinoxes, but the Veil has been unusually thin since the end of last year when the 13 Batun ended. Finally, the anima needs a suitable home. Unlike wisps that attach directly to the host, an anima needs a physical thing to bind to that serves as the focus for the person’s faith or belief. And it needs to be something of high quality to suitably hold the energy. Cheap card stock printed in China won’t suffice.
Once bound, the anima will want to maintain the faith that created it. So, it will bond to its parent so to speak. Over time, an anima that grows strong enough can become a sprite. Unlike a wisp that would abandon its host upon becoming an imp, the sprite will remain protective of its “parent.”
Native American shamans often bind animae into totems or other ceremonial items in order to gain their assistance in protecting the tribe. Sometimes they even bind them to trees or geological formations to serve as guardians. The Pine Barrens are full of them.
“It’s a beautiful deck, Anastasia,” I say. “You didn’t do anything wrong by not telling Mrs. Martins about what you saw. A woman in her condition, it was inevitable. Even if she didn’t fall down the basement steps, it would have been something else eventually. A slip in the tub. Tripping on the curb.”
“Do you think I should keep doing the readings on Mondays?”
“I don’t see why not. It sounds like for the most part you’ve had good news for people. You’re making people happy with what you do.”
“I’m really good at it too!”
“And you’ll only get better.”
* * *
“Are you sure it was a good idea to let her keep that deck,” asks Houston as he gets out of the car.
“It’s an anima. It won’t hurt her. Tarot decks are very safe to use.”
“Probably still not a good idea to let her read my cards, though.”
“Ah, no. Would be very bad. She’s getting very accurate readings with that deck. I can just hear her now.” I tilt my head and open my eyes wide to imitate Anastasia. “Oh my God! You’re gonna talk with your mom but like your mom is dead that is so weird!”
“You do that frighteningly well. Just got to add a little bobbing with the head and it would be perfect.” He looks at his watch. “It’s gonna take you a while to make dinner, right? Think I’m gonna hit the gym for a bit.”
“They already filled the role for Thor, Houston.”
“Hey, Hemsworth might need a stunt double. I’ll be back in an hour.”
I laugh and wave him off. I go inside to find several of my candles already lit and a small pink cake on the dining room table with the words “Happy Birthday” in white icing.
“My birthday isn’t until next week.”
Lee comes out of the kitchen. “I know. But I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“How did you get in? And what is that smell?”
“Houston let me borrow his key.”
“That little bastard.”
“I burned the lasagna. I tried to follow the recipe but I was late getting here because of work so I figured I’d rush it by turning the oven up higher.”
“Yeah, it doesn’t work that way.”
“I realize that now. I think the center is still good but the edges are pretty well burnt.”
“Well, at least you didn’t mess up the cake.”
“I picked it up at Shoprite. It’s chocolate.”
“Smart man.” I go into the kitchen to check the lasagna. “Yeah, I’m thinking the center isn’t edible, either. We can order take-out.”
“It’s your birthday dinner. It’s supposed to be special.”
“It is.”
A Clean Sweep
August 30th
“So, how was dinner?” asks Houston with a Chester cat grin on his face.
“Very nice. You didn’t come home last night.”
“I didn’t know if Lee was going home last night. So I crashed at Aunt Ruth’s.”
Houston conspired with Lee to help Lee make me a private birthday dinner. He burned the dinner and we ended up ordering take-out. But it was thoughtful nonetheless.
“He went home around 11:00, I’ll have you know. Unlike someone I know, he remembered that he had work in the morning.”
“I am not…that late.”
I hand him his key. “You know, in general it isn’t a good idea to allow a demon to borrow your house key.”
“I figured this one has to obey his mistress’s every command, so…”
“You are awful.”
“It was his idea. He wanted to do something nice for you.”
“Yeah, but who told him my birthday was coming up?”
“I may have mentioned that I saw it on your WitchNet profile. I gotta be honest, I always figured you for a Leo. With your temper and everything.”
“My temper, huh?”
“OK, maybe temper isn’t the right word. Nah, it’s the right word.”
“Well, I guess it depends on whether you are using the sidereal and tropical zodiacs. And I don’t bother myself with the zodiac regardless. I leave that stuff to Transmuters and Diviners.”
“Oh, and as a warning, Anastasia may have overheard me telling Lee when your birthday was. So brace yourself.”
“Thanks for the warning.”
“So, Boss. What do you want for your birthday?”
“A clean house.”
“You know what? I take it back. You are a Virgo.”
I go into my office to find a brownie polishing my stapler. She’s about a two foot tall, with pink pig-tails tied up with green silk bows and huge blue eyes.
She’s wearing a long flower-printed dress that reminds me of one of those dresses you would find on an American Girl doll. Her patent leather shoes are polished to a mirror shine. As I closed the door, she looks up from her work and waves.
I involuntarily squee.
“Hello, ma’am! I’m Trinnie. The Flugalmorph Agency sent me.”
I’ve been talking about hiring a brownie for a while now. Last week I finally got around to sending out some queries to different agencies. Steve had recommended Flugalmorph. When they said that they would send a representative to discuss my needs, I didn’t expect them to send a brownie.
“I…wasn’t…I wasn’t expecting anyone until this afternoon.”
Trinnie’s bottom lip quivers slightly. “Oh, am I too early? I’m sorry! I can leave and come back!”
“No, no! Stay! It’s fine. Do you want something to drink?”
“Cream, please!”
“Let me send my apprentice to the store. I’m all out.”
I leave my office and find Houston in stocking a shelf. “You have to go to the store for me.” I hand him some money. “I need cream.”
“For the coffee? We got Coffee-Mate…”
“For the brownie,” I say in a hushed tone.
“You stop at the bakery this morning?”
“Not that kind of brownie. She’s…she’s…ye gods she’s so cute.”
“Wait an actual brownie. Like the little elf people? In your office?”
“Go get her some cream. Organic!”
I go back into my office to find Trinnie under my desk adjusting the wheel on my chair. “It was squeaking,” she explained as she put the tiny oil can back in her tiny briefcase.
I squee again.
“Houston will be back in a minute with the cream.”
“Thank you very much. You’re very kind.” She sits on the corner of my desk and pulls a clipboard out of her briefcase. “Your query said you were looking for someone to clean your house three times a week. Is that correct?”
“Yes.”
“Is it an apartment or a house?”
“Single family unit. Corner lot.”
“Are you looking for just a home package or a lawn maintenance package as well?”
“I hadn’t considered it. I suppose it wouldn’t be a bad idea.”
“Do you have a privacy fence?”
“Yes, it surrounds the entire property in fact.”
“Wonderful. Gives us more flexibility with scheduling if we don’t have to worry about noisy neighbors.”
“I’ve never had any issues with the neighbors. It’s mostly older couples whose children are grown. Folks leave each other alone for the most part.”
“ Do you have any pets we need to be aware of? Particularly cats?”
“No cats. No pets. Oh, um, there may be some bound wisps in animal form. It’s a temporary security situation.”
“Wisps are fine. It’s the cats that are the biggest concern. If you had a cat, we’d have to require you to carry an insurance rider in case of a cat attack on an employee.”
“I understand completely.”
“Do you have a familiar or plan to get one in the future?”
“No familiar. No plans for one in the near future.”
“What about your apprentice?”
“We haven’t discussed it. Probably not until he moves out and gets his own place.”
“That would be my suggestion. If you let him have one in the house you’ll end up taking care of it.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of. It’s bad enough that he leaves his dirty clothes on the floor in the bathroom.”
Trinnie frowns. “Throw his clothes out a couple of times. That will teach him. Anyway, do you have any children?”
“No. It’s just me and my apprentice that live in the house. And he’s an adult.”
“Any allergies to nuts, seeds, or pixie dust?”
“Nope. We’ve both been tested this year and no allergies.”
“It amazes me the number of people who don’t get tested regularly.” Trinnie writes feverishly on her little clipboard. “Any extraplanar visitors?”
“Well, my mother. And my grandmother. And Houston’s mother.”
“I would really recommend a monthly ectoplasmic cleaning if your dead relatives visit often. You can get a lot of build-up that can put a strain on the Veil. Particularly in your profession.”
“Can you give me a price with and without?”
“Oh, of course!”
“One pint of cream,” says Houston as he comes into the office. He freezes in place upon seeing Trinnie. “Uh...”
“This is Trinnie from the Flugalmorph Agency,” I say.
“Um...”
“We’re reviewing my cleaning needs for the service.”
“Um...”
“Leave it on the desk, Houston.”
“Um, does she need...um...cup? Straw? Something?”
“A straw, please!” she says.
“I’ll just go...get...”
“Yeah, go get her a straw.” Houston stumbles backwards out of the office, unable to take his eyes off of Trinnie. “I apologize for that. He’s an apprentice and still not accustomed to...well...everything.”
“It’s not a problem. I’m used to it. I realize my appearance has that sort of impact on some humans. You’ve both shown restraint. At least you haven’t grabbed me to hug me yet.”
“Found a straw,” says Houston as he returns. He opens the pint for Trinnie and puts the straw in it. “You look like Yachiru.”
“Who?” I ask.
“Yachiru,” repeats Houston. “Um, she’s a character on Bleach.” He shuffles in place for a moment. “I’m just gonna go now.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” I reply.
“Hey,” he says before leaving the office. “Anastasia will be in soon. You need me to run interference while...er...Trinnie is her?”
“Is she a witch, too?” asks Trinnie.
“No,” says Houston.
“Don’t worry, then” she says. “Mortals can’t see us unless we let them.”
“Thank God,” says Houston. He starts to say something, but then just waves and leaves the office.
“He’s adorable for a human,” says Trinnie. “Anyway, back to business.” She flips the page on her report and checks some items. “OK, since you are a demonologist, do you have any regular visitors who are outer planar denizens? Folks who are from beyond the astral plane?”
“I have a Servitor.”
Trinnie’s bottom lip pouts. “A Servitor? Oh, well. You didn’t seem like the sort that would...well, it’s not my business.”
“It’s not what you think. He was a free-roaming lemure who took over a dead body. They were going to exorcise him but then his parents would have been left with a corpse and...and he’s kind of a friend with Houston and his was fine with it.”
“He was fine with it? Well, like I said, not my business.” Her disappointment is palpable. She radiates an aura of guilt. Not literally. Well, maybe it is literal. Fae aren’t my specialization after all. I just know that I feel horrible. Like I just handed my mother a report card with a C+ on it.
“No, I mean he and Houston came up with this plan. Lee agreed to the deal because I already pledged him to Houston when I die and he and Houston have this pact that as soon as Houston takes ownership he has to let Lee go. So everyone is fine.”
“Oh,” her eyes light up and become even bluer that they were. I fight back another squee. “That all sounds very tricky! And here I always thought demonologists were all stuffy fuddies!”
“Oh, but please don’t say anything!’
She puts two fingers over her lips and shakes her head. “Never! All agents are sworn to strict confidentiality rules as part of our employment. Besides, I wouldn’t want to get anyone in trouble who is so thoughtful.” She scribbles some notes on the form. “Is your...Lee...his name is Lee?...is Lee at your house often?”
“Often enough.”
“I’m going to include a Quarterly Veil maintenance package with the quote. As you know, the Veil is already prone to thinning around your kind. And if you are having demons and ghosts over regularly there is always the risk of residual waste build up. We have a special spellthread that we use to repair frayed edges and seams.”
“My mother could have used that when we were kids. It seemed like every other Saturday was spent sweeping up imps.”
“You know, we could give you a package deal if you also wanted to include a quote for cleaning the shop as well. We also offer temp staffing services. With the holiday season coming up perhaps you would be interested in an elfin stock clerk?”
“You know, this is all starting to sound a little pricy.”
“I understand. Believe me when I say we are a very low-pressure agency. I can work up quotes with all of the available options, and you can just look them over and decide which works best for your needs.”
“I was thinking of hiring another employee anyway.”
“I’m sure you will find our temps much more cost-effective than dealing with a new hire through the state of New Jersey. And far less paperwork.”
“Let’s see all of the options.”
* * *
“Are they all that cute?” asks Houston as we look over the quotes Trinnie supplies during dinner. “My God. I almost snatched her up and hugged her.”
“Don’t do that. They don’t like it. And yes, from what I understand all brownies are like that.”
“You might as well go for the full package. It’s only $200 a week plus their cream and honey allowance, and you get cleaning service three times a week, weekly yard service, and both an overnight stock clerk and overnight maintenance gremlin. Like a normal gremlin not what we dealt with last month. By the way, have you heard anything?”
Last month, while performing the annual gremlin sweep for the city’s Fourth of July fireworks show, we came across a Thought-Beast that manifested in the form of a gremlin. The Hollywood movie variety. Thought-Beasts can do that because they take their form based on the beliefs of the community. With the Veil being so thin these days, the decade or so of collective concern from the Public Works department over sabotage of the explosives finally took shape. We managed to capture it and take it to the guild hall.
nancy werlock's diary s01 - episodes 1-7 Page 24
