“I don’t think Neve’s getting any better. Are you making pizza?”
“Sort of. Mum hates ready meals so we have to make do with these base things and load them up with whatever is in the fridge. I’m giving the turkey a miss though!”
He finished preparing the pizzas and, after putting them in the oven, asked with a woeful attempt at an eyebrow wiggle, “So, what are we going to do for the next ten minutes while they cook?”
Neve’s parents returned as we were sat eating pizza and watching a re-run of Top Gear. They didn’t seem at all bothered by the sight of Flynn and I sat next to each other on the sofa. When I moved my leg slightly to create some distance between us, Flynn just moved his leg across to increase the pressure against mine. After she had checked on Neve, I heard the hushed tones of Steph talking to Simon in the hall before they come back in.
“I think Neve might have that noro-virus that has been on the news. She’s got an awful temperature and it sounds just like it. Cass, I don’t think you should stay in Neve’s room with her in case you get it. Now, before you say it, I don’t want you to go home but I’m afraid that the best we can do tonight is the sofa. Would that be alright, love?” She smiled at me from her perch on the arm of the chair.
“I don’t mind going home. Honestly. I really don’t want to put you out.” The reality that I didn’t want to leave Flynn had to remain unspoken.
“She can have my bed and I can sleep in here. I’m usually the last one up anyway.” Flynn’s tone suggested nothing about any ulterior motive behind wanting me to stay.
“Are you sure, love? That does make more sense.”
“Yeah. No problem. I’ll go and put some clean sheets on.” I smiled in the face of yet more evidence of Flynn’s domestic prowess. And tried not to think about wrapping myself in his sheets. Sheets that he had lain in. I cleared up the plates to stop myself begging him to leave the old sheets on.
I was surprised when Flynn raised the subject of that night’s film in front of his parents when the show we had all been watching ended. However, as if on cue, Simon and Steph decided to go to bed and, after wishing us both goodnight, left us to it. Flynn winked as they departed but waited until they were definitely upstairs before speaking.
“So, are we going to even bother putting the film on, Cass? I don’t want to waste another classic on you after last night!”
I adopted a tone of moral outrage in my reply. “Of course. I want to watch a film and I will not allow myself to be distracted again!” I was fully aware of the gauntlet being thrown down but was eager to know how he would respond.
With an enthusiastic “You’re on!” Flynn accepted the challenge.
For the first twenty minutes or so of The Social Network nothing happened. We sat next to each other, much in the same way as when his parents were in the room, and, other than a slight variation in pressure when one or the other of us moved, there was no sign of the seduction I was expecting. When Flynn put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to lean against him, I went with it, secretly hoping that this would be the start of what I really wanted.
But it wasn’t.
His hand stayed where it was and his eyes remained looking forward. In one way it didn’t matter; just the thought of him was enough. My blood was pulsing and I was aching deep inside. I was contemplating begging him to touch me when the fingers on my shoulder started a gentle caress. I hid a smile and pretended not to notice. After several minutes of this, I couldn’t resist looking at Flynn. “You OK?” he asked with a smirk, daring me to say I wanted more. But I wasn’t going to relent that easily and looked away.
My confidence in my ability to maintain at least the outward appearance of calm was shaken when his fingers started to follow the neckline of my top, lingering at the point of my V-neck. I tried to stifle the sigh that built up but couldn’t hide the way my chest was visibly rising and falling with each breath.
The kissing of my neck proved to be the start of my undoing. Flynn moved my hair to the other side and started planting small kisses in a line that started behind my ear and ended where my chest started to swell. I couldn’t stop myself from angling my head so that he had better access.
“Are you admitting defeat, Cass?” he murmured into my skin.
“No…I’m still watching the film.” Although unconvincing, I didn’t want to give in as I wanted to see what his next line of attack would be. The neck-kissing continued, but now each kiss was ended with a brief flick of his tongue. Flynn had given up looking at the screen and shifted his body to give me his full attention. The scattering of kisses got lower and lower, helped by the way he pulled downwards at my top, until he was kissing along the edge of my bra.
This was too much like the dream for me to cope with and I groaned in defeat. I pulled his head up so that I could kiss him and there was a momentary clash of teeth before what was our deepest, most sexy kiss to date.
Flynn placed his hands at the bottom of my top and looked at me for permission. I smiled and raised my arms to help him. As the coolness of the air hit my skin, the all-over tingling escalated and I knew that, short of the house burning down, nothing was going to make me leave the sofa at this point. I was glad that I was wearing decent underwear as I certainly hadn’t been expecting this when I dressed that morning.
“Wow.” He gently pushed me back so that I was half-lay, with my head resting on the arm of the sofa. Flynn knelt between my legs and looked at me. “Wow.” His head lowered and I was treated to a beautifully slow kiss before his mouth made a kissing-licking path down to my chest. I trembled, literally shook with the feelings he was generating. When he came back up to kiss me on the mouth again, I tugged at his shirt and pulled it over his head. He sat back on his knees whilst I ran my hands up and down the hard contours of his chest and abs.
“Wow,” I echoed. And I meant it. He felt wonderful. Mimicking his earlier move, I ran my fingertips along the waistband of his jeans, scraping slightly at the skin directly above his fly. I could see as well as feel the sharp intake of breath this generated and I had a moment of smugness: it was me who made him respond that way. Flynn leant down, dropping his weight on to me from chest to hip, and started kissing me with increased intensity. My senses were overwhelmed by the swell of his bicep under my hand, the heat of skin against skin, the tangle of legs. Before long, I was so far gone, it took me a moment to register that Flynn had pulled back slightly, the depth of his breathing signalling that he was as affected as I was.
After dropping down to plant a soft kiss on my forehead, he sat back on his knees. “I can’t take any more tonight, Cass.” As much as I wanted to continue, I didn’t want to push him: partly out of fear, as this was so much further than I had expected to be three days into a relationship; partly because I knew how embarrassingly close I was to completely letting go at that moment.
“OK. I guess I’ll go to bed then.” I tried not to sound too disappointed.
“Cass, I want to carry on more than anything right now but we would end up regretting it. Trust me, you, and that, is all I’m going to be thinking about for hours.”
“OK.”
“Don’t just say OK, Cass. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“Why? I agree. We should stop.” I think frustration was making me stroppy.
“Really? Because stopping then took every ounce of self-control I have and, if you had done the same to me, I would be doing whatever it took to change your mind.” Maybe it was frustration that was pushing Flynn as well.
“What do you want me to say, Flynn? That I am so turned on right now I am struggling to even string a sentence together? That, even though we probably would regret it, I don’t want to stop? That there is no way I’m going to be able to sleep in your bed tonight without replaying every second of that? I’ve never so much as kissed a boy before and you have got me ready to give you everything so quickly – it’s scary how much I want you. So sorry if it’s not the response you were after. I’m doing the best
I can.” Although we were talking in whispers, there was an angry edge to my voice.
“You’re amazing, Cass. And that’s so what I needed to hear. I haven’t felt like this before either and I need to know that you feel the same. I don’t want to push you but I don’t want to be the one making all of the decisions either.” He took my face in his hands and kissed me. “And, yes I’ve changed the sheets, but you should know that I lay in that bed last night thinking of you…” The raised eyebrow that accompanied this remark was an obvious sign that he expected me to respond in disgust.
“Yeah, well that will probably be me tonight so, if I were you, I’d make sure to change them again tomorrow!” I returned the eyebrow raise, blew him a kiss and left him laughing.
“‘Night, Cass.”
Night, Flynn.
“I’m really sorry, Cass. We were supposed to have such a great time.” Neve was a little better the next day, but not yet well enough to leave her room. I couldn’t tell her that I had still had a great time. How was I going to be able to tell her what had gone on? The last week had brought with it two major secrets I had kept from Neve; neither was something I had planned, but telling her about the incident with Rob or developments with Flynn was going to be really hard, for very different reasons.
“It’s OK, honestly. I’ve still had a good time. And what would I have done otherwise? Just been at my house by myself? It’s you I feel sorry for. Is there anything I can get you?”
“You’re so sweet, Cass. There is one thing, but it feels a bit weird asking.”
“I can do weird. What is it?”
“I want to wash my hair. It got caught up when I was being sick and it smells horrible but I haven’t got the energy.”
“Ooh, I can play hairdressers! Do you want to have a shower as well or just wash it over the sink?”
“I’d like a shower but I’m not sure-”
“OK, Miss Peters, Nurse Jones is in charge here. You are going to have a shower. You can keep your knickers on and I’ll turn away for that bit. I’ve seen your boobs before so there’s no reason to be shy! There will be no trace of sick left when we’re finished.” I pulled back the duvet and took some clean clothes out of her drawers. I maintained the slightly bossy approach during the shower and re-dressing before sitting Neve down on the chair at her desk.
“You’re such a great friend, Cass. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I couldn’t have asked Mum to do this.” I reached down to give her a hug and then rough-dried her hair, admiring the different tones of blonde. After a quick run through with the straighteners, I was finished and even felt a little smug about the job I’d done.
“Do you fancy a bit of make-up? You do still look kind of shit you know!”
“Being honest, Cass, I just want to get back into bed. I could sleep for England!”
“Come on then. In you go. Snug as a bug in a rug.” As I smoothed the duvet and put the TV remote within reach, I had to fight the urge to tell Neve everything that had happened with Flynn. Not yet.
“What are you going to do this afternoon?”
“I thought I might do some revision. I haven’t done any so far this holiday!”
“Oh, don’t remind me.” She snuggled into the duvet. “Thanks again for being so understanding, Cass.”
“Stop saying that! You’d do the same for me. Remember, when we’re old ladies, smelling of wee and moaning about the price of biscuits, we’ll probably have to do far worse for each other!” I left the room and headed downstairs.
Flynn was in the kitchen, talking to his parents. Any awkwardness I felt was more because of Neve not being there, rather than seeing Flynn after last night. I helped myself to some cereal and updated Steph about Neve.
“Did you sleep OK, Cass?” There was a barely concealed laugh behind Flynn’s words.
“Yes thanks. I tossed and turned for a bit but then had a great night.” Two could play that game!
“That’s good. What are you going to do today?” Steph was thankfully oblivious to the sexual tension bubbling between Flynn and me.
“I need to do some revision for the mocks so will probably get on with that, if you don’t mind me hanging around.”
“Of course not. We are going to be in and out today anyway. What are your plans, Flynn?”
“I’m popping to Stratford this afternoon to pick up that new guitar case. Cass, you can use my room to revise if you want somewhere quiet.” I admit that I was disappointed to hear that Flynn was going out but knew that it would make it easier to focus on my revision.
Neve’s parents went out soon afterwards and I was left in the kitchen with Flynn. It amazed me to think how comfortable I felt around him now. I enjoyed watching him just potter around, finding any excuse to briefly touch me. And, although I had my tablet switched on in front of me, my attention was definitely elsewhere.
“Do you fancy coming to Stratford with me?” Even though it appeared a casual question, it had far greater significance. So far, anything between Flynn and I had only taken place at night, in the house, with only us knowing about it. Going to Stratford would mean going public. Or would it? Maybe he was just after some company for the ride? We hadn’t discussed what exactly our relationship was and, thinking about it, I wondered if its clandestine nature suited Flynn. Was I just some fun whilst he was home from Uni? I decided that, whilst there was the chance of spending time with him again tonight, I didn’t want to push my luck.
“I really need to revise. Once the shop is open again, it’ll be difficult to find much time. Can I go and set up in your room now?”
“Sure. I’ll clear the desk,” he replied, an edge to his voice. “I’ve left the bed, as Mum might say you should use it again tonight.” He left the room without the quip I might have expected and I wondered why his mood seemed to have deteriorated.
I hadn’t paid much attention to his room last night as my mind had been elsewhere but, in the bright light of day, it seemed kind of sad. Although it was decorated in coordinated shades of blue, there were few clues as to its resident. The shelves were empty and there were none of the knick-knacks that made my room mine.
“Thanks for this, Flynn.”
“No problem. I don’t spend much time in here. Most of my stuff is in my room at Uni so it doesn’t really feel like mine, if you know what I mean.” It suddenly made sense: that was why he watched his late night films downstairs. Thinking about the films made me think about the last couple of nights and I wanted him to know that.
“Well, I for one am glad that you haven’t been spending your evenings hidden away in here.” I gave him a smile and brushed his forearm with my hand. As I put my books down, Flynn grabbed my hand.
“Cass, can we talk?” I couldn’t read his tone and wondered if this was going to be the conversation where he told me that there would be no more nights. I turned round, waiting for him to continue. He pulled me to the bed and we sat side by side. “I don’t know what’s going on here, Cass. You’re giving me mixed signals today and I’m not interested in playing games, trying to work out what you’re thinking. If something is on your mind, tell me.”
“What do you mean by mixed signals?” I was genuinely confused by what he said.
“Well, one minute you’re driving me mad, joking about what you got up to in here last night, the next you’re not interested in anything, and then you start flirting again. It’s confusing and, honestly, a bit frustrating.” It was hard not to take his words personally and get upset by them, but I appreciated that he was doing what I should have done earlier and get some clarification about what was going on between us.
“I don’t know what this is,” I said, punctuating the ‘this’ with a sweep of my arm that encompassed the two of us, “and I don’t know what signals I’m supposed to be giving. I don’t know if this is a proper relationship or if you think we’re just going to be friends with benefits.” I finally voiced what I had been trying not to admit, even to myself.
“I
thought I made that clear last night. This isn’t a fling Cass. I like you, a lot. At some point you are going to have to believe that. But you have got to speak up when you’re feeling uncertain. This won’t work if we can’t be open with each other.” It felt like there was far more than eighteen months age difference between us.
“OK. I get it.” As I leant up to give him a peck on the cheek, he turned my face so that the peck ended up becoming a full-on kiss. Our bodies twisted into each other and both sets of hands started touching the other. But when I felt Flynn pulling me downwards, I refused to go with him. “This is me being assertive. As lovely as it would be to spend the day like this, I need to revise. So, this is me pressing pause.” I gave him a quick kiss and got off the bed, ignoring the pleading look in his eyes.
“Why don’t you come to Stratford with me? It will be more interesting than revision.”
“I’m sure it would, but I can’t afford to mess up my exams. And don’t be a hypocrite; I know how hard you worked last year to get your grades.”
“Maybe, but that was for the real thing, not the mocks. Please?” He put on his best lost little boy look and, picking up my hand, started stroking the inside of my wrist. “Pretty please?” He moved my wrist to his mouth and started kissing the same spot.
“If you promise not to say another word, I will go to Stratford with you after I’ve done a couple of hours of revision. OK?” The smile that greeted me was worth giving in for.
“It’s eleven now. I’ll get us lunch for one and then we can go.” He planted a sloppy kiss on my mouth and left me to my pile of books.
After an hour of being sat at the desk, I was bored and uncomfortable. Flynn had left me alone and I’d been able to get a decent amount of work done. I moved to the bed and lay on my stomach, French revision guide and notes spread out in front of me. Whilst trying to get my head around the pluperfect tense, I heard Flynn come up the stairs. After checking on Neve, he hovered at the door.
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