by E. M. Leya
Ax reached for his hand. "Les, don't go. I wasn't ready for bed. I was just being lazy tonight. I'm glad you came over."
"I should have called first."
"I would have just invited you over if you had. Don't worry. You're not bothering me." She ran a finger down his cheek. "I'm worried about you."
He pulled back and buried his face in his hands as if ashamed she knew he'd been crying. "It's stupid. I shouldn't be so upset. I mean our parents die, right? That's how it works? They grow old and die before us?"
"Did something happen to one of your parents?" Ax gripped his arm.
"No, at least not yet. Not really." He took an uneven breath and sat back as he looked over at her. "So, I got invited to dinner tonight. My mom, she failed to tell me almost six months ago she was diagnosed with Dementia. She didn't want to bother me until it got severe and it was more obvious." He ran his fingers over the scruff on his chin. "I mean I noticed little things when I'd see her. She'd look lost or distant at times. She forgot to make gravy with dinner last Easter, but I assumed it was normal. She's almost seventy. People forget things as they get older, right?"
Ax nodded. "They do, but it was more? She was trying to protect you?"
"Yeah, but now that's backfired. Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer last week. It's spread already. Dad says he will fight it, but that the outlook isn't very good. So, they decided to sit me down tonight and give me all this news." He shook his head. "Sorry, I'm just a little overwhelmed right now."
"No, it's okay. I think anyone would be overwhelmed. You don't have any brothers or sisters either, do you? This is all on you now?" Ax rested her palm on his knee supportively.
"Yep, it's just me." He sighed. "Dad says things are okay right now, but could change quickly. He wants to work on getting everything in my name and giving me power of attorney for both of them." Les looked over at Ax, his eyes filling with tears again. "I don't know if I can do this." Then as if he realized how close to crying he was, he pushed her hand from his knee and stood. "I don't know why I came over here. I mean, we hardly know each other. I should have gone to Jeff or someone. I'm sorry."
Ax watched him pace, giving him the space he seemed to need. "I'm glad you came to me. We might not have years of friendship behind us, Les, but there is a connection. I know you feel it too. I can see it in your eyes when we are together. I'm glad you were comfortable enough to come here. That's a hell of a lot to deal with in one night. You have every right to be upset."
He stopped pacing and turned to her. "I don't know how to deal with all this. I'm not even sure where to start."
"You don't have to deal with it all at once. You can do it in steps. Tonight is just digesting the news. You don't have to worry about anything more right now other than that." She held out her hand, wishing she could take the pain in his eyes away. "Come here."
He sighed and slowly stepped back to the couch. He took her hand as he sat down. "Thanks."
She smiled as she raised a brow. "Need a hug?"
He laughed softly and nodded. "Yeah." He came to her without hesitation, wrapping his arms around her, as she did the same to him.
Ax caressed her hand up his back. "I'll be here for you. When it all gets to be too much, and you have nowhere else to go, you can come here. I'll listen, let you scream, cry, and be angry at the world. You don't have to go through it all alone."
*****
Les pressed his face to Ax's soft robe, drawing strength from the comfort she was giving him. He was numb, unsure what to feel, and even though he hardly knew Ax, he was drawn to her place. He couldn't go to Jeff. Jeff and his parents hated each other. There were other friends, but none he wanted in his personal life. Somehow, over just a few short weeks, Ax had become the only person he wanted to turn to.
He slowly pulled back, looking up into those blue eyes, seeing the concern filling them. He tried to smile. "Thanks."
She brushed her hand down his cheek and nodded. "Anytime."
They stared at each other for several moments before he finally found the strength to look away. He reached for his water and took a long drink before setting it down. "So, I guess in the next few months, I'm going to be burying my dad, and watching my mother lose her mind."
"Hey, that's negative thinking. Cancer isn't always a death sentence, and dementia works at different speeds. You could have years." Ax grabbed his arm gently. "I refuse to let you get lost in the what ifs. You don't know what the future holds. It's a good thing to get your name on stuff anyway. Even if they were completely healthy, they are up there in years. I know my parents have a will and have already given my sister power of attorney over them just in case. Until you know more and have a reason to get yourself worked up and worried, you are going to go into this one step at a time." She met his gaze with a hard stare. "And no matter what happens, I'll be right there with you when you need me."
Les nodded. "You're right. It just hit me hard. It was the last thing I expected. I mean, I thought maybe one of them was sick, but both…" He ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to smile. "Thank you."
"Anytime. Now, do you want to drown your bad mood in some ice cream with me?"
He laughed. "You're going to think the only reason I come over is to borrow your bed or eat dessert."
"Nah, I know the truth. You just can't go too long without getting a good look at my legs." She stood, lifting the robe to about her knees and giving him a peek, before hurrying into the kitchen. "Hope chocolate is okay."
"You are such a tease." He liked that she was trying to lighten his mood. It was working. There was just something about Ax that made her so easy to talk to. He hadn't really thought twice about coming to her when he left his parents'. It was like there was a draw that pulled him there. Out of everyone he knew, Ax was the one who would listen, who would understand him. He stood and went to the kitchen, watching as she scooped ice cream into two bowls.
She smiled over her shoulder at him. "Ice cream makes everyone feel better." She lifted the spoon to his lips, offering a bite.
He closed his mouth around the spoon, sucking the ice cream off as she pulled the spoon from his lips. He let the creamy mixture melt on his tongue before swallowing. "Mmm." He licked his lips.
"Told ya." Ax used her index finger to wipe the corner of his mouth, and then sucked it off. She quickly handed him one of the bowls off the counter. "Go enjoy." She gave him a gentle shove toward the couch.
He smiled as he turned from her. "What is it with girls and ice cream when you're in a bad mood?"
"Eat it and see. Sugar always helps a bad mood."
"So, it doesn't have to be ice cream?"
She sat down beside him. "No, but it works best if it's chocolate of some kind."
He laughed, trying not to notice the way the robe parted, showing off a long stretch of thigh.
"Stop looking at my legs."
"But maybe for me, that's better than chocolate."
"Pervert."
"Hey, who was the one flashing leg just minutes ago?"
"Touché." She sat back, fixing the robe so it didn't show as much.
"Are you wearing anything under that anyway?" He frowned as he said the words, wondering why he cared. He didn't want to see what was underneath. He'd seen enough men in the locker rooms. When she didn't answer, he glanced up, surprised to see her blushing. It was rare that anything embarrassed Ax. "Okay, so I'm guessing that's a no?"
She bit her lip as she stirred the ice cream. He could see her tense her shoulders as if she was nervous or scared of something.
"I'm wearing something, but it's the same something that's sent more than one man running out of my life." She tightened the robe around her chest.
Les nodded, wondering if he dare ask to see. Wondering if he wanted to see. Her comment had him curious, but there was also some other deep yearning inside him that he wasn't sure he wanted to explore. He glanced down, taking in her painted toenails. They were a burgundy red. His gaze traveled
up her body before coming to a stop as he met her stare. "Show me."
Ax sucked in a hard breath.
"Or don't. I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with." He'd never seen her look so nervous.
"I'm more worried that you won't be comfortable with it." She bit her lip as she seemed to grip the robe even tighter to her body.
"You're worried I'll leave?"
She nodded.
His heart raced as he watched how she'd gone from the in control, confident person, who was helping him deal with his problems, to almost fragile and scared. It killed him to think someone had rejected her for being who she was. He wasn't like them. He would never turn her away because of something she wore or how she looked.
Without even thinking about it, he reached up and brushed his knuckles down her cheek, enjoying the softness as she pressed back against his hand. She was so perfect. Scared out of his mind, he bent forward. "I would never do anything that would hurt you." He softly brushed his lips against hers before pulling back.
Ax brought her fingers to her lips, her eyes wide in surprise.
Les tried to steady his racing pulse as he realized what he'd done. Even more surprised at how much he wanted to do it again.
"Les?" Ax whispered his name.
"I don't know. I just needed to kiss you. It felt right." He set his uneaten ice cream on the table. "I'm sorry if I shouldn't have."
"No, it's okay. I'm not mad. I liked that you did. I'm just shocked."
He nodded. "Yeah, me too." What did he do now? He wasn't gay, but he'd just kissed someone with the same body parts as he had and he liked it. Did it change things because she was dressed as a woman? No, it didn't. He knew both sides of Ax. He knew who he was kissing, and he fucking wanted to do it again.
He needed to think, clear his head, and figure out what the hell was going on.
He didn't want her to think he was upset about this kiss. He just needed space. Time to think everything over. "I need to go. Not because I kissed you, but because I want to do it again, and I'm not in the right mind tonight to do this. I don't want you to think I'm running out on you like others have. I just need to…" He blew out a long breath. "Wow." He smiled and shook his head. "The things I want from you scare me. I just need some time to sort through everything in my head right now. Okay?"
She nodded, still looking stunned. "It's okay." She reached for his hand. "Les, I have one favor to ask you before you leave."
"Sure, anything." He linked their fingers.
"Whatever you decide is okay with me. If you want to explore more, then I'm okay with that, but if you don't want to go down this road, then we won't. I just ask that we stay friends one way or the other. I don't want this to ruin what we share. Physically or not, there is a connection between us. Don't throw that away."
He gave her hand a squeeze. "I promise." Releasing her hand, he took the bowl of ice cream from where she'd rested it on her leg. He set it beside his on the coffee table. "I'll be back. Tonight just isn't the night we need to do this. I need some time." He again leaned in and brushed his mouth over hers, wanting to be sure what he was feeling was real. There was no imagining the electricity that seemed to sizzle between them when they touched.
She smiled as she pulled him into a tight hug. "Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."
He inhaled her scent, marking it to his memory before pulling back and nodding. "I'll text you tomorrow. We'll plan dinner later in the week. Maybe I'll know what the hell I'm doing by then." He tried to smile.
"You know, sometimes it's okay not to know." Ax ran her fingers down his arm. "Call me if you need to talk. Not about this, but other stuff. You know I'm here. This changes nothing." She walked him to the door.
As he said goodnight, he thought about how wrong she was.
This changed everything.
CHAPTER EIGHT
The clock seemed to stare at him, mocking him for being unable to sleep. Les tossed off the covers and threw his legs over the edge of the bed, sitting up, frustrated. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Ax. It was as if she was haunting him, not just in her female form, but also the male, and it was that image that was giving him the most anxiety.
He wasn't scared that he might want a man. That didn't bother him. What bothered him was how did it happen so suddenly? How did he go from liking women his whole life, to suddenly not being able to get a man off his mind? Sure, he also liked Ax as a woman, and it was that part of her that started the attraction, but he was realizing that the attraction didn't change when he thought of kissing Ax as a man either.
How could he go through his whole life and never want a man before? He'd noticed them, checked out other guys in the locker room, even thought about what it might be like to have sex with another man. Listening to Jeff get fucked night after night, it was impossible not to think about it, but that was where it stopped. He'd never seen himself with anyone. Never desired any particular man. Ax was changing all that.
Giving up on sleep, he pulled on a pair of shorts and made his way out to the kitchen. It figured the one night Jeff didn't have company, he couldn't sleep. Work was going to be hell. Not that he would be able to keep his mind on work. Between his parents and Ax, his mind was going a hundred miles an hour.
With a glass of milk, he headed to the living room and sat down on the couch. He wondered what Ax was thinking about everything. He couldn't forget the look of shock on her face when he'd kissed her. He didn't blame her. It was out of nowhere. Still, it worried him that she was so shocked. She claimed she felt the connection. Had he sensed more than she did?
"Hey, what are you doing up?" Jeff stumbled in, looking half-asleep. "Everything okay?"
Les shrugged. "It's been a rough night."
"Shit, I forgot you had dinner with your parents. Didn't go well?" Jeff sat down.
"No, didn't go well at all. Dad has prostate cancer and Mom has dementia." He sighed. "Can't get much worse than that."
"Hell, I'm sorry. How bad is it? Your dad I mean."
"Bad enough they are transferring things into my name and giving me power of attorney over both of them."
"Fuck."
"Yeah." Les downed the last of his milk.
"So, what are you going to do?"
"What can I do? Dad's going to fight it, but it doesn't look good. Mom's doing okay right now, but Dad says she is forgetting more and more. He doesn't let her drive anymore." Les fell back against the couch. "I don't know what to do."
"One of the girls at work has a father with dementia. I know she had to put her dad in a care center. She said it just wasn't safe for him to be left alone."
Les didn't need to hear that, but it was now his reality.
"I can ask her for information if you need me too."
"Yeah, I might. Let me figure out just how bad she is first. I'm going over Wednesday night to find out more and hear what Dad's doctor says when he goes in."
"I'm sorry." Jeff frowned. "It's fucked up it all happened at once."
Les nodded. "Why are you up? Did I wake you?"
"I had to pee and saw the light on. I wasn't sure I'd catch you in the morning. I have to be in early. I wanted to let you know I'll be gone Thursday morning to Monday night. I've been asked to attend a convention with my boss."
Les raised a brow. "Been kissing some ass?"
Jeff laughed. "I know, right? Nope, they said they liked the work I did on the last design I did and they wanted me to join them. I can't really refuse. They're paying my way."
"That's cool. Where ya' headed?"
Jeff grinned. "Vegas."
"Shit. Now that isn't fair."
"I know. I'm excited. The conference ends at five each day and that gives me nights to play."
"Good. Someone else can listen to you for a change."
"Shut up." Jeff tossed a pillow at him.
"Have fun. Just don't spend all your money. Rent's due in a week."
"I'll leave it with you bef
ore I go. I don't want to risk spending it." Jeff stretched. "You going to be okay?"
Les debated telling him about Ax, but decided he wanted to keep it to himself for now. "Yeah, I'm good."
"Then I'm going back to bed. You let me know if I can do anything." Jeff stood and sauntered off.
"Night." Les sighed as he closed his eyes and tried to do the same, but on the couch or in the bed, sleep wasn't going to come. At least on the couch, there wasn't a clock to remind him how little sleep he was going to get.
*****
Ax sipped his coffee as he thought about Les. The kiss shocked him. No matter how strong the connection seemed between them, he never once thought Les would be the one to do something about it.
With a glance at the clock, he sighed. Mondays were always the worst. Work would be busy, and he wasn't in the mood to deal with upset customers who wanted their car repaired in record time.
He rolled his shoulders, trying to work out the tension. With everything going on in Les's life, he worried about him, then to throw whatever this was between them into the mix, it only added to his stress. The last thing he wanted was to make things harder for him.
What was he supposed to do? He wanted Les. He wasn't going to deny that. It was Les who said he was straight, and Ax promised him he wouldn't hit on him. Now that they'd kissed, was he free to try for more, or was he going to scare him away? Was Les just experimenting, or did he really feel something towards him? That was the biggest question. Did Les find the male Ax as attractive as the female? Would that kiss have happened if he'd been in his boxers and hadn't been teasing him by flashing his legs?
Ax was used to rejection, but the thought of Les rejecting him seemed to hurt worse than others. Which was stupid because they honestly hardly knew each other. They weren't dating, weren't serious. They were new friends, nothing more. But damn it, it sure felt like more.
"Fuck." Ax pushed his coffee aside and stood as he grabbed his keys and phone. He headed out the door and down to his car, ignoring the yelling coming from the apartment next to his. The drunken slurs and fighting between his neighbors were a daily thing.
