“Jealous,” I snarled, not having anything to dispute his words.
“Yes,” he said with no hesitation.
“Really,” I said, my voice filled with menace. “Is that why you continue to try and break us up? I bet you use your compulsion on me to get me to feel the things I do about you.”
“So you admit you have feelings for me now?” he questioned.
“Only of your design,” I said tightly.
His fingertips were on my arm, creating a trail blaze of fire. They coursed up my neck to cup my cheek. It was far too close for comfort. “If your mother only taught you, it would be drilled into your head that we can only make others act, forget, or remember. We cannot create feelings or anything to do with emotions. The things you feel can only be blamed on you.”
Turning away from his touch like I’d been slapped, I tried to move away. His other hand came up capturing my face and I was trapped and forced to look into his eyes. There I found the deep shadows were back. His gorgeousness was marred with the ugly marks of fatigue. “Why do you look like you haven’t fed for weeks?” I asked. His hands fell away. “Who were you with tonight?” I continued because he hadn’t said a thing. “I bet you were with her,” I accused. The blonde. “And I bet she’s doing this to you.”
“You sound like a jealous girlfriend,” he mocked.
“You wish,” I said finally pushing away from him, unable to meet his eyes.
Stopping me with a hand on my arm and spinning me to face him. “You want to know who’s doing this to me?” he asked pointing to his face. I nodded. Answering me, he pointed at my chest with firm but gentle pressure on my skin. I got the feeling he didn’t even realize where his finger landed. “You. You are doing this to me.”
Chin up, I breathed in fire. This was so not me doing this. Flynn said, “Luke doesn’t deserve us and I’m beginning to think we don’t deserve each other.”
“I never wanted you,” I spit out, wondering why we were so connected and not for the first time. We weren’t compatible.
“Yeah, well, tell that to the bond that’s formed between us. Here I thought when I met ‘the’ Cambion girl, my life would change for the better. But it’s only turned into a nightmare.”
“I didn’t ask for this,” I said venomously.
“Then just let me out of this dreamscape.”
“I didn’t put us here,” I said, shoving him. My anger had grown violent. Of course, he didn’t budge. He was like stone. Then something flared in his eyes. Blue flame.
“Need a reason to leave this place,” he said, a moment later he was in my face again. With his hand against the base of my skull, he pulled my head back and leaned down.
“Stop,” I protested, but his mouth descended on mine.
Chapter Forty Seven
Sputtering, I came awake kicking out.
Luke reached out. “It was only a dream.”
If only he knew. My shame had me pulling from his embrace to sit with my legs dangling over the side of the bed. I faced away from him.
The rustle of fabric said he was moving behind me. The heat of his loving arms around me made me feel worse and colder inside despite it. “Do you want to tell me about it?”
Yes, I said in my head. “No,” came out of my mouth. He would hate me. And I already hated myself.
“Okay,” he said. “It’s still late. You should try and sleep.”
Gently he tried to lean me back. I shrugged him off, got to my feet and turned to face him. I saw that my actions had turned his kindness to embers of fire. His flame was so different than Flynn’s. It was like hell fire. Which only reminded me that I’d put it there. I’d tarnished his existence.
“What’s wrong?” he asked like he was reigning in his anger.
“Nothing,” I answered way too quickly. “I’m just a little freaked out.” And I was.
“Are you sure?” he asked knowingly. I’d flinched from his touch and he’d felt it, I was sure. How to explain? It’s not you, it’s me. That was lame and even I knew it. It felt wrong to be with him until I was honest about what I’d done. He was better than me, better than all of us.
He got up. He was shirtless with just long shorts to cover him. His lean muscled frame was superb. Flynn maybe the most beautiful guy I’d ever seen, but Luke was also spectacular.
“Do you want me to leave?” he asked, standing inches from me.
Shaking my head, I couldn’t speak the words. He stepped over to me and put his hand up to cup my cheek. The movement reminded me of Flynn and I closed my eyes tightly and turned my head. When his touch never came, I opened my eyes to see he had silently moved back a step.
His hands were in fists at his sides. His eyes were half lidded but not in a good way. If it were possible, steam would be coming out of his ears. Not speaking, he turned and walked out of my room. I could have cried out. I could have stopped him. Instead, I just watched him walk away.
I crumbled at the sound of my door closing. He didn’t slam it. And that only hurt worse. I slid my way down to the floor in disgrace. My pain engulfed me in heartbreak. It felt like the beginning to the end. And I didn’t know if I would survive.
Tears fell like claw marks down my cheek. Their warmth was my only reminder that I was crying; my sobs were silent. They rocked through my body like aftershocks. The earthquake already brought me to my knees. I should get up and go to him and beg forgiveness. But was that right of me. Did I have any right to him?
Finally, I got to my feet realizing what I was giving up. I loved him. He loved me. I padded over to the door and got it opened a crack when I heard two people speaking in the hallway. The murmurs were intelligible. But I did make out the tones of their voices. The first was Blondie herself. The second…was Luke.
Freezing, I held the door at a crack unwilling to barge through like the jealous girlfriend I’d become. Then, I watched in horror as they passed my door headed somewhere… together. Trust, I told myself. But then again, I’d just given Luke every indication that I didn’t want him. Had I broken up with him without saying the words? I wasn’t sure. This was my first real boyfriend. Paul and I hadn’t really been officially boyfriend and girlfriend. And we hadn’t broken up after I’d nearly killed him. It had just been understood. Is that what happened now? Did he understand that I’d broken up with him? Not that I had. But my actions did speak louder than words.
Confused as what to do next I stood frozen at the door. Part of me wanted to follow. And the other part of me was afraid to. I didn’t want to know if they ended up hooking up. In the end, I thought it was better not to know. I closed the door and fell back on my bed. My tears were my only company. My eyes eventually drifted shut. And in them, I found the peace I needed.
Waking again, I knew instantly I was in a dreamscape. It wasn’t the same as before. I turned around doing a three sixty to see I was standing atop a mountain. Sunshine filled my vision. Green was everywhere with blue circling it. When my revolution stopped I stood where I’d begun. He stood watching me.
“Grandfather,” I said.
Quirking a brow, he watched me. I hadn’t caused this dreamscape.
“I brought you,” he said as if he plucked the thought from my mind. “I did. It seems Julie has kept you in the dark about a great many things. We incubi can hear all your thoughts in dreams.”
My chest constricted. “Yes, your Flynn would know all your thoughts. Even the ones you keep hidden from yourself.”
It was balmy in my dream. I couldn’t, however, stop the chill that came over me. I wrapped myself in my arms. “I’d be happy to school you in everything you need to know.”
Answers. My heart leaped at the idea. “You’d help me.”
A sardonic grin spread over his handsome face. “Why yes, my dear. You deserve the truth.” Wasn’t that a true statement? “But of course, there would be a price.”
That stopped my happiness. “You would charge me?”
“Nothing in life is free,” he said, an
swering my unspoken question.
It didn’t seem to matter that I knew he could hear my thoughts. I couldn’t stop them from coming. “Why my little dove, you forget I’m not human. I don’t possess the emotions you think I should have. You are of my lineage, which garners you a far less price than I would charge others for the answers you seek.”
Sebastian. Was he this cold? “Ah, yes, the Prince. A deceiver if ever there was one.”
I didn’t believe him. Sebastian had saved me and given me advice more than any other person, if I was honest with myself. “Ask yourself,” my grandfather said. “What is his end game? Does he not seek something from you as well? He just chooses to pay you in advance.”
I didn’t want to play his game any longer. “What do you want from me?” I nearly yelled. I wanted to scream out of frustration. I was tired of being manipulated, lied to, and dragged into things that weren’t my making. I didn’t ask for this life.
“Mercy,” a voice came. “Mercy.”
Opening my eyes, I saw Maggie crouched over me. “What?”
“You were screaming,” she said with concern. “Luke heard you and sent me to check on you.”
Chapter Forty Eight
Maggie told with me that she’d woken up and gone downstairs. She, Brent, Luke, Sara and Tom were all hanging outside. They’d started a fire in the pit and were drinking.
I on the other hand couldn’t explain to her why I’d been screaming without dumping on her. She was so happy. This was vacation. I did tell her a little bit about the misunderstanding I had with Luke.
“Don’t worry Eme,” she said. “There was absolutely nothing going on between them.” When I just gave her the yeah right look, she added, “She was flirting hard. But he didn’t respond to it. He looked more sad than anything. He tried to hide it, but I saw.”
“I just don’t know what to do,” I said.
Pursing her lips, she paused before she said, “Go apologize.”
It was so simple, I stood and headed for the door. Brent stood right outside of it waiting for Maggie. “Hey, you alright?” he asked.
I nodded and headed for the stairs. When I walked into the kitchen as far as the island, I stood stock still. There in the glass, illuminated by the firelight, I saw them. His back was to the glass sitting in the patio sofa that leaned up against it. Even in the dark it was clear by his signature blonde hair that it was Luke. On her hands and knees to the side of him, Sara’s mouth was pressed to his ear. No one else was around. Was she whispering to him? If so, why? No one was around to hear them. So what was she doing? And why hadn’t he stopped her?
She must have sensed my presence because she turned to look at me with a huge grin before combing her fingers through his hair. He turned and spotted me before I made my way for the stairs. The implication of they might be doing was enough for me to need space. Something I couldn’t seem to find where I stood. Somehow I thought I might be able to breathe upstairs in my room.
I didn’t make it far before he got to me. Sara brushed by giving me a smile again as she headed in the direction I’d been going. “I’ll leave you two love birds alone,” she said. I didn’t hear any sincerity in her words.
“It isn’t what you think,” were the first words out of his mouth.
“How do you know what I thought?” I said, buying for time. I trusted him. At least I thought I did.
“I see it in your eyes,” he said. And I saw the churning ocean in his. “Just like I saw it earlier. What is it Mercy? Do you want me or do you not want me to be with anyone else?”
“What?” I asked, finding I was angry under all the hurt feeling.
“You pushed me away tonight. And before that, you left looking like you hoped to find someone else.”
Closing my lips, what was I to say? Not speaking turned out to be the wrong answer. He stepped back again and I saw him detach away from me again. If I didn’t say anything, I knew it would be over. “I’m only looking for you,” I pleaded.
There was a long pause. His fist connected with the counter with a loud twack before he was kissing me. That hand that had most likely cracked granite from the sound it had just made. Hands tangled in my hair to draw me closer. His kiss was frantic and nothing like the gentleness I was used to. His free arm lifted me off my feet and we were on the move. My mind going a million different places found it hard to keep up with the pace of his kissing and trying to decide how to handle the new Luke. His dark side was in control.
The mild air was so different from the air conditioned air inside. I didn’t have time to process just where we were headed before my back was laid out on a cushion. When my legs stretched out to accommodate his weight, I knew we were on the sofa where he had just been with her. That snapped my senses into place.
When his mouth left mine, I took in a breath. “Luke wait,” I said.
In an instant, he was off me like a lightning streak and sat with his back against the sofa, scrubbing his face and pushing his curls from his forehead.
“Luke,” I pleaded.
“No, it’s okay,” he said. His voice however, betrayed him with its strain. “I shouldn’t be surprised,” he muttered.
“Surprised by what?” I asked. He didn’t answer. I moved to sit and I looked at his profile. “Surprised why?”
“That if I wanted to you’d say no.” His words were callous. I tried to remember that this wasn’t my Luke. He wouldn’t ever speak to me this way.
“I’m going to try and get some sleep. Are you coming with me?” I asked. It was the best I could do. I let him know that I wanted him there. I didn’t want to fight. He was partially right. But only because when he wanted it he was never himself.
“I think I’ll sit out here for a while,” he said.
There was no way I could leave him. I plopped down on the ground next to him and draped myself on his chest. He didn’t push me away. Instead he wrapped an arm around me. I closed my eyes and prayed that somehow we could figure this all out.
When I woke again for what was the third time that night, I was in my bed alone. I remembered like a dream Luke carrying me upstairs and kissing my forehead. He’d said “I love you” and left. So sleepy, I hadn’t been able to protest his leaving. And now, I felt cold without him.
I went through the day like a zombie. It was our last full day on the island. I cooked and we all laughed and hung out but something was missing. Luke had barely said a few words to me. He was there but not. He and the guys went down to the town that evening. He explained that he was taking Flynn for feeding. What could I say? I woke alone again.
After breakfast I spent the morning packing. It wasn’t a traditional flight and I was sure we could delay it if we wanted to. Yet, it didn’t feel right to not be on time when this wasn’t something we’d paid for. Flynn’s dad was footing the bill. When I got downstairs, Tom took my bag. The boys were loading up the car. I went to the kitchen to fix lunch before we left.
Maggie was at the kitchen counter with Sara. They were laughing and looked up at my entrance. “Morning, Eme,” Maggie said.
Looking between them, I said, “Hey.” Then I got to work on making sandwiches. I didn’t feel like cleaning dishes. Sandwiches seemed like the easiest answer.
The kitchen filled with the boys once they were done. I had just finished pouring chips in a bowl. “Luke, you are only lucky son of a gun,” Doug said.
Everyone looked at him, but he stuffed some chips in his mouth. Then everyone looked back at me. I moved to put the chip bag in the trash. The silence was beyond awkward. “What’s lucky about being tied to one girl,” Flynn said. I wanted to kiss him for breaking the tension and slap him for his words all at the same.
“Speak for yourself,” Brent said wrapping an arm around Maggie.
I had a strong urge to leave the room. It took every ounce of my being not to.
Tom gave Flynn a high five. “I’m with you man. Girls are trouble.”
On their own accord, my eyes drifted to Luk
e’s. He was watching. I couldn’t tell what was on his mind.
“You two don’t know what you’re missing,” Maggie interjected.
Flynn ached a brow and quipped, “That’s what she said.” Shaking her head, everyone started laughing.
Doug said, “Hey man, I like your shirt.” When Flynn stood, I got a good view of it. It was black with the word Parental in bold white lettering. Underneath that word in a white box read Advisory in bold black. And Underneath that was Explicit Content in bold white letters.
My shook my head before my eyes fell back to my ultimate target. Luke looked at me. I felt the longing that shown in his eyes. How had this chasm formed between us?
Chapter Forty Nine
The airplane ride from paradise was just as awkward as the kitchen scene. Luke and I didn’t sit together. I sat at the table with Maggie, Brent and Tom hoping Luke would sit next to me but he’d passed by me in favor of sitting somewhere behind me with Doug. Sara conveniently hadn’t been there that morning and hadn’t ridden in the plane with us. I hadn’t expected her to since she hadn’t flown with us there.
Maggie gave me looks, but didn’t say anything after I gave her a tiny head shake not willing to talk about it in front of Brent and Tom. After landing, two cars with drivers picked us up. Maggie and I said our goodbyes there. I rode with Luke, Doug, and Flynn. We dropped off Doug first and headed to Flynn’s. Luke’s car was parked there.
The way things stood between us I assumed when we got there, Luke would get in his car and leave. He surprised both Flynn and I. Luke got my bag before I could reach it. We traded looks, but still didn’t speak. Flynn shook his head and walked to the door. I followed, unsure what to do. Maybe we would talk about everything. We were home. It was time to be honest.
The door opened to a firestorm none of us were expecting. Angry voices filled the normally noiseless house. Leaving our bags, we followed the harsh words to the kitchen were my mom and Flynn’s dad were at a standoff.
Angel Of Mercy (Cambions #3) Page 23
