by Regan Black
A few minutes later, her body and mind quiet, eyes closed and palms pressed together in front of her heart, she heard the hum of a car engine. She opened her eyes in time to see a dark sedan roll smoothly away and disappear into the trees.
* * *
Fox couldn’t help keeping an eye on Kelsey. She’d stopped in perfect view of the only window on this side of the office anyway. She moved fluidly and slowly through yoga poses he recognized from the internet and other forms he’d never seen. It was beautiful and mesmerizing.
And he really shouldn’t intrude, even from this side of the window. He’d done that enough, though he hadn’t meant to upset her. He merely wanted to get to know her better. She was inquisitive and upbeat and generally a burst of pure sunshine any time of the day or night. She made it easy for him to open up and, remarkably, she understood when he was lost in thought and she didn’t hold it against him.
He forced his mind away from Kelsey and studied the breeding plan and proposal they’d been developing for a new client. She came back in and settled back to work without a word.
When the baby woke, Fox waved her off and dealt with the little guy himself. He needed the movement while some ideas percolated in the back of his mind. It still surprised him that the baby smiled whenever Fox walked into view. He kept checking to see if anyone was behind him.
Kelsey had made that possible. She’d managed to smooth out the rough edges and mute his insecurities. He’d learned from watching her, and gained significant baby-care confidence in record time. He had the baby changed and was warming up a bottle when she walked over.
“I think I have the breeding recommendations pinned down,” she said. “I put them on your desk for review.”
He was sure her plan was solid, but he’d review it and put her mind at ease. At the end of the day, it was his name and his company’s reputation on the line.
“Do you want me to take him?” she asked, tickling the baby’s foot.
“I’m good, thanks to you.” He carried the baby, the bottle and a burp cloth back to his desk.
Fox felt an affinity for the way Baby John watched everything, soaking up details. It was silly to think the little guy might’ve picked up anything from him in such a short amount of time and at such a young age, but he couldn’t deny that sense of connection.
He split his attention between reviewing Kelsey’s plan and feeding the baby. From the corner of his eye, he caught Kelsey checking on him a time or two, but he managed to avoid any catastrophes.
“The plan looks good,” he said. Baby John, wide-awake and tummy full, was ready to play. “What do you say we head to the barn?”
“I’ll get his coat.”
He slipped on his barn jacket while she bundled up the baby and covered his head against the crisp October breeze that kicked up more frequently as winter edged closer. With the baby in the stroller, they walked out to the barn.
Every step struck Fox like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting. Cozy, domestic and not at all the way he’d pictured his life at this stage. They strolled along, the two of them engrossed in his favorite topic of building a better quarter horse. Occasionally, the baby chimed in with a squawk or gurgle, and one of them would answer as if he’d actually said something intelligible.
Outside again, they paused at the fence to watch the horses in the paddock. Only one or two of the mares were starting to show, but he was already excited about the foals they’d meet in the spring. He loved working the herd, managing the ranch and seeing smart breeding plans come to fruition.
Further out in another pasture, the yearlings were enjoying the crisp autumn weather. Their personalities had started to show within a few months and some of them had clearly picked up habits or quirks from their mothers.
“How much do kids internalize from watching their elders?” Fox mused.
It was a topic he’d pondered long before the baby appeared on his doorstep. Now, with a baby and nanny around 24/7, he was second-guessing his purposeful avoidance of having a wife and family. He certainly hadn’t had the best examples to emulate. His father struck fast and hard and seemingly out of the blue. Fox had done his best to go unseen and be obedient, though it had rarely mattered. His mother had doted on him, possibly to make up for his dad’s malice, yet her love and support always felt sincere.
“Behavior, or emotion?” Kelsey asked.
“Either, I suppose. The adults in the herd teach and guide the foals every season. When new horses come in they have to adjust to the new dynamic.”
“Are you trying to compare foals and human babies?”
His lips tilted in a self-deprecating grin. “Maybe a little. A horse is a family animal.”
“Herding animal,” she corrected. “I do see your point, though. Horses run on instinct. People have the benefit of reason.”
“When they use it,” Fox said.
“True.”
“My mom never made excuses for my dad,” he said, thinking out loud. “You see that on television or in the movies. A nurturing parent will take the blame or overcompensate for the abusive one. She didn’t. Or maybe she would have if she’d lived longer.”
His parents were gone and until Baby John, he would’ve said he’d coped with the loss and adjusted to the new family. Though Russ had worked constantly on building the business, when he was around he’d only touched Fox, or the other kids, with affection. He gave out hugs and high fives, a firm pat on the back and encouraging words. Mara had found fault with Fox no matter what he did. So once again, he sought ways to go unnoticed in the place he called home.
It was irresponsible not to examine what he’d internalized from those conflicting examples.
Fox looked down into Baby John’s sweet face. “You’ve been around babies more than me. Is it some infant survival instinct that he seems to fall in love with every person he meets?”
She chuckled. “I think that’s just his nature. Some babies have colic, others don’t. Some get ear infections when the wind blows wrong. Some babies are naturally happier than others.”
“Due to genetics or environment?”
She rolled her eyes. “A child care expert might tell you Baby John is happy and outgoing because he feels loved and secure.”
The expert would be wrong. Fox could provide security in the interim, but he couldn’t love the baby. Eventually the DNA findings would lead them to the real father who, hopefully, would love this little guy. “Then I’d tell that expert security trumps love at this age.” She pinned him with an arch of one eyebrow. “I care about him, but I’d be a fool to fall in love with him when he needs a real family.”
“Did you feel loved and secure when your aunt and uncle adopted you?”
“That’s different,” he replied. “I was their actual nephew.”
“The blood typing showed this guy could very well be your nephew.”
An excellent reason to wait for the DNA results from the FBI lab. He couldn’t bring himself to answer the question of what he’d do if one of his brothers didn’t step up and take in Baby John. One of the mares wandered up for some sweet talk and affection and he and Kelsey obliged to the baby’s delight.
“Do you want children of your own?” Her hesitation was answer enough. “You don’t.”
“I’m not sure. Coming from a big family, babies and toddlers were always around. It seemed inevitable. College was a wonderful break from that, except when I took nanny jobs to pay the bills. You’d think being out on my own for the past eight years would’ve helped me sort out if I want my own children, but I’m not sure it’s been long enough.”
And he’d pulled her right back into the job cycle she’d been avoiding. There was a pinch between his shoulder blades. Not overworked muscles, but pure guilt. “Maybe you should help me hire a nanny,” he suggested.
“Stop worrying,” she said. “I took this
job, both of them, with my eyes wide-open. I don’t regret it and I won’t renege on our agreement.”
“Thanks. You have no idea how grateful I am.”
“I do.” She snorted. “You and the baby were a mess when I showed up.”
Fox turned away from the horses in the paddock to watch Baby John fighting off a nap in the stroller. “Why would his mother give him up?”
“Why did you take him in?” she countered.
He shrugged. “It was the right thing to do.”
“She probably felt the same way.”
Kelsey made a valid point. But it would be easier to accept that as truth if the mother had put the baby on the correct porch or provided more information about his origins.
“What will you do if the father doesn’t want to do the right thing?” she asked.
“I guess the sheriff and child services will step in.” Though it would upset the family, he couldn’t imagine his brothers—assuming one of them was the father—would shirk the responsibility.
“You wouldn’t consider adopting him yourself?”
There went that pinch between his shoulder blades again. “Would you, in my place?”
She sighed, her gaze on the horses cantering with the breeze that stirred the grass. “A man with a baby? It’s been known to draw in the ladies.”
The reply was so un-Kelsey he laughed. “Sweetheart, I’m a cowboy. All I need to do is polish the boots, put on the white hat and ride into town on my horse.”
She stared at him, her lips twitching, until she lost control and laughed along with him. The sound lightened his load, eased the tension in his shoulders and drew him in close. She had such a kissable mouth. The color reminded him of the rosy glow on a summer peach. Would her lips be as soft and tender?
He really shouldn’t be noticing details like her lips. She was the nanny/his new assistant and wanting her was highly inappropriate. She was off-limits.
He dragged his gaze to the horses, but it wouldn’t stay there.
Watching her—covertly—had become his new favorite hobby. Her teeth would sink into that center swell of her lower lip when she was puzzling something out. Her nose wrinkled when she laughed at the baby’s antics. And whenever she’d read too long, she closed her eyes and massaged her forehead.
He shouldn’t know any of these things, yet it was a proximity issue and the result of talking about families past and future. Not to mention a hazard of the job. How could anyone care for a baby as cute and cooperative as Baby John and not get sentimental about family?
Just because she currently lived with him and they tag-teamed daily responsibilities didn’t make them a family, he reminded himself sternly. She was living with him for the sole purpose of caring for the baby. If she were just his assistant, he would’ve expected her to find an apartment in town.
Kelsey living in town wouldn’t work for him. His stomach twisted at the idea of not having her around for dinner or breakfast. After these days with her so thoroughly in his life, waiting for her to arrive in the morning or watching her drive off the ranch each night would be torture.
Fox sighed. The best cure for his runaway thoughts was work. “We’d best get back to the office.”
Smiling, she turned the stroller around. “In case I haven’t said it, this really is my dream job, Fox. Thanks again for the opportunity.”
On second thought, the best cure might be to put some distance between the two of them. He paused at the barn. “If you’re good for the next hour or so, I need to ride over and check in with Wyatt.” It was a lie, but one that was best for everyone.
“Take your time.” She gave him a little wave. “We’re all set here.”
Chapter 6
In the days following their conversation at the paddock, Fox retreated into himself. Kelsey didn’t try to draw him out. He was clearly wrestling with issues only he could sort through. It wasn’t her place to point it out, but she thought he’d been lucky to escape an abusive father. Hopefully, when the DNA results came in, he would find some peace about all of it.
She got the baby onto a schedule that gave them both time in the office and out with the herd, and she reveled in this wonderful new turn her life had taken. Living with Fox posed challenges as she worked a little harder each day to mute her growing attraction to him. Their conversations made it worth the effort. He had a brilliant mind and discussions with him were fast, enlightening and entertaining as well as informative.
And with Baby John keeping the issue of fatherhood front and center, those conversations frequently cycled back to hereditary traits. Their respective areas of study forced them to ask if genetics or environment weighed more in an animal’s development. Extending that thought process to people and family was natural.
Children were tiny mirrors of what they saw. It was the first method of learning and figuring out their place in the world. Living by example was a real thing, though children weren’t destined to simply replicate every action into adulthood.
It was clear to her that Fox worried about becoming like his biological father. But she couldn’t see him turning abusive and she didn’t believe in a trait like that suddenly turned on like a light switch. His temperament was the polar opposite of cruelty. Fox had an innate kindness and a wry sense of humor. Even in that moment when she’d knocked on his door, when he’d been up to his eyeballs in wailing, miserable baby, his instinct had been to care and gather the child close, not push him away. Maybe that should be her personal goal within her professional role here. Given some time, she could help him see that he had excellent potential to be the best kind of dad.
After his morning nap, she tucked Baby John into the stroller and headed for their daily tour of the barn. She could be happy dealing with horses and foals for the rest of her days. As much as she enjoyed this particular baby, she still couldn’t see herself raising children of her own. Definitely not with a man who, like her father, considered child-rearing beneath him.
She gave a start at the sound of an engine coming to life. Turning, she saw one of the Crooked C trucks rumbling down the road to the bunkhouse. The driver, a cheerful man named Luis, waved at her and the baby and she waved back, returning his smile.
She scolded herself for being jumpy. A working ranch meant people coming and going as they tended to the needs of the animals, people and land. However, that didn’t explain away the car she thought had followed her into town when she’d made a grocery run a few days back. Fortunately, the car hadn’t followed her into the parking lot. But the entire time she’d been in the store, she’d half expected her brothers to ambush her between the potatoes and greens.
“I don’t usually get such a long break from them,” she told the baby. Her brothers had serious skills when it came to finding her. No matter what they thought, she wouldn’t change her mind and go back to that life. “You’d think fifteen years of saying no would be enough.” She cuddled Baby John on her hip as they entered the barn. “Let’s go see the horses.”
The baby’s eyes were wide, taking it all in as she talked to him about the horses and the other things in view. He might not grow up here with Fox, but it was never too early to plant those animal-loving seeds in his heart.
Pepper, one of the gentlest mares on the ranch, stuck her nose out of her stall when she heard Kelsey’s voice. Walking over, she pulled a chunk of carrot from her pocket and opened her hand, offering the treat. Delighted, the baby squealed, kicking his legs as the carrot disappeared from Kelsey’s flat palm.
Kelsey pampered the mare, rubbing her ears and neck. The horse and baby seemed to understand each other, the mare giving the occasional snort when Baby John’s babbling paused. A trip out here never failed to put her at ease. Fox had good stock and he invested the time and care and money to make sure everyone thrived, from the animals all the way up to the people caring for them.
Done at the barn, Kels
ey settled the baby back into his stroller for the walk back. She’d give him his next bottle outside on the back porch. A day as clear and warm as this one should be enjoyed.
“What will you think of snow, little guy?” She’d talk with Fox about picking up warmer outerwear for the baby for winter. The first frost would arrive any day now and the snow wouldn’t be far behind.
Bottle in hand, she carried Baby John around back and found a good spot to soak up the sun. While the baby ate, she watched the wind move through the trees, thoroughly content. It was nice to feel useful in her field during this last stint as a nanny. Her top two skill sets had rarely aligned while she’d put herself through school and it had left her feeling unfulfilled. This time, having the balance of the engaging work with Fox made her enjoy both tasks more.
Her enticing hunk of a boss was certainly a big factor in how much she enjoyed both jobs. She smiled, thinking of Fox, and Baby John smiled back, formula dribbling from the corner of his mouth.
“You’re the sweetest goofball,” she said, blotting away the mess.
A burst of light flared across the baby’s cheek, startling her. The glare had been as intense as a camera flash in a dark room. The sun must have reflected off something nearby. “Too jumpy,” she muttered. “There’s nothing out here but the two of us.”
The flash occurred again and this time she stood up, angling away from the source. A few minutes later the flash lit up a patch of the house. She’d bet her first paycheck that someone was watching her from the trees and the sun was bouncing off binoculars.
The familiar urge to bolt pulsed through her system. She waited until it subsided. If her brothers were behind those lenses and she moved too soon, they’d only get sneakier. She wouldn’t give them the satisfaction or the advantage.
Keeping an eye on the trees, she put the baby to her shoulder to burp him. When he was ready for the rest of his bottle, she headed inside to the office. The last thing Fox needed was the theatrics of her brothers, but as his nanny, he needed to know the risks.
