And, God help me, that was the worst part.
Because no one should like that sort of thing.
But it’s better than the alternative, that dark, unholy thing whispered to me. Better to kill than to be killed.
I shivered, felt a whimper wriggle free of my aching throat, and I slumped against Jace; a fresh series of sobs were boiling up inside me, and I wanted to stifle them in his chest rather than have to face him through my increasingly blurring vision.
I’d known that, in sharing in this world with Jace, there would be dangers. Shit, there’d been dangers aplenty just selling my body for the Carrion Crew on a damn street corner, I’d have to be a complete moron to think that living with the Crew’s rival gang leader—that loving him—wouldn’t come with its own set of dangers. I’d been smart enough to be prepared for danger; I’d been ready to brace myself against being the victim a while longer while Jace and his Crows rid the city of the Carrion Crew. I just hadn’t been prepared to outright slip the bonds of being a victim and, with a screaming aggression, slap them back down on somebody else.
And my own brother, no less…
A brother who sold you to a gang of murderers and rapists.
A brother who forced you out of your life as Mia Chobavich, college grad and aspiring somebody, and forced you into a life as Mia the whore.
How many dicks were you paid to slobber over; how many men got to claim you as theirs? How many?
“You a whore or not?”
The question, the voice, echoed up from a deep and distant memory. The John hadn’t said it to be cruel, hadn’t said it to dominate or even to “put me in my place” (as so many others had a way of doing). No, he’d just been making sure; just casually asking somebody wearing a uniform if they actually worked for the establishment.
Only it had been a whore’s uniform.
And my own brother had been the one to put me in it.
So why the fuck should I feel so awful for pulling the trigger on that?
Because I always thought it would be Jace pulling the trigger when the time came, I answered myself.
Sure, I’d known there would be dangers.
I’d just never imagined that I’d be dangerous.
And realizing just how dangerous I could be—realizing just how good it felt to be dangerous—scared the ever-loving shit out of me.
But I couldn’t tell Jace that.
I couldn’t tell him how all this was affecting me.
Because then he’d have to remember that, when the time came for Mack to die—when the time came that Mack had to die—he’d not only been unable to pull the trigger, he’d been close to having a trigger pulled on him.
He’d nearly died, and that moment had forced me to take action.
I could see that for what it was, but Jace…
He’d see it not only as a moment of failure—as a moment of weakness—but a moment that had come to hurt me. If I did tell him how bad it had been for me, he would blame himself. Then he’d try and hide me from the truth, hide me from knowing what exactly was going on with the Crows. I couldn’t let that happen. I wanted to know, wanted to be a part of his team, to help however I could.
And if he did that, maybe I wouldn’t be there to pull the trigger the next time he needed me. Maybe nobody would be. Maybe, next time, he’d die because he was trying to protect me.
And I could not let that happen.
I would get over this.
I had to get over this.
“I’m alright, I promise,” I said, offering a soft smile. “It really wasn’t that bad of a dream. Maybe something I ate last night or something.”
“Something you ate?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “Well, since we ate the same thing, I hope I don’t come down with whatever you have.”
“Don’t tease me,” I said, pouting and slapping him gently on the arm.
“Alright, alright,” he said, grinning that heart-stopping smile at me.
I couldn’t help but smile back at him.
“So, what’s the plan today?” I asked.
“First: we have to make a pit stop at the shop,” Jace started. “Then you and I are going to go on a date.”
“A date? At a time like this?” I asked, biting my lip. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“I think it’s a perfect idea, Mia,” Jace said, sliding out of bed. “We won’t let Papa Raven and his gang stop us from living. That’s how we let the Carrion Crew win. Got it?”
“Alright,” I said, agreeing with the sentiment but still concerned. “And then?”
“Then I’ll go on the first wild goose chase,” he grinned, saying the words from earlier in a high-pitched, mocking tone; teasing himself.
“Very funny, Jace,” I said, not bothering to try and hide my own grin.
“I thought so,” he said, shrugging playfully. “Anyway, Danny’s waiting for us, so we should probably get a move on.”
****
We got to the shop with relative ease, the early morning traffic having died down halfway through our drive. I was glad for the extra time, however, as it gave me a bit more time to calm my thoughts. I still wasn’t completely over the nightmare and my mind was still reliving the “memory” of Mack’s blood on my hands.
Jace parked his motorcycle at the side of the building and helped me off. I smiled at the gesture. Despite all the times that we’d rode together—despite the fact that I was more than capable of dismounting on my own—he still made an effort to help me off the bike every time we rode. Even though it was a little thing, just a small gesture, it left a big impact; it made me feel loved. Between that and the freedom that I always celebrated whenever I rode with Jace, I was feeling much better than I had upon awakening. The drive had helped and I was glad that I was feeling back to myself by the time we walked through the shop’s doors. Danny stepped forward, peeling off what looked to be a pair of headphones off his head. I glanced over, noticing that the ear muffs were a lot more heavy-duty than any of the headphones I’d seen before.
“What were you listening to?” I asked.
“Never been to a shooting range, have ya?” Danny asked, his voice was genuinely curious.
“No, I don’t have much experience with guns,” I admitted. “Well, not until recently.”
I saw Jace grimace at that and could tell he was already feeling guilty. I took his hand in mine, squeezing gently. I had to remind him that this wasn’t his fault. I had already been thrown into this world before I’d even met him. And now, I chose to stay in this world. To stay with Jace, I would do whatever it took.
“Do you have a shooting range in here?” I asked, looking around.
“Not an official one, no,” Danny shrugged. “But I was able to rig one up easy enough.”
“Is this really what you called us here for, Merc? Shooting lessons?” Jace asked, narrowing his eyes.
“First off: cut it with that macho shit,” Danny said, wagging his large pointer finger in his face. “And, yeah, that’s exactly what I called y’all here for. Mia needs to know this, Jace. Especially with Papa Raven and his crew out there. You know as well as I do that this ain’t over. Far from it, if Papa Raven has any say.”
“I guess,” Jace said, rubbing his hand over his neck.
“I want to learn,” I said.
Both Danny and Jace stared at me. Danny’s face was filled with pride where Jace’s was a mixture of pride and fear. Even still, Danny was right about that. With everything going on, I had to learn how to use a gun. Even if I still wasn’t comfortable with the thought, I needed to protect myself and I couldn’t rely on Jace all the time. Danny nodded, seeming to decide that no more needed to be said, and turned back to where he’d come from. Jace and I followed and I noticed that Jace seemed as confused as I was about where this supposed gun range was. I wondered just how recent this new “addition” was to the shop. Danny opened the door to a room that looked to be an old storage closet. Inside, he’d set up two small booths built
from what appeared to be old book shelves. On the far side of the wall, two long sheets of paper hung from the wall in front of both booths, on the paper was a print out of a human outline with white dots that I imagined was used for targeting. Danny moved to a small table and picked up a smaller pair of the headphones he’d been wearing and handed them over.
“To protect yer ears, girly,” Danny said, shaking his head. “Ain’t ya never even watched a movie with a shooting range in it? Plenty of cop flicks out there show ‘em like this!”
“I have,” I protested. “Well, they weren’t shooting at people though… and I just didn’t recognize what you were wearing.”
“Well, make sure to secure ‘em on yer head,” Danny instructed.
He helped to lead me to one of the booths as I secured the ear muffs to my head. As soon as they were on, I was surprised to notice how little I could hear. They really did stifle quite a bit of the noise of the outside world. Part of me found a strange peace in the new pseudo-silence; another part realized just how loud my thoughts could be without outside noise to distract them. I wasn’t sure how much they’d block out, but I suddenly had to really focus on hearing Danny at that moment. Danny only stared for a moment before pulling one of the muffs off.
“Put these on after I instruct ya, okay?” he said, talking slowly to me.
I felt my cheeks flood with heat, embarrassed at how dumb I must have looked. I glanced over, seeing Jace preparing in the other booth. He gave me a reassuring nod and then glanced over at Danny.
“Be nice to her, Merc,” he ordered.
“Do yer own work, Jace,” Danny waved him off and then turned to me. “I know it’s kinda scary, right?”
“Kind of,” I admitted, glancing down, surprised at how easy it was to tell Danny that.
“I get it, girlie, and don’t worry, Jace won’t let ya shoot any more than necessary,” Danny said, rolling his eyes. “Boy is maybe a little too protective, if ya ask me.”
“Thanks, Danny,” I said, chuckling softly at his annoyance.
“There’s a smile,” Danny said, smiling in return. “Alright, let’s show ya how to shoot all proper-like.”
****
It didn’t take long before Danny had me familiar with the gun and its parts. He took it slow, but even still, I was surprised at how patient he was as he showed me everything. After he’d finished showing me everything and was confident in letting me shoot, I slid the ear muffs on fully. I positioned myself, facing the target, and lifted the gun. I slid off the safety as Danny had shown me and aimed towards the head. After I had what I felt to be a good aim, I slid my finger over the trigger, preparing for the slight recall Danny warned me about. Making sure I was steady, I pulled the trigger. The gun let out a muffled bang and I could feel a thrumming vibration as the bullet was launched. While there was a definite push against my grip, I held steady and looked up, seeing the new hole that was through the paper target’s neck. I glanced over at Jace, who stared in amazement and then looked to his paper target, seeing that he got the forehead. I slid the ear muffs off when I was sure Jace wasn’t going to shoot again.
“Did I do good?” I asked, saying the words like a child demanding praise from a parent.
“You did amazing! Especially for your first shot,” he said, grinning proudly.
“Yeah, yeah! Don’t stop now,” Danny ordered. “Ya got five shots left, use ‘em and then we’ll do this again with another gun.”
“Another gun?” I asked, biting my lip.
“Yeah, not every gun is the same, I’m gonna try and teach ya as many as I can,” Danny grinned.
As many guns as he could turned out to be four. After learning the difference between automatic and semi-automatic, the different types of bullets, how to load a clip—“Not a ‘clip;’ it’s a ‘magazine!” Danny’s voice scolded in my mind—and so much more, I was definitely gunned-out for the day. Even still, I definitely felt like I had a better understanding of guns and how to shoot. Who knew there were so many different techniques on just how to shoot and the proper way to aim? Either way, I was definitely happy when Danny had finished with his training for the day.
Jace had promised me a date after all.
“Alright, we’ll practice again in a day or so,” Danny said, glancing over at me. “Candy said she’d come to practice, too. Maybe ya two can have a girls’ day after or something.’”
“That’d be nice,” I said.
It had been too long since Candy and I had really had any time to spend together. With how busy I’d been with helping Jace with the Crows and spending time with him whenever I could, and Candy busy with the brothel, we both hadn’t been able to spend time together other than a few quick lunches or just talking on the phone. I missed her a lot and was glad I’d get to spend some time with her soon.
“You okay?” Jace asked.
“I am,” I said, smiling warmly at him. “Glad to be done with this training though.”
“Aw what? Don’t like spendin’ time with me?” Danny said, offering a pout that was super ridiculous on his face.
“You know that’s not true,” I said, wagging a finger at him.
“Good! Now, y’all get outta here and go on yer date,” Danny ordered, glancing over at Jace. “Gimme a call before you head out tonight, okay?”
“I will,” Jace said, nodding. “Thanks again, Danny.”
With that, we were heading out from the shop. I slid behind Jace on the bike, wrapping my arms around his waist as he hit the ignition. I wondered just what he had in mind for our date today. I smiled, growing excited as Jace started for the highway. Along with how excited I was at the drive, I was just as happy to be on the bike again. The feeling of freedom still enthralled me every time we went for a drive. It was such an amazing feeling and I hoped I’d never lose it. I squeezed Jace’s waist tighter, wondering if he’d be willing to teach me how to ride a motorcycle. While I hadn’t had a chance to use it lately, I did have my own driver’s license, and, truth be told, I was beginning to miss the freedom and independence of being able to transport myself when the demand arose.
Not that I minded riding with Jace, of course.
“So, where are we headed today?” I called over the bike’s engine.
“You’ll just have to see,” he called back, reaching down with a free hand to squeeze the topmost hand that I had wrapped around his waist.
“No fair,” I said. “You always get to surprise me with the dates!”
“Next time I’ll let you do it, okay?” he offered.
Though I knew he couldn’t see it, I raised an eyebrow at that. “You promise?” I challenged.
I couldn’t see the resulting smile, but I heard it in his voice as he said, “I promise.”
Leaving it at that, I let myself get lost in the feeling of the bike beneath me. The steady vibration from the engine helped to relax my nerves, letting me get lost in the feeling. I closed my eyes, leaning against Jace’s leather-covered back, loving the smell of him. I wished this feeling could never end. I opened my eyes as Jace maneuvered the bike to the exit ramp and I looked around, wondering if I could figure out where he took me. Other than a gas station and a small diner, there didn’t seem to be much around. As we continued down the road, I wondered if Jace had any idea of where we were and opened my mouth to say something when I saw a large sign ahead. The sign read “OUTLET CENTER” in large print and above it was most likely the official name, but I couldn’t read it as we drove in. I glanced ahead, seeing a large movie theater and the sign for a Medieval Times restaurant.
“Are we going there?” I asked, pointing to the sign.
“I was thinking we could,” he said with a shrug. “Danny said he shops here a lot and thought it’d be fun for us.”
“It’s massive for an outlet store!” I said in awe as I continued to stare.
“Hope that’s a good thing,” he said.
“Maybe not for your wallet,” I said, teasing him.
“I’m sur
e my wallet can handle it,” he assured me with a laugh. “Now let’s go have some fun.”
****
The day, from there, went perfectly.
We had started with a quick lunch at the food court and continued our adventure to a large book store. I couldn’t believe how big the store was as I walked down the aisles of books. I stopped, seeing an author duo that I loved had released a new book and picked it up to read the back.
“Faes and centaurs, huh?” Jace murmured behind me.
“Yeah, these two usually write dark urban fantasy—all those vampire books that you’re always teasing me about—but I guess they decided to do something more high-fantasy with this one.”
“Urban fantasy and high-fantasy?” Jace repeated back to me. “What’s the difference?”
I looked over my shoulder, smirking. “Same difference between the Underworld movies and the Lord of the Rings movies,” I explained.
“Oh!” Jace said, smiling in understanding at the explanation. “Why didn’t you just say so?”
I rolled my eyes at him and went on reading the back of the book. With a name like ‘Winter Sun’…
“Isn’t a fae just, like, an elf?” he asked.
I gave him a coy smirk. “Isn’t a Honda like a Harley?” I challenged back.
Jace made a face and I nodded.
“See? That reaction, right there?” I illustrated. “That’s how some readers feel when you ask a question like that.”
“Pretty big difference,” Jace grumbled.
“Toe-may-toe; toe-mah-toe,” I recited back to him as I finished reading the blurb and decided that, yes, I was definitely getting this book. “Now… you aren’t going to judge me, are you?”
“Not so long as you never try to compare Hondas and Harleys again,” he rebutted with a playful grin.
I rolled my eyes, set the book along with my other selections, and started off. “I’m serious! I’ve always felt so nervous being a reader. Even before I was… well, before everything that happened, it was like I could feel people judging me for liking to read.”
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