“I’ve already seen them.” Genny hadn’t shied away from his physical or emotional wounds, there was no reason to. She was as damaged on the inside as he was, truth be told.
Genny wasn’t sure what Zeke was going to reveal to her about Lee, but she knew the key to understanding why he was so angry was finding out what happened to him. What was it that put him on the path to self-destruction?
Zeke nibbled on his bread, staring down at the crumbs on the tin plate as if maybe they were going to tell him something. Genny was patient, Lord knew she had to be with Henry for a husband and Sophie as a daughter. If she were being honest with herself, Genny could be as difficult as Sophie at times. This, however, wasn’t one of those times. She recognized that Lee was suffering, that the fury she’d heard spewing from his mouth was more than just anger. It was laced with ancient pain and new pain, and another dark emotion she couldn’t quite identify.
“Lee and I,” Zeke began, “we’ve obviously always been brothers, but it wasn’t until the war and after the war that we acted like brothers. You know, we would fuss like all kids do growing up. We used to play pretend and fool around and go hunting and fishing, riding horses. See, our family back in Georgia, well, the Blackwoods, had money and lots of it. Gideon’s pa was the oldest so he had the bulk of the fortune. Our pa was fifth in line so he didn’t get near as much. He was the sickly one. Around the time I was twelve, Lee must’ve been ten, Pa came down with some kind of palsy. There was doctors, medicines and lots of things to eat up the money that we did have. Everything went toward him, and not too much went toward me and Lee except for the basics. Mama used to dote on Lee because she nearly died when he was born. There were no more young’uns after him. She babied him until he pushed her away, then when Pa grew sick, she latched onto him like he was a replacement for the children that she didn’t have. It was almost like losing both parents at the same time. I did my best to be a pa to Lee, but kids are kids. We make stupid mistakes, we think we know everything, seen everything and done everything, and we ain’t but spit in the wind.”
The Blackwood family history was similar to stories she’d heard before, but she felt pain that Lee had endured so much at a very young age. A lump of emotion formed in her throat and she wanted to find Lee and pull him into a hug. She knew all about being disappointed and ignored by a parent. Oh, she knew it intimately well.
“As Lee got to be a teenager, he just grabbed the world by the horn and wrestled with it. Reckless, stupid teenage-boy stuff. I couldn’t control him and Mama didn’t even try. Pa died when Lee was fifteen so I focused on keeping the family together, keeping our house, keeping us fed, clothed and such.” Zeke took a swallow of water.
Genny couldn’t have been more surprised to see his hand trembling ever so slightly. The sheriff wasn’t as cool as his exterior led her to believe. Why he was telling her all this, she’d figure out later.
“So, when the war started, hell Lee was barely eighteen. Gideon knew it was our duty to do what we had to do to protect the south. Jake had always been there with us. I don’t know if you know Jake Sheridan. He and his wife own the mill in town.”
Genny smiled. “I know Jake. Gabby is sort of a friend.”
“Jake is really a Blackwood, just one of those secrets that nobody talked about. I’m fairly certain that Gideon and he share the same pa. Jake’s mama stepped out on her no-account husband, leaving him to take care of a passel of sisters. We treated Jake like a brother, cousin and friend. We went to war together along with Nate.” Zeke shook his head. “The war seemed to turn Lee into even more of a raging bull. He would plow right through enemy lines with guns firing right and left, and cannons exploding just missing his fool head. God knows the boy must have nine lives like a cat.”
Genny thought it interesting Zeke referred to Lee as a boy when she knew firsthand he was definitely all man. Perhaps because his brother still thought of him as a boy, Lee acted like one. It was an opinion she didn’t want to share with the serious sheriff yet.
“How did he lose his arm?”
“That’s the dumbest thing of all. See, through all the stunts he pulled, it was his hootin’ and hollerin’ and that rebel yell during our midnight raids that started the whole Devils on Horseback. It would run a chill up a body’s spine just to hear it in the dead of night. Through all that, he barely came away with a scratch. It was just maybe a month or six weeks before the war ended and I knew Lee had been keeping time with one of the camp women. She disappeared, picked up and left. I think maybe she knew we were on our last legs. Half of us didn’t have shoes, the other half had sores or wounds, our clothes were in tatters. Like a rat, she abandoned a sinking ship.”
Genny could tell whoever this camp woman was, there was no love lost between she and Zeke.
“He got drunk the day after she left, when he accepted that she wasn’t coming back. After that he was like a snarling bull, with no thought for anything but killing. I was pinned down by a couple of Yankees, and Lee rode through like a screaming banshee to get me out. Son of a bitch Yankee got off a lucky shot that hit him in the arm. A million times that happened it wouldn’t have gone through the bone, but it did and shattered it. Ain’t no way the doc could’ve fixed it. He had to cut it off.” He wiped his brow with his sleeve and Genny reached over to put her hand over his.
“You don’t have to tell me anymore. I don’t want to put you through remembering something that causes you such pain.” She wasn’t surprised at all that Lee risked his life to save his brother. They seemed to be devoted to each other, a deep bond that went beyond blood, because Genny knew that wasn’t always strong.
Zeke looked up at her, evaluating her or maybe judging her. She didn’t know which or why. Then he spoke again. “You know, Lee isn’t what you’d call experienced with ladies. He’s kind of a babe in the woods and when he told me about last night—pardon me, but we share just about anything, not telling tales or anything, he just needed to talk—I was afraid you were going to be like Fiona, taking that boy for what he can give you. From what I can tell, Miss Genny, you are someone he could love, really love. I didn’t believe in love myself until I met my Naomi. Sometimes God has a plan for us that we’re not privy to, but it’s laid out there in front of us to follow. Don’t use him, don’t hurt him, love him and respect him. That’s all I ask of you.”
Genny sat back, completely flummoxed by Zeke. Lee had already told his brother what had happened the night before? She hadn’t even come to grips with it herself. Her insides were all topsy-turvy. Actually she was a little jealous of Lee having someone to talk to about what happened. Genny didn’t have anybody to talk to.
She took Zeke’s words and mulled over them for a few minutes, wondering if she should feel embarrassed. “He’s a good man, that brother of yours. He’s not a lost boy, but a man who’s been hurt. I don’t know about the love part yet, but the respect part is easy. I already do respect him. I don’t plan on hurting him and I surely won’t use him.” What she didn’t tell him was that she was already a little bit in love. She liked having Lee there, liked being with him even if he was a bit ornery, and certainly the man had a temper. She was no prize herself, but she believed Zeke was right about the path. It was laid out in front of her. If she looked to her right, she just might see Lee right there next to her. She could only hope that the love would come with time.
Right there she made a decision that she would open herself up to Lee. She had nothing to lose and so much to gain.
Lee sat under a big tree at the edge of the wheat field, pulling up weeds and tossing them into the breeze. He’d acted like such a complete bastard to Genny. Zeke would get over it; he was used to Lee’s temper. But Genny, God, he’d actually said “Fuck you” to her. What the hell was he thinking?
He hadn’t been thinking at all, that was the problem. Once again, he’d let his temper rule him. What a complete fool. He wanted to control his outbursts, had thought perhaps being away from Tanger would help. Instead, he ha
d found himself falling in love with a widow who pulled emotions out of him by the handful.
Jesus, did he deserve any woman? No chance he could possibly explain why he acted like that when he didn’t even understand it. He’d have to apologize. Something he really, really hated doing. Not only was it like yanking teeth, but he felt about two inches tall when he did it.
“So this is where you’re hiding.”
Genny’s voice startled him so much he smacked his head into the trunk of the tree.
“I’m not hiding.”
“You should be.” She sat down cross-legged on the ground and started pulling up weeds too. “That was not good, Lee. Really not good.”
He didn’t say anything, couldn’t because his throat had closed up, so he nodded.
“Your brother went back to town. He said he’d see you soon and expected an apology when he did.” She leaned back against the side of the tree so they were shoulder to shoulder. “I know he probably wouldn’t admit it, but I think you hurt his feelings.”
This was not what Lee wanted to hear. He knew he had said some nasty things, but enough to hurt the steel-skinned Zeke? Not likely, or maybe he was just denying how much he had done.
They sat in silence for a few minutes while Lee digested the plate of shit she’d brought for him to eat. He deserved every bit of it too.
“I don’t know why I said those things.” His voice was a whisper on the wind.
“I do. You don’t want to hope for anything, to wish anything good will happen. If it doesn’t, you don’t get hurt.” Her insight was uncanny and it unnerved him a bit.
“Why would you think that?”
Her laugh was strained, barely audible. “Because you’re just like me.”
That made him turn to look at her for the first time since she’d sat next to him. Her expression was full of sadness, understanding and even a bit of wistfulness.
“I’ve spent my life not hoping for anything and I haven’t been disappointed. Until I had Sophie, there was nothing in my life worth fighting for or the pain of loving.” She cupped his cheek. “You’ve had a hard path in life, Lee.”
This time he couldn’t speak because he swallowed the tears that threatened. She had seen right through his wall, his self-defenses, into his dark heart.
“I can’t be more than I am,” he managed to choke out. “I’m half a man, Genny. For God’s sake, I just treated you like shit.”
“Then apologize.”
“That’s it? All I have to do is apologize?” He stared at her, disbelieving his stupidity would be forgiven so easily.
“No, you have to make it up to me every day for a very long time, but an apology is a good start.” She kissed him softly. “So what will you do?”
He pressed his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry, Genny, so sorry for what I said, what I did.”
She nodded. “Good. Now let’s get back to the farm. You’ve got work to do.”
Lee kissed her hard. “Lead the way, boss lady.”
They walked back to the farm side by side, not touching, but he felt the connection nonetheless. He wasn’t sure what had happened after he stormed off, perhaps Zeke had told her some things. Whatever it was, he had another opportunity with his Genny and for that, he was grateful. Maybe even hopeful.
Two days after Zeke visited, Lee was shaving in his temporary bedroom when he spotted a ledger book beneath the bed. Numbers had become something he did well even if he’d taken some time off to work at the farm. He really shouldn’t be concerned with it, but his gaze kept returning to the book as he finished getting dressed.
When he looked down at his boots, the ledger was right between them on the floor. One peek couldn’t hurt, right? He picked it up and sat on the bed, ready to do some reading.
Twenty minutes later, he walked into the kitchen and knew he was scowling. What the hell kind of idiot was Henry Blanchard? The fool could not have made a bigger mess of the accounts for the farm. Not only was his handwriting terrible, but it seemed he took out money he never recorded. The credits and debits added up to crazy numbers that didn’t make a lick of sense.
Genny sat at the table, sewing the sleeve of a brown shirt, no doubt meant for him. He tried not to think about that and instead shook the ledger book in her general direction.
“What the hell is this?”
She looked at the book. “It was Henry’s. Where did you find it?”
“I know it was Henry’s. It was under the bed gathering dust for the last six months. Although I’m not sure anything you could have entered in here would make the numbers work.” He paced around the table, trying to focus on how to fix the mess Blanchard had left.
“Numbers? I don’t understand.” Genny pointed at the book. “Is this for numbers?”
Lee stared at her. “It’s an accounting ledger, meant for keeping track of money going in and out. Each time you spend money, you write it in, each time you add money, you write it in. Your husband apparently did it when he felt like it because nothing balances in here at all.”
“I’m sorry, Lee, I don’t know anything about it. It’s important, right?” She looked so earnest he couldn’t help but believe she didn’t know what was supposed to be done. Most women were not privy to the financial workings of a business, but Genny was so smart, he’d thought she might have taken over after Henry died.
“Yes, it’s very important. This is what tells you how much money you have so you can make sure you can buy things you need for the farm, for yourselves, as well as any food you need. Without knowing how much you have, there’s no way to know when it will simply run out.”
All color leached from her face, making the cinnamon freckles stand out. “Are you saying we have no money?”
“I don’t know to be honest. It’s such a mess, it will likely take me several days to figure out what he did.” Lee set the book on the table. “I’ll be happy to do what I can, and then maybe show you how to do it.”
She bit her lip and looked at the book with a frown. “I don’t know. Arithmetic isn’t something I can do.”
“A child can do simple arithmetic, Genny. You just have to take the time to sit down and do it.”
“I’ve never learned how.” She turned away and nearly put the shirt up to her nose as she stitched it.
Lee knew he’d been lucky in getting a good education, mostly due to Gideon’s father paying for a tutor. He didn’t know much about her childhood, but it apparently didn’t involve learning basic math skills.
“I can teach you.”
Her shoulders sagged a bit. “No, I don’t think you can.”
Lee picked up a chair and sat beside her. “If I can learn to do farm chores with one hand, you can learn to keep a ledger.” He opened the book on the table and pointed to a page of entries. “See here? He writes down some things like flour, sugar and coffee from Marchison’s, but then there’s nothing here as to what this money was spent on.”
Genny backed away from the table, shaking her head. “I don’t know what he used money for, but it was probably booze and whores.”
“Booze and whores?” Lee turned the ledger so he could look at it again. Maybe she was right. If he put together the missing entries, he might figure out exactly how much Henry Blanchard pumped into Aphrodite’s. “Can you look at the dates and tell me if he, uh, wasn’t here at the farm?”
She stood up and walked toward the kitchen. “No, I can’t. I won’t.”
Lee picked up the book, frustrated with her refusals. Genny knew her husband frequented whores, that much was apparent, she didn’t need to act as if she was unable to see her husband’s infidelity in black and white. She was tougher than that. He brought the book toward her.
“Just look. It won’t take but a few minutes.” He held the book in front of her.
She slapped it down so hard, his hand stung. The book landed with a bang on the wood floor and echoed in the quiet cabin. “I said no.”
“Why the hell not?” He picked up th
e book and wondered if she had really gotten over her husband’s death. Maybe Genny had loved him too much to even contemplate his stepping out on her.
“Why not? My husband was a pig, a barely human man who spent his time whoring and drinking. I know where the money went. It doesn’t take a smart person to know. I’ve got a farm that’s falling apart, a crop to be brought in by one man, me and a little girl, I don’t know how much money I have or if we’ll survive the winter.” She took a breath and Lee realized she was trembling. “Oh, and I can’t read or write either, much less do simple arithmetic like a child.”
With that she walked out the door, leaving Lee to stand there feeling like he’d kicked her. She couldn’t read or write? He’d had no idea. Judging by the way she spoke, she had a vocabulary better than most farm wives. Didn’t he feel like a complete ass. Again.
Lee set the ledger on the table and went in search of Genny. She was in the back garden pulling up weeds with a vengeance, and he was glad not to be a weed in her chokehold.
“I’m sorry.” He didn’t apologize often and here he was doing it twice in a matter of a few days. “I didn’t mean to push you too hard, Genny. I just wanted to help. I’m not good with words or people and tend to annoy even when I’m not trying to. One thing I can do is arithmetic, and keeping books. The numbers, they just make sense to me.”
She continued yanking up weeds, ignoring him and his apology. Lee wished Jake could whisper in his ear what to say. The redheaded devil had been the most suave of them, charming ladies right and left until Gabby had charmed him. Lee couldn’t charm a rock.
“Please, Genny.”
She stopped pulling up weeds and let out a sigh that made his heart twitch. “My mother never took me to school or taught me any of that kind of thing. She thought it only important I talked like a lady.” Genny sat back on her heels. “Truth is I’m as ignorant as these weeds.”
Lee squatted next to her, realizing there was much more bubbling inside Genny than anger over a cheating husband. She had a lot of secrets and they weighed her down. He cupped her cheek, the soft skin fitting perfectly in his palm.
Lee: Devils on Horseback, Book 4 Page 9
