“I’ve been doing that since I was fifteen,” she said truthfully. She’d been going to the Lucky Lady with her dad since she was twelve, but she was fifteen the first time Rascal let her have a beer. At least she thought she was. It was hard to remember.
“Oh my god. Why the hell didn’t you tell me?!” Jeff yelled, furious.
“You never asked! It wasn’t like I was trying to keep it from you! And one time when we were talking about my mom being older than my dad, you said age didn’t matter!” Why was everyone so hung up on age? She thought he was beyond that.
“It matters if you’re underage! Jesus!” Jeff threw his hands up as if it were the most obvious thing in the world and she was an idiot for not understanding. “I’m sorry. I need time to think. I have to go someplace and just . . . think.” He practically jumped into his socks, he was so eager to leave. Chelsea felt her panic rise a notch. He wasn’t really going to leave her there alone, was he?
“You’re leaving?” He didn’t say anything. Just reached for his shirt and slipped it on. “No, please don’t.” She didn’t want to be alone right now and she didn’t want the man she loved to be this upset with her. Even though she had never lied to him, not once, she still felt like she had done something wrong.
“I’m going to call you tomorrow, okay?” Jeff said as he finished getting dressed. “Until then, do not tell anyone about me or the pregnancy. Can you promise?”
Chelsea couldn’t absorb what Jeff was saying. All she knew was that she needed to find the words to make him stay. “Don’t leave. I love you,” she pleaded. As she got up to hug him, he held his arm out keeping her at bay. She’d never felt more desperate in her life.
“I really need some time alone right now. Okay? Please. Everything’s going to be okay. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“No. Jeff. Please!”
“We’ll figure all of this out, all right? We’ll figure it out. Just gimme a day or two.” A day or two? He’d just said he’d call her tomorrow. Oh god, oh god. This was it. She knew she couldn’t go two whole days without talking to him, without knowing what he was thinking. Why couldn’t he just be as excited for the baby as she was? They’d created something beautiful together. Couldn’t he see that? Couldn’t he see that nothing else mattered? “The room’s paid for. You can stay until checkout.”
“Jeff, come on! I don’t want to be here by myself.”
“I gotta go,” he said. With those final words, Jeff grabbed his bag and walked out. Chelsea watched the door shut. Please come back. Just realize you’ve made a mistake and turn around and come back. She waited for the doorknob to turn but it didn’t. She could hear the faint ding of the elevator down the hall.
As she stood in the center of the room, surrounded by luxury, she’d never felt so alone. She was hurt and ashamed and terrified. And pregnant. What should’ve been the happiest day of her life had spiraled into something she didn’t even fully comprehend. Chelsea fell down on the bed and sobbed.
A few minutes later when her cell phone rang in her purse, Chelsea scrambled to pick it up, sure that Jeff had changed his mind and wanted to talk things through. But it wasn’t Jeff calling. It was Mikey’s store. Afraid that it was more bad news about Greg Foster, Chelsea answered quickly.
“Hello?” She sniffed, trying to sound like she hadn’t been crying.
“Chelsea?” Chelsea had been expecting to hear Mikey’s voice, but it was Adam. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she lied. “What’s up?” She knew her attempt to sound chipper had failed miserably.
“You’re seriously not fine. I can tell. What happened?” Adam pressed, his voice tender. She wanted so badly to talk to someone, but how could she tell Adam about the situation she’d gotten herself into? What would he think of her? She wasn’t sure he’d understand, but right now, it didn’t really matter. He was the one on the phone and willing to listen. Before she could answer, Adam piped in again. “I’m coming over to your house right now. I’ll be there in fifteen.” He sounded so confident and in control, ready to take charge. She needed that right now.
“No,” she said quickly. “I’m not at home.”
“Where are you?”
“I’m . . . I’m at a hotel. I just got into a fight with my boyfriend and he left. But I don’t want to be here. Could you, I don’t know . . . come get me and take me home?” At least at home she’d be able to cuddle up in her own bed, surrounded by her own things, and try to forget this night ever happened.
“Text me the address. I’m on my way.”
Five
Bygones Never Gone
“I can’t believe he’d just up and walk out,” Adam said, slinging Chelsea’s overnight bag on his muscular shoulder. As they made their way through the hotel lobby, Adam quickened his step so he could reach the door before she did. As he opened it for her, she could feel the warmth of his protective hand on the small of her back. It felt good, gentle but strong.
She remembered the relief she had felt when she’d heard him knock on the hotel room door. She had no idea how he’d gotten there so quickly. He must’ve sped the entire way.
“Hey,” he’d said cautiously when she opened the door for him. He took one look at her face and immediately pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her and resting his chin on the top of her head. Her face had pressed lightly against his neck and she could smell the scent of his cologne. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” she’d whispered, and felt his fingers lightly stroking her hair. She’d wanted nothing more in that moment than to melt into him.
“What the hell happened?”
“Come in and I’ll tell you,” she’d urged. He’d followed her inside.
“Are you kidding me?” he’d said, once she finished telling him the whole story. She’d told him about Jeff and how they met and what he’d done after she told him she was pregnant.
“Who leaves his pregnant girlfriend in a hotel room by herself?” Adam had asked, his bright blue eyes boring into her.
“I guess Jeff does.” It had been all she could think of to say. Adam had shook his head, angry. Chelsea’d wondered if she was being fair to Jeff. Part of her felt the need to defend him so he didn’t come across as a complete asshole. After all, she had sprung this on him. And it was her fault for not taking the pills the way she was supposed to, right? “I think he just needed time. It’s a lot to deal with.”
“It’s a lot to leave the girl to deal with by herself,” Adam had quipped, clearly not buying into the justification. He’d stretched back in the chair and looked toward the window. She couldn’t tell what he’d been thinking but she was sure it hadn’t been anything complimentary about Jeff. Her eyes had lowered to his waist where the bottom of his T-shirt had lifted up, exposing his toned stomach. For a brief moment, she’d forgotten all about Jeff and wanted to slide her hands up under Adam’s shirt and feel his chest. What the hell am I doing? The intimate thoughts about Adam had caught her completely off guard. She had a boyfriend who she loved. And she was carrying his kid. Yet the guy who had come rushing to help her when she felt alone was the boy she’d always thought of as family. It all felt twisted and messed up.
It wasn’t the first time she’d had passionate thoughts about Adam. It had happened a few other times but she always brushed those thoughts aside, reminding herself that they were just friends—buddies who had known each other forever. Adam wasn’t interested in her like that. Why would he be? He’d seen her with bad haircuts and sunburns and snot running out of her nose when she was sick and her dad had dropped her off at Mikey’s house so he could go to work. She was sure there were much prettier, older, more sophisticated girls at Adam’s college. Girls that were going to do more than scoop gelato for a living.
The first time she’d ever felt a tinge of jealousy over Adam was two summers ago when they were hanging out at Mikey’s store and a pretty blond girl in a crop top had ambled in to buy a soda. As the girl stood at the soda
machine with her long, perfectly shaped legs, she’d tossed her hair to the side and thrown a flirtatious look to Adam, who was stocking shelves. Adam didn’t notice, but Chelsea had and it’d irritated her to no end. Get your own, Chelsea had thought. He’s mine.
The second time was on the Fourth of July the year after that. Chelsea’s father had brought a bunch of illegal fireworks from Missouri where he’d been working construction for a few weeks. Mikey had invited them to set them off in the parking lot in front of his store.
As Chelsea rummaged through the box, looking through the mass of M-80s and giant flowering cones, Adam had sidled up next to her.
“These are cool,” he had said, and flashed a smile. As he reached into the box and pushed aside a few Roman candles, his hand had inadvertently touched hers and she felt a rush of excitement.
“Have you ever lived in China?” he’d asked.
“No,” Chelsea’d responded, confused. “Why?”
“This one’s named after you,” he’d said, holding up a firecracker. She’d tried to see the writing on the front of the cardboard cylinder but he stood up and walked away with it.
It wasn’t until her father had it positioned in the middle of the parking lot that she’d realized what Adam was talking about.
“Okay!” her father had shouted, a glowing punk in his hand. “This next one is called the Dazzling Damsel.” As her father had knelt down to light the wick of that same hexagonal firecracker, Chelsea had glanced over at Adam, who was seated on Mikey’s car. He’d smiled at her. She remembered quickly looking away. It wasn’t until the firework was emitting a shower of red and gold sparks that Chelsea had mustered the nerve to look at Adam again. Through the falling embers, she could see him. He was leaning back, his hands pressed on the hood behind him, his perfect face tilted up. She’d wanted to go sit next to him but didn’t have the nerve.
Not that any of that matters now, Chelsea thought as she and Adam crossed the hotel parking lot to his old red Toyota Corolla. The car was far past its prime.
“A real man would’ve been supportive. He should have sat with you and held you and talked through it.” Adam opened the passenger door for her.
Chelsea paused, conflicted. On one hand, Adam was saying the very things she needed to hear and she no longer felt completely abandoned. On the other hand, Jeff was the father of her child. She didn’t want Adam, or anyone else, to think he was a colossal jerk. And if he truly was, she honestly didn’t want to acknowledge it either. Adam shut her door. She watched in the side mirror as he opened the trunk and put her overnight bag inside. Then he came around to the driver’s door and slid in behind the wheel.
“What are you doing with a married guy, anyway?” he asked. His tone was more curious than accusatory.
“I don’t know,” she said, and waited for Adam to twist the key in the ignition. The engine made a strange, guttural noise when it started up, but at least it was reliable enough to get Chelsea back home. “He was in a bad marriage, his wife was cheating on him, and . . . I thought he sort of needed me.” Although her answer wasn’t particularly profound, it was the truth. One of the things that had drawn her to Jeff was the fact that she thought she could make him happy in a way his wife couldn’t. Adam turned and faced her.
“Are you in love with him?” he asked, his eyes searching hers. Chelsea quickly averted her gaze and began fidgeting with the ring on her middle finger as she thought about the answer.
“I think so. I mean, he’s everything I want. . . .”
“What do you want?” he asked. Chelsea thought for a moment about why she’d been so drawn to Jeff.
“Someone with a steady job, like the kind you wear a suit to and get up and go to every day,” she said, thinking about her father’s muddled work history. “Something that’s not dangerous.” She saw Adam raise an eyebrow and knew he was confused. He had no idea her father was off fishing the icy waters of Alaska. “Someone who likes to just sit in the grass and watch the sun set,” she continued. “I’m sick of hanging out in smoky bars. I want someone who enjoys nice things, picnics outside, going places, that kind of stuff.”
“How about someone who would be stoked if you told him you were having a baby? Someone who doesn’t leave you hanging so he can go home to his wife?” Adam asked as he craned his head around to look out the back window as he pulled out of his parking space. His words were blunt and it hit home a little too hard. Chelsea started to tear up. He was right. She wanted that, but she didn’t have it, and that made her feel bad, not just for herself but her baby, too. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,” Adam apologized. “Look, I hope it works out with you guys. I really do.”
“Thanks,” Chelsea said softly.
“Just know that you deserve someone who will give you everything you want.” That’s exactly what Adam would do for the girl he loved, Chelsea thought. He’d give her everything she wanted. She didn’t know why that thought, and the realization that she would never get to be that girl, made her feel so sad.
They rode the rest of the drive home in silence. Chelsea replayed Adam’s statement in her mind over and over. You deserve someone who will give you everything you want. Chelsea was sure that Jeff was that guy. That once he had taken a moment to let the news sink in he would be excited about having a child. After all, he had said that he loved her. He had said that he wanted a child more than anything. But as much as she tried to convince herself that this would all work out for the best, she kept coming back to that simple phrase. You deserve someone who will give you everything you want. Did she? Did she deserve that? It seemed too good to be true.
As Adam’s car slowed to a stop in front of Chelsea’s trailer, Chelsea unclicked her seat belt.
“Thank you,” she said. “For bringing me home.”
Adam nodded but didn’t say anything else. He seemed sad. Chelsea didn’t know what to say either, so she opened her door and got out. Adam came around the car and opened the trunk.
“I got it,” Chelsea said as they both reached for the overnight bag.
“I’ll do it,” he said firmly.
“Would you like to come in?” she asked as Adam walked her to her front door, hoping he’d say yes. Being with him made her feel better.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” His voice was laced with regret. She understood. He had to be disappointed in her for getting herself into this situation, and he’d already gone out of his way to help her.
“Okay.” Chelsea held back the tears that threatened to come spilling out. She watched as Adam slowly turned and walked to his car. She wanted him to look back at her, but afraid he wouldn’t, she slipped inside and closed the doors without another glance at him. It was only once she was safely inside that she peeled back the faded curtains and watched his car drive away.
But Chelsea wasn’t the only one watching Adam. Lauren, parked in her brother’s black pickup down the block, was watching too. And when she caught a brief glimpse of the driver through the window, she knew exactly who he was. He was the old man’s grandson. She remembered him from Greg’s sentencing. He’d sat next to Mikey and wore a suit jacket and button-down shirt with no tie. That little bitch Chelsea had sat next to him.
Lauren knew then, as she knew now, that Greg would never commit armed robbery. Sure, he’d had a few brushes with the law—some drunk and disorderly charges and a DUI—but he’d never shoot someone. Not in a million years. Besides, he’d just started a new job at a plant that manufactured motorcycle parts that paid pretty decent money and found out his girlfriend, Amber, was pregnant. To throw that all away would’ve made no sense. Lauren sank back in her seat, thinking about the Monday before Greg’s trial, when she’d confronted Chelsea about her lie.
Lauren had seethed as she aggressively maneuvered her way through the throng of students ambling down the hall. She could see Chelsea standing at her locker, back to Lauren, her long red braid snaking down her back.
“You lying piece of shit,” L
auren had hissed through clenched teeth as Chelsea turned toward her. “My brother spent the night in jail because of you!”
“Lauren,” Chelsea had uttered, looking around nervously as other kids began to stop and stare. “The lawyer said not to talk to you.”
“I guess you’ll just have to listen, then.” Lauren had fumed, lowering her voice. “You need to go back to the lawyer and tell him he didn’t rob that store.”
“But he did. I saw him.” Lauren had glared at Chelsea’s perfect little turned-up nose and milky-white skin. What was she doing? Trying to convince her that Greg had tried to kill someone? She’d never felt so much hatred in her life.
“There’s no way you saw him, because he said he wasn’t there. Now you either made a mistake or you’re lying.”
“I’m not lying,” Chelsea’d said, her voice strong. “Mikey said he’d already given him the money, and he shot him after that. Your brother did that! How can you defend him?”
“I’m not denying Mikey got shot and someone should go to jail for it, but it wasn’t Greg.” Chelsea had to be mistaken. There was no other rationale.
“It was him.”
“Why would you try to screw us?” Lauren had asked. “I’ve always been cool to you.” In addition to the anger and fear, Lauren had felt betrayed. She would never have considered Chelsea a friend, but she had never been an enemy, either. She and Chelsea had ended up at the same party a year prior and when one of the girls started giving her a hard time, Lauren had actually stepped in and warned the girl to stop. At the time, Chelsea had seemed grateful. It was unconscionable that Chelsea would now go out of her way to destroy Lauren’s brother’s life.
“The guy he robbed was in the hospital. He lost so much blood from being shot that he almost died! I’m not going to protect your brother when I know he did it,” Chelsea had said. The more adamant Chelsea was, the more angry Lauren became.
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