Deliverance Choir wanted me to stay and Reverence C. Carl Cane—just say C.C. says the Reverence, like many people do, then they don’t have the problem of which comes first the C. or the Carl. Thank you C.C. I says. I only wish I had known this earlier. Anyways the Reverence C.C. Cane wanted me to stay at Deliverance Church in Norfork Virginia with all of the wonderful Choir and all of the wonderful Choir wanted me to, too. Can Deliverance Choir use a frenchharp I asked them? We could sure find a place for a mouth organ says Reverence C.C. Cane. I have never heard it called that, I says. My grandfather played one, says Reverence C.C. Cane. In the Blue Ridge. Twas strapped around his mouth while he played a fiddle. How would that work? I says. Wouldn’t the sawing of his arm knock the frenchharp out of’s mouth? This sometimes happened, says the Reverence.
But I went on, waving goodbye to all the wonderful Deliverance Choir of Tomasso that was asinging I’ll see you again one day, baby, O’er the crystal strand. Baby. When we will meet again. Baby. Do not cry for me. I had delivered Tomasso back to Deliverance Choir and Deliverance Choir had delivered him into Virgin’s Heaven. As far as I could go that night I heard their heavenly singin blowing over and around me on the wind, oh twas so sad.
And I wished again that I had never found Tomasso, never come upon him in Deliverance Choir, wished I’d never found him, he might still be live and singin with his blessed family of black brothers and sisters in Deliverance Church under the leadership of Carl C. Cane or was it C. Carl Cane cain’t now remember exactly, C. C, that’s right, C. C, aclappin his brown hands the way he did, asmilin, my jailboy, my virgen singer, my sweet brother, my mother Chupa’s own son with a Jewish salesman.
I remember now what he said that when the person told him that he had a mother somewhere said that he run to Mr. and Mrs. Policheck the Bohunks, and asked them. But said that Mr. and Mrs. Sam Policheck would never tell him one thing about his mother and mine. Said he said why is it such a dark secret and said they said it is so dark that even we do not even know anything. Your mother was mum about herself, had sealed her own lips, they said (these are Anglo espressions we do not have any Mescan for them, to seal lips and to keep mum) so said he sealed his own lips too, Tomasso did and never again after he was seven years of age asked about his mother but vowed to one day excape and look for noticias of her in the world. So one night with the help of Hondo and Old John through the hole they dug, he run out into the night and was soon found by the Reverence…Carl…C…. Cane and was taken—I think the Carl comes first—he was twelve and joyous—into Deliverance Church. Instead of finding my mother, Tomasso said, in his Missoura accent, cain’t say the way he said it in Missourian no matter what I say sounds Mescan Texas or out of La Biblia from learning to read by it and always reading from it and having its words; instead of finding my mother, Tomasso said, I found Deliverance Church and wonderful Brother C. Carl Cane. He convinced me to give up looking for my mother and to surrender her to Jesus, and to give myself to Deliverance Choir.
First about my life as a jailboy, Tomasso said, twas like a convict life. Mr. and Mrs Policheck seemed to forget that I was not a convict. They seemed to forget the same about each other, for they let each other in and out of the Missoura jail cells with big keys. They had, as Reverence…Carl…C…. Cane said, a prison mentality, Tomasso said. Said Mrs. Nan Policheck was his teacher and school was the jail cell and that when he was astudyin he often would look up through the little jail window and wish he could excape; and then the little window was filled up with Instant Cement so that he would not have daydreams of excaping and would study, Tomasso told me. But said Nan Policheck—that was her name, Nan—said Nan Policheck held a little Sunday School in the jail cell on Sundays and taught him Biblia lessons, said he wrote out on the wall sayings from La Biblia, God Loves Me and Suffer the little children to come unto Me, and said he asked Nan Policheck why did little children have to suffer and said Nan Policheck answered because they are little children and Tomasso said he thought to himself that don’t make any sense I will ask Hondo later but when he later asked Hondo Hondo said he didn’t know. Let’s see where was I oh yes, somehow he said, Tomasso said, he felt he was apaying in the Missoura jail for the sins of his unknown mother. But she had committed the crime, not him, and he wondered many nights layin awake in his sad bed of an orphan and a prison what in the world his mother’s crime could be. I says to myself I’ll wait to tell him that she stole a green dress with sparkled fringe, that was her crime. And said that he ate meals at the long table with the convicts, Hondo and Old John, lousy jail grub, said. Who were the others? I asked, and Tomasso said no others, only Hondo and Old John, except for town drunks or burglars in for a few days but not to stay, somebody bought them, come with money, bailed them out was the espression. But nobody come with money for me, said Tomasso, and I used to pray that somebody, maybe my mother, would show up with some cash for me and bail me out. That is an espression I have never heard, I said. My mother did show up, showed up at the Show, I says, but not with money, I was not bailed out. I begun to get sick, Tomasso said, wonderin what I was in for, what my sentence was that I was imprisoned as a prisoner in a jail, why I could not go to school with other kids or go to town. What do you mean sentence I asked my brother and he said I cain’t hardly esplain it to you. Well I says tis a gringo espression, we have no such Mescan espression. And Tomasso says sentence means like a fine or something, the number of time you have to pay for the crime you done. We have no such Mescan espression I told him. But go on about the jail I’m getting all mixed up with different things agoing in my mind, and different words and espressions, my God; it was a sad little life for a niño boy like you, I said. I could begin to have thoughts of blaming that chalupa Chupa our mother and to think that once again she’s gone and hurt her sons, that she only give us hurt! God damn why did she do that, God damn, forgive me God and Jesucristo but here is another ejemplo example of that woman’s hurt that she caused others. That’s why we got to find our mother, so we can get over these feelings, especially so I can, I told Tomasso; to settle these hurts. And then to forgive her, said Tomasso. Reverence C. Carl Cane told me to forgive my mother. Reverence Carl C. Cane is right, I says, tis the very teachings of our Lord and Savior Jesucristo as tis told us in the White Bible. C. Carl Cane, said Tomasso. The C. is first. O.K. I says. Where is the virgen’s hair? Here in my pocket in the little Bull Durham sack Hondo give me, says Tomasso. Let me see it, I says, and Tomasso took out the Bull Durham sack and took out the little soft hair and I touched it. A virgin’s, Tomasso said. Sí, I said. Una virgen. He looked a look at me that was agoing to ask me the question and I says don’t ask me that again, muñeco.
I wish now that I had found out what sweet Tomasso thought of me I wish now that I had asked him more questions, I wish now that I had asked all my listeners more questions. Even in the Show I wish that I had asked my gazers questions, we could have had some conversations, I wish that I had torn the lock on the door and torn the bars from the windows and invited people from the town to visit me in my jewel glass wagon. We could have had a conversation. Quizás perhaps I would not now have to sing so much if I had had some conversations. Sometimes we do not know who we are talking to like the Biblia Blanca story of the stranger walking on the road. And it was Jesucristo come again! Sometimes I do not know if being found is being lost, if who I find is who I lose, I only wander, looking and singing, everthing is taken from me ‘cept the love of Jesucristo, soon I will not hunt and search no more, I will set down somewhere in love of God and seeing Jesucristo at my side. If people that I find do not run away from me they sink away from me cold upon my breast. I’m always left alone again. At least I have been twice, mi madre and Tomasso. Jesucristo will not go, he will not go.
But in a town in the rain I saw in a shed a man looked like Hondo and I got under the shed and saw that twas Hondo Holloway. Abrazo! Abrazo! I cried—but don’t hug me too hard you do not know your own strength—and we had a reunion. But oh you are ahugg
in a sad individual, I says, since I lose you a terrible thing has happened, I am heartbroke, I said to Hondo. And I told Hondo the desgracia misfortune of the blessed little Tomasso. We cried and Hondo said oh my God, said what happened to my boy Tomasso. He was hungry I said acryin. Well didn’t you give him something to eat? He ate! I cried. Tomasso ate! And yet the people said he died of hunger. Hambre? Hambre? I cried out crazy. Hondo help me; that he died of hunger? He never said that he was hungry! Hunger! I cried to Hondo. Hunger! Hondo said you goan go loco on that word. I don know any of the particulars of what happened but it would seem to me that God took Tomasso by starving him on earth, our food on earth did not feed him. So, I whispered to Hondo, Jesucristo in La Biblia Blanca said that you can eat and eat of this bread but you will still be hungry. Hondo said I believe Tomasso was meant to go to Heaven. Virgen’s Heaven, I says. Sí, answered Hondo. He has joined with Sweet Janine. They both was meant to go to Heaven. Not for this earth, I says, and was acryin. You cryin? said Hondo. I guess a little I says. You? I guess a little, Hondo says. The boy’s worth some of our cryin, some tears, I says. And the sweet girl too, says Hondo, and we cried together for Tomasso that we had loved so much and had gone on. But I did not cry so much for Sweet Janine because I never did know her. My face is full of tears, I says. And here’s a big tear fell on my hand, said Hondo. I have had me some esperience with the sweet ones that make the big tears fall so you can listen to me, Hondo consoled me. It’s fuckin hard to lose the little sweet ones in this old world. I shed my tears over that and am workin to make amends of forgiveness. So am I Hondo, I says. And we cried some more a little and thanked God and Jesucristo that we was together again.
I will not now tell you of my adventure with the Medium Gloria Ox, Hondo said to me, we will save that one for a rainy day. But this is one, I says to Hondo, a rainy day. Tis an espression, says Hondo. O.K. I says, Jesucristo another gringo espression. I will wait to hear of your esperience with Gloria Ox. I will only add that it was a misfortune a desgracia, said Hondo Holloway, and that she put me in touch with not one message. I bet that Gloria Ox is now in touch with all your money I says, I bet that was the message, I says. And, said Hondo, tried to run away into the night with it while I was waiting in the dark room without any of my clothes on. I said will you let me ask you one more question Hondo and Hondo says you can ask it. Was Gloria Ox a pretty lady, once she took off all them veils? An old trout, said Hondo—and a dead trout now. Oh my God you didn’t not know your own fuerza strength again, I told him. I was only trying to get my Savings and Loan back, said Hondo Holloway. Well now you are double at-large, I says. And for the second time a posse is after you, my God two posses. We are deep in trouble, what shall we do? Go in a northwest direction like we started before the two desgracias hit us, said Hondo. Towards Ethelreda Johansson. O.K., I says. While I am huntin for mi madre and sometimes the Show I will help you try and find Sweet Janine’s sister Ethelreda, I told him. But now we’ll have to keep out eyes for three posses, two posses for you and one posse (an old one) for me, Jesucristo always somethin to keep out an eye for, either for somethin you’re ahuntin or for somethin ahuntin you, my God what is this life what is this world? Where is the little sack of Janine’s hair did Gloria Ox get that? I have the little hair, said Hondo, and here it is. And you will never guess where it was hidden. Now I don wan sing much of this part but I will say that Hondo was the best friend ever that I had and the only friend when you get right down to it. You wan hear.
To not to know your own fuerza give Hondo Holloway some problems. Por ejemplo for example he was ascared of so much that he become the lonesomest man in the world. Why would anybody want to let him give them an abrazo, hug em? They might get all their backbones cracked. Why would anybody want that? I got to help you learn about your fuerza how much you can take ahold of anything or somebody, I says. If Hondo tried to scratch hisself he tore the blood from hisself, if he tried to open somethin he tore it all to pieces, if he…well finally it was like he was tied all up in ropes or like he was a frozen man he was so ascared to touch somebody. Pore Hondo had so much soft lovingness to give to everbody but he did not know la mensura, what you call it, measure? He did not know one pound from one ounce. What was pore Hondo going to do? Sometimes if he opened a door he pulled it down. Lots of things was broken around him. What was Hondo goin to do? And people wouldn’t come too close to him, what was he goin to do? He was in the worst jail of all, I told him, worse than anything in Missoura or in anywhere I told him, all locked up. But what am I goin to do? Hondo asked me. I will help you Hondo, I told him. Through Jesucristo who helps everbody and everthing. And I told Hondo about the blind man that He made to see and the deaf man and the lame ones to walk—los ciegos y los sordos y los cojos. How will Jesucristo do it? asked Hondo. We will ask Jesucristo to make you suave gentle, I says. Jesucristo I prayed please to make Hondo suave, Hondo, a gentle man who does not know his own fuerza strength. And Jesucristo give me back the message—steal the curl of hair from Hondo. What? I says. What? asked Hondo. Nothin’, I says. But now I knew that Jesucristo was La Médium, the Medium that was giving me the message that would save Hondo’s mi compadres life. And so one night when Hondo was asleepin, from his open hand that had fallen open in his sleep I stole the Bull Durham little sack that held the hair and hid it in my breast. When he woke up he was already so suave gentle that he resigned himself to the precious loss and for a long time cried just like a baby. But we went on and Hondo now was such a soft man that lambs run to him in the fields and even a butterfly sit on’s shoulder onct, twas far in Oregon and the butterfly was yellow. And his abrazos was as soft as Jesuses must have been. Hondo seemed just like a saint. Sometime he cried again to lose the little curl but we went on and sometimes more than ever now he cried for Sweet Janine that he had never meant to choke to death he only was alovin her and did not know his own strength. I did not go to, I did not go to do it! cried pore Hondo Holloway. But we went on. We slept against each other in the fields and when the frost fell over us we held each other keeping warm and it was just as tender. But in all our tendernesses never did I reveal myself to Hondo.
In every town we come to, Hondo Holloway would go to the Mayor’s place and read down the list of people of the town to find Johansson. En fin in one town there was Johansson. Hondo said there is the little Savings and Loan Bank this is the bitter town of Sweet Janine my heart is heavy and bitter. Never mind I says to Hondo when you have made forgiveness amends to Ethelreda your bitter heart will not be so heavy. But of course it will always be a little heavy and still a little bitter until you dig back up the money under the Missoura jail and give it back to the Savings and Loan Bank of this town. One thing at a time please Arcadio, answered Hondo, first the forgiveness amends. When we went to the door and big Ethelreda opened it and suave Hondo said to her who he was, with one blow of her big hand she killed him down to the ground and I run for my life. Jesucristo I called out, save the soul of Hondo Holloway and forgive me for stealing the curl of hair I was only following the message that you give to me, what is this world? Pore Hondo Holloway. Oh God and Jesucristo I do not understand the working of your ways sometimes señor, with fuerza sin mensura Hondo murdered accidentally and suave he was knocked down dead.
I went on, all alone again, trying to figure out now who I was ahunting for and seen again that was, as always, as in the beginning, my mother. You wan hear? And when something tickled on my breast oh my God and Jesucristo twas the little curl of hair of Sweet Janine that first was carried by Tomasso that Hondo give him and now twas in my care.
Feelings for the Show come over me again and I wondered should I come back to the Show. And I looked again for posters on the trees with great head of a lion feroz, Heracles, and in the towns I went through asked the people if they had some noticias of the Show but nobody did.
12
The Missoura Jail
THE THOUGHT WAS beginning to occur to me—thought it twas a thought but as I thought about
it more I begun to see that it was God and Jesucristo’s thought athinkin for me—the thought was to go towards the Missoura jail. I would take the curl of hair back to Old John, tell Sam Policheck, the jailer, that Chupa was my mother and that I was the half blood brother of Tomasso that he brought up when his mother left him, and dig for the Savings and Loan that Old John would show me where, return it to the little Savings and Loan Bank in the bitter town of Sweet Janine and so clean the bitterness from the heart of Hondo Holloway and get him into heaven—not Virgen’s Heaven because of Gloria Ox and I don’t know what others. Then I was sure that God and Jesucristo would forgive the sins of Hondo Holloway. This was my mission given to me by God and Jesucristo in my thoughts. And I would see the old Missoura jail where all those that I loved had all been at one time or another! You wan hear. And I could ask some information from Sam Policheck about mi madre when she was a prisoner there for stealing a green dress with sparkled fringe and ask Nan Policheck about Tomasso and his jail cell school and try to make amends of forgiveness for Hondo for digging the hole of excape. So I was agoing on towards Missoura.
I walked through towns and slept in sheds and under bridges, headin for Missoura. I was full of joy that I was goin there. Since I was on the mission given to me by God and Jesucristo in my thoughts, they looked after me and led me on, you wan hear. Feroz dogs come after me in some places and in a valley of a place I don know the place some ladrones robbers fell upon me and tried to beat me but I had great strength like Santo Pablo Paul in La Biblia Blanca, and I repulsed them, like La Biblia says. And I went on, towards the Missoura jail. There was great rains in some mountains, I don know where, and I was drenched and freezin cold but then the sun come out and dried me off; and I went on. And findin myself in a whole bunch of little black bullfrogs just coverin the whole ground one time, I run up in a tree and set there all one night and oh the groanin of those black bullfrogs was so terrible to hear, demonio; but in the morning they was gone and I went on, towards the Missoura jail.
Arcadio Page 8
