Fifteen minutes later she was back and visibly more relaxed. Jake had gotten comfortable on the couch while he waited for her. She sat down beside him and put her head on his shoulder. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For giving me the perfect suggestion so that I would feel better. As I stood in the room and snapped pictures and zoomed in on their little faces, I could see that they were okay. No one was crying anymore, and they were sleeping peacefully. I still don’t know how I’m going to feel at three in the morning when I have to run up the stairs to get to them and that they’ll have to cry a little bit longer before I’m there to comfort them, but for now, I can see that they’re fine.”
Jake wished that he was. Hearing her words and after all that he had just been thinking, he had to wonder at what exactly was going to happen when the time came for Olivia to leave. She talked as if she was going to be here forever. Not once had she mentioned when she was going to go or what she was going to do once she was back on the west coast.
He didn’t want her to go. That was a given. And as hard as it was obviously going to be on her, he knew without a doubt that it was going to be damn-near traumatic for him and his children once she was gone. She was building a relationship with Ben and Maddie. She was teaching them that they could trust her to be there for them.
She was doing the same thing to him.
Maybe it wasn’t intentional, and he knew for certain that it wasn’t malicious; Olivia was just the type of woman who did everything with her entire being – heart and soul. He was the one who had to remember that when it was time for her to go. She was just being who she is, and for a brief moment in time, she had belonged to him.
She had a life back in L.A. He didn’t want to think about that life or what – or who – she was going back to. Tilting his head, he kissed her on the top of hers and then simply inhaled the sweet scent of her.
She wasn’t leaving yet.
For now, she did belong to him.
And he wasn’t going to let a moment of that time go to waste.
Nudging her with his shoulder, Jake waited until she lifted her head and then he stood and held out a hand to hers. “I’ve been waiting for the opportunity to do more than just sleep with you in that bed.”
Olivia looked up at him, her eyes heated. “Really? Because I’ve had a couple of ideas on what I wanted to do with you other than sleeping in that bed.”
He arched a brow at her. “Really?”
She nodded. “Really.”
“Then how about we go inside and compare notes?”
“I’d like that very much.” She waited until he took one of her hands in his and led her to the bedroom and smiled when she saw him pick up the baby monitor in his empty hand. There was nothing sexier than a man who took all of your feelings and worries into consideration before anything else.
In that minute, what little he hadn’t already claimed of her heart, became his.
****
They got up together when the twins began to fuss at three a.m. Jake went to heat up bottles of formula while Olivia went up to the nursery to start getting them changed and calmed down. By the time Jake joined her, Maddie was ready to be fed so she handed the baby to Jake and then took care of Ben. The nursery had two glider rockers so that they would not have to climb up and down the stairs in the middle of the night when it was time to feed the babies.
They rocked in companionable silence until the twins were asleep again. And, as had happened earlier, Jake led Olivia from the room and back down to the master bedroom. It amazed Jake how in sync they were with one another. He had dated Marilyn for two years and never was able to communicate without actually speaking, but with Olivia, it was like they were of one mind. It was a little unnerving and yet calming at the same time.
Olivia immediately rolled over to snuggle against him as soon as the blankets had covered them once again. Jake wrapped her in his embrace and was ready to fall back to sleep when Olivia said his name. He shifted in the darkness and looked down at her face.
“It wasn’t so bad right?” she asked softly.
Because he was coming to know her so well, he already knew what she was referring to. “No,” he said, shaking his head slightly. “It wasn’t bad at all.”
That seemed to satisfy Olivia because she instantly relaxed against him and hugged him. In less than a minute, she said his name again. When he looked down at her, she raised her head a bit to make them eye level. “Was the volume level okay for you on the monitor?”
He chuckled softly. “Yes.”
“Oh, okay. Good.” She paused. “Do you think they got too frantic while waiting for me to get up there?” Jake shook his head. “Okay. Good.” She chewed at her bottom lip. “Do you think it’s too cold…?”
“Liv?”
“Hmm?”
“What’s going on? Why are you so worried?”
She sagged a little. “I don’t know. They’re just so small and helpless, and I don’t want them to think that I kicked them out of their space.”
Jake sat up a little further and looked at her like she was crazy. “What are you talking about?”
Olivia flopped back against the pillows and threw an arm over her eyes. “I made you rush to finish the upstairs,” she said miserably. “I was being selfish, and I can’t believe that I did that. I mean, they’re babies! This is their home, not mine, and I just swoop in here and start changing everything and…and it was…,” she began to sob, “all for my own…selfish…pleasure.” She was openly crying now and rolled over so that her back was to Jake.
“Hey,” he said softly and reached out to roll her back toward him. “That’s crazy. You didn’t swoop in here and do anything like that at all.”
She faced him and looked at him with annoyance. “How can you even say that? Did I or did I not…dare you…to get the nursery finished so that we could have sex in a bed?”
“Well when you put it like that…”
“Put it like what? The truth?” She covered her face with her hands. “I’m so ashamed of myself. I’m supposed to be here helping you, helping them, and what am I doing? Thinking of myself!” Tears were falling in earnest again.
Jake didn’t know what to do or say to make her feel better. This admission made everything else fall into place tonight – her worrying and her uneasiness with the twins being in their new room. But Jake knew that this was all for the better, and not just because of the sex. Ben and Maddie were going to need to be in their own room eventually, and if he hadn’t been in the middle of renovating the upstairs, they would have been up there all along.
Carefully, he pulled Olivia’s hands from her face and forced her to look at him. “Olivia, you need to stop. There is nothing wrong with getting me to finish the nursery. It needed to be done and while, yes, you…motivated me to get it finished, that wasn’t the only reason that I did it.”
“Really?”
He nodded. “Really. They were going to have their own room eventually, and no matter how little or how big they were when it happened, it was going to be a little traumatic. You need to relax. Everything is good.”
She wiped away some of the tears and sat up to face Jake. “Are you sure? Do you think that they’re going to be traumatized because of me?”
“Liv…”
“No, I’m serious. They’ve already had their mother abandon them and then I go and make them feel unwanted and…”
Placing his hands on her shoulders, Jake gave her a gentle shake. “Hey, that’s enough,” he said firmly but gently. “You have done more for them since you’ve been here than I can ever imagine Marilyn doing for them in their entire lives. Olivia, you’ve sacrificed your time, time that you had set aside for yourself, to come and help me. Help them. You’ve made them feel loved and secure. More so than I ever could have done on my own.”
Her eyes were huge as she looked up at him. “Really?”
He nodded. “I couldn’t have done any of this without you.�
�� Wrapping his arms around her, Jake pulled her in close. “You’re the reason that we’re a family right now.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth he realized how much he wanted that to be true. He already knew that he and Ben and Maddie were a family, but now he wanted Olivia to be a part of it, too.
It was too much to throw at her right now, but Jake knew that he’d have to be brave and broach the subject with her soon; before she packed up and went back to her life in L.A. Maybe she’d think he was crazy, and maybe he was. They’d known each other for almost their entire lives and it seems as if now that they’ve finally been able to admit their feelings for one another, both past and present, shouldn’t they be able to talk about a future together?
“What’s wrong?” Olivia asked quietly. “You’ve gotten awfully quiet and you’re frowning.”
He couldn’t tell her what was really on his mind. Not yet. Plus, it was nearing four in the morning. Turning, he looked at her and smiled. “Nothing. Everything’s perfect.” Her eyebrows arched in surprise, and Jake knew the best way in the world to convince her that he was speaking the truth. “I was thinking that I’m not ready to go back to sleep yet.”
Her expression softened, and he could see all of the tension of minutes ago begin to fade. “Me either.”
Leaning forward, Jake kept moving slowly until Olivia was flat on her back and he was reclined next to her. “That’s good because…I don’t think we’ve finished comparing notes on all of the things that we wanted to do in this bed.”
Olivia wanted to tell him that her notes would never be finished, but instead she snaked an arm around Jake’s shoulders and pulled him in close. “You know I’m all for being efficient.”
Jake’s lips hovered mere inches above hers. “It’s one of your best qualities.”
And for the remainder of the night, she showed him a few of her other ones.
Chapter Nine
For the next week they settled comfortably into a routine. Jake had even gone to the office several times, and Olivia was perfectly comfortable staying at home alone with the twins. While it was definitely easier when Jake was there to help her, she found that she could manage all right.
The babies were growing, and the only problem Olivia seemed to be having was that they were growing on her, too. Every day she saw them do something new, and she found that she looked forward to it more than anything else.
Well, almost anything else.
Her time with Jake – whether they were alone and in bed or spending time just hanging out and talking with the twins – was something that she was beginning to get used to. Very used to. The days that he went to the office, she found herself watching the clock in anticipation of seeing him again – and not just for an extra set of hands with Ben and Maddie – but because she missed him. When he walked through the door, there was a very domesticated ‘Hey, honey, how was your day’ vibe that they both seemed to fall into with little-to-no effort.
Olivia was a career girl. Ever since she was old enough to work, she did. From working in the mall on summer breaks to waitressing through college, Olivia knew the importance of having a job and, eventually, a career. Her photography was everything to her. From her first exhibit in her art class in the ninth grade, she knew that this was what she wanted to do.
Lately, however, she had grown a little…disenchanted with it. Maybe it was the daily grind of working with demanding Hollywood starlets or maybe it was just the endless stream of photo shoots and all of the traveling that went with it. Either way, it wasn’t quite as magical to her as it had once been.
Taking the photos of Jake and the twins had been the first time in a long time that Olivia had found joy behind the camera. Every day she made sure to snap new pictures of Ben and Maddie, because she knew that Jake would forget to do it once she was gone.
The thought of leaving made her stomach clench.
That can’t be good, she thought.
Her life was back in L.A. Her agent had freaked out enough at the news that Olivia was taking a month-long sabbatical. If Olivia tried to extend it, she had no doubt that a search and rescue squad would be combing the area in order to drag her back to the west coast and back to work.
Sigh.
That wouldn’t be good either.
Long-distance relationships were never a good thing. And with Jake having infants to take care of and his refusal to hire any help, Olivia knew that there would be no way for them to make anything like that work. She sighed as she wondered if he even wanted such a thing to work. They lived in the moment; lived for the day. She had told him that was how he needed to handle parenthood, and apparently, they were using it to apply to their relationship too.
He had so many things on his plate already, she thought. How could she possibly add one more thing to it? How would it seem if – knowing all that she knew about how he’d been feeling – she went and got clingy and started asking where all of this was going with them and how he was going to make it work for her and her career.
Jake didn’t even know how to make it work for himself and his career, how could she even consider asking him to figure out how to make hers work, too?
The sigh escaped before she could stop it. Right now Jake was in his make-shift home office getting some work done, the twins were sleeping, and apparently Olivia was stuck trying to figure out how to win in a no-win situation.
Some relaxing vacation this turned out to be.
She wasn’t ready for it to come to an end. At best she had a week and a half before she needed to get back home. Her ticket was already booked and paid for. In the distance she heard Jake’s voice and her heart skipped a beat. Maybe they needed to talk. If she could only think of a way to broach the subject without making him feel cornered or pressured, she knew that they’d figure something out. Anything.
Unfortunately, she had a feeling that no matter what solution they came up with, it wouldn’t be fair… or enough. For either of them.
Or the twins.
Damn. It had all seemed so simple when Jake had kissed her that first time. They’d have their fling – for lack of a better word – and she’d finally have her time with him and then she’d move on.
But now she didn’t want to move on.
But she didn’t want to give up her career either. She’d worked so hard to get to the level that she was at – it was an extremely competitive field, and to be as young as she was and to have the client list that she currently had was nearly unheard of. And she didn’t even want to think of the waiting list of the rich and famous that wanted her attention, her talent in taking their pictures.
It was too exhausting to even contemplate.
But she had to.
And soon.
Because all too soon she’d be faced with a decision to make.
And she wanted to be certain that she was making the right one.
****
Jake paced the confines of his temporary home office and listened as his assistant ran down a list of things that required his attention. The longer she spoke the more overwhelmed he felt. In his mind, this should have been simple. He was going to pass on the bulk of his responsibilities to his management team, and they would meet maybe once a week via Skype or some other conference call set up and discuss the things that were going on.
Apparently, he hadn’t trained everyone as well as he thought he had because all hell was breaking loose on multiple job sites, and he knew that the only way to get things under control was to go and be there in person.
But how?
He already felt guilty about the number of times he’d gone into the office and left Olivia home alone with Ben and Maddie. She never complained, but Jake knew that it wasn’t an easy task to take on alone. What if they both got cranky at the same time? What if they weren’t feeling well and Olivia was here all by herself with his kids and was feeling overwhelmed and he was out and about putting out fires that his management team should have been able to handle?
Should he h
ire more experienced managers? Was that the answer? He walked over and sat down at his desk and made some notes as his assistant continued to talk. God, when was this one-way conversation going to end? Jake looked at the clock and saw that it was almost time for the twins to get up from their afternoon nap. “Helen?” he interrupted. “I need to let some of this settle and figure out what I’m going to do.”
“I hate to say it, Jake, but the guys just aren’t ready to take on this much responsibility. You always did too much, and you handled everything for everybody. Now they don’t know how to do it for themselves.”
He wanted to argue, but unfortunately she was right. Jake had always found it easier to just do what needed to be done himself rather than sitting back and watching someone else fumble through it and fail.
Lesson learned there.
Except with his twins. He had sought out help immediately, and first he had Mike and then he had Olivia. That thought made him drop his chin to his chest in defeat. He was no better than his team. He had let other people come in and help him out in a difficult situation and now he had no idea how he was going to handle it on his own when Olivia left.
He felt a migraine coming on. “I’ll call you in the morning,” he said distractedly and hung up the phone and slouched in his seat. Dammit. What did it say about him that he had so quickly turned into the type of person who let other people fight his battles and solve his problems for him? What the hell was he doing?
Scrubbing a weary hand over his face, Jake considered his options. He needed to stop putting all of the responsibility for the twins on Olivia. She was leaving soon, and he needed to remember that. She hadn’t talked about extending her stay here, and Jake – as much as he wanted her to – didn’t think that asking her to stay was the right thing to do. It pained him to even think it. With the way his life was spinning out of control right now, maybe some time apart would help to put things into perspective.
Jake knew that he cared about Olivia. A lot. He might even say that he was in love with her. Oddly enough the thought of that didn’t scare him. What did scare him was the possibility that he was using her as a solution to his problems. And that wasn’t fair. To either of them. How could he possibly convince Olivia that he loved her just for her while he was bogging her down with all of the problems of his life? He needed to figure out how to run his own life – the life that he now was faced with – without help from Olivia or anyone.
Baby, Be Mine (Life, Love And Babies Book 3) Page 11
