by Sharon Sala
The recitation astonished her. He seemed to have absorbed every slip she’d made, every peek into her private life she’d given him. “Do you have one of those photographic memories?”
“No, it’s selective, actually. I just remember what I want to remember.” He crooked his finger and used it to raise her chin until their eyes met. “And what I want to remember is you.”
Remember. A word to recall something from the past. K.C. braced herself. Here it came. The breakup. He was going to tell her that he couldn’t see her anymore.
She raised her chin even higher, her eyes meeting his. “Why, are you going somewhere?”
He thought about that for a moment, rolling the phrase she used over in his mind. Maybe he was at that. “In a way.”
She was right, she thought. But triumph eluded her even though she was trying to congratulate herself for not getting involved with Bailey. Eluded her because it was a bald-faced lie.
“In a way?” she echoed.
He didn’t want to confuse her, or to play word games. But he didn’t want to frighten her away, either. He saw something in her eyes, a wariness he hadn’t seen for the past few weeks. Bailey tried again, feeling his way around cautiously. “Maybe I should have put it in a figurative way. I’d like to go to the next level.”
The music had stopped. Standing still on the dance floor, K.C. stared at him, her eyes wide, her heart hammering. Her emotions suddenly scrambling, running for high ground even as they wanted to gravitate toward what he was about to say to her.
Her throat felt incredibly dry as she made her guess. “You want to sleep with me.”
What else could he be talking about? Even as she said it, K.C. felt an ache seep into her body. There was no denying that she wanted him, wanted to be with him in every possible way. But that would only complicate matters and make everything worse when he finally left—as he inevitably would.
“More than anything in this world.” The confession had just slipped out. It wasn’t what he was preparing to say. This wasn’t the way he wanted her to remember things. “Come on, let’s get off the floor.” Taking her hand, he led her back to their table.
As she followed him, K.C. framed words saying yes, she framed words saying no. Bailey had been wonderful and patient with her and she wanted to be with him in every sense of the word, but that would just make it so much harder. She’d just prepared herself for a break up and now her emotions were springing back up. She couldn’t take this kind of roller-coaster ride.
He’d made up his mind, just after they had started to dance, that perhaps he’d tell her as they walked along the beach. There was nothing like a moonlit night to aid a proposal. But he changed his mind again. They had their whole lives together to take romantic walks on the beach. He wanted to give her the ring now.
To hear her say yes now.
Helping her with her chair, Bailey slid into his own. He put his hand into his pocket, covering the small velvet box housed there.
Okay, here we go.
“Close your eyes,” he instructed.
Her eyes remained open as she stared at him, looking as if uneasiness was weaving a web around her. “What?”
“Close your eyes.”
K.C. ran the tip of her tongue over her lips, as if she were fighting nerves. “Okay.”
She exhaled the word, closing her eyes. Her nerves wouldn’t settle down. She felt Bailey picked up her hand. Nerves jumped up another notch.
“Is this going to be some kind of marketing test?”
He flipped the lid on the box with his thumb while holding her hand. “Not exactly. This is only going public on a very limited scale. Ownership—one.” His hand was steady, even though it felt as if it were trembling, as he slipped the ring on her finger.
The moment she felt the metal sliding along her skin, K.C.’s eyes flew open. The light from the candle on their table seeped into the diamond. Tiny rainbows of colors leaped out, dazzling her.
Her heart leaped and sank as the moment brought another moment back to her. Eric slipping a piece of costume jewelry on her finger, saying someday he would get a real ring for her. She’d worn it even after it had turned her finger green.
Oh, no, no, please don’t have him say it. Don’t have him ask me.
But Bailey was already saying the words. Taking her hand in his again, his eyes captured hers.
“K.C. sometimes a person just knows when something feels right. And this feels right to me.” He took a deep breath, telling himself those were tears of happiness filling her eyes. “K.C., will you marry me?”
One tear spilled out as she pulled her hand back. “No.”
Chapter 10
Feeling as if he’d just walked headlong into a sucker punch, Bailey tried to rally. He couldn’t have misread the signs so badly. Could he? “Is that a ‘forever’ no, or a ‘no, not this minute’?”
With hands that were shaking, K.C. pulled the ring off her finger and held it out to him. “I just can’t marry you.”
Something dark and burning twisted inside him, creating a wound that made the one that had scarred over seem inconsequential. “I’m sorry. I guess I got my signals crossed. I thought that you and I had something special. That you cared about me—”
Since he wasn’t taking the ring, she placed in on the table in front of him. More tears spilled down her cheeks. “I do care about you. That’s just the trouble.”
He wanted to hold her to him and comfort her. He wanted to shake her and ask what was wrong, why she was doing this to both of them.
For both their sakes, he tried to find refuge in humor. “So, you’re only willing to marry people you don’t care about?”
There was no way she could make him understand. She’d already ventured out farther than was safe. To go any farther than that terrified her. “I’m not willing to open myself up to be hurt again, all right?”
At least she had the luxury of closing herself off. Being with her had taken that away from him. He hadn’t wanted a relationship either, yet here it was, all around him. All around them.
Couldn’t she see that?
“You’re not the only one who’s ridden that bus,” he said, reminding her of something he’d said the first time they’d gone out together. “What makes us grow is going past things like that.”
Feeling shaky inside, struggling to maintain a shred of composure, she raised her chin. “Maybe I’m not interested in growing. Maybe I’m just interested in keeping things the way they are.”
His eyes held hers, loving her. Hating what she was putting them both through. Refusing to believe that it could end this way. “Nothing stands still, K.C. It either grows, or it dies.”
She rose so fast, her chair almost fell backward behind her. K.C. caught it with one hand, steadying it at the last moment. “Then I won’t stay to watch it die.”
Apprehensive, Bailey shot to his feet with her. “Where are you going?”
Her mind ran about like a mouse lost in a tangle of passageways. K.C. didn’t know where she was going. Away from here. To hide. And cry.
A single word came to her. “Home.”
Turning on her heel, she raced off before he could catch her wrist to stop her. A couple got in his way as he started to go after K.C. He was halfway to the door when he remembered that the ring was still on the table. Hurrying back, he grabbed it.
By the time he reached the street, K.C. was nowhere in sight.
His fingers tightened around the ring in his hand. The ring she wouldn’t wear.
“Merry Christmas,” he murmured bitterly to himself.
“So, you’re running away.”
Looking up, K.C. knew the look she would find in her sister’s eyes before she saw it. To her surprise, it wasn’t annoyance in Rachel’s eyes, it was compassion. That almost made it worse.
K.C. pressed her lips together and continued packing. There wasn’t much to put into the suitcase, but it seemed as if it were taking forever. Somehow, her fingers kept gettin
g tangled as she worked and it felt as if there were molasses in her veins.
She tossed in a sweater that defied folding. “I’m not running. The cast came off, you’re getting around, you don’t need me anymore. And I’m way overdue for a vacation.”
Rachel eyed her. K.C. thrived on doing, not relaxing. “You don’t take vacations.”
No, K.C. thought, she didn’t. But maybe it was time she did. Maybe it was time she tried something different. She needed time to get away and sort out her thoughts. It had been five days since she’d run out of the restaurant, leaving Bailey and his proposal behind. She thought she’d feel better by now. She didn’t.
Five days and he hadn’t even tried to see her or even called. She’d been right. There was no future for them. Her refusal had just precipitated the inevitable.
K.C. reached for a makeup bag and realized it was empty. Her makeup was still on the bureau. “I’m going to Cancun. Lay around on the beach for a while.”
As if that were possible. A sense of urgency had Rachel getting into K.C.’s face. She had to be made to see reason. “I know you. You’ll wind up organizing the seashells according to size half an hour after you arrive.”
K.C. swung around, catching the side of the suitcase with her hip and sending it sliding off the bed. Clothes that had taken her forever to pack tumbled out. She blinked back tears. This was stupid. She wasn’t going to cry again, she wasn’t.
Stooping, she began tossing things haphazardly into the suitcase. “I have to get away.”
Rachel was on the floor beside her, gently placing her hands on the suitcase. Trying to commandeer it away from K.C. “But not until Christmas Day, all right? It’s already dark and it’s Christmas Eve. You have to stay until tomorrow.”
She could remember when Christmas Eve had been special to her. Her mother would cook a big meal for dinner and then her parents allowed her, Rachel and their brothers to open one present apiece just before they went to bed.
But it had been a long time since she’d been a little girl. “Why?”
Drawing the suitcase away from her, Rachel rose and placed it on the bed. “Because I won’t deprive Gracie of her favorite playmate just because she’s turned out to have feathers instead of skin.”
“Feathers?”
Rachel turned to face her. There was an affectionate smile on her lips. “As in chicken.” She slipped an arm around her younger sister’s shoulders, coaxing her away from her packing. “C’mon, for Gracie.” Her eyes searched K.C.’s to see if she was getting through. “And for me. I worked hard on this dinner.”
What would it hurt? Maybe it might even help make her feel a little better. She loved watching Gracie open presents, giggling amid a flurry of wrapping paper and toys. K.C. allowed herself to be led out of her room.
“You called takeout,” she pointed out.
Rachel held up one well-manicured hand, waving three-quarter-inch-long nails in the air. “What, you think dialing isn’t hard work with these nails?” Then, with a laugh, she hugged K.C. to her. “C’mon, it’ll be like the old days. Remember the year you wanted nothing more than a skateboard?”
“Broke my leg in three places.” That was the summer she decided to become a nurse, because of the one that she’d had. The woman had gone the extra distance, staying behind and reading to a frightened little girl long after she should have gone home herself.
K.C. stopped short when she entered the dining room. The table was festively decorated for the holiday. It was also set for six.
Suspicion brought uneasiness. K.C. turned toward her sister. “I thought you said this was going to be just like the old days. I assumed they were our ‘old days.”’ She gestured at the table with its bright-red cloth and tiny snowmen at each setting. “There’re extra places set. Who’s coming?”
Rachel’s smile never wavered. “A new version of the old days. The millennium is only a week away. I thought we’d make a fresh start a little early.”
Her sister was hedging. K.C. looked toward her brother-in-law for help. Bryan was a good guy, one of the last. He could be counted on to side with her. “Who else is coming, Bryan?”
Bryan’s eyes indicated something directly behind her. The next minute, she had her answer even before she turned around.
“Us.”
Swinging around, her heart doubling its rhythm, K.C. saw that Bailey and Bobby were standing at the holly-decorated entrance of the room. Suddenly the overwhelming extent to which she had missed him these past five days came home to her.
But it didn’t change the fact that embarrassment flooded her. He hadn’t called her on his own. Had her sister begged him to come?
“I’ll get you for this, Rachel,” K.C. promised between barely moving lips.
“I’m sure you will,” Rachel returned, whispering against K.C.’s ear. She was entirely unfazed by the fact that she had taken it upon herself to butt in and find out what had caused her sister’s sudden edgy behavior. That was what sisters were for.
Rachel kept a firm grip on K.C.’s arm to keep her from suddenly bolting from the room. “Just behave, okay? Bryan still doesn’t know he married into a crazy family.”
“Living with you, I’m sure he suspects.” Uncoupling herself from Rachel, she bent down to greet the little boy first. She had missed his adorable face. “Hello, Bobby.” Straightening, she looked at Bailey. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but he smiled at her as if nothing had happened between them. Her nerves settled a little, but a spot of hurt took over the space. “Hello, Bailey.”
“Hello, K.C. Merry Christmas.”
If she didn’t know any better, Rachel thought, she would have said they both looked like prize fighters just before the bell to round one sounded. “All right, everyone,” she announced, ushering Gracie toward the table, “let’s eat before dinner gets cold.”
“How have you been?”
Dinner had gone surprisingly well. Bryan and Rachel had kept the conversation moving at a fast pace and Bailey had joined in. K.C. had even managed a few interjections of her own once she’d gotten over her surprise. But now Rachel had somehow managed to get them seated together on the family room sofa, while she and Bryan were keeping the children occupied on the other side of the room by the tree.
She concentrated on her mug of hot buttered rum, staring into the contents. “Fine.”
“Too bad.” His answer had her looking at him in surprise. “I was hoping to hear you say that you were as miserable as I was.” He still nursed hopes in that department. “Rachel said you’ve been impossible to live with.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to say that it was Rachel who was impossible to live with, but she found that the lie wouldn’t emerge. Not without her stuttering, which they both knew was a dead giveaway, thanks to her sharing that bit of information with him.
It occurred to her that she had shared a great deal with a man she hadn’t intended on sharing her life with.
She shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. “I guess maybe I have.”
Bailey drew a shade closer to her. “Any particular reason?”
Trapped, she had no choice in her answer. “You know I can’t lie without stuttering.” She shivered, a warm sensation shimmying up her spine. He was outlining the shell of her ear with the tip of his finger.
“I’m counting on it.”
She knew she should just get up and walk away, leaving his question unanswered. She remained sitting. Absorbing the feel of having him close. “All right, I’ve missed you.”
His smile heated her. “Nice to hear.”
Nice. The word vibrated in her head. So, he was just satisfied that she’d missed him and nothing more. Well, what had she expected? This was what she had wanted, wasn’t it?
No, damn it, she thought suddenly, no longer able to lie to herself. It wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted him. Wanted the whole package. Wanted Bailey and Bobby and a life together. She’d wanted it all along and the fierceness with which she wanted it had fr
ightened her so badly, she’d frozen.
But now she was finally thawing out at the worst possible time. Thawing out to the knowledge that she’d ruined the one opportunity she’d had to find happiness by refusing his proposal.
It took everything he had not to kiss her then. To kiss away the unhappiness he saw suddenly take root in her eyes. But he held on to his self-restraint for just a moment longer.
“By the way, I brought you something.” From the floor next to the sofa, he picked up a metal, rectangular box with sprigs of holly painted on its sides. Rather than being wrapped, there was a red bow taped to the top. He held it out to her.
Taking it, she could only stare. It looked more like a gift for Gracie. “A jack-in-the-box?”
“New version of an old toy. Go on, turn the crank.” He held his breath.
She did as he instructed. It took her less than a second to realize that the toy was playing the song they had danced to that night she’d run off.
The night he’d proposed.
K.C. stopped turning the handle and looked at him quizzically.
His expression never changed. “Keep cranking.”
Uncertain, she resumed turning the small green handle. She almost jumped when the lid flew open and the figure popped up. Her eyes widened. Instead of the gaily dressed clown figure she’d expected, she was looking at a figure that more than passingly resembled him.
A smile playing on her lips, she raised her eyes to his. “A Bailey-in-a-box?”
He had pulled a lot of strings and done his share of pleading to get this made on time. “As close as they could get.”
It warmed her heart just to look at it. And then she realized that there was something tied between the figure’s hands. “What’s he holding?”
By now, his breath had come to a complete standstill in his lungs. “Why don’t you open it and see?”
Hoping, and being afraid to hope, K.C. untied the string and took the small tissue-wrapped item from between the figure’s hands. She was unaware that Rachel and Bryan were looking her way. All she was aware of was that her heart was hammering wildly just before it got caught in her throat.
