Half the World Away

by Rebecca Banks

  At times like this, when your best friend was apparently avoiding you, you couldn’t bear to talk about the whole drama with anyone else and you had sacked off work for the afternoon, the only thing she could think to do was hunker down in the kitchen and boil the kettle for another cup of tea while she silently raged. She hoped she’d feel slightly less angry in the morning, as she couldn’t avoid work simply because she was an idiot and Kyle was a wanker. She didn’t think those were applicable circumstances on the sick leave guidelines.

  Staring into space as she sipped at her tea, her eyes widened as she heard a key in the lock of the front door, followed by Kyle’s voice calling her name. She could hear him go into the lounge and then, finding it empty, he barrelled into the kitchen. Beads of sweat were dripping from his face and he looked like he had seen a ghost.

  He ran straight up to her, knelt down and put his arms around her. ‘What’s happened? Tell me. I’m worried.’

  She stiffened under his touch and he loosened his hold and stood up, taking a step back with a frown as he studied her unsmiling face.

  ‘She told me, Kyle. And don’t I feel like the idiot.’ When she finally spoke, her voice came out clear and firm.

  ‘Who told you what?

  ‘Kitty. She told me that you slept together. That you took her fucking virginity, for god’s sake. When you told me that all you did was take her to prom to be a nice guy. And all the time it was a hell of a lot bigger a deal than that. How could you lie to me?’

  As he closed his eyes and let his head fall back, his shoulders drooping, she knew Kitty had been telling the truth without him even having to admit it.

  He took a deep breath through his nose, his chest expanding, and opened his eyes before he started speaking again. ‘Abbie, we were eighteen. We were kids. It was a really long time ago. I didn’t purposefully not tell you. It’s just that it honestly isn’t a big deal. It was a one-time thing that lasted all of about two minutes and that was the end of it.’

  She looked at him.

  ‘Are you sure it was like that for her? She pretty much told me you broke her heart. She warned me about you at the start but I completely ignored her, and now I find out you’ve been lying to me. What am I supposed to think?’

  Pulling out a chair and sitting opposite her, he took her hands in his. She tried to shake him off but he held on.

  ‘Abbie, I’m not going to let something I did sixteen years ago mess up this thing that we’re just getting started with. I was eighteen years old. I was about to head off to college. After the prom she asked me if it meant we were boyfriend and girlfriend, and that was the last thing I wanted. I let her down as gently as I could and told her I couldn’t be with anyone as I was moving out of state. I didn’t have feelings for her then and I don’t now. I can’t believe she would actually tell you something that happened so long ago. We’ve all grown up now.’

  She stayed silent. She didn’t know what to believe. She knew there were two sides to every story and it sounded like Kitty had had a big crush on him and maybe he just didn’t understand how heartbroken a teenage girl could get. But he’d still lied to her.

  ‘Come on, Abbie.’ He squeezed her hands in his. ‘You can’t tell me that you don’t have a past. And we’ve only been dating five minutes. I wouldn’t even have expected us to talk about anything like this yet.’

  She felt sick to her stomach. Yes, she had a past. And he didn’t know the half of it. And wouldn’t know.

  But then she felt stupid. She hadn’t even told him about Josh. And surely a hidden ex-husband was quite the secret?

  ‘Oh god, you’re right. Don’t get me wrong. You still should have told me. I felt so fucking stupid sitting there stressing to her that we were just friends so she didn’t need to worry about my wellbeing, and then she came out with that. I had to hide every emotion I was feeling and get the hell out of there. But, of course, I have a past.’ She paused, drew a breath and then continued hesitantly. ‘If it’s not going to make you run a million miles, I was married once.’

  She kept her head low but looked up out of the corner of her eye to see his reaction.

  He looked surprised but not particularly bothered.

  She lifted her head a bit higher.

  ‘See? You just dropped on me you’re a divorcee and I’m cool as a cucumber. Everyone has a bit of baggage, but what do we do? Let it control us and live in the past, or get on with life? It’s there to be lived.’

  ‘Agreed. Although I would just like to say that in the life we are living, you don’t have to work directly with the person whose heart your boyfriend smashed to smithereens as a teenager. That would be me who’s living that reality.’

  ‘Oh, we’re next level. Did you just call me your boyfriend?’ He put his finger under her chin and lifted it until she was looking at him, then wiggled his eyebrows at her.

  She felt her mouth twitching. ‘Did we have our first fight?’

  ‘I think we did, England. Did we survive it?’

  ‘TBC.’

  He looked at her, not taking his hand from her chin. ‘No more secrets, hey?’

  Her stomach lurched and she averted her gaze. ‘I think you owe me a lot of pancakes and bacon for what you put me through today.’

  ‘I’ll make you some later. For now, get your ass upstairs.’

  Still wrapped up in her duvet a few hours later, Abbie contentedly sank further into the pillow. Kyle had gone back to work and she was going to make up for her lost working time that week later, but she allowed herself some extra time to relax after the tension of what had happened.

  She opened her eyes when she heard her phone ringing and grabbed it from the bedside table. She scurried to answer it when she saw it was Violet.

  ‘Oh my god, she’s alive,’ Abbie squealed down the phone. She was feeling pretty euphoric after making up in the best way with Kyle, and she almost forgot that she’d been annoyed at Violet for doing a disappearing act.

  The familiar Irish lilt came clear across the line, as if she was in the next room and not thousands of miles away.

  ‘Babe, I’m sorry I haven’t caught up with you. Things have been a bit mad at home. But I saw your text and wanted to check what the hell was going on.’

  Delighted that she could finally fill her best friend in on what had been happening the past few weeks, she began to regale Violet with her story. From snowboarding in Park City, to finding dinosaur prints in Moab. And from the first kiss to the most recent and everything in between.

  Violet was making the right noises but wasn’t asking questions, allowing Abbie to tell the story with minimal interruption. ‘But didn’t you message me saying you needed me because he was being a prick?’ As usual, Violet didn’t mince her words.

  Abbie hesitantly told her the story about Kitty, but how they had made up and got over it just that afternoon.

  Violet made encouraging noises and said she was glad it was all sorted out.

  Abbie frowned. This wasn’t Violet. She would have asked for every minute detail, interrupting Abbie’s flow at least once every thirty seconds, and she would have been absolutely livid at Kyle’s lie.

  ‘Can you please tell me what’s going on, Violet? I don’t know if I’ve upset you or it’s something else, but you’re not being yourself and it’s scaring me.’ She said it quietly. It felt like she didn’t know the person she was talking to, so it needed careful handling. She had no intention of falling out with her best friend.

  Suddenly, the silence on the end of the line was filled with quiet sobs.

  ‘Oh my god, what’s happened? Are you ill?’ she pleaded, feeling sick to her stomach.

  ‘No, no, I’m not, nothing like that. I’ve just been putting off telling you something because I know it’s going to upset you.’ Violet got the words out through her tears.

  Abbie continued with the calmest voice she could, even though she was panicking like crazy. ‘You can tell me anything, Vi. You’re my best friend. Always have b
een, always will be. And, Jesus Christ, you know all my shit. There’s nothing you can say that’s going to upset me.’

  She heard Violet take a deep breath.

  ‘Michael and I. We’re… we’re having a baby, Abbie.’

  Abbie felt her heart leap, and she screamed. ‘Vi, this is absolutely the best news I think I’ve heard in years. Why the hell would you think that would upset me? I’m basically going to be an auntie.’

  ‘Are you really not upset?’ she asked, the tears still audible in her voice.

  ‘No, of course not, you idiot. Why would I be upset? You guys are going to be the best parents ever.’

  ‘I thought, with what happened to you with the pregnancy and how you’ve felt since, that it was insensitive of me to tell you about the baby. It wasn’t planned, but then when it happened, we realised we were happy about it.’

  Abbie shook her head. ‘You total idiot. The two are not the same thing.’

  ‘But when you found out Josh was having a baby with his new wife you ran to the other side of the world. I was so scared you would run away from me when you knew I was pregnant. Michael was so mad at me when he found out I’ve been avoiding telling you. He figured it out when you texted him, and he told me if I didn’t call you, he would cut off my pickled egg supply. And I can tell you, I will murder someone without those pickled eggs.’

  Abbie spoke through her laughter. ‘Josh is a separate deal altogether. That news was just the final push I needed to get my arse in gear. But moving here wasn’t really because of that, not in the end. And Vi, I’ve been feeling less guilty about it all since I’ve been here. It’s hard to explain but I feel almost liberated from that period of my life. I have these moments every now and then but most of the time, it’s better.’

  ‘Oh, Abbie,’ Violet sighed. ‘When are you going to believe me that you shouldn’t feel guilty at all?’

  ‘I’m not sure if that’s ever going to happen. But anyway, this isn’t about me. I want a blow-by-blow of how you found out, how you told Michael, how he reacted, how your mother reacted. Tell me everything!’

  Two hours later, Kyle walked in to find Abbie and Violet still on the phone having their very overdue catch-up.

  She shooed him out of her room.

  ‘Be gone to the kitchen, please. Violet and I are talking the finer details about you and I don’t need you in earshot.’

  He grabbed a pillow and swatted her with it before heading out of the room to let the two friends continue to forensically analyse his ass.

  The following morning Abbie got up early. She had to do some catching up after her lost midweek day.

  First though, she clicked onto the blog. Rose had been to a big gig two nights ago and posted another review and Abbie wanted to take a look through the comments. She rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. Over two hundred comments joining in on the chat about Kings of Leon coming to town. Some people had gone to the same gig and wanted to join in with their own mini review, and some just wanted to get in on the discussion about a band they loved. And it was wholly positive. This thing was really getting some traction.

  As she clicked off the internet, her thoughts turned to the thing she had been trying to ignore since she made up with Kyle, but knew she couldn’t much longer.

  Kitty.

  She knew what it was like to be young and have a crazy crush on a guy. What girl didn’t? But it seemed that whereas most girls laughed off their teenage crushes a few years later when they realised the school heartthrob wasn’t all that, Kitty’s teenage crush, and the rejection that came with it, had hit her hard and she hadn’t got over the upset it caused her.

  Abbie didn’t blame her, but it did make things difficult where Kyle was concerned. It was still early days for them and, as much as she didn’t want to lie to Kitty, it didn’t feel right to tell her they had started dating.

  Abbie knew she was being a bit selfish in deciding that to avoid a potential scene. But equally, Kitty still seemed so angry at what had happened all these years later, and she didn’t want to be the one to upset her.

  For now, she felt the best course of action was discretion. No more cosy journeys to and from work together. They needed to keep their relationship between themselves until they figured out if things were for the long run. And if they were? Then they’d figure out how to break it to Kitty without breaking the poor girl. She’d told Kyle her thoughts and, for now, he said he understood.

  One way of taking Kitty’s mind off of speculating, which she had clearly been doing, would be to make sure she was really involved and invested in the work they were doing together. She’d been so excited about the trip to London with the youth team. Abbie was sure Kitty could do a great job of planning that. After all, she was queen of the social committee and loved nothing more than organising the staff away days.

  She opened up her laptop again and tapped out an email to Kitty, apologising for going home early yesterday and explaining that she had felt unwell but would be back that morning. And that the first item on the agenda was to take Kitty to a nice lunch so they could go over the trip planning and Abbie could thank her for all the help she had given her since she arrived. She added that she was so excited they were working together and she couldn’t wait to show her around London.

  She couldn’t help but feel that she needed to silently apologise for what Kyle did to her sixteen years ago. And the fact she was hiding their relationship from her.

  A nice lunch and a trip to London would surely go some way towards easing the guilt?

  CHAPTER 19

  Parked up in the middle of Arches National Park on a Saturday lunchtime, Abbie stretched her arms out, smiling. After another Friday night game, she and Kyle had set off for a weekend out of the city. She was giddy to be back in this magical place again, and this time they were organised. They had overnight bags and had driven down in Kyle’s pickup. The truck was only two years old, and she was hoping this meant they wouldn’t get stranded again. As much as she loved his classic Chevy, she thought maybe he should treat it with more reverence and not take it on four or five hour drives in oppressive heat in the middle of a desert. The poor thing had been overworked.

  Although she knew they were heading back to Moab, Kyle hadn’t told her where they were staying, only that it was a surprise he was sure she’d love.

  Before that, they were going to explore the park more. Kyle pulled a bag out of the back seat of the truck and passed her a blanket to lay on the ground. It was really hot again so she picked a spot that was shaded by one of the impressive arches and surrounding rocks, and Kyle joined her with the food they had bought on the way.

  After a lunch of cold meats, cheese, crunchy bread, potato salad, olives and fruit, they started out on another hike. They were exploring a different part of the park today, with more of the same arches and desert she had seen before, but it was still jaw-dropping and it didn’t feel any less surreal and awe-inspiring than the first time. He took them walking much further this time and it was a full five hours before they returned to the car, Abbie, hot and bothered from the heat and feeling every muscle in her legs and Kyle, as usual, looking like he hadn’t broken a sweat.

  Then he drove them to another spot in the park to watch the sun set before heading to their digs for the night. They sat down on the soft dusky blue blanket, a red rock arch between them and the horizon, and he put his arm around her waist and drew her closer. She snuggled in, the warmth from his body welcome as the evening air started to cool. She was feeling tired after their day of activity. Although it made her very aware of how she hadn’t worked out all that often in the UK, she always felt healthy when they were doing something active. Discovering Kyle’s Utah was good for her.

  Wordlessly, they watched as the sun started to dip towards the horizon. A fierce, burning orange, it threw an unbelievable light onto the desert that glinted off the rocks. She hadn’t taken any pictures when they watched the sun rise the first time they visited,
as everything had been such a surprise, but this time she reached for her phone and snapped a few photos of the special landscape. She didn’t want to forget it, and she also wanted to send them to Violet. She knew she hadn’t been able to do this place justice when she described it during their phone call, but maybe Violet would understand if she could capture even a fragment of its magic with a camera.

  She could feel Kyle looking down at her as she took the final photo, and turned her gaze to him. Her stomach flipped as their eyes met. She had fallen for him hard.

  ‘Abbie?’ he said, sounding like he wanted her permission to continue.

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘This trip. It’s an apology of sorts for the mistake I made not telling you the truth about Kitty.’

  ‘You don’t need to apologise,’ she said, swatting at his hand. ‘We talked about this.’

  ‘I know. But I need you to know that I’m not playing around with your feelings and I’ll prove it. I’m serious about where this is going.’

  She was done for. She leant over, pressing her lips to his before settling back into his arms to continue watching this magical sunset.

  As the last of the sun disappeared over the horizon, he ushered her back to the truck. He’d said their lodgings were around a twenty-minute drive, so it would already be dark when they got there.

  Happily, she climbed up into the passenger seat and, after he started the engine, she scanned through radio stations. She loved doing that, and since she moved there, she’d discovered new songs and artists she liked this way. She was pretty sure it annoyed Kyle that she skipped past his favourite station, but they were still early enough on that he didn’t say. And until that time came, she planned to take full advantage of the musical freedom.

  ‘Did you enjoy today?’ he asked after they’d been driving a while, the crunching sound of the tyres on the gravelly desert floor beneath them.