by Eric Vall
It was a win for everybody.
But for now, we were training. Every member of my Shade army stood clad in literal makeshift armor created out of any scraps of metal or malleable brimstone they could find. They all held a sword in their hand and a belt that held their secondary weapons of choice. Some of them had daggers, others battle axes, and some even had pistols or revolvers.
“Now, our King has graciously offered to help me demonstrate these techniques,” Cupi said with a little too much glee in her voice. “Come on out, Jacob.”
I stepped up onto the stage and was met with the roaring cheers of my army. I couldn’t help but grin as I waved to the crowd and took in their admiration. Then I walked over to Cupiditas, drew the Unhallowed Sword from my belt, and took on a defensive stance.
“Our King is very eager to get started,” Cupi chuckled, and the crowd followed suit. “Now, look at his stance here. Good stance … proper form … allows for a wide range of motion. Now, observe.”
Cupi spun around, drew her sword, and brought it down toward my head.
Instinctively, I threw up my own blade and knocked it away with a clash of metal on metal. I followed up with my own jab, but the succubus was able to sidestep and knock it away with her weapon.
She quickly retaliated with a swipe at my feet, but I leapt over the blade, threw down a purple platform under my feet, and then swung at the succubus. Cupi ducked down, propelled herself off the ground with her legs, and then used her momentum to knock me back off the platform.
I tumbled to the ground, but I was back on my feet in no time. I knocked away another one of Cupi’s blows as the crowd cheered, and then swiftly took a shot at her armored torso.
My blade met hers, and we stared each other down as we locked swords. The next thing I knew, Cupi’s right arm twitched, and then the blade of her dagger came careening toward my face.
I threw up a miniature shield of purple Hellfire, and the impact sent the dagger flying out of her hand and into the sand, where it stuck with a wet “shluck.”
The succubus began to reach out for the dagger, but I quickly threw up a portal of green Hellfire, and her hand passed through harmlessly. It reappeared behind her head, and then Cupi accidentally punched herself in the back of the head. The blonde tumbled forward and crashed into the floor of the stage with a thud. Just as she began to stand to her feet, I threw out my dagger and held it at her neck.
“Did I pass?” I asked jokingly.
Cupi smiled as she appraised the situation, and then she slowly pulled herself back up to her feet.
“Now,” she turned back to the army and projected her voice, “not all of you have Hellfire magic like Jacob here does, but your opponents most likely will. I want all of you to practice this technique until you’ve mastered it. The element of surprise can sometimes be the difference between victory and defeat.”
Cupi began to make her way off the stage, and I followed her with haste as I sheathed my dagger.
Todd and Sia were the first fighters we encountered.
The imp had transformed into his “human form,” a carbon copy of the way he looked before he made his wish to become an imp. Todd’s unkempt blond locks were tied back into a ponytail, and his goatee looked like it was so long it could be a liability in battle.
“Is it weird I’m more jarred by your human form now than I am when you’re an imp?” I chuckled as we walked up to the two combatants.
“Nah, bro,” Todd snorted. “When you’ve been exposed to that chiseled temple of an imp bod I’ve got, it’s hard to go back to the flab and drab of being a mortal. I already miss it. I’m just being all retro-Todd right now so Strawberry Shortcake here doesn’t have a size advantage.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t make a vulgar joke.” Superbia smiled and took her stance.
Todd responded with a stance of his own, and then he tightened his grip on his sword. “Why would I need to?” he said through gritted teeth. “Size has never been an issue for the Toddster.”
Todd lunged at Sia comically and missed by a mile. As his sword smashed harmlessly into the sandy ground, the redheaded succubus drew the dagger from her belt and held it at the back of his neck.
“I … won!” Superbia gasped with an uncharacteristic show of emotion. “Cupiditas, I defeated someone in hand-to-hand combat!”
Cupi put her hand on Sia’s shoulder. “Good for you, Sister,” she mused, “but remember, Todd is just as inexperienced in this as you are. It’s going to take a lot more practice before you’re a master of swordplay. No offense, Todd.”
“None taken,” the blond imp huffed as he brought his sword back to his side. “I’ve gotten so out of shape these last few months, I had to use all of that viagra yesterday to get through my marathon beat-off session. I used to be able to do that all on my own, bro, but now my heart’s full of marshmallow fluff and mozzarella cheese.”
“You’ll get back to your old self in no time,” I promised the imp, and then Cupi and I walked over to Tris and Gula.
The short, curvy redhead had her dagger blade pointed at Tris’ eyeball, but the Sister of Sloth didn’t seem to care.
Instead, Tris just yawned, stretched, and looked down at her nonexistent watch.
“Yo, Jacob,” she said when she saw me. “Are we done here yet? I’m totally missing my shows right now.”
“You’re not even trying!” Gula huffed and lowered her weapon. “Can’t you at least try and fight back?”
“Why do I need to?” Tris said with a shrug, and then she unholstered one of her pistols from her belt. “These little guys are all the firepower I’ll ever need. And if they don’t work? I’ll just use my necromancy powers to bring back a bunch of dead guys and make them fight for me. See? There’s absolutely no reason why I would need to--”
Before she could finish her sentence, Gula took a lunge at Tris with her axe. The tall brunette let out a gasp of surprise as she brought up the sword in her hand, blocked Gula’s blow, and then spun around as gracefully as a ballerina. A millisecond later, she had her pistol raised, cocked, and pointed directly at her Sister’s head.
“Chillax,” she laughed at our wide-eyed expressions. “It’s not loaded. But see? I totally don’t need to know how to use a knife. Cheech and Chong do the job just fine.”
“But you did the exercise,” Gula announced proudly as she wiggled her body in victory. “I knew I could get you to do the work!”
“Uhhhhhgggg,” Tris sighed. “Cupi, please tell me this is the only exercise we’re doing today.”
“Not in the slightest.” The blonde grinned.
Tristitia lowered her gun, slumped her shoulders, threw her head back, and let out a loud groan.
“Just for the record, I’m not gonna let your last comment slide,” I explained to the Sister of Sloth. “You named your pistols Cheech and Chong?”
“It was Todd’s idea,” Tris said with a shrug. “Butttt, I totally wasn’t going to disagree. From what I’ve seen and from what Todd’s told me, those guys are both legends, and what better names to go with my two babies?”
“Oh, I agree they fit,” I laughed. “But I definitely wasn’t going to let you out of that one without an explanation. Carry on, soldiers!”
I turned to walk away, but Gula’s angelic voice spoke up.
“I’ll be sure to make her do the exercises, you guys,” the redhead promised.
“No you won’t!” Tris hissed back.
Cupiditas just shook her head and smirked as we walked over to our next pairing, Invidia and Ira.
When we arrived over at the spot where the two succubi were sparring, Ira was on her back with Invidia standing over her victoriously.
However, the Sister of Envy had a complete look of boredom on her face as she stared off into the distance and yawned.
“You know, I’d normally be into this,” Ira pointed out, “but not today. Today, I fucking hate losing.”
Ira let out a grunt as she reached up and grabbed Vidi
a’s leg, but the gothic succubus just pressed a stiletto heel down harder and forced her back to the ground. The Sister of Wrath let out a soft whimper of pleasure before she began to grumble again.
“Isn’t there anyyything better you could be having us do, Cupi?” Invidia sighed. “This is boring.”
“That’s just because you’re already an expert in dagger combat!” the succubus on the ground growled. “Those of us less fortunate still have much more practice.”
“Keep up the good work,” I mused playfully as we moved on, and I was met by a hearty, sarcastic laugh from Ira.
“Whatever,” Vidia mumbled.
The last pairing we had made was Libidine and Daniel, one of the top commanders in the Shade army. They were fairly equal combatants, and my eyes darted back and forth as I watched the two of them dance gracefully back and forth as they parried and countered and disarmed each other.
Libidine caught Daniel’s wrist in her hand just before his dagger could make contact, and then she quickly threw out her foot and kicked him in the shin. The Shade went down on one knee, and then Liby swiftly flipped around, twisted his arm behind his body, and pointed the dagger in his hand at his back.
“I win,” she scoffed.
“According to the placement of the blade, you wouldn’t have hit any vital organs,” the Shade mused. “Soooo … ”
Daniel quickly crouched down, pushed himself up into the air, and flipped over his arm. There was a sickly crack of his bones as he did so, but then he landed behind the succubus, spun his body around, and halted his momentum with his dagger blade right at Liby’s chest.
“I think I win,” he proclaimed.
Libidine frowned, pushed the blade out of the way, and crossed her arms over her chest.
“Not fair,” she pouted, “breaking your own arm doesn’t count.”
“All’s fair in war,” the blond man argued. “You have to be prepared for anything, and I mean anything.”
“Daniel, what were you in your previous life?” I asked. “I’m a little embarrassed I’ve never asked.”
“It’s alright, contrary to what Liby here thinks, it’s just dislocated,” he chuckled as he grabbed at his limp arm with his free hand. “Easy fix. Observe.”
The Shade gripped the wounded appendage and twisted it violently. Then he let out a grunt of pain as a wet popping sound filled the air and his arm was snapped back into place.
“Uh … do you want me to get Superbia?” I questioned, but Daniel just waved his hand and shook his head.
“I’m good,” he promised. “After all the horrible shit Azazel did to me, a broken arm is like a scratch. To answer your question though, I was a member of the armed forces. As far as why I’m down here? Well … let’s just say I let greed get the better of me.”
“Did you steal money from your superiors?” Cupi asked curiously.
“I wish,” Daniel laughed and nursed his broken arm. “After my deployment was over, I decided I couldn’t let all my training go to waste. So, I joined up with a mercenary group and traveled the world, doing odd jobs for a fuckton of money. I was always kinda agnostic, but with the shit we did, even I knew I wasn’t gonna end up in Heaven.”
“That explains your rebellious spirit,” Cupi observed. “And your skill with the various weapons I’ve seen you use.”
“That explains why he keeps getting the upper hand!” Libidine exclaimed. “He’s got way more military experience than I have.”
“Sister,” Cupiditas sighed as she put her hand over her face. “You were a part of the Army of the Damned for hundreds of thousands of years…”
“Actually, you know what?” I spoke up. “I want to switch training partners. Cupi, you take Libidine, and Daniel and I will spar for a little bit.”
“But Jacob,” the blonde succubus protested, “I had a special session planned for you now that you’ve made your connection with every member of our group. Your powers should be increasing, and I wanted to know by how much.”
“We can get to that,” I promised the Sister of Greed. “We’ve still got a long ways to go before this army is battle-ready, so I forsee many more training sessions.”
“As you wish,” Cupiditas finally conceded. “Come on, Liby. I’ll kick your ass just like I did back in our first confrontation.”
“I had you on the ropes, and you know it!” the dark-haired succubus shot back as they headed over toward an empty section of the colosseum.
“Alright, Daniel,” I mused as I placed my hand on the hilt of the Unhallowed Sword. “Let’s see what you got. Don’t pull any punches.”
“Are you sure?” he asked. “I can’t die down here, but you certainly can.”
“Like I said,” I reiterated, “don’t pull your punches. I want to see your abilities at full capacity.”
“Fine.” The blond man grinned. “Don’t be afraid to use your magic, either. If we’re truly fighting Beelzebub’s demons, they’ll surely have some sort of spellcasting abilities.”
I drew the sword from its sheath, twirled it around once for good measure, and then took an offensive stance.
The Shade placed his dagger back onto his belt and then raised his sword into the air. Daniel’s stance was one I wasn’t familiar with, but I could tell by the way he left his body open that it was more on the offensive side.
I made the first move as I lunged forward and swung sideways. The Unhallowed Sword smashed against Daniel’s blade, and the impact caused the Shade to stumble to the side. Before he could make another move, I spun around and sliced at his torso from the opposite direction.
Daniel leapt up into the air and timed his movement so he came down right as my blade was underneath his body. His feet knocked the Unhallowed Sword into the sand, and he instantly retaliated with a jab of his own weapon.
I threw up a quick shield of purple to deflect the potential skewer just before it would have hit its mark, and then I retaliated with a low-powered blast of red Hellfire.
Daniel fell back onto his ass before he stood up, shook it off, and readied his sword again.
“Are you sure you want me to use my magic?” I chuckled as I picked up the Unhallowed Sword. “I can make this totally more fair for you if I don’t.”
The blond man shook his head. “Not a chance,” he mused. “I’ve suffered much worse in the years I’ve been down here. On guard!”
Daniel lurched at me as he raised his sword above his head and brought it down in a downward motion.
I let out a grunt as I heaved the Unhallowed Sword up and knocked the blade away with a flash of sparks and the cold hum of metal on metal. I retaliated with a diagonal slash to the Shade’s chest, but he was fast enough on his feet to jump back out of the way of the attack. The point of the Unhallowed Sword swished by his stomach harmlessly, and then he went back to work.
Daniel brought his blade in an upward motion, and it smashed against my armor with a high-pitched screech.
The force of the impact caused my entire breastplate to shake, and I could feel my organs rattling back and forth in my body.
Daniel may have been little more than a regular Shade, but he packed quite the punch.
I swung my sword again, intent to strike the Shade in his side, but he was quick on the draw.
He knocked away my strike and then took a hefty swing at my face with his fist.
I threw up another shield of purple, and Daniel’s face contorted into a grimace of pain as his bare flesh smashed into the barrier.
There was a wet popping sound, and the Shade let out a wail of pain as he stepped back and gripped his hand. Daniel’s left hand now hung limp at his wrist, and he was doing his best to not let his emotions show on his face. Finally, the pain must have overwhelmed him because Daniel fell down to one knee and let out a long, frustrated growl of agony as he gripped his hand.
I ran over to the Shade and put my hand on his shoulder.
“Are you alright?” I asked in horror. “This is why I warned you against--�
�
The next thing I knew, the wailing stopped, and Daniel’s dagger was pointed directly at my Adam’s apple.
“Rule number one of war,” he said with a slight grin. “Never expect your opponent to fight fairly.”
“Oh, come on,” I sighed. “We’re sparring partners and friends. This is totally different than if we were actually in the battlefield.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Daniel mused. “This is Hell, my King. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is trustworthy. I hear you’ve allied us with Asmodeus, correct?”
“Correct,” I grumbled and glanced down at the knife as I hoped he got the hint.
“Oh, right,” he laughed and pulled the blade away from my neck. “I don’t trust Asmodeus as far as I can throw him. He’ll kill you and steal your kingdom the second he thinks he has a chance, no matter how much he claims otherwise.”
“I’m not a total idiot, Daniel,” I growled as I felt anger flush to my face. “I know not to trust other demons, and I’ve been burned by allies before.”
“You walked right into that one, though,” he prodded.
“That’s different!” I was now nearly seething. “I know I can trust you, and we were in the middle of a friendly spar, not locked in an epic battle to the death.”
“I still gained the upper hand on you, my King.” The blond Shade shrugged.
I felt my blood began to boil. What the fuck was this guy’s problem? Despite our agreement to use magic, I was still holding back as much as I possibly could. If I had really wanted to, I could have evaporated him into nothing with a simple blast of red Hellfire. Or crushed his bones with a cube of purple Hellfire. Or decapitated him with a well-timed green portal.
I wasn’t trying to hurt my general, but now I was starting to think maybe I should.
Then I felt it.
My hand around the Unhallowed Sword started to tingle as if it were on pins and needles, and when I looked down I saw it was engulfed with Hellfire. But it wasn’t my usual red or purple or bronze flames.
It was silver Hellfire.
My eyes widened in shock as I took in the dancing, almost metallic fire on my hands.
