Who is it? she called, then emerged from what looked to be a family room with a dishtowel draped over her arm. Then she stopped abruptly. Instead of the professional, tailored suits she favored at the office, she wore a Cubs tank top and ratty, cutoff denim shorts that revealed her incredible long legs, the ones shed wrapped around him the night before. She had her long, dark hair pulled into a ponytail.
The second he saw her eyes, wide with shock and drenched with horror, he knew. God almighty, he knew, and he flat-out quit breathing.
Its me, he said in a hoarse voice he barely recognized.
Eric.
Recognition ambushed him, sharp and fast and brutal. The boys eyes. Good God, he knew those eyessaw them in the mirror every morning. He had pictures in a box back at his apartment, pictures from another lifetime, another family. Looking at the boy was like tumbling back in time and landing in territory that was both achingly familiar and horrifyingly foreign.
He needed no confirmation, not when the evidence stared at him. Leigh had given birth to a child his child.
He had a son.
Connor, Leigh said in a voice he could tell she fought to steady. Why dont you take Bruiser for a walk before it gets dark?
The boy glanced at Eric, then back at his mom. Are yousure? I mean, I can stay if you like.
Erics chest tightened. Protecting her. The boy his son was protecting her. From Eric.
His father.
The blast of anger prompted him to curl his hands into tight fists. Incredulity choked him.
Im sure, Leigh said, crossing the braided rug in the foyer to ruffle her sons shaggy brown hair. Everythings fine.
The boy, Connor shed called him, didnt look convinced, but he shrugged anyway and headed to the back of the house, glancing at them once before vanishing around a corner.
And then Eric and Leigh were left standing in the open doorway, alone with the lie, and the truth.
Hard realities tore through Eric, badgering relentlessly at a control he felt slipping. The truth drilled deep. He waited, though, waited until he heard the back door slam shut before he trusted himself to speak.
Thats my child, he ground out. My son.
Typical fearless Leigh, she lifted her chin and didnt back down. He has your eyes, she said in a voice suddenly strong and sure. And your throwing arm.
Sweet Jesus. Shock clouded his vision. How could you? he asked raggedly. Just the night before shed given him her body, but shed kept the trutha fundamental truthlocked away from him. All those years. All those long, empty years when his mother had withered away, longing for a grandchild, shed had one. Shed had a grandson who looked exactly like Eric at that age.
We made love last night, for Gods sake. How could you be with me like that, but neglect to mention that wed created a child?
He saw her swallow hard. I was going to tell you after the case.
Something inside him broke and gave way. After the case? Isnt that about ten years too late?
She closed her eyes, opened them to a pain so bottomless it ripped at the hard edges of his anger. I cant change the past.
Questions hammered through him. The need to know why, to understand almost sent him to his knees. So much made sense now, horrible sense. Her hesitancy, the dread hed occasionally caught in her gaze. He wanted to charge into her cozy little house, where he could feel the cool blast of the air conditioning. But he didnt trust himself to be alone with her now. Didnt trust the sharp emotions slicing him up inside.
Does he know? Eric asked.
Her mouth tightened. No.
Does he think Im dead?
Moisture rushed to her eyes. No.
Does he think I didnt want him? The thought sickened.
No, Leigh said with a desperation hed never heard from her. Id never do that.
He looked at her standing there in the inviting foyer of her house, the woman whod been naked in his bed the night before, whod cried out his name and dug her fingernails into his back, but saw only a stranger. A fragment of a coed hed once known, the shadow of a woman hed thought he loved.
Disbelief collided with the hot sting of betrayal.
I dont know what youd do anymore, he said roughly. The Leigh I knew would never have lied about something like this.
But the Eric I knew did go home to marry someone else, she reminded quietly. He did love another.
That stopped him cold. He heard the pain in her voice, saw it in her defiant brown eyes, and realized she spoke the truth.
Or at least hed thought it was the truth at the time.
He stepped into the shadowy foyer and lifted his hands to her face, wiped at the warm, quiet tears spilling over her lashes. Hed only seen her cry once before, the night his father had died, when the two of them had cried together.
And created a child.
I loved you, too, he told her raggedly.
She twisted away in a near-violent rush of movement, as though his touch hurt as badly as his actions had. Dont! Fury flashed in her eyes. Dont touch me, and so help me God, dont tell me you loved me.
The control hed been fighting to hold on to snapped. Damn it, Leigh, what do you want me to do? he demanded, lifting his hands to her shoulders. I suddenly find out that Ive got a nine-year-old son I knew nothing about, and you expect me to just take the news in stride? Would you rather I say that you never meant anything to me? That we just had raw sex that night and I never thought of you again? Never imagined what it would have been like if I hadnt had to go home and bury my father, help my mother? If I hadnt already been in so deep with Becky that I worried that if I left her shed lose her will to live, in addition to use of her legs? Is that what you want to hear? That you were just a casual one-night stand and that I dont give a damn that we made a child together? That this doesnt change everything?
Leigh angled her chin. If thats the truth, yes.
He swore hotly, but before he could say anything, an angry voice resounded from behind Leigh.
Mom? Is it true? Is this man my father?
Eleven
L eigh went horribly still. Every coherent thought, every jagged emotion, crashed into a dizzying rush of dread. She felt herself sway, felt Erics hands on her arms tighten in a mockery of support.
Let go, she mouthed to him, and despite the thinning line of his lips, he did. Very slowly, very deliberately, she turned from his piercing blue eyes toward her son, who stood behind her in the shadowy foyer with the dog leash in his hand and questions in his blue, blue eyes.
Mom? He stepped closer. You okay?
She felt Eric step behind her, found herself ridiculously grateful for the moment of solidarity. Im fine, she said through the tightness in her throat. I thought you were walking Bruiser.
His gaze narrowed. I heard raised voices.
She forced a smile. That was her son, ever the protector. Everythings fine.
Connor looked beyond her to Eric, who
stood so close she could feel his chest rising and falling against her back. Is it true? Is this guy my dad?
Leigh felt herself sway, felt Eric slide a hand to her waist. Gratitude welled dizzily. Shed seen the cold fury in his eyes, felt it in his touch, but here in front of their son, he was showing only support.
The reality of that shredded her control in ways she didnt understand.
All these years. All these years shed been as honest with her son as she could, telling him his father couldnt be with them, but that he would if he could. But now Eric was here, and her son deserved the truth.
But God help her, shed always thought shed have time to prepare. That shed know just the right thing to say. That the words, the truth, would be gentle.
Shed never imagined standing between the two of them, between father and son who shared more than just genetics and blood, who shared eyes and a throwing arm, a love of baseball and the crisp fall air, with both of them watching her through laser-blue eyes, demanding that she confirm their relationship.
Connor, she said, reaching out to ruffle his sandy hair badly in need of a cut. This is Eric Jones, an old friend of mine from college.
A sheen of excitement replaced the apprehension in Connors gaze. The bank robber?
Behind her, Eric tensed, his hand tightening against her side. He didnt do it.
Connors cheeks were flushed, his eyes dancing with awe. Wow! And hes my dad?
Leigh stared at her son, searching for the right words. But in the end, there was only one. Yes.
Connor did nothing for a moment, just stared at Leigh and Eric. Then slowly, a smile broke on his face, so wide and deep, his dimple winked devilishly. Cool, he breathed. Wait till I tell my friends!
Leigh reached for him. Connor
Are you going to move in with us? he asked, slipping past her to stare up at his father.
No, Leigh answered before Eric could. The word left her throat raw. Any chance the three of them had possessed of being a real family had swirled away the moment shed decided to keep the truth from Eric. Mr. Jones lives downtown.
Connors expression crumpled, his gaze never leaving Erics. But dont you want to be with us?
The disappointment in his voice slashed deep.
Eric went down on one knee, all the tension and anger that had hardened his face moments before replaced by a warm smile. More than you can imagine, he answered in the strong, assuring voice that had first melted Leighs heart over a decade before.
Then why? Connor asked, suddenly sounding nothing at all like the little man he usually aspired to be, but everything like a nine-year-old kid whod grown up without his dad.
Leigh shot Eric a sharp glance. Its complicated, she hedged. We can talk more after Mr. Jones is gone.
But he just got here, Connor said, his mouth trembling.
Eric and Leigh exchanged another look. Ill be back, he promised, pushing up to his full height. His hand found Connors shoulder, as though he couldnt bring himself to quit touching the boy.
Connor stared up at his father, the full-grown replica of the man he was destined to become. Youre notgoing to prison, are you?
Agony shot through Erics gaze, but only conviction sounded in his voice. No, Im not going to prison. Then he smiled. Dont you have more confidence in your mom than that?
The boy cast a sheepish look toward Leigh. Well, yeah.
She forced a laugh, though deep inside she bled. Youd better, she said with a levity she didnt come close to feeling.
He grinned at her, then back toward Eric. You like baseball?
Eric smiled. Very much.
I play shortstop. Hope to play for the Cubs one day. My team won our first playoff game today and Ive got another game tomorrow. Wanna come?
No, Leigh thought maniacally. No. But before she could voice the words, Eric spoke. Id like that, he said quietly. I played shortstop, too.
Connors eyes were dancing now, excitement shining bright. Really? I think A-Rod is the greatest. Im not that good yet, but someday
I bet you will.
Leighs chest tightened as she watched the two of them, stunned but not at all surprised by the easy rapport they fell into. Years separated father and son, but blood bound them. If ever a man had been born to be a father, that man was Eric. He would never forgive her deception, nor would he take it out on his son. He would accept him and love him, and in doing so he would be the father Connor had always dreamed of, the kind who attended baseball games and helped with homework, who listened and guided, who taught. And most of all, who loved.
Emotion jammed her throat, moisture filling her eyes. Outside the sun sank lower, stealing the last vestiges of light.
Con, she said, your father and I have a lot to talk about.
The boy looked from Eric to her, his expression one of acceptance. Yeah, yeah, he grumbled. I know. Take Bruiser for a walk. Then he swung back toward Eric. Im glad youre here. Mom always said you were a good guy, but I didnt know if Id ever get the chance to meet you.
Briefly, Erics gaze met Leighs, but just as quickly, he returned his attention to his son and squeezed his shoulder. Ill be at your game tomorrow.
Awesome! Connor said, then scampered out with the dog, once again leaving Eric and Leigh alone.
Moments dragged by with unbearable precision, each carving out the ache in her chest. She knew she should say something, but words wouldnt form. Just looking at Eric, the pain in his eyes, shattered.
I want my son, Leigh. The words were hard, his eyes dark and demanding. Im not going to miss out on any more of his life.
I would never ask you to.
He glanced out the still-open front door, to where Connor and his golden retriever, Bruiser, skidded down the driveway. Well get married, he said, turning back to her. There was no emotion in his voice, no warmth, just cold, brittle fact. Just as soon as it can be arranged. Well
No. She stopped him, dizzy and disoriented and devastated. Leigh wasnt sure how she stayed standing. How many years shed dreamed of Eric asking her to marry him, of the warmth that would be in his voice, the love in his eyes. The dreams they would share, the future they would build. No.
He closed the distance between them and took her upper arms in his hands. The boy deserves a family.
He has a family, she shot back. He has me and my mother, and now he has you.
I wont be a part-time father.
And I dont want you to be, she insisted. But marriage isnt the answer. We dont even know each other anymore.
He made a sound low in his throat. We knew each other pretty damn well last night.
The memory flashed through her, but rather than heating, it chilled. This, she thought brokenlythis was what shed tried to avoid all those years ago. It takes more than sex to make a marriage work.
His gaze bore down on her. We share a child, Leigh.
And that child deserves a real family, she shot back, ten years worth of pent-up emotion and heartbreak spilling free. He deserves parents who love each other as much as they love him, not two people who are stuck with each other by some arcane sense of responsibility.
Goddamn it
Eric
This isnt about honor, Leigh. Its about a child. My child. He swore softly, the cold mask of fury slipping to reveal a sliver of pain that sliced to the bone. How could you keep this from me, Leigh? How could you keep my son from me?
The question was soft and ragged, and it completely ripped her to shreds. From the day shed discovered she was carrying Erics child, part of her had dreamed about telling him. Over the years, shed found herself watching friends who became pregnant, the way their husbands doted on them, took care of them, smiled at them. There was always a light glowing in their eyes, a sheer joy, and shed sometimes found her heart twisting at the thought of Eric looking at her like that, at him keeping a hand at the small of her back, watching every move she made. Shed sometimes imagined that light in his eyes.
But there was no light in Erics eyes now, just a bottomless, dark coldness, a void of betrayal and anguish that told her shed been right. There could be no happy ending here.
Stay strong, she counseled herself. Stay in control. Stay focused. Think courtroom, she added. Shed handled the toughest prosecutors London and Chicago had to offer. Shed made hostile witnesses bleed.
She would not, could not, let this man break her again.
Instead she stared up at him, at those impossibly blue, impossibly demanding eyes, the hard set to his mouth and uncompromising lines of his body, and realized that while shed made love with him just the night before, given him her heart and her soul and her body, she now faced a stranger. A very tall, very angry stranger.
II didnt know what else to do, she said honestly.
His mouth twisted. The truth would have been a good start.
Something deep inside snapped. The truth? she asked, shoving back from him. The truth? Oh, she could give him the truth, all right. Had lived with the truth for ten years. The truth was that we were together that night out of sorrow, not love. The truth was that you turned to me in need, she said raggedly, because I was the only one there. Hed been blind with grief, she too crazy in love to turn away from him. And while it had been her choice, the memory and the aftermath had never quit slicing her up inside.
Family Secrets: Books 5-8 Page 40
