Taking care of Faith felt different, somehow. Special. And scary.
Tonight he didnt watch from the drivers seat while she walked to the door. He turned off the engine and exited the SUV as Faith stepped down and into the parking lot. She glanced over her shoulder quickly, obviously surprised that he was leaving the vehicle, but she didnt order him to get back behind the wheel and go home.
Faith unlocked the door to her room, and Luke followed her inside. It was too cold to stand on her doorstep like a couple of sixteen-year-olds, braving the icy wind while he tried to decide whether or not he was going to kiss her again.
She shed her coat and dropped it over a chair, her back to him. There was nothing sexy about the way Faith dressed. Her tan sweater was too big, her brown trousers were plain. But she could wear a burlap sack and look good in it. The sensuality wasnt in the clothes; it was in the way she wore them, in the way she moved.
Luke didnt remove his coat; he didnt yet know if hed be staying more than a few minutes.
Im worried about you, he said in a low voice. Youve been working too hard, and youre obviously not sleeping well.
Ill be fine, she said without enthusiasm.
Will you?
Faith turned to face him, tilted her chin up so she could look him in the eye. Youre not here in my room because youre worried about me.
Not entirely, he said honestly.
Faith began to respond and then hesitated. The uncertainty she felt was evident, not only on her face but in the way she held her body. Luke wanted to reach out and touch her, tell her she could say anything, do anything. He wanted her to be free with him, but already he knew Faith well enough to know she was never completely free.
Last night you kissed me, she said. That was entirely inappropriate behavior, given the circumstances, but I cant say I was entirely opposed to your overture.
Glad to hear it.
Faith took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. Theres been something awkward between us from my first day here.
Once she found her courage, she got right to the point. He should have known Faith would not be anything other than straightforward. I guess there has been.
I believe I can explain whats been happening, she said.
He didnt want her to explain anything. He wanted a signal from her, no matter how small, that she wanted him to kiss her again. Go ahead.
She swallowed hard, and her fingers trembled. Good, at least she was nervous about delivering her explanation.
Before I was called here to Carson County, I had been contemplating whether or not I will ever have children.
Not what hed been expecting, as explanations went. The old biological clock, he said irreverently.
Yes, she whispered. You see, no matter how advanced we become as a society, deep inside we continue to possess the same animal instincts that drove our ancestors to survive. Its certainly no longer imperative to the survival of our species that we pair-bond and procreate, but the desire to do so survives.
After hearing her rationalization, Luke had a feeling he wouldnt be here long enough to take off his coat. So, youre saying this awkwardness between us is nothing more than the result of the untimely ticking of your biological clock.
Yes. Calm and very professional, Faith continued. In my most primal self, the part of me that cant be educated into oblivion, I see in you a potential mate. Youre intelligent, healthy
Be still my heart, Luke muttered.
Youre handsome, too, she added, almost grudgingly. But Im not sure thats the most important aspect. My primal response is disturbing, Ill admit to that. The point is
Dammit, I knew there was going to be a point, Luke mumbled.
Faith ignored his interruption. Theres a perfectly reasonable explanation for these awkward moments, and as intelligent human beings we can set our minds to rise above our instincts.
She stared up at him, those wide blue eyes tired but discerning, naive but filled with passion she apparently did not understand.
My turn? he asked.
If you have anything pertinent to say, I believe this is the time to do so.
He took a single small step to bring himself closer to Faith, so close he could feel her body heat. First of all, stop calling whats going on with us awkwardness. Its sexual attraction.
Call it whatever you like, Faith said softly. In spite of her attempt to be intellectually detached, she blushed.
And if its so easy to explain away, then why me? There are three doctors, all intelligent and healthy, on your team. Wouldnt one of the geeks satisfy your primal instincts?
Apparently not, she muttered.
He reached out and brushed a misbehaving strand of dark hair away from a pale cheek. You do respond to me, Faith. I see it in you. You can try to explain it away all night, if you want, but that doesnt change anything. That aside, I respond to you, too. Surely you know that by now. Whats my excuse, Doctor?
I dont know, she admitted. You could be experiencing a chemical reaction in response to my primitive drive to reproduce, I suppose.
Chemistry, biology, anthropology. He leaned down so that his nose almost touched hers. What about love, Dr. Martin?
She swallowed hard. Im talking about science. Fact. Notfantasy.
Do you think love is nothing more than a fantasy? he whispered.
Yes.
Frustrated as he was by Faiths maddening rationale, he couldnt make himself walk away. He leaned in, tilted his head and laid his lips over hers. It was impossible to be this close to the woman and not kiss her. For all her arguments, for all her damned sensibility, she kissed him back this time.
In his months of grief, he had forgotten all about the power of a kiss. There was more to a man and woman coming together, much more, but a kiss had an energy all its own. It was a potential beginning. It was a test. Did her mouth fit his just so? Yes. Did he have the brainpower to wonder what would happen next while they kissed? No. There was only mouth to mouth and a world of possibilities. He tasted Faith. He felt her to his bones.
So, Luke said when he very reluctantly took his mouth from Faiths. You think the only reason the world rocks when I kiss you is because you want a baby and Im here.
She nodded. Once.
He didnt believe it. Couldnt. What if I told you that I cant give you a child. He traced a finger along Faiths jawline and she shuddered. I have a low sperm count. Very low. The lowest. Im shooting blanks. As a caveman whos responsible for the survival of mankind, Im a dismal failure.
Really?
He kissed her again, deeper this time. Longer and harder. She opened up to him like a flower in the rain, soft and yielding. He didnt stop with a kiss, not this time. He touched her, holding her head so she couldnt move away, wrapping one arm around her and pulling her close, so she could feel for herself just how primitive this moment was.
Eyes closed, lips parted, tongue dancing, Faith answered his kiss as if she was starving for him. Just him. No one but him.
He took his mouth from hers and whispered, Still want me?
Even if I cant give you everything you want?
Yes. Her voice became husky, rasping over him as she grasped his coat and held on tight.
Then Id say your theory is a load of horse hockey.
She released her hold on him and backed away, surprise in her eyes, a tremble in her lips.
Its okay. He touched Faiths face gently, unsure as to how she would react to something so simple after the kiss that had made his knees week. You dont have to be able to rationalize every moment of your life. Life is not an experiment. We dont live in a lab.
She drew away from him as if hed slapped her, but the surprise on her face and the tension in her stance faded quickly.
You have Abby, she said hoarsely. How is that possible if youre She couldnt bring herself to say it.
I said what if, he countered. As far as I know, my sperm count is fine. But when I kissed you it didnt matter. Explain that, Doctor.
Faith brushed the hair away from her face. Ah, good. For once, she didnt have a quick, neat answer.
I really need to get to bed, she said.
I agree.
She glanced at him sharply. A moment ago shed been on the verge of losing control. That control had come back with a vengeance. Alone.
Unfortunately, I agree with that, too. He turned toward the door, ready to face the cold wind once again. He knew it was for the best. Faith was not ready for what he wanted. She wasnt ready to give anything of herself, not to him or anyone else, he imagined. She was so safe and comfortable in her small, controlled, neat little world she didnt know what to do when it was rocked.
He knew this was best, but he didnt want to leave. Not yet. His back to Faith, his hand on the doorknob, he said, I didnt get to finish telling you what I think.
She didnt urge him to continue, but she didnt tell him to get lost, either. Luke glanced over his shoulder. I like you. Youre smart, you know what you want and go for it, and you care for the people around you more than you let on. On top of that, youre the most beautiful, most exciting woman Ive ever known.
Im not
Let me finish.
She closed her mouth and clasped her hands.
Youre right about one thing. What I want from you, what Im experiencing right now, is primitive. I can feel you inside me, Faith. I crave you in a way I didnt think was possible. My emotions and desires are not logical, and I dont expect them to be. I cant explain them away, and Im not even going to try.
Faith looked tired, scaredvulnerable. He wanted to wrap his arms around her again, but now was not the time. And, Faith, I do believe in love.
She should let Luke walk out the door. Tomorrow she would be stronger, not so tired, not shaken to her core by the news that she had been conceived in a scientific experiment and was a perversion of nature.
Luke didnt think she was a perversion. He liked her. He even thought she was beautiful.
Now that hed had his say, he was going to leave. It took all the bravery she possessed to cross the room, to lay her hand over Lukes. To stop him from walking away.
Dont go, she whispered quickly, before she lost her courage.
Luke didnt make her ask twice, and he didnt ask her why shed changed her mind. He just turned and took her in his arms and kissed her again.
Shed been trying so hard to reason this longing away, but Luke was right when he said everything in life didnt need to be analyzed. It was all right to feel, to experience, to take. She had never been impulsive, but she wanted to be impulsive tonight.
Her life was about to change. For tonight, just for tonight, she didnt want to be an experiment or an oddity. She wanted to be a woman. Luke made her feel like she was a woman. Nothing more, nothing less.
Do you have a condom? she asked breathlessly. She might long for a child of her own, in the recesses of her mind, but she didnt want a baby as a result of a one-night stand. That was all this could be. One night. She didnt want to drag Luke into her life against his will, just because they had made a child together.
Yes.
Faith didnt ask how or why Luke had come here prepared. At the moment, she didnt care. She pushed his coat off and let it fall to the floor. He didnt dress like any doctor she had ever known. He wore red-and-blue flannel, well-worn denim and sturdy boots.
She loved his heat and the strength in his hard body, the warmth and tenderness of his kiss. Yes, when he touched her, the response of her body was deep and undeniably primitive, but she stopped trying to work her mind around all the whys. Why do I feel this way? Why him? Why now?
For the first time in her life, she shut down the questions and the rationalizations and allowed herself to feel and respond without analyzing every shudder, every leap of her heart.
They danced toward the bed slowly, kissing and touching as they stepped across the floor. Luke slipped his hand beneath her sweater and touched her side. His hand was warm and large, the contact electric. She unbuttoned his flannel shirt, anxious to touch his flesh with her hands, just as he touched hers.
When they arrived at the bed, they sat. Luke reached up and around to release her hair from its ponytail, and then he ran his fingers through the strands and kissed her so deep, her body screamed for more.
Faiths fingers trembled as she finished unbuttoning Lukes shirt. Was she really doing this? Not only inviting this man to stay the night, but undressing him because she couldnt wait any longer to touch him.
Luke took his mouth from hers and grabbed the tail end of her sweater. He lifted it slowly, then whisked it over her head.
Faith wasnt wearing a bra; she rarely did. There simply was no need. For a moment she felt incredibly awkward and exposed. She lifted her arms and covered her breasts, glanced toward the light on the bedside table. Maybe I should turn this off.
No, Luke said softly. He took her wrists in his hands and very gently pulled her arms away from her body, so she sat before him half bare. The way he looked at her, hungry and warm, the way a man looks at a woman he desiresthat wasnt awkward, not at all. I want to see you, Faith. Youre so beautiful.
He touched her, cupping her breast and brushing his thumb across the nipple as he leaned in and kissed her again. Her nipples peaked, and at her core she fluttered. Luke kissed her deep, while his fingers explored and teased and aroused. He had a magic touch, gentle and sensual. Patient and loving.
No man had ever touched her quite this way; at the very least, her body had certainly never reacted in this way. Every nerve responded to Lukes hands and his mouth, until Faith was able to think of nothing else but the sensations that floated and rippled through her body.
And with each moment that passed, she wanted him more. Whether the craving was unexplained passion or a return to basic instinct, she didnt know or care. She only knew that her body and his were meant to be together, that before this night was finished he would be inside her. The very thought made her clench, grow damp and ready.
With a touch of impatience, she pushed his unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders. Luke had well-defined muscles in his arms and across his chest, and she found them all fascinating. Her fingers explored those muscles, trembling just slightly. He was the beautiful one; she
was glad he had insisted on leaving the light on.
She fell back on the bed, and he came with her, leaning over her as the kiss continued. Her legs spread slightly; he fit himself between them, opening her wider, and she felt his contained erection press against her.
He took his mouth from hers and moved lower, to catch and suckle a sensitive nipple. Faith arched up and into him, instinct again taking over as her hips rocked against his. Her fingers threaded through his hair and she hung on as he aroused her to a point where she could no longer think rationally. There was only sensation. Only Luke. Only her body and his.
Luke was a patient and unhurried lover. Time stopped. The room, the world, did not extend beyond this bed. Her flesh had never been so sensitive, but as Luke caressed and kissed her, the sensitivity grew. He seemed determined to taste every inch of her. Her neck, her breasts, her soft belly. When he came back to her mouth, his hands stroked and fluttered.
His body was so much harder than hers, his chest dusted with dark hair, the muscles there solid and warm. She tasted those muscles, laid her tongue against his small flat nipples, sucked at the most tender part of his throat until she made him moan.
She made Luke moan, and knowing he wanted her so much only made her need him more.
He slipped her trousers and underwear down and off, leaving her completely bare. His fingers, warm and strong, climbed her thigh to touch her intimately. She rocked against him, experienced a tightening ribbon of pleasure as he caressed her.
In spite of her initial reservations, she knew in her heart this moment was right. It was much too late for second thoughts, as if her body would allow such a diversion. Luke was special to her, in so many ways, and that made tonight special. Inevitable and precious.
And potent. Faith couldnt wait any longer. She reached down to unsnap and unzip Lukes jeans. He was so close. She wanted to reach out and touch him, to lay her hand over his length and gently stroke, but she didnt dare. Instead she traced her fingers along his waist, her fingertips barely dipping beneath the denim. He moaned low in his throat and rose up to kiss her. Her lips parted wide, his tongue speared into her mouth.
Family Secrets: Books 5-8 Page 81
