by L. Jayne
Kara sits back, shrugging, eating a fry, back to her calm self. “Oh well, just an idea.”
“Evil plotting mind,” I pretend to admonish her by wagging my finger at her.
“Incoming,” Hayden says, jerking his thumb to two figures coming in through the restaurant door.
“Quick, hide me,” I say and Hayden casually puts a napkin over my head. I glare at him.
Adrian walks in with Valerie, both of them talking about something, he stops, and a smile comes over him as he notices our table. Then he says something to her and heads in our direction, smiling lazily.
“Why, hello there, monkey.”
“Adrian,” I say tiredly as a greeting. I notice Kara eyeing him so I hastily make introductions. “Do you know Kara? And you’re probably already acquainted with Hayden.”
“Pretty much,” is Hayden’s sarcastic mutter.
Adrian acknowledges him with a slight nod and turns his smile on Kara who tries not to melt. “You’re one girl I haven’t met yet,” he says cheekily, smirking.
“Don’t talk to him,” I say to Kara. “You’ll get herpes.”
“Then don’t you already have it then?” Adrian inquires.
“Shut up. Besides, what are you here for, alone for once without your entire throng of groupies?”
“Just come with me.”
He catches my hand, tugging me out of my seat but I hold back. “What? Where?”
“Are you ever quiet for once?”
Grumbling, I wave good-bye to my friends: Kara with a bright glint in her eyes and Hayden shaking his head. I allow Adrian to lead me through the booths and masses of people, into a door marked Employees only and there are shelves upon shelves of cold cut food.
“We’re not allowed in here,” I hiss to him.
“Ever the rule breaker,” he says, grinning lasciviously.
We don’t stop there. He leads me up a set of concrete stairs and there’s a metal set of double doors where he then pushes it open.
We’re on top of the Denny’s building rooftop. The sky is a wintry gray and I press my thin jacket closer to myself. The wind is blowing into my hair and I squint at Adrian, confused.
“Why did you bring me here, of all places?”
Adrian shrugs. “Look down.”
Leaning over the rusty railing, I look down. And immediately jerk back. “Whoa.” Vertigo seizes me for a second before it passes. Down below, I can see the bustling street of West Side Street, the honking cars and the milling people looking like ants. It’s so quiet up here, compared to the relative noise down there. Jammed traffic, people shouting from vendors, people jabbing into their phones.
“Do you feel it?” Adrian whispers into my ear and I’m surprised at the contact of his breath. It’s delicious, the way his lips rest so near the back of my neck. “That you’re above it all?”
I imperceptibly nod, afraid to move. Now I understand. “Is this your make-out place for every girl you bring here?”
“I found this only yesterday and the view made me think of you.”
“Why?”
“Because…” He spins me around so that I’m forced to look at him, smiling. “You’re above it all too.”
He moves forward, pressing up against me and I instinctively back up until I hit the hard concrete of the wall. His gaze lingers on my face, eyes lidded. The sound of the water dribbling its way through the old creaky pipes drowns everything else out. My back is against the wall and Adrian half-smiles because he knows that he’s got me cornered. My heartbeat is zinging out of control. Then he lowers his head and kisses me.
chapter fifteen
AVENA
I surrender myself to it. The draw, the hypotonic and magnetic pull. I close my eyes, grabbing his jacket collar, feeling like I’m made with rain rivulets, drifting apart then crashing back together. Ragged gasps escape out of me as he captures my lips heatedly, making me shiver. Delicious heat rises in me, melting like rich chocolate. His tongue sweeps into my mouth seductively and I unconsciously snag my fingers in his belt loop, pulling him closer to me. I can feel his covert smile against my lips as he whispers, “Getting bold, huh?” He draws me closer, holding my waist to him as we struggle to keep the desire under.
The feel, scent, and taste of Adrian fill my world. My blood is pumping faster at the sensations sparking through me. Then with a shuddering breath, I tear myself away.
“God, Adrian,” I say, my breathing uneven. “I told you before. Don’t.”
“We’ll keep our endeavours hush-hush,” he whispers with a sinful smile.
“No, I don’t want to be that kind of girl again,” I whisper harshly, leaning against the wall, panting slightly. “Because seriously, what are we now?”
“If you want it to be, we can whatever we want.”
“Adrian, I’m not going to become your little hook up buddy,” I say harshly, pushing past him, going over to the other side, and leaning over the railing again to get a hold of myself. I close my eyes, breathing in slowly the salty fall air.
I feel him close to me. “We got off to a bad start, that’s all.”
“Bad start, all right,” I say, snorting.
He leans his hip against the railing and offers me his hand. “Start over?”
I knock it aside. “That’s stupid.”
“Come on. I’m Adrian Huntington…and you are?” That grin of his is still on his face.
I refuse to play along. “We’ve already met. In fact, a year ago.”
“You know,” Adrian says beside me, “I did actually notice you before. At the party, I was only messing with you.”
“Messing with my head, that is,” I reply.
“The first thing I noticed about you was that you always were that Nighton kid. The second was that you have a mole right--” His thumb brushes against my neck. “—here. And the third was that you always looked like you were ready for anything that was thrown your way. It intrigued me.”
“You want to know my first impression of you?” I say. I hold up one finger. “Pig-headed.” And another. “Obnoxious.”
He pretends to be hurt. “Words can cut. Ouch.”
“You’re so…” I shake my head. Indefinably infuriating?
“I never knew you could be this biting before.”
“You don’t know a lot of things about me then.”
Adrian looks at me, grinning lazily. “Then we should find out, huh?” He pauses. “What’s your favourite colour?”
I stare at him for a moment before bursting into laughter. “Are you serious?”
“Let me guess, red?”
“No, reminds me too much of blood.” I prop my chin up with my arms, as I lean against the balcony railing. “Actually, it’s pink.”
His grin deepens. “Did you just say pink?”
“So what if I did?” I retort.
He laughs. “That is fucking adorable.”
I squirm under his gaze, feeling heat in my cheeks. “Well, what about yours, then?”
“Navy.” It makes sense. With his free flowing spirit and laidback nature, it’s self-explanatory. “Then I guess you’re into rock then?”
Adrian studies me for a second He shrugs. “Punk-rock is more my style. Nirvana, Social Distortion, you name it. I’ve been collecting their albums since sophomore year.”
I gaze into the view below. “Before my mom died, we would always be searching for the right ballad. But we never found the song.”
“Maybe, sometimes it’s just like that, you find things that you’ve never searched for in the first place.”
His eyes are a tranquil deep green, the kind of eyes that makes it hard to look away from. I force myself to focus on something else, and words slip out of my mouth. “Have you ever fallen in love?’
Adrian blinks once then he regains himself. I bet he hasn’t been asked this question once in his entire life. “Love?” He says. “More like lust or like, maybe. But never love.”
I’m oddly curious. “Who wa
s the girl?”
He thinks for a moment. “She was a girl from camp, I think, from three years back. Daniella or Dana.” He stops and shrugs. “It was just for the summer.”
“Well, do you still talk to her?” I ask.
“Nah. After I got her pregnant--”
I gape at him. “Wait--”
He tries to stifle his laugh. “You’re just too gullible. No, actually, we figured we’d be going our separate ways and didn’t even exchange phone numbers. That was just that.”
I nod sombrely. Some relationships were just like that, in the end, they just fizzled out.
“How about you?” He trains his green gaze on me and I feel self-conscious for a second.
“No, not really.” I look away.
“Ah,” he says, a bit of a smile in his voice. Adrian leans into me, wrapping his arms around me, his lips peppering kisses on the nape of my neck. His words are murmured into my ear. “So no one has made your pulse race or kissed you like this before?”
I shove him away. “I’ve told you before; I’m not going to be your booty call or whatever.”
“Yeah, that’s what they all say.”
***
All alone again. It’s a Friday night and I’m alone, watching and flipping endlessly through the TV channels with a bag of potato chips. Loneliness seeps into my bones and my eyes are strained from staring at the pulsating screen for hours on end. I have a bottle of Jack Daniel’s beside me, one that I’ve recovered from Dad’s secret liquor shelf and I’m continually sipping from the bottle. I don’t care if my dad comes home to find me drunk and strung out on the couch—it’s time that he finally notices me.
I swallow the lump in my throat, closing my eyes, resting temporarily. My hand rests limply around the neck of the bottle, setting it down. Fatigue drags me down and I allow myself to sleep for a while as I wait for the alcohol to numb my slumber.
And then I’m floating on a river…a lazy, tumbling torrent of water. All is cool and refreshing, there are flowers curling into bloom around me, releasing its scent into the air. The scent suddenly chokes me as I recognize the familiar perfume aroma drifting towards me. My throat feels constricted and I can hardly gasp for air as I spot my mother in the now thrashing waters, the waves harsh and merciless, dragging her under and muffling her screams. Her eyes are glazed and filled with the sort of fear that sends my blood chills and her mouth is parted in a choked scream.
“Mom!” I scream, wading faster into the water that has me captured from the chest up. My calls are gurgled as the salty water rushes into my mouth.
She reaches out a hand, yelling for help, and the tides once more surge over her head, rolling her under. Gasping, I stretch my hand for hers and grab her clammy and seeming lifeless hand.
Then with the external force, another wave comes roaring back over us and we’re both submerged, separated. I keep on screaming but I don’t see her head come back up.
With chills and a relentless ache between my eyes, I shudder awake from the dream.
It’s the same ending always.
Whenever I try to sleep, the same kind of dream occurs. Not always but once a week, at least. The effects of her death are still ever prominent in my waking life and when I’m asleep.
With a groan, I bury my face in the sofa pillow, feeling slightly tipsy. I hate this. I just do.
Trying so hard to revert my thoughts to something else, I focus on thinking about my life. Hayden and Kara. And Adrian.
Whenever I think about Adrian, I’m met with confusion. I still dislike him and his ways with a passion but in a strange sort of way, after learning about him on the rooftop, he’s got me all perplexed.
Without thinking, I grab the cordless phone off the stand and dial his number---after getting it from the student directory—and wait for his voice to distract me.
“Hello?” His yawning and still seductive voice jolts my nerves. Jolts me in the knowledge that I’m calling him for an unknown reason.
Then just as quickly as before, I hang up, my heart pounding.
But a few seconds later, my phone rings. Shit. “Monkey?” Adrian asks as soon as I pick up, a note of surprise in his voice.
“How did you know it was me?”
There’s a pause. “I have a bit of psychic power in me,” he says, “it was passed down from my grandma.”
“Really?” I’m skeptical.
“No. Caller ID.” He yawns again. “So…what’s the late-night call for, pet?”
“It’s nothing.” The words are whispered from my mouth. “You know what, just pretend I didn’t call. So, bye--”
I’m about to just end the call when he says, “Whoa, wait. You sound like you’re about to cry. Are you okay?”
I shake my head but in the phone, I reply, “Yeah.”
“Can’t sleep?”
“No.”
“Me neither.” There’s a slight pause. “Well, you told me before that your address is Melrose Drive, right? I have to pick up something along the way so I’m coming right over.”
Adrian? Coming into my house? “No, you--” I begin.
“Alright. Be over in ten.”
I slump against the couch armrest. Why did the first person I call have to be Adrian? It was like reflex kicking into effect.
Biting my lip, I sigh.
As he had stated, in ten minutes, the door bell rings. I’m in the middle of gorging myself on chips and I have to swallow it all down as I walk to the door, opening it.
Adrian is standing on my porch, the moonlight from the sky above bringing out the highlights in his thick dark hair. His black jacket defines his strong shoulders under the leather material and it’s open to reveal his deep green shirt, the colour almost matching his eyes.
“Lovely PJ’s.” Adrian brushes his eyes over my Hello Kitty shirt and matching plaid pants.
I’ve forgotten to change out of them. “You may come in,” I say dryly.
The cold wind is shut out again as I close the door behind him. Then I notice that he’s carrying a six pack of Coronas.
“Party for two,” Adrian suggests brazenly as he follows me into the living room. Through his eyes, I can see the way it looks to people like him—the rich son of L’Argen Corporation; messy and cheap. His gaze follows the littered pop cans on the shag rug, the open chip bag on the wooden cocktail table to the small TV in the corner.
I sit on the couch and Adrian props his feet up on the table, surfing the minimal channels. “So what owes me this pleasure in having your company tonight?” He asks as we watch an episode of South Park.
I still my breath and crack open a Corona. “I had another nightmare. About my mother dying.”
Adrian’s studying me intently. “What happened?”
“She was drowning and I tried to help her but she slipped from my grasp,” I say, a whoosh of breath escaping from my lips. “I just want to forget her.”
“But you can’t,” he says, “she’s the one who conceived you.”
“I know,” I say, my breath hitching. “Maybe I’m selfish this way.”
Adrian gathers me close, wrapping his arm around me so my face is snuggled into his chest. I fold myself into him, needing some sort of comfort. “We’re all pretty damn selfish,” he says into my hair. “Even the purest and greatest person out there can have moments of being selfish. Human nature.”
Maybe he’s right. But I know, no matter how hard I try, I can’t evict Mom from my memories.
His voice reminds me of the time we were stuck in the car while it was pouring rain outside. For a few moments, we drink the beer and feel the fizzle in our stomachs. The alcohol makes me lightheaded but in a good way.
“We’re going to spike all the drinks at the fall dance,” Adrian says, laughing as we begin to talk about some more light hearted things. “It’s going to be the first dance that I’d actually enjoy.”
The fall dance. I’ve almost forgotten about the upcoming dance but I’ve heard a few girlish whispers abou
t it.
“This chick asked me to go with her to the fall ball so I accepted,” Adrian says, his voice now a bit sluggish after multiple rounds of beer. His eyes are laughing. “But then my lab partner wanted me to take her to the equinox dance and I said yes as well. I didn’t know that they were the same goddamn thing.” He shakes his head and begins to swig some more.
“You’re such an asshole,” I say, shaking my head too, feeling just a bit drunk.
“You’re going too, right?”
I shrug nonchalantly. “Probably. Just to eat the food, though.”
A sly smile breaks his face. “Save the last dance for me, huh?”
“You wish.”
I feel myself nodding off slowly, my eyelids drooping. But before, I can let myself fall asleep; I pick up a baseball bat from the floor in the mess and settle it between our two bodies. “Cross this line and you’re dead,” I warn him.
He opens his mouth to say something but then closes it as he grins coyly. “So where’s going to sleep on the same futon?”
“Don’t get any ideas.” I scowl.
After a few beats of silence, Adrian murmurs, “Goodnight.”
Then I’m suddenly reminded of how I get engulfed with nightmares of Mom’s death as soon as I fall asleep. Hesitantly, I call to him, “Hey, Adrian?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you hold my hand the entire night?” My voice comes out as a quiet whisper.
There’s a pause. I’m almost afraid to meet his eyes.
Heartbeat picking up faster, his fingers interweave with mine and lace them together. I turn almost reflexively and I’m faced with his eyes—burning so green that it’s hard to look away. And for a second—one second, there is this feeling that flits in my chest, making my breath catch.
Then his eyes close and I blink slowly—feeling as I’m in a dream-like trance. Then mine slide close too after a while of memorizing this moment, this moment of silent peacefulness.
The gentle pressure of his hand holding mine coaxes me into sleep.
This time, there’s only a soothing blankness. And we sleep just like that; backs curved together, my head folded in his chest.
