by Ali Parker
"Yep. Fucked up works for me." Will wagged his eyebrows. "It's dollar beer night at Mersky's. Come with me and Dillon tonight."
"I don't know. I'm sure I failed this fucker seeing that I haven't been studying."
"You need to get a tutor." Will shifted to face me. "Like a hot girl that you can share your evenings with."
"I need to pass the class, not get laid," I barked my response.
"I'd say getting laid would take the edge off your attitude." Seth glanced back and snorted. "You're not quite your laid back self, Moore. Something wrong?"
"Not at all." I pulled out my notebook and glanced over at Will. "I'll be there around four or so. I could use a night out and beer never hurt anyone."
"There's my boy."
I gave him a look to remind him that I was no one's boy.
"And here are our test results for this first exam. Please realize that there are six exams this semester, but each one is a major part of your grade. I will allow you to correct the test for an additional ten points that I will add onto your score if you like, but you can only use this gift once." My chemistry professor handed Will his test.
"Yes! Eighty-five. Fuck yes." He wagged it at me like a small child might.
I grabbed it and smacked him in the head with it. "Stop it. Dumb ass."
"Man, you are in a horrible mood. Girl problems?" he whispered as the professor dropped my test on my desk. The sixty-three glaring back up at me caused my stomach to turn.
I was going to fail. If I did, there went graduation and then what? I'd be stuck at Providence without Aubrey and Lucas, and Layla would be gone. Even with missing the previous semester, she still was going to graduate on time.
Fuck my life.
"Seriously?" I turned the test over and glanced up to see Seth watching me.
"Layla's a pretty good tutor for Chemistry. I mean, she's better at anatomy, but something tells me you already knew that."
I came up out of my seat, ready to beat his ass. Will grabbed my shirt and pulled me back down as the professor glanced over her shoulder with a look of bewilderment on her face.
"Fuck you, man. You messed things up with her, not me." I grabbed my test and my bag and walked out before class really started. There was no point in taking up a seat when I had no chance of passing. I just didn't get it. It was like a fucking foreign language to me.
"Ugh," I growled loudly and pushed the door open to the science building. Winter was still very much ruling our days, but spring was starting to peek around the edges of the snow-covered grounds. Little flowers had started to poke up here and there.
I dropped down on a bench in the center of campus and pressed my face to my hands before letting out a long sigh. I needed help and yet I'd been avoiding Layla because I didn't know where to go from our make-out session.
Did she really care about me, or was that the sweet way of letting someone down without hurting their feelings? Seth had mentioned more than once that Layla was something close to a nymph, but I'd yet to see it.
Did I want to? Fuck yes, but not to exploit it, to enjoy her and give her anything she wanted back in return. I loved her and had for as long as I could remember.
Why was everything so weird between us now? Wasn't the make-out session supposed to be the door to another one and another one and then us being together?
What was I missing here? Whatever it was had me feeling like a prepubescent teenager with his head up his ass.
I pulled out my phone and took a picture of the test and sent it to her with a big, 'HELP!' typed underneath it.
I needed to at least get our friendship back on track if nothing else. I couldn't keep avoiding her, or worse yet, watching her avoid me. It was the exact opposite of what I wanted to happen between us, and yet... it was a daily routine at this point.
"No more." I stood up and ran my fingers through my hair before heading to the track house. I wasn't on the team, but I needed to do something before I pulled my hair out in frustration.
Running until I puked or passed out would do the trick. At least it always had in the past.
*
"Coach?" I knocked on Coach Billows's office door and waited for him to look up. Somewhere around lap ten on the track I realized I didn't want to play hockey anymore. Not without Lucas. He was the reason I'd started playing my freshman year, and without him there, the fun was gone from all of it for me. Baseball still mattered, but hockey didn't.
"Hey buddy. Come on in." He leaned back in his chair and pointed to the seat across from his desk. "Have a seat and take a load off."
I dropped my bag on the ground and sat down. "I flunked my first Chemistry test, which you know is a huge bummer. If I don't pass this semester, I won't graduate, and that can't be my legacy."
"I understand that." He leaned forward as I handed him the test.
"I'm pulling out of hockey. I know you don't want to hear that and that the team will have to hustle to find another captain, but hockey isn't my life. It's not my future."
"And baseball is?" There was no condemnation in his voice, thankfully. I'd probably have picked up my bag, flipped him off and walked out if there was. I was too raw to take any shit from anyone else.
"It's part of my past, coach. It's what I've been playing since I was a kid. It's comfortable and a relief of sorts. This isn't." I glanced around. "I love the guys and I love playing for you, but I gotta cut back somewhere, and it's going to be here."
"Nothing I can do to change your mind, Jayce? You're a damn good captain and a great team player, son."
"No, Sir." I stood up, took my test back from him and picked up my bag from the floor. "I hope you're not too disappointed. I just have limited amounts of time, and this can't happen again." I lifted the test into the air.
"I get it." He stood up and walked around the desk, extending his hand to me. "I'll see you around for sure, and best of luck with your grades, okay?"
"Thanks, coach." I turned and walked out of the office, letting out a long sigh. It felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted from my shoulders.
I dropped my stuff off in my car and headed over to Mersky's an hour earlier than I'd told Will. I'd run into someone I knew, or would nurse a beer and catch up on the latest pro-baseball game on TV.
My phone buzzed in my pocket as I walked into the pub. Layla.
"Hey." I smiled at the thought of her calling me, which seemed childish, but I couldn't help it.
"I'm so sorry about your Chemistry exam. We need to do the corrections this week. I heard Dr. Denzo will let you add ten points to your exams if you just do the corrections. That'll bring us up to a D."
"That sounds good." I grabbed a menu from the front and got into a booth by myself. "I need to set up some time to start studying with you. We don't have to do any of the other stuff we promised each other, but I need help or I'm not going to graduate."
"The dates?"
I cringed at her bringing it up. I couldn't tell by the tone of her voice if she were sad about me releasing her from them or pissed that I would dare do such a thing.
"Yeah. I'll help you with your batting problem and we'll call it even. That sound all right?"
"Oh... yeah, of course. You don't have to help me with anything, Jayce. I'm not going to stand by and let you flunk Chemistry." She chuckled softly, but the sound fell flat. She was hurt, or pissed - who the hell knew which or why.
"Cool. I'll check you later." I waited for her to say goodbye and dropped the call.
Thankfully, Will and Dillon walked in a few minutes later, forcing me to forgo the massive pity party I was about to throw in my own honor.
"Sooooo... we in a better mood?" Will lifted his eyebrows as he slid into the booth across from me.
"Why were you in a bad mood?" Dillon got in beside him and rolled his shoulders a few times as if stretching.
"I'm all right." I picked up the beer that was delivered to the table while I was stewing in my relationship with Layla, or lack thereof. "To th
e women we want and can't seem to get."
"Ah. That explains it." Will picked up the menu and waved a server over. "We need a round of beer and a few shots. My friend here is flunking out of college and can't get laid. He needs some love, hm?"
The pretty blond gave me a sappy look and walked off.
Dillon chuckled. "Wow. That was classy."
"What? I was just trying to help a friend out." Will gave me a shit eating grin.
"Or get us some free drinks." I lifted my eyebrow at him, challenging him.
"Just killing two birds with one stone." He shrugged.
"It's not going to work." I shook my head and took a long drink of my beer.
Sure enough, the waitress came back over and unloaded a tray full of liquor for us.
"It's on the house, guys. Hope your day gets better." She smiled at me.
I nodded and waited until she walked off to give Will a look. "Unbelievable."
"Stick with me boys, and the world will be ours."
"Nope. Not happening." Dillon shook his head and grabbed a shot from the center of the table. "Your luck is up tonight, but I've seen it down way farther than Jayce here."
"True." I lifted my beer in the air. "To us fuck ups and the women we wished loved us."
They agreed and smacked their glasses against mine, not asking me another question about my problems.
And for that... I let them stay.
Chapter 18
Layla
I rushed through my shower after working out with the softball girls in the gym. I was supposed to meet Aubrey at the apartment to do a little bit of wedding shopping that night. Although I really didn't have time to hang out and shop, there was no way I was denying her. I could tell by the sound of her voice earlier that week that she was starting to stress out over her decisions. She needed me as much as I needed her.
The quick conversation with Jayce as I made my way back to the apartment left me questioning everything again. I'd convinced myself that maybe I was wrong about him wanting me in the hallway. He'd been avoiding me for the last two weeks to the point of not even studying for his Chemistry test together.
I wanted to be happy that he flunked it, but I couldn't. Regardless of what happened between us, I cared about him so much. I jogged across campus, almost busting my butt three times on patches of frozen ice. We only had a few more weeks of winter, and I for one was ecstatic. Playing softball in the cold just seemed wrong.
"Hey," I called out to Aubrey as I jogged toward her. "You don't have a key?"
"No. I gave mine to Jayce to give to you." She walked toward me and pulled me into a tight hug. "How about you just quit school and come live with me and Lucas? I miss you too much to let you stay here."
I laughed and hugged her back, letting myself rest against her as I had so many times in the past. "I've missed you too. It's not the same without you."
"Same." She moved back and pressed her fingers to her eyes. "I promised myself I wouldn't get sappy."
"Good. Don't." I snorted and opened the door to the house. The smell of Jayce's cologne rushed up to greet me, leaving my heart aching more. "Where is Lucas?"
"He's in Washington. He's getting ready for another game tomorrow night. I told him we'd watch it on T.V." She walked in the house behind me. "It looks good in here. I see Jayce let you put up some pictures and stuff."
"Yeah. He's been really cool. Well, mostly." I walked toward my room. "Let me change into something cute and we can go."
"Sure. Take your time." She followed me down the hall and flopped down on my bed as I quickly changed into a pair of tight jeans, a sweater and winter boots. I pulled my hair down and brushed it before putting on a little bit of makeup.
"How do you look perfect after two minutes of work is a mystery to me. It's honestly just not fair at all." She rolled onto her stomach and smiled. Her dark hair framed her face and left her looking like the angel she wasn't.
"You're one to talk." I wagged my eyebrows at her.
"Whatever." She rolled onto her back. "Where is my brother?"
"No clue. We're barely talking." I grabbed a light jacket from my closet. “We had a hot moment in the hallway about two weeks ago, decided whatever was happening between us was cool, but needed to happen slowly and then... nothing." I shrugged. "Guess slow meant not at all. Had I known that, I'd just have slept with him that night."
"Oh. Shit." She sat up. "Did he stop talking to you after you told him you wanted to go slow?"
"No, not really. He just started avoiding me. I guess he was looking for a quick lay and I upset him by not giving in? I'm not really sure." I walked to the door, knowing my tone was shit and yet not being at all able to stop myself. "You ready?"
"Lay. Come on, Boo. You're my best friend." She got up and ran her hands up my arms.
"I know. I can't talk about this, okay. It hurts so bad I wanna curl into a ball in my closet and stay there. I've been teasing about liking Jayce my whole life, but dude, you know the truth, right? I've been in love with him since we wore diapers. His rejection stings so much worse than any other I've gotten."
"I get it." She pulled me into a hug. "I just know my brother, and he wouldn't reject you. He's had the hots for you since you were in diapers too." She laughed. "Maybe he thought you were rejecting him that night in the hall?"
"I don't know. Come on. Let's talk about fun stuff. Wedding stuff. Just not my stuff. Please?"
"All right. We'll switch topics for a little while, but we're not leaving this here. It's not like him to ignore anyone." She slipped her arm into mine as we walked into the living room. "You look good, by the way."
"Thanks." I cringed at the compliment as I thought about Jayce's meaning of 'good'. Why was he running from me? What had I done that was so wrong? I'd basically confessed my feelings for him. Was it too much? If so, he wasn't at all the guy I thought he was.
"So I sent you a picture of the bridesmaid dress that you and Em will be wearing. What did you think?"
"It's pretty. I love the light blue colors. Very classy." I opened the door and moved back as she stepped out. "How are you liking Washington?"
"It's good. Rainy all the time where we are, but it's beautiful." She slipped her arm into mine again. "It's weird not being in school. I checked into a few places to wrap up my degree, and there is a dance studio down the street from us, so things are coming together. It's just weird not being here with you guys." She chuckled. "I even miss my mom."
"I bet. You've lived here your whole life. Moving is a big deal. I can't imagine picking up and leaving like you did. It has to be jolting to your system."
"It is." She glanced down and took a shaky breath. "So Lucas has Jayce as his best man and Jacob as the other groomsman. It's going to be a small wedding."
"It's here, right?"
"Oh yeah. Lucas’s parents and mine are here, so there's no reason to have it any other place. We're going to get married at St. Mary's where my parents were married."
"Nice." I walked to my jeep and unlocked the doors. "Where are we headed?"
"To the mall in town if that's okay. They have the bridesmaid dress for ninety-nine dollars right now. I figured I would get it for you."
"I can pay for it." I buckled up and started the jeep.
"No. It's my wedding. I want to pay for everything." She reached up and turned the radio on. "We're going to have the rehearsal dinner five weeks from Friday and then Lucas and I figured it would be fun to go to the Jolly Fox with all of you guys. We don't need bachelor parties and such. We just want to see you guys and then get married the next day."
"I love it." I pulled out of the parking lot and let out a soft sigh. "I hope Jayce and I aren't still being weird by then. I guess I just need to talk to him. It's not like he won't listen."
"Or I could talk to him?" She reached over and squeezed my shoulder. "I'm here if you need me. You know that, right?"
"I'm thinking you're the one that got me into this mess." I laughed.
&n
bsp; "No way. I just pushed you to do something you already wanted to do." She shrugged. "You and Jayce will be together. I have no doubt."
I rolled my eyes and turned down the main street in town. "If you say so."
"I do."
I only wished I had her conviction on the matter.
*
We finished up shopping and trying on dresses thirty minutes before Aubrey had promised that we'd be at Mersky's.
"I really don't want to go out tonight. How about I drop you off and Jayce can bring you home when you're done hanging out." I pulled up to the pub and glanced over at her, hoping that she would let me off the hook.
"No way, Layla. I'm not going without you. I'll just come back to the apartment and help you study. I'm here to hang out with you." She crossed her arms over her chest and I knew there was no budging her. That was her way of saying she was set in stone on her decision.
"Fine. One beer and we're splitting a burger. I'll stay an hour and then I gotta go study. Deal?"
She bounced in her seat. "Deal."
There hadn't been a time in our twenty-plus-year friendship that I hadn't caved for her. She was too good to me and meant too much to let anything small come between us. Where she was stubborn as hell, I wasn't.
I got out of the truck and grabbed my jacket from the backseat. Where I wasn't looking forward to running into Jayce, it was inevitable. We had the same friend group.
"I love this place so much." Aubrey glanced back at me with excitement in her eyes. She pushed the door open and walked in as our group stood up and chanted her name.
I laughed a little, unable to help myself. She rushed around, hugging everyone like she'd been gone for ten years.
Jacob walked over to me and pulled me into a tight hug, kissing the side of my head. "How's my favorite girl?"
"Tired, cold and I wanna go to bed." I glanced up at him, wishing I could be Emily for a night. I didn't have a desire for Jacob's affection at all, but I knew how he felt about Em. He was madly in love with the girl. I wanted that more than I had before.
