The church building itself was probably only meant to hold two hundred people, if that, but Natalie could swear that at least twice that many packed their way inside each week. During moments of silence or prayer, the whooshing sound of members waving hand fans could be heard. Natalie sat on the front pew with her grandmother while her grandfather sat in the pulpit. Sometimes her cousins would sit up there with her and they would often get in trouble for talking or playing during service. Big Mama would first give them a stern look of warning, and if that didn’t settle them down, she was quick to give a pinch or slap on their thighs.
After selections by the choir and a requested solo sung by Big Mama, it would be her grandfather’s turn to be heard. He was a thin man, but there was a lot of power in his messages. The heat resulting from lack of air-conditioning and attendance numbers that surely tested fire-marshall-occupancy limits did nothing to affect the impact of his sermons. By the time he finished preaching, folks were screaming out and praising God like it was nobody’s business.
“Those were the good ol’ days,” a nostalgic Natalie whispered out loud as she wiped the tear that trickled down her cheek and splattered on to the paper she had been writing on. Those days were long over. Her grandfather was dead, the cousins she grew up with had moved away, and she hadn’t stepped foot in a church since moving from there. Jackson could never be the same. Her good memories of that place had been tainted by bad ones.
Chapter 9
A Big Mess
Natalie logged onto her computer at work, wishing she could go back home, take some ibuprofin and rid herself of the splitting headache she had that morning. She’d tossed and turned all through the night, unable to erase the ghastly sight of Richard and Sylvia from her head. Even more disturbing was that everything she was mad at Sylvia for, she’d done herself. Natalie’s track record for going after her friends’ men dated all the way back to the time when she went out with Bobby Kendall only weeks after he and her friend, Charlene, had ended their two-year relationship.
Bobby Kendall was captain of the high-school football team and very popular among students of all grade levels. His parents were pretty well off so he drove nice cars to school, had the best clothes, and their luxury home was always the spot to hang out on Friday nights after the football games. Natalie took note of the special things Bobby did for Charlene such as buy her gifts and take her out on dates. Though Bobby didn’t have a job and Natalie knew that the money he was spending on Charlene most likely came from his parents, she found herself envying the attention that her friend got.
To this day, Natalie still wasn’t sure what broke Charlene and Bobby up, but she didn’t waste any time throwing her hat into the ring. Like many of the other girls in the school, she flirted with him every chance she got. One day he asked her out and she gladly accepted.
Charlene didn’t appear to be as bothered by Natalie and Bobby’s short-lived relationship as some of their mutual friends were. Perhaps it was because Charlene had firsthand knowledge of how much of a jerk Bobby Kendall was. Natalie received special treatment as well, but only in the presence of others. When there were no eyes observing his actions, Bobby was a complete moron. The doors he’d opened for her, she’d have to open herself; most of the gifts presented to her had to be returned, and he would sometimes ask to be reimbursed for the dates he’d publicly paid for.
Natalie didn’t understand how Charlene had put up with him for as long as she had and eventually apologized to her friend for the betrayal. Truthfully, Natalie was probably more remorseful about her misjudgment of his character than she was about her actions. She did realize that it was wrong to betray Charlene, but the whole situation had happened in high school and was totally unrelated to her seeing Sylvia and Richard together. Still, considering all the venomous words she’d spat at them yesterday, Natalie now felt more uneasy about the situation with Charlene. She spent more time than necessary pointing out to herself the differences between what Sylvia was doing to her mother and her own actions.
Physically, Natalie had been at work for about an hour, but mentally—she wasn’t really there. She opened a report she had been working on, and tried to concentrate on it without much success. She heard Aneetra humming and knew the perky employee would soon be her way.
“How was your weekend?” she asked Natalie moments later.
“Good...” She tried to sound believable.
“Were you able to get everything done around the house that you wanted to?”
“For the most part. I’ll definitely have it together by Thursday, though. How was the cookout?”
“Girl, we had so much fun! I wish you’d come. My husband’s family didn’t leave ’til almost eleven o’clock last night. I am too tired. I almost didn’t make it in today, but then I remembered that I have to finish a report for Alex today. I just hope my coffee kicks in soon.” Aneetra yawned. Natalie’s phone rang. “Well, I’m gonna go back to my desk so you can get that. I’ll holla at you later.”
Natalie took a deep breath and answered her phone.
“I’m sorry, honey, I don’t mean to bother you at work.” It was Big Mama. “I just wanted to call and check on you. Last night, Crystal called here sayin’ that you and Sylvia had some type of fallin’ out over this new boyfriend of hers.”
“News travels fast...”
“I would’ve called you last night, but it was close to midnight when I finally got off the phone with Crystal. I knew you were asleep by then.”
“I was probably up. I didn’t sleep too well,” Natalie admitted.
“Crystal said Sylvia was pretty upset. She wanted Crystal to call me ’cuz she knew I’d call and check on you.”
“Why didn’t Sylvia just call you herself? She’d call you about anything else.”
“She probably didn’t feel comfortable talkin’ to me about somethin’ like this. I don’t know, baby. I’m more concerned about you than I am her.”
“Don’t worry about me, Big Mama, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? You don’t sound like it. From what I understand, things got pretty ugly between y’all.”
“I was mad, but I’m okay now. Sylvia is grown and so is Richard. Neither one of them have to answer to me.” She was definitely having a problem with honesty today. She really wished she could have them both neutered to prevent them from having sex. “Big Mama, I have a meeting in a little while, so I’m gonna have to call you back later, okay?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you at work.”
“You’re not bothering me,” Natalie assured her. “I’ll call you later this week. I have a Realtor coming by on Thursday, so this evening and tomorrow evening I want to finish doing some things I didn’t get done over the weekend.”
“Okay. I pray everything goes well.”
“Thanks.”
“I love you, sweetie.” Natalie could hear the worry in her voice.
“I know—” She took a deep sigh. “I love you, too.” She wasn’t sure if her grandmother had even heard it. She wasn’t even sure how she’d gotten the courage to say it. To her, expression of feelings equaled vulnerability, which brought with it too many risks. Love always presented the risk of getting hurt. Natalie had seen firsthand the devastation her mother had gone through when her stepfather, Jesse, had broken her heart. Though Natalie didn’t believe her grandmother would do or say anything intentionally to hurt her, old habits were hard to break. Detaching herself emotionally had become one of her survival mechanisms, but for some reason, today she had let down her guard. Maybe it was because she’d reminisced last night about how things used to be when she was younger. Natalie wished she could go back to those happy times before— Stop it! she scolded herself. She used a tissue to wipe her watery eyes and attempted to get back to work.
* * *
“I’ll call ya later. I�
��m gonna head on to the church.” Earl got his umbrella out of the living-room closet and yelled out to his mother who sat at the kitchen table. The temperature was in the mid-seventies, but the humidity made the air feel much hotter. The warm drops of rain did nothing to cool things off. This morning Earl had stopped by his mother’s house to bring back some pans she’d forgotten yesterday at his home during the cookout. He was on his way to Faith Tabernacle—the church he now led, founded by his father some forty years ago.
Earl often came by to see his mother on the way to the church. The five-bedroom, two-story brick home he’d grown up in was rich with Coleman history. He loved hearing the story of how his parents, the late Willie James Coleman and the former Ida Mae Marshall, had married when they were seventeen. A total of six children resulted from that union. Twins—Willie, Jr., and James—were the oldest, then Earl, Charles, Antoinette and Thomas. Sadly, James had died many years ago in a car accident. With the exception of Thomas and Antoinette, Earl’s other siblings no longer lived in Jackson. Willie, Jr., now lived in New York and Charles lived in Florida.
“Mama, did you hear me?” Earl called out. He paused at the small piano, waiting to hear some kind of reply. His eyes quickly browsed the collection of framed pictures of various family members that sat on top, and those that hung on the nearby wall. He chuckled to himself as he often did whenever he stood next to the piano for any length of time. His parents had owned a piano for as long as he could remember, but neither Earl, his parents, nor his siblings knew how to play one. “Mama?” Earl sat his umbrella on the piano bench and walked back to the kitchen.
“I said I’m fixin’ to go over to the church,” he repeated, stepping on to the laminated floor.
“Oh, okay. Tell Crystal I’ll give her a call later.”
“You all right?” he asked, noticing the concerned look on her round face as her elbows rested on the table, her chubby hands laced underneath her chin.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
Despite her answer, Earl knew exactly what was bothering her. He pulled one of the beige wooden chairs from under the oak table and placed his tall frame next to his mother, and patted her knee. “You’re worried about Natalie, aren’t you?”
“Oh, Earl,” she sighed in despair, “I just cain’t help it.”
“Now don’t go gettin’ your blood pressure up. Worryin’ won’t change anything.”
“I know, but I don’t think she’s handlin’ this whole Sylvia thing as well as she would like me to believe.”
“I’m sure Sylvia and Natalie will work things out. It’s just gonna take some time.”
“She tried to sound as if she was mad yesterday, and today it’s no big deal, but I could hear the sadness in her voice. I’m really torn. On the one hand, I’m extremely happy for Sylvia after all she’s been through. She deserves to be happy after spendin’ all those years in an abusive relationship. From what Crystal said, this guy really treats her nice. On the other hand, I want to slap her. Out of all the guys in Columbus, why did she have to pick Sharon’s ex? She had to know that somethin’ like this would hurt Natalie.” Her voice cracked as she fought back tears. “It just seems like my grandbaby has been through so much in her life. I hate to see her in any more pain.”
There was silence as Earl waited to see if his mother would say anything else.
A single tear dripped from Ida Mae’s right eye and splattered on the back of her hand. She unlocked her fingers and wiped her hand on her pant leg. “I really miss her,” she said. “It’s been way too long since we’ve seen her.”
“Yes, much too long,” Earl agreed, wondering what Natalie looked like now. It had been nearly eighteen years since he’d last seen her.
“I wish she and Sharon had never moved away. Maybe—”
“Now don’t get caught up in wishing you could change the past. You and I both know that’s impossible. Sharon did what she thought was best at the time.”
“I know, but best for who? Her or Natalie? I don’t think Natalie wanted to go.”
Earl shook his head in despair. “She definitely went through a lot that summer. Then to be uprooted to another state...that had to be hard on her.”
Ida Mae closed her eyes as though she was envisioning thirteen-year-old Natalie again. “I want to see her so bad. I would invite her down here for the Fourth of July, but I’m not sure if she’ll come seein’ how she ain’t been in all these years.”
“You can always let Natalie know that she’s welcome here, but don’t try and put too much pressure on her to come. That’s something she’ll have to do when she’s ready. It’ll be great to see Natalie again, but I hope you’re prepared for the wrath that is sure to come from you-know-who if she were ever to come back. Does she ever ask questions about—”
Ida Mae shook her head no. “I think it’s too painful for her. One time, I tried to talk to her about it. Well, not really...I wasn’t gonna go into detail, I was just gettin’ ready to say how I hated what had happened, but Natalie snapped. She said she didn’t want to talk about it—that she’d learned to live with the past and was fine now. I didn’t believe her for one moment.”
Earl let out a long sigh and spoke softly, “It’ll be a big mess if she does come back. I would hate to be stuck in the middle of that. The truth is bound to come out. I love my family, but I love God more. If Natalie were ever to ask me, I’d have to tell her.”
“I know what you mean...but I don’t think she’d ever bring it up. She was too sensitive about talkin’ to have gotten over it. I promised her that I would never bring it up again, and I won’t. I just want her to know how much I love her.”
“Mama, I’m sure Natalie knows that we all love her...especially you. I don’t want you sittin’ ’round worryin’ about her. Remember the time during my last semester of Bible school—Crystal had just given birth to Alayah, my tuition was due, and I had gotten laid off? I was so stressed out about how I would finish school and make ends meet all at the same time. Back then, a wise woman directed me to the book of Psalm and the words spoken by David in the thirty-seventh Psalm: ‘I have been young, and now am old; but I’ve never seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.’” Earl watched the slight smile spread across his mother’s face as he paraphrased the twenty-fifth verse.
“Psalm is one of my favorite books of the Bible...”
“I know.” He winked at her. “I believe somewhere in that great book, David also says to ‘cast thy burden upon the Lord.’ That literally means to throw whatever is bothering you into God’s hands, leave it there and let Him deal with it. What you need to do is remember that your job is not to worry about Natalie, it’s to pray for her. Then rest assured that God hears your prayers. It’s impossible to worry and pray at the same time, Mama. The two cancel each other out.”
Ida Mae reached out and squeezed Earl’s hand, smiling affectionately. “I thank God for you,” she said. “You’re just like your daddy. He always knew how to use the Word of God to get me back where I need to be. You go on down to the church now, I’ll be fine.”
Earl stood up and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. “I’ll come back by later. If you need anything while I’m out, give me a call.”
“All right, you drive careful now.” Moments later Ida Mae heard the screen door slam. “Cast your burden upon the Lord,” was the first line of Psalm 55:22. God had handled so many of her concerns in years past. Surely, He could take on this one, too.
Chapter 10
Change of Heart
After a busy day at work and a long meeting with Aneetra’s Realtor friend, Natalie was quite tired. Though it was only a few minutes after seven she changed into a pair of silk pajamas and spread out on the sofa with a large bowl of butter pecan ice cream, swearing to work it off at the gym next week. The meeting with Lynn had gone well. Based on her analysis, if the house
sold for its listed price, Natalie would receive a nice chunk of change at the closing. It would be enough to tide her over in New York for a few months, even if she wasn’t approved for a transfer through Dennison. Finally, some good news to make up for the turbulent week she’d had.
Natalie flipped through the channels, ultimately resting on Lifetime, one of her favorites, as she polished off her second bowl of ice cream. It was about a quarter to eight when the telephone rang. Willing to bet it was her grandmother calling to check on her again, she answered and could’ve choked on a pecan when the sound of Sylvia’s voice came through and sent adrenaline racing through her body.
“What do you want?” she snarled. First thing tomorrow morning she would invest in caller ID on the home phone.
“I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time. I really would like to talk to you about what happened the other day.”
“I’m not sure what there is for us to talk about. I said everything I had to say to you on Monday.” Her mind flashed back to the sight of Sylvia and Richard together, but soon became tainted by visions of herself with Kevin, and other men she’d dated who were technically “off limits.” Ugh! Natalie let out a heavy sigh. “But...I’m willing to listen if there’s something you would like to get off your chest,” she felt moved to say. “Just please make it quick.”
“I’m really sorry you found out about Richard and me the way you did. You have to know that we were not sneaking around behind your mother’s back,” Sylvia tearfully explained. “I swear to you that I would’ve never done something like that to Sharon. I loved her, Natalie.”
Natalie remained silent. There was a sincerity in Sylvia’s voice that she couldn’t argue with.
“I have not been able to get a good night’s sleep since Monday. I’ve been trying to figure out what the right thing to do is. Truthfully, I don’t know. I mean, I do love Richard, but I also love you, Nat, and I don’t want to do anything to hurt you. At the same time, I feel that I deserve to be happy, and Richard makes me happy. I swear that I never planned this...I never thought I would be able to trust any man again after all the stuff I went through with Clarence. He and I met in town at a local conference years ago. Clarence was a presenter on a panel discussion about the prohibition of school prayer. As the facilitator of that discussion, I pretty much made sure things remained cordial between all participants and that they didn’t run over their time limits. Clarence was so handsome and charming. He spoke with such eloquence that I clung to his every word. He asked me out that same day and we dated for several months before flying to Vegas where we eloped.”
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