At home, Alex tried to remember his normal routine, only he couldn’t focus. Routines usually helped him work through the worst of the temptations. Right now, though, what he wanted most wasn’t a drink, but rather the woman he’d left naked and vulnerable in her living room.
He was truly the worst kind of asshole.
What he needed was to take a shower and go to sleep so he could face the next morning. He didn’t know what was coming or how he would get through it, only that he would. He wouldn’t fail this time. He refused to.
He showered quickly, his body still thrumming from Tabitha’s touch even though he’d already sated himself—or so he’d thought. He could scent her on his skin, in his pores. And yet, no matter how much he knew he should try, he didn’t wash it fully away. He didn’t scrub until he couldn’t smell her anymore because, damn it, he would always know her scent now. He would always know her taste, how she felt surrounding his cock, how she looked when she came, how her nipples darkened under his gaze.
He groaned and gripped the base of his cock, annoyed with himself for getting hard all over again.
He didn’t deserve her.
Alex turned the shower to cold and blasted his skin, hoping it would take most of the heat away. It only partially worked but even a little had to count for something.
Once he got into bed, he sank into the middle of the mattress, aware he would once again be sleeping alone. But he should have been used to it by now.
He’d been alone far longer than people knew.
He didn’t go into the office that day. Though he probably should have, he’d called Wes and said he wanted to try and map out what he had instead of getting more material for the time being. His brother hadn’t thought anything of it, but Alex knew he was taking the coward’s way out. He just needed a day or so to figure out what he was doing before he saw her again. With Tabitha around, his brain went fuzzy, and he never said the right thing or did what he was supposed to do.
After he’d made himself some coffee, he pulled out his camera and started to work. He hadn’t lied to Wes when he’d said he had things to do with what he already had. Of course, he could have always gotten more shots since he still wasn’t sure the route he wanted to take with the family project, but he could at least start.
He set aside his work from the night before and put it in a folder on his portable hard drive and the cloud. His mind wasn’t quite ready to go down memory lane with that yet because every time he thought about it, he’d think of Tabitha now.
So, of course, the first photo he opened for the Montgomery project was that of Tabitha looking down, her face slightly away from the camera, her fingers tracing her ear as she blushed.
He swallowed hard.
Damn it.
He’d made a mistake. He shouldn’t have slept with her. She was so much more than he deserved, and she needed someone better than a drunk who struggled every day with sobriety.
After taking a deep breath, he went back to work. As he looked through the images, a story began to unfold. It wasn’t always like that for him, but when it was, he knew to grab on and not let go. There were pictures of Storm bent over his workbench, his complete concentration on his project as if trying to get every angle so perfect that they’d form exactly what the client wanted and what he, himself, needed to see. He had images of Wes working with a hammer and later on his phone as he worked with his tablet and talked to someone at the same time. His brother was always good at multitasking. There were other photos of his brother-in-law, Decker, manning his crew and laughing with his wife when she visited. More of Luc and Meghan working side by side on their own projects, the looks they gave one another private but still out in the open for everyone to see. There were more photos of the crew like Harper and some of the loading guys, laughing as they sweated under the icy sun that was Denver’s winter.
Each photo individually told a story about that person and how much they loved their job. But together, it wove a tale of togetherness and hard work. The Montgomerys had built something unique and perfect.
And now, Alex would do his damnedest to show that off for not only the website and packets but also maybe another project that would be just for the family. They deserved something like that, and he knew his father would want to see their legacy after he’d been so close to leaving them all behind.
His hands shook at that thought, and he set everything down.
He hadn’t been around when his dad found out he was in remission. Alex hadn’t been around for a lot of things.
With a groan, he pushed back from his desk and went to his bedroom to pull on his workout gear. He needed to punch something, and he knew exactly how he was going to do that.
The sign near the front of the gym beckoned him, and he stared at it. He’d done some fights before and had come out on either side of the coin toss when it came to the bout, but this one might be a little out of his league.
Perfect.
“You’re not serious,” Brody said as he sidled up to Alex’s side. “It might be in your weight class, but that guy has like ten years more experience than you.”
Alex shrugged, something inside telling him he needed this or he’d fall down a rabbit hole that he wouldn’t find his way out of.
“Don’t be an idiot,” Harper put in.
He hadn’t been aware the other man had shown up after his shift, and that was sloppy of him. It seemed Alex was starting to get stuck in his own mind again, and that wouldn’t be good for anyone.
“It’s a sanctioned fight at the gym. I’m not doing an underground bout or fight club or anything.”
“Well, you know the first—”
Alex glared at the other man, not letting Brody finish the line from the movie. “Not all of us are Brad Pitt.”
“I still don’t understand that movie,” Harper put in. “Was Brad Pitt real or not?”
Alex pinched the bridge of his nose. “That movie is like what, fifteen, twenty years old? Why are we talking about it?”
“Because you’re about to sign up to fight a guy with more experience than you tonight.”
Alex sighed and tugged the sheet from the bulletin board. “I need to do this.”
Brody searched his face. “Fuck.”
Yeah, fuck. But Alex needed this. Needed something he could control. He didn’t have much else he could at that moment, and if he could pound his body into knowing what was right or wrong, he would.
****
Tabby was just about to set out her planner on her desk at home when her phone rang. She did her best not to feel disappointed when the screen read an unknown number and not Alexander’s.
She hadn’t spoken to him since last night, and he hadn’t shown up at the office. Her stomach ached just thinking about the fact that he might think last night was a mistake, but she’d had to work throughout the day as if nothing had happened. His brothers always saw too much, and she’d be damned if she let them know what was going on with her.
“Hello?” she said as she answered.
“Tabby? This is Brody, Alex’s friend from the gym.”
She frowned, worry etching it’s way through her. “I remember. What can I do for you, Brody?”
The man sighed on the other end of the phone. “I got your number from Harper, who had to head out to meet his neighbor for something. I’m sorry for calling you, but I figured you’d want to know that your man is about to do something really fucking stupid.”
Her man.
She didn’t have a man, not really, but there was only one person who Brody would think was hers.
“Is Alexander okay?”
“For now.”
She stood up quickly and grabbed her purse, sliding on her shoes at the same moment. “What’s going on, Brody? Stop being so cryptic.” Was Alexander drinking again? No, that couldn’t be it. He’d been so strong this past year. The only thing that had changed was…
Damn it.
No.
He was not going to fa
il at what he strived for most.
Not because of her.
“He’s not drinking again if that’s what you’re worried about. Shit. I’m sorry. Okay, he’s about to fight a guy in a bout and he’s probably going to lose and end up bruised and hurt, but I think that’s what our man is going for tonight. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but the guy looks like he has woman problems right now. And besides his ex, you’re the only woman I know of in his life that could make him look this way. Fuck. Sorry. I’m not saying this is your fault because it’s not. He’s an adult, and if he’s going to make a choice to fight a guy with more experience, then it’s his own fault, but hell. I think he needs you, Tabby.”
She gripped the phone harder and did her best not to yell at the man. He was only trying to help, after all. “What do you need me to do?”
“I’m actually on my way to your place to pick you up. I didn’t know if I’d have to ask you in person to help him out or not. But that means I left him alone in the damn gym to fight that guy so I kind of want to hurry. If Harper didn’t have the emergency, I know he’d have been there, too.”
“How do you know where I live?”
“Harper. He had your address on file. He knows he might get fired for giving it to me, but he figured Alex was more important.”
Tabby pinched the bridge of her nose. They were just trying to help, and frankly, she wasn’t sure she should be driving now anyway. “How long until you get here.”
A car pulled up in her driveway. “I’m here.”
“I can see that.” Thankful she hadn’t changed into her pajamas when she’d gotten home, she ran out the front door, almost forgetting to lock it behind her. She’d come home from a long day at faking being okay and had slipped into jeans and a double tank top and hoodie because she’d wanted to be somewhat comfortable. The cold shocked her as soon as she got outside, but she kept going. She probably should have grabbed a coat, but she clearly wasn’t thinking straight at the moment.
Brody had leaned over to open the passenger side door as soon as she’d run out of her house. “You should be wearing a coat.”
“I wasn’t thinking.”
He shook his head and leaned back, reaching behind her seat to pull out a jacket. “I had a spare in here since I forgot it. It’ll be big as hell on you, but at least Alex won’t kick my ass for letting you get frostbite.”
She tugged it over her lap and frowned. “Why do you think there’s anything going on between us?”
He gave her a knowing look. “I’ve seen the two of you together.”
She bit into her lip and watched the road as Brody drove them toward the gym. “So what exactly is he doing tonight?”
“The gym has sanctioned bouts for those who train there. They’re not for prizes, or part of anything official for points or anything, but they still have people on hand in case someone gets hurt. It’s not a crazy underground thing or anything.”
Tabby closed her eyes. “You’re not really helping right now you know.”
Brody snorted. “Well, he’s not really doing something smart right now either. He’s been in a few fights before, but they were always with people at his level. This new guy, though? He’s tougher and meaner. And he’s been doing this far longer than any of us have. Because they’re in the same weight class, Alex was welcome to fight him tonight if the other guy agreed, and since the other guy is a bit of an asshole, he agreed. So, yeah, the fight started about five minutes ago, and we’re almost there.”
She gripped Brody’s jacket hard on her lap. “Will it be over by the time we get there?” she asked as she turned to look at him.
Brody let his gaze off the road for a moment when he met her eyes. “I don’t know, Tabby. And honestly, I don’t know what answer I want either.”
And with that, they sat in silence as Brody sped down the street on their way to the gym.
She was so fucking angry with Alexander right now. He’d not only left her after they’d made love in her living room, he’d also neglected to contact her at all. And now he was being an idiot and using his fists instead of his words. He might not have gone back to the bottle, but he was sure finding other ways to hurt himself.
Did she want to be part of this? Did she really want to be by his side when he tried to find his footing? She’d already done that once before in her life, and it hadn’t worked out. She wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to do it again.
Only this was Alexander, damn it.
She’d loved him when she shouldn’t have, and now she was falling for him all over again. This time for a man she knew and not just the man in her head she thought she knew.
She wouldn’t back down, wouldn’t walk away.
She just had to pray they were both strong enough to handle the consequences.
She and Brody pulled into the gym parking lot soon after she’d made that revelation and they got out of the car, practically running through the icy parking lot as she pulled on the borrowed coat. The sounds coming from the gym slammed into her as soon as they made their way in, and she didn’t know what she would do once she saw him.
But she had to see him.
Brody put his hand on her elbow and led her to a spot where she could see. There was a larger crowd than she’d expected filling the gym and surrounding the ring, but there was a tiny open area near one of the corners.
Alexander’s corner.
The sight of him took her breath away.
He wore black boxing gloves and dark shorts and shoes. Sweat covered his body, as did a few scrapes and blood. She wasn’t sure where it was coming from, but it hurt her to see it.
Damn it. Why was he doing this to himself?
His muscles flexed as he rolled his shoulders, his body hard, unyielding, and incredibly sexy. If she weren’t so freaking mad at him for daring to do this to himself, she’d want to crawl up his body like a tree and touch every single inch of him.
Suddenly, Brody’s coat was too much, and she was overheated.
The other man in the ring, who looked to be about Alexander’s size, rushed forward, and Tabby’s eyes widened. Alexander moved so fast, and yet the other man moved faster. They punched at each other, a jab here, an uppercut there. She didn’t know all the terms, but she knew they were going all out.
And Alexander was losing.
The sound of the gloves meeting flesh slammed into her as they hit each other over and over again. She was going to be sick, but she kept standing, knowing Alexander might need her after this.
And frankly, she wasn’t going to let him walk away this time.
Damn it.
“Shit,” Brody whispered under his breath.
Tabby didn’t bother to look at him, her attention on the men in the ring. But she knew what Brody was cursing about. The other fighter in the ring hit Alexander square in the jaw, and the man she loved hit the ground.
He didn’t get back up.
The fight was called, and cheers rang out. She only had eyes for one man. As she made her way to the edge of the ring to look at him, Alexander sat up and spat out his mouth guard. He frowned when he met her gaze, anger in his eyes, but she didn’t give a shit. He could be angry all he wanted that she was there, but he didn’t get to keep doing this to his body. Maybe if he’d been fighting a fair fight, she would have felt differently, but this one wasn’t that, and he’d been stupid.
And she couldn’t wait to tell him that.
He wasn’t drinking, but he wasn’t being smart either. He was fighting to feel, fighting to do something. And from the lean lines of his body, she knew he wasn’t eating as much as he used to. Only enough to survive; not to indulge. He was healthy, but he wasn’t doing anything that could become a new addiction.
She just prayed he wouldn’t walk away from her.
“What are you doing here?” he growled. “And why are you wearing Brody’s coat?”
She held up a hand. “Really? That’s what you’re going to pick a fight about no
w? I thought you’d have gotten the fight out of your system.”
He grunted. “Not here. Not now.”
“Fine. Take me to your place so I can fix you up. And don’t argue.”
“What about your car?” he growled, hot on her heels.
“Brody drove me because he thought you were being an idiot.”
“Not here, babe.”
“Don’t fucking ‘babe’ me. Get your bag, Alexander.”
He growled at her and stalked off to get his duffle from the locker room. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Brody give her a thumbs up. As soon as Alexander stalked out of the locker room toward her, she turned on her heel and made her way to his car. The ride to his place was silent, but at least he didn’t argue with her.
As soon as they got to his place, she ordered him on the chair in the kitchen, and went about cleaning him up. She didn’t even bother to notice his apartment; too set on making sure he was okay. Maybe once she could breathe again, she could think about where they were and what might happen next.
What could happen next.
“You look terrible.”
“I don’t feel that great to be honest.”
She gave him a worried look. “Did you hit your head hard? Do you have a concussion?”
He shook his head. “No, the doc looked me over before I left the locker room since that’s protocol. That’s what took me so long. No concussion, no real damage other than a few bruises.”
He was going to have a black eye, a swollen lip, and multiple contusions all over his body. There was nothing few about it.
She put an ice pack on his ribs, and he sucked in a breath. “Why?”
Just one word, but there was so much in it.
She wasn’t sure he was going to answer her until he opened his mouth. “Because I need to. I like to fight. I feel like I’m in control when I do. I haven’t been in control of a lot of things in my life, Tabitha. But this? This I can make mine.”
She let out a breath, her gaze meeting his. “Do you know the line, then? Do you?”
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