by Ellie Rose
Joshua smiles at her and then turns to me. “I don’t think so. What do you think, Paige?”
Joshua is baiting me. I shake my head quickly, making Joshua’s grin grow wider.
“Then, can you please sit down, Mr. Henley, so I can start the class?”
Joshua sits down, and class begins.
He fiddles with my hair again, and I want to scream. No one seems to notice what he is doing because they are either on their phones secretly or zoning out in their own thoughts.
I hate him. I hate what he’s doing, and what he did to me. I hate myself for letting him do it, but I’m scared. I’m scared of him.
Then a thought flitters across my mind.
If I told someone, would I no longer fear him?
Chapter 14: Past
When I got home from Joshua’s house, I threw off my clothes and stared at myself in the mirror in my room. There were red spots I was sure would turn into bruises on my legs. Bruises nobody will see, just like Joshua said.
I grabbed my bathrobe from my closet door and threw it on me. I raced for the bathroom and shut the door as quietly as I could, locking it.
I stripped the robe off of me and stepped into the shower.
The cold water hit my burning skin. I didn’t care that the water was cold. I didn’t care about anything but getting the feeling of him off of me.
I grabbed my soap from the side of the shower and started rubbing it all over me. Every spot he touched, I rubbed harder. I needed him to disappear.
My tears fall, mixing in with the water, and I could hear my sobs breaking over the water’s sound.
I don’t know how long I’m in the shower, but at that moment I didn’t care. I scrubbed and scrubbed as much as I could, but his touch still stayed.
A knock on the door made me jump. “Paige, honey, are you okay?” My mom asked from the other side of the door. I hear the doorknob rattle as she tried to get in.
No. I stop scrubbing.
She can’t find out. She can’t.
I spoke through the loudness of the shower, and the thickness of my tongue. “I’m...” My voice cracked, and I had to cough to clear the raw emotions. “Yeah. I’m fine. I think I’m coming down with a cold. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
A small pause. A tiny stop of a heartbeat. Then, “Okay, sweetheart. I will start breakfast.”
A lie. Another lie.
I fall to my knees at the bottom of the tub.
How could this have happened?
I just want to go back in time. I wish I can rewind to the day I met Beth and erase it. I wish I never met her, or Joshua.
Something in the corner of my eye catches my attention. My razor.
What if I never can get rid of his fingers on me? What if I can never get rid of these memories? What if I can erase myself?
What if?...
Chapter 15: Present
The week seems to take a turn for the worse when I receive a text message from Anna on Thursday night telling me she isn’t feeling well and thinks she has the flu.
While I am waiting for Seth to pick me up the next morning, I try to calm my nerves. The thought of school without Anna terrifies me.
When the Jeep pulls in, I go outside to meet Seth. My nerves are no better than they were ten minutes ago. I reach for the door handle to get in the back when Seth stops me.
“You can sit in the front today since Anna isn’t here. That is if you want to.”
I take my shaking hand off the handle and walk over to the other side of the Jeep. I slide in and shut the door. We sit there for a few seconds in the driveway, not saying anything.
Then Seth breaks the silence. “Are you okay?”
I nod my head, not trusting my voice.
Seth waits a few extra seconds before he backs the Jeep out of the driveway and heads to school. We don’t talk at all.
As soon as he parks the Jeep, he jumps out and comes to my side before I can put my hand on the handle.
We walk side by side until we reach the doors leading into the school. Seth reaches for the handle of the door just as I do, and our hands briefly touch.
“Uh, sorry.”
“Didn’t mean to do that…” We mumble to each other at the same time, and I feel my cheeks heating up.
Seth clears his throat and reaches to open the door again. I lower my head as I walk through the door.
Again, I expect Seth to go his separate way, but when he continues to keep pace with me down the hall, I look over at him. “What are you doing?”
Seth shrugs one shoulder. “I figured since Anna isn’t here to walk you to class that I can… Unless you don’t want me to.”
“No. I mean… That’s fine,” I stutter out as I start walking again.
“I can come after class too. I can walk you to some of your other classes as well.” Seth’s words are hesitant. Almost like he was afraid to say them.
“Um, sure,” I say, then realize something. “Aren’t your classes in the C wing? I don’t want you to be late.”
Seth shrugs his shoulders this time. “I don’t mind. If my teachers say anything, I’ll tell them I got stuck behind talking to the teacher before them or that I had to use the bathroom.”
I’m not sure how he knew I was feeling uncomfortable without Anna, but I’m glad he did. I smile to myself as we make the long trek to my homeroom.
When we arrive, I see Joshua immediately, but this time when I see him standing there waiting for me like he has done the last several times, I don’t feel afraid.
I see Joshua look up from where he is a few feet from the door, and his face darkens as he sees Seth next to me.
“I’ll see you after then?” Seth asks me.
I give him a small smile and nod my head.
I walk into the classroom and avoid looking over at Joshua.
I come to a stop next to the chair in front of me, but I don’t sit down. Instead, I walk up to the teacher sitting at her desk at the front of the class.
“Mrs. Silver?” I ask quietly.
Mrs. Silver looks up from her laptop. “Yes?”
I almost chicken out and tell her never mind. But when I look behind me to see Joshua glowering at me from his seat, my courage kicks up a notch.
“Can I sit at the front? I’m having a hard time concentrating in the back.”
Mrs. Silver looks behind me, then turns to me. Her face shows no emotion.
“Yes, that’s fine. Is anyone okay to sit in the back so Paige can move forward?”
Several students raise their hand, and Mrs. Silver nods her head at one student to the far left of the classroom.
The boy leaves the desk, and I make my way over when I’m stopped by Mrs. Silver. “And Paige? Please see me after class for a few minutes.”
I pause, swallow nervously, before nodding.
During class, I can feel Joshua’s eyes on me, but I pretend I don’t notice it. When the bell rings at the end of class, I wait until the room is empty before standing up.
My eyes stay down as I wait for Mrs. Silver to talk. She walks over to stand in front of me, near the door.
“Paige, is there anything you need to talk about?”
My head snaps up to look at her.
Her arms are crossed, and her eyes convey the worry I hear in her voice.
“No. Why?” I turn my head away from her to look straight ahead.
“You are different than last year. You are quieter, you dyed your hair, and you are always stiff as a board when you are sitting in front of Joshua. Did something happen between you two?” Her words bring silence to the room.
I feel my heart beating so hard it just might pound right out of my chest and plop down on the ground. “No… no,” I stumble out.
“Are you sure?”
I nod my head, and I hear her sigh. “Okay. You can go then.”
I wrap my hand around the door handle and turn it, pushing against the door slightly.
Mrs. Silver adds, “If you ever need so
meone to talk to, Paige, my door is always open.”
I don’t answer her. I leave the room without another word to find Seth leaning against the wall across the hallway.
“Hey. Everything okay?” he asks me curiously.
“Yeah. Sorry. The teacher wanted to talk to me.”
He gives me a small grin. “Okay. Come on. Let’s get you to your next class then.”
True to his word, Seth walks me to my classes all day. The day isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Every time a class ends, I am excited to see him.
At lunch, I am surprised to see him waiting for me at one of the tables in the cafeteria.
“Are you stalking me now?” I ask him quizzically, which makes him laugh.
“No. I know I don’t usually come to the lunchroom but figured I could come today.”
I sit down next to him. “Why are you never here?”
“I have a free period next, and I usually go into town for lunch. I also go to the gym to work out.”
This surprises me. “The gym?”
“Yeah, I found it about a week after we moved here. Maybe I can show it to you sometime.” He takes a bite from the slice of pizza that he has for lunch. “Where’s your food?” He looks at me curiously.
“Uh… not hungry,” I say, as my stomach growls.
We both look at each other and laugh. “Here eat this,” he says, pushing the other slice of pizza on his tray over to me.
When I start to protest, he holds up his hand. “I can just order more at the diner I go to.”
I watch him take out his phone and stare down at it. I stare down at the pizza, waiting for the nauseous feeling I usually get when I look at food, but it doesn’t come. I pick up the pizza and take a small bite.
I didn’t realize how hungry I was until then. I eat the whole piece in seconds.
“Want another? I can go get more.”
I shake my head and turn to smile at him. “Thank you, but I’ll be okay. So, tell me more about this gym you go to?”
He sets his phone down on the table and turns to rummage through his backpack. He pulls out a paper and hands it over to me.
“It’s called Baxter’s. It’s not a well-known gym, but it’s a cheap membership, and the guy who owns it is pretty nice.”
The words are out before I realize I’m about to say them. “That explains a lot.”
He cocks his head at me. “Explains what?”
My face heats in embarrassment, and I try to change the subject. “Uh, nothing. So, there’s a diner in town. What’s it called?”
“The Osteen Diner. Don’t change the subject. What do you mean that explains a lot?”
Seth isn’t going to let it go. I cast my eyes down at the now empty tray in front of me. “Nothing. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
Seth bumps his shoulder against mine. ‘Tell me.”
“You just seem more muscular than most…” I sort of whisper. Seth bursts out laughing.
“I’m trying to keep in shape for a reason,” he says to me.
“Oh? Why?”
Seth fidgets in his seat next to me, and it looks like he is blushing. “Can I change the subject now?” he jokes.
I giggle and shake my head, which makes him sigh. “You can’t tell anyone. Not even Anna.”
Now it’s my turn to look at him curiously.
His face suddenly turns serious. “I want to join the military.”
My mouth drops open in shock. “Really? Why?”
“I don’t think college life is for me, and I move around a lot now anyway, so it’s not like it will be a huge difference to me.” Seth chuckles. “Other than the fact that I will have someone yelling in my face the rest of my life.”
“You can talk to my dad,” I blurt out. “He was in the Navy, so maybe he can steer you in the right direction.”
“Really? That would be awesome.”
Silence stretches between us for several seconds before Seth turns his whole body in my direction. “Okay. I have a question for you.”
“And what’s that?”
“Anna tells me you don’t talk to anyone other than her, but you have been here since the beginning of last year. Why is that?”
My body tenses. “I don’t know, I just don’t,” I mumble, staring at the table.
“Other than that girl Beth from the student parking lot, no one has even acknowledged you. Just walking you to your classes today, people kept sending you dirty looks and giving you a wide berth,” he states, not noticing how quiet I am.
Just then, the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch, and I sigh inwardly, glad I don’t have to answer. Seth stands up and waits for me to get up too.
“I’m going to get going. I’ll see you after school?”
I nod my head and watch him leave.
I am grateful that Seth stayed with me at lunch and kept me company most of the day. I’m not sure why he did it, and unlike the unsettling feelings I had around Joshua, I feel more relaxed in Seth’s presence.
I can’t help feeling eager for school to end so I can see him again.
The wishful feeling is cut short when my history teacher hands me back a test I took with a big fat F at the top of the page during sixth period.
“Seeing as many of you failed this test, I am giving it to you guys again on Monday, so study hard this weekend.”
The bell above sounds just as half the class groans.
As much as I want to see Seth again, I text him and tell him I’m staying after school to study in the library.
As soon as I hit send, mere seconds pass before I get a reply back from Seth telling me he will come back for me and to let him know when I’m done.
I can’t help the warm feeling spreading through my body as I read his text message. As much as I hate to admit it.
I am really starting to like Seth.
Chapter 16: Present
I stay in the library after school for two hours studying for the test. I would stay longer if the library wasn’t closing.
I stuff my books in my backpack and send a quick text to Seth to let him know I am ready to leave.
I wave bye to the librarian as I open the door leading out to the hallway. Suddenly someone grabs me from the side, pressing a hand over my mouth.
My heart stops as pure terror shoots through me. I know who it is even before he says anything. The smell of his cologne burns my nostrils and makes my eyes water. I hate that smell almost as much as I hate the person wearing it.
“Say one word, and I will make sure you regret it.” The venom drips from every word Joshua says.
He drags me through the hall until we come to a dark area under the stairs, where someone can only see us if they walk by.
He slams me against the wall and tilts my chin up, making me stare into his murderous eyes. “You come to school with that new guy every morning, and now he’s walking you to your classes and hanging out with you at lunch. You want to tell me what that’s about? Huh?”
I am frozen against the wall.
He continues to talk as if he didn’t just ask me a question. “You think you’re so smart moving desks in homeroom. Just because you did won’t make you forget me, Paige. No matter what you do, I won’t be too far behind.” He brings both hands to my throat and squeezes, I feel my air supply cut off.
I reach up to grab his arms.
“You tell anyone about what happened, and you will live to regret it.”
Dizziness sets in and dark shadows dance across my eyes.
“Maybe I will go after sweet Anna next. I’m sure she’d love what I’d do to her. Just like you did. Do you understand what I’m saying to you? Nod your head.”
I nod slowly, and he lets go of me. Just like that, everything comes back into focus, and I cough.
“What’s going on here?” I recognize the voice as Seth, but I don’t look up.
“Nothing. She was coughing in the library, and I wanted to take her to get a fresh breath of air,” Joshua sa
ys as innocently as possible.
“Under the stairs?” Seth asks questioningly, sounding unconvinced.
There is a silence between Joshua and Seth.
“Come on, Paige. Better get you home.” Seth’s words are short and angry.
When I look at Seth, his hands are clenched at his side, and he is glaring at Joshua, who is eyeing him with utter distaste.
I walk towards Seth, but Joshua’s words stop me in my tracks. “Remember what I said, Paige.”
I quicken my pace, walking away from Joshua and the stairs. I head for the double doors leading outside. I can feel Seth close behind me, but I don’t turn around, and he doesn’t say anything.
We reach his Jeep parked at the curb in front of the school. We both get in silently.
Seth starts the Jeep, I can feel him turning to look at me, but I don’t turn my head. I stare straight ahead. My heart is pounding viciously in my chest, Joshua got to me. Again. I am so angry. At him. At myself.
He pulls away from the curb, heading home, and finally says something. “Are you going to tell me what happened back there? Who is that?” Seth demands.
Joshua’s hands around my throat.
Joshua threatening to hurt Anna if I say anything.
I can’t breathe. My ears are ringing. It feels like the car is suffocating me. Then the nausea starts.
I need to throw up.
“Pull over, please,” I demand. As soon as he stops, I fling open the door and bolt for the side of the road.
I throw up on the roots of a tree, and when I stop, I stand back up and turn around to see Seth standing there.
“You weren’t coughing in the library.” It is more of a statement than a question.
“Yes, I was,” I croak out, avoiding his gaze.
“Paige…”
“It’s nothing. Just leave it alone,” I snap at him, walking by him. “Take me home, please.”
Seth grabs my arm and makes me face him. His eyes are sad, and his mouth is turned down.
“Does he have something to do with the other night? The night you were twisting and whimpering in your sleep?” he demands.
I shake my head as my body trembles. “Please… just forget what you saw.”
