This sounded promising. A repressed memory was trying to surface. The change of subject? Just a temporary detour.
And if he poked and prodded just right, he might get confirmation she was the missing girl he’d been sent to find, the prime minister’s granddaughter.
For possibly the first time in many years, he realized, he cared less about collecting the fat paycheck than about finding out what happened to that missing young woman. He cared about truth and justice. That was what had gotten him into this line of work in the first place. But when you’d grown up poor, you learned that while credits didn’t buy happiness, they bought a lot of things that made your life more pleasant, and the numbers growing in your bank account became seductive.
This time, the answers mattered more.
And Xia herself mattered more than either the money or the principle of the thing, which wasn’t like him at all. Emotional attachments weren’t helpful, not when so often the truth turned out to be far from pretty.
He already knew this woman’s past was ugly. If she was also his target, there were even more layers of unpleasantness. Murder. Kidnapping.
But she might also have grandparents in a position of wealth and power, grandparents who wanted her home with them. He’d be doing her a favor in the long run, right?
This wasn’t the best place and time for an intimate conversation, but if he brought up something uncomfortable any place other than the flyer, she’d probably try to get away. Likely succeed too. She was faster and more agile than he was, even with his augmentations.
He reached out and put his hand on her knee. “Cold and damp like you were caught in the rain, or cold and damp like you’re visiting a Huthar at home?”
“A Huthar would think it was a nasty place. But it’s not rain. It’s like I’m inside something cramped and wet.”
Then she let out a small, strained gasp. “I remember. My parents said there might be fireworks at the party. So I snuck out to the garden. Then my parents came out and I thought they’d laugh at me for letting myself get caught because a big girl of almost four should sneak better than that. So I hid inside the…fountain?”
She said the last words hesitantly. “Something with water. There were rocks and water. And a little cave behind the water. It wasn’t a big cave, but I wasn’t very big either.”
Cal nodded. “A water feature…like in a fancy garden? Where were you?”
“I don’t…” Xia scratched her head. “No, I do know. My grandma’s country house. That was why there were going to be fireworks. My grandma would be there, and she hadn’t been home for a long time. When people came in, I thought they were more guests. Then they pulled out guns.”
Her eyes grew wide. “I knew I didn’t want to remember. Knew it, knew it, knew it.”
Karn thought for a second that she was going to cry. Prepared himself for it, even.
Instead, she tucked her feet up under her, wrapped her tail around her legs and turned her face away, staring out the window at the ugly cityscape below them. She seemed light-years away.
She was still staring when they landed at the palace. Stared right through Cal, and right through Rahal when he bounced up to congratulate them on a job well done. She started to push past the men, then stopped. “Where are my dads? I need Mik.”
“He and Gan are with the freed slaves,” Rahal said. “Gan heard a couple of them were Furagi, so he went to counsel them, and Mik wouldn’t let him go in alone.”
Xia nodded gravely. “Of course. Gan’s a priest and Mik’s good at making scared kids feel better. That’s more important right now. I’ll go wait in their quarters.”
And before either of the men—not Cal with his augmentations or Rahal with his fast natural reflexes—could stop her, Xia was running toward the palace’s guest wing.
Rahal started to follow.
Cal put a warning hand on his arm. “I wouldn’t.”
“But something’s wrong. She wasn’t hurt, because I know you’d tell me if she were, but something’s wrong.”
“No one laid a finger on her. She’s as good as you said she was, Rahal. Better, even. Only I had to shoot someone, and it seems guns freak her out.”
Rahal laughed, though it sounded forced. “A trained assassin who hates guns? There’s a story I have to hear.”
“You and me both. I don’t think Xia knows it all herself. But she apparently witnessed her birth parents being shot, and she’d suppressed the memories until today.”
Which confirms she’s Xia Merrin, the granddaughter of Madam Ialani Merrin, Prime Minister of Mrrwr, and I need to get her to Mrrwr as soon as possible.
But will she want to go and leave behind the only decent life she remembers?
And if she doesn’t, what do I do then? I’ve never abandoned a contract in my life, but if I just snatch her, I’m as bad as any of the other driftdwells who’ve harmed her over the years.
Rahal’s ears flared back tight to his head. His tail puffed. He let out a hiss.
Cal jumped back a few feet. Couldn’t help himself. He knew Rahal was dangerous, but that was easy to forget when Cal usually saw him being the sexy, playful lover.
“You might want to leave for a while,” Rahal said in a tight, strained voice. “I want to hurt someone right now. But I don’t want it to be you.”
Cal retreated, figuring it was the better part of valor.
Right now, Rahal was a predator who wanted to defend his territory against a threat he couldn’t see.
Rahal paced. Rahal destroyed some expensive furniture that had been imported from some place far away by means that weren’t exactly legal on the planet of origin. Rahal drank wine and smoked catnip. Rahal went to the palace’s dungeon and indulged in hands-on questioning of the Xaquan brothel owner. Not actual torture, because that was pushing too close to being the monster people thought he was, but he was always happy to play off the perception that he might be a monster if it got results. But this time, he had to fight to keep within his self-imposed limits of plausible threats, bared fangs and alarming claw flicks.
He soaked in a hot bath for an hour or so after that, smoking more catnip, until he at least felt clean on the outside. Then he relayed Karn, planning to fuck him until neither of them could move. Or think. Or most importantly, worry.
But when Karn showed up, he was wearing padding. “Much as I like the idea of sex with you just about any time, we’re both edgy and you have claws. Winding up with sex scars isn’t going to help my mood, even if I had fun getting them. How does sparring sound?”
“You speed augmented?”
“Enough to keep up with Xia. No extra flex, though, and only natural strength.”
“That’ll do.” Rahal poked the human’s hard bicep, aiming for a playfulness he didn’t feel. “More than do. Pound for pound, we’re stronger than your species, but you have quite a few pounds on me and it’s muscle.”
Karn laughed, but the laugh didn’t reach his eyes. “Put on to impress potential lovers, I assure you. I don’t use it for fighting; that’s why they make weapons. I know you’ll kick my ass. But you’ll have to work for it.”
He did.
And it felt good. Good enough that, his muscles limp with exhaustion and his mind in a place of calm, when Karn finally left him, after an evening that involved a lot of sparring and a lot of talking and a lot of touching, but no actual sex, he thought he might be able to sleep.
But the bedchamber echoed and cold ghosts lingered in the room’s far reaches. Not his own ghosts, not tonight. He hadn’t killed nearly as many people as he led people to believe, and he felt justified about removing most of them from the universe, but sometimes the few who had been mistakes came around to pay him a visit. Not tonight, though.
Tonight the ghosts were Xia’s lost family, faceless felinoids crying out for a justice he knew better than to imagine existed
. In the world he knew, he was the closest thing to justice around, and what he practiced was more like vengeance or proactive threat removal before either justice or vengeance became necessary.
He rolled over with a dramatic, dismissive sigh, his tail twitching. Ghosts only existed in his head, his own brain reminding him about times he’d messed up. Otherwise, he’d be haunted a lot more often than he was. The room just felt empty without Xia. He’d gotten used to another body in the bed. That was all.
He didn’t believe his lies. He could make other people believe just about anything, but he’d never been that good at lying to himself.
He lay in the dark, thinking bigger thoughts than he found comfortable, waiting for Xia to come to bed. She’d have to sleep eventually, even if she’d needed to talk things through with her family. A day like she’d had was exhausting.
But Xia didn’t come back until after breakfast.
Chapter Seventeen
“I’m here. The party can start now.” She tried to play it cool, like nothing out of the ordinary had happened yesterday, but both Rahal and Karn were waiting for her. Glaring at her. “Quit it,” she growled as the two men stared. “You remind me of my dads and that’s creepy.”
“Do they wait up for you?” Karn had a suspicious twinkle in his eye as he said that.
Xia calculated the exact angle for her ears and tail, the exact gesture with her hand, to create an impression of insouciance. “As if! I broke them of that when I was still a kitten.” Which meant they still stayed awake until she either got in or commed, but no longer admitted it. The guys didn’t need to know that, though.
“Rahal waited up for you.” Again, that twinkle in Karn’s eyes. He was reproaching her and embarrassing Rahal at the same time, or would have been if either tactic worked well on felinoids. As it was, he was just affectionately teasing them both.
“More like I couldn’t sleep. I’ve gotten used to company in the bed, I guess.”
Maybe he was a little embarrassed. Weird, but she supposed it didn’t sound tough and manly for the Warlord of Siantana to spend a sleepless night because his bed was empty.
Especially since if it was empty, it was his own fault. A Javanian spaceworm, not the cleverest creature in the galaxy, could have guessed that Karn would have taken her place in the other side of the big bed if Rahal had just asked.
Heck, the big guy might even be a snuggler. She wouldn’t put it past him. He had a secret tender side.
Maybe not so secret. He’d seemed appalled and worried about her when he realized where his nosy questions had led yesterday.
She’d been so tempted to curl up against him and let out the tears and screams that had been welling up inside of her, accept the comfort he wanted to offer.
She had a feeling, though, that both he and Rahal would understand why she had to walk away. Had to wait until she was with the family she knew before she could freak out about the family she couldn’t even remember properly.
They’d understand, at least, when she was ready to explain. That might take a while. It was an admission of weakness, and she was far from being the biggest predator in this relationship.
She’d tell them. Tell them all she remembered, and if she raved while she did, like she had at Mik and Gan, so be it. They needed to know.
Not because they were her lovers. That seemed like a good reason not to say anything; PTSD was so not fun and sexy. But they were also working together on something important and dangerous. She knew from years of living with Buck that flashbacks arrived at the worst possible times, as if your brain wanted to fuck you up as badly as possible. Who knew what terrible memory her subconscious would gift her with next? They needed to be prepared for that possibility.
Besides, she had important information. Information that she still didn’t quite believe, but assuming she could trust eighteen-year-old memories, her recollections might make a difference for their continued survival.
But before she spilled, before she got to the scary, hard stuff, she had to convince the men—and herself—she was all right. That meant putting on her silly face and poking at them for a few minutes. Lighten the mood for all of them.
She sauntered over, climbed onto Rahal’s lap. His arms closed around her instantly, insistently, and she wanted to relax into them. Not yet, though. Teasing had to be done first. “Is my poor warlord scared of the dark?”
To her surprise, Rahal, the big powerful warlord, whispered in her ear, “Yes. Sometimes I am. Space is vast and cold, and the bright stars like you and Karn are very far apart.”
Xia had managed not to cry, even when she’d found herself asking her fathers over and over again, “Who am I?” Realizing they couldn’t give her an answer beyond the one she’d always known—the daughter of their hearts, if not of their genes.
But Rahal’s words, the sheer loneliness she sensed behind them, almost made her break down. “I’m here to keep you warm and bright,” she said quickly, “and I’m not planning to go anywhere right now. When I do leave, I’ll make sure you can always find me.” She’d never made a promise like that before. Usually she was happy to remain an enigma, to flit off without leaving a com or relay link, maybe without leaving her real name. This time, she meant it.
Rahal had gotten under her skin. But she kind of liked having him there. It felt warm, an antidote to the damp cold that lived inside her. Maybe, like Rita had always tried to convince her, staying in touch with certain lovers had merit—and not just so you could hit them up for loans.
Karn looked uncomfortable, but there could be all kinds of reasons for that. Maybe he didn’t get why they were flirting and bonding instead of getting to the point, or didn’t feel comfortable knowing Rahal considered him a “bright star” in his life on such a short acquaintance. He was only human, after all, and even a human like her father, who’d watched her grow up, didn’t always grasp the way felinoids could slip from moment to moment, mood to mood, the way they would say what popped into their heads even if a human would think it was either too intense or too silly for the conversation.
For that matter, maybe he looked uncomfortable because he needed to pee but was waiting to hear what she had to say.
Which she had to admit to herself she was just a teensy bit reluctant to spit out.
She’d racked her brain for a graceful way to do it, a clever spin on the tale that would make it sound less like she expected poor-dears and coddling. But there wasn’t one, so she went with the best alternative she’d come up with—just spitting it out.
“I think Nitari Belesku killed my family.”
Rahal’s arms closed around her more tightly and she let herself bury her face against his shoulder for a second, as if his muscles could fight off the memories. But only for a second. If she stopped telling the story, she might not be able to start again.
In the stunned silence, she forced herself to continue, “I’m not sure. I was a kitten, not quite four Standard years. I’d met a few humans, but not too many other species, and I remember seeing her and thinking that she looked human, but not quite. Which doesn’t necessarily mean it was her but that is how she looks because of the genetic manipulation—kind of human and kind of Blemondian and definitely kind of homely.
“The grown-ups were having a party for my grandmother at a country house. I was hiding in this little cave on the grounds that was part of a fountain. Someone said there would be fireworks and I wanted to see them. It was a lousy hiding place, damp and cramped. I told you that part yesterday, Karn.
“This funny-looking woman and a man, a felinoid who looked familiar, were talking to my parents. I was just starting to think I should come out because I was wet and uncomfortable and if the guests were starting to arrive there’d be food soon. But she started shooting and I started screaming.”
Rahal stared down at her, obviously puzzled. “A killer for hire knew you were there and y
ou survived?”
“Assuming it was Nitari Belesku, she’s not afraid to leave witnesses,” Xia confirmed. “She let me go that night on San’bal because she didn’t think I was part of her contract and she thought she could get to Drax more easily that way. I think she likes people to talk about her. Spread her reputation, spread the fear.”
“She’s no fool. Reputation is almost more important than skill. That’s half of why I’m running this district—good stories that became great the more they were repeated.”
“She’s a legend, all right, and part of her legend is she has a code that includes she won’t take a job that involves killing children.” Karn’s voice, deep and sure, startled Xia. He’d been so quiet she’d almost forgotten he was a high-level criminal himself, someone who had insider knowledge of the underworld.
“It’s true.” Xia hadn’t known she knew the next part until the words poured out of her mouth, but the memories were filling her now, swirling around, and the only thing that would keep her from falling into the dark, cold place (which she now knew was that fountain, at least partly) was to keep talking, get the men to understand what possessed her. Connect, even if connecting itself could be frightening. “She said that. The man, the one I thought I knew, dragged me out. Belesku, if it really was Belesku, said she didn’t do kids, that it was in her contract. The man’s claws went for my throat. The woman said she’d take care of it just this once and pinched me or something, I think.
“And the next thing I remember is being on Lysander, a trainee assassin and not even questioning it, like I’d always been there. I don’t know if they kept me drugged for a long time or if my brain just decided I was better off forgetting.”
Bad Kitty Page 13
