by V, Krissy
“What are we doing here Tully? It’s dark we won’t be able to see anything.”
As we drive through the park I see some lights, I’m curious now. We drive towards the lights and then I see it ….. it’s a drive in movie theatre. We pay and take our dedicated spot and then tune the radio to the right frequency and Tully produces some popcorn and some drinks. We roll the seats back and sit back and relax.
“I’ve never done this before” I say smiling. “What film are we going to see?”
“Miracle on 34th Street” he says smiling at me. I thought it would be a Christmas movie alright.
“We used to watch this on Christmas Eve as a family, it was Mam’s favourite movie. I’ve not watched it since they died.” I say sadly.
“Do you want to leave? I don’t want to upset you.” He says taking my hand and holding it in between his.
“No, it’s fine, I want to watch it. Honestly Tully, thank you.”
We watch the movie and he has his arm around me, I look over and he’s watching it intently and he’s smiling. It brings back so many memories and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes.
“Are you ok?” He asks.
“Yeah it just brings back so many memories that’s all. They’re good memories though so that’s ok. I promise.” He leans over and kisses me then he goes back to watching the movie.
It always makes me cry at the end because it is so magical and the little girls looks so cute. When it is over we pull away and he drives me to his house. We talk about the movie all the way home and when he stops he says “the band are having a party tonight, I thought you might want to come with me.”
I smile “of course I do. I love a good party.”
We go inside and everyone is there and they are singing and dancing, it looks like the party started earlier in the evening. “Hi Nollaig so glad you two are here, now the party can really start” Karen says.
We go to the kitchen and get a drink each, then Tully is taken away to sing while the lads play behind him. We all join in with the singing and have a great time. I like the girls, they are loads of fun but I especially like Karen.
We drink loads and it’s two o’clock in the morning before we fall into bed. “Thank you for bringing me tonight” I say, slurring a little bit.
He pulls me tight so that my body is close into his. “I’m so glad I met you Nollaig.” I hear him start to breathe heavily and know that he is asleep.
I fall asleep and dream of a little girl who tells Santa what she wants and gets exactly what she wished for.
Day 11
Tuesday 23rd December
When I wake up my mouth is really dry and I need a drink of water. I try to get up but as usual Tully has hold of me tight. I smile to myself when I think of last night and how much fun the drive in movie was and then how mad the party was. They all know how to party and I made a lot of friends last night.
Tully moves and I get up and pull on his jumper, which is long enough to look like a dress, then I go downstairs and get a drink of water. As I lean back against the work surface I think about my new friends and how just over a week ago I didn’t know them. I fill up the water again and take it upstairs so that Tully can have a drink, because I would bet he feels the same way as me.
When he sees me walking back in the room he says “what did I do to deserve you in my life? How did you know I wanted a drink?”
“I knew I wanted one so I just guessed you did too” I laugh.
I climb back into the bed and I lean up against him as he is sat up in the bed. “I need to go into Dublin to collect some Christmas presents that I have ordered, I thought we may be able to do some lunch or something. When I was talking to Rory the other night he said they were going to get a babysitter and meet us for a few drinks if that’s ok.”
“That sounds great.” I lean over and kiss him. “I like this not having to think about what to do, it’s the first time this has happened to me. I am usually so in control of my own life and I don’t let anyone else dictate what I should do. You do it so well and I have enjoyed everything we have done. I don’t know what I’ll do with myself when Christmas is over and we don’t have anything to do.” I laugh but it does occur to me that when Christmas is over what will happen to us, as a couple?
He turns in the bed and gets up onto his knees and looks me in the eyes. “Don’t ever think this is going to be over when Christmas is over Nollaig. This is just the start of things and I might not be able to do surprises every day, but I am damn well going to give you as many surprises in life as I can. When those bells toll on New Years Eve that will ring in the start of our new life together, I won’t be letting you go that easily. Christmas is just the beginning of our story.” He leans in and kisses me so deeply I can feel the passion in his kiss and I open my eyes and look into his eyes. He is staring at me and I know that he is looking deep into my soul.
When we stop kissing I say “I’m so glad, I didn’t want to think that this was ending after Christmas, Tully. I really like you and you’ve done so many wonderful things for me that I never thought anyone would ever do for me. Thank you.” I lean in and hug him and he hugs me back, really tightly.
“Come on then let’s go and get dressed and then we can go for breakfast in Bewley’s, where it all started, before we pick up my Christmas presents.” He jumps out of bed, reaches out and grabs my hand and pulls me out of the bed aswell. Luckily, he had told me to bring a change of clothes with me and as I get dressed in my knitted dress, tights and knee high boots I smile thinking about what a lovely day it is going to be.
“We can go on the dart train into town. Do you think we are going to buy loads of presents?” he laughs.
“I don’t have loads to get, what about you?”
“I have a few things, but they aren’t huge. The dart will be fine and then I’d really like to stay at yours tonight if that’s ok.”
I hadn’t really thought about tomorrow, Christmas Eve, and I start to feel sad and guilty. I have been having so much fun and had forgotten that that’s the anniversary of the accident. He can see I’m sad and pulls me into a hug. “I want to turn your sadness around tomorrow Nollaig, it has become my mission to make you enjoy this Christmas.” He kisses the top of my head. I sigh and lean into him.
“I know and you’ve done so well over the last week or so, I trust you implicitly Tully.”
“Come on then, let’s go and get this day started” he says taking my hand and pulling me downstairs.
Everyone else is still moving around at a slow pace as we make our way into the kitchen to say goodbye. “Thank you for a great time last night” I say to no one in particular because I mean it to all of them.
“It was great fun” Karen says hugging me “hope you enjoy today and we will see you soon.”
I return the hug and everyone says good bye as we walk out the front door.
“Everyone is so nice, they really made me feel welcome” I say holding his hand.
“That’s because they like you Nollaig, if they didn’t then they wouldn’t have made you so welcome. Believe me, those women can be bitches if they don’t like you.” He laughs.
“I can well believe it, us women are tough to please.” I say laughing.
We walk along the sea front on the way to the dart station, it is a bit of a wild day with the sea splashing and crashing down on to the shingle. I love looking at the sea in winter, it has a life of it’s own and looks treacherous but so beautiful at the same time.
We get on the dart and watch the seaside being left behind as we travel along the coast and into the city. We walk through the town and he stops off at a few shops to buy things for his family. We have lunch in Bewley’s Café, where we had our first French Vanilla only a week and a half ago.
“It seems like I’ve known you forever” I say to Tully as we both sit and sip our coffees.
“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” he asks nervously.
“It’s a good thing” I s
ay reaching across and taking his hands. “It means that it is so natural to be with you. You’ve done so much for me knowing that I find this time of year hard.”
“That’s because I want to be here for you Nolly. I want to be the one who takes care of you, the one who looks after you when you’re sad and the one who celebrates with you when you’re happy.”
I don’t know what to say because I can feel the tears coming. I have never cried as much as I have in the last couple of weeks.
When we’ve finished lunch we move back out onto Grafton Street and continue with our shopping, Tully even buys a small present for my sister, her husband and their kids. I buy something for the band and their girlfriends, they have been so welcoming to me that I want to give them something.
We meet Rory and Bree about five o’clock and Tully says “I’ll meet you in Bruxelles on Harry Street in about twenty minutes, I just have one last present to collect.” I look at him and he can’t look me in the eye, hmm I wonder what he’s going to get.
“Ok” I lean over and kiss him “don’t be too long” I whisper in his ear. He pulls me close and kisses me back.
“I won’t” he says smiling at me.
I sit down with Bree and Rory and talk about the drive in movie last night and then the party at Tullly’s house. “So are you ready for Christmas then Bree?” I ask knowing that she has been organised for the last two weeks. She is one of those Super Mum’s who can run a house, look after the children and prepare for Christmas without getting stressed.
“Of course I’m ready, I just need to prepare the veggies and the turkey tomorrow and then I’m set. What time are we meeting tomorrow to go to the graveyard?” She always sounds so blasé when she talks about it, I can’t mention it without getting emotional.
“I think about eleven o’clock if that’s ok?”
“That’s perfect, I have a couple of other things to do tomorrow so that suits me really well.”
We sit and sip our drinks for a while in silence, we are obviously thinking about Mam and Dad. All of a sudden Rory stands up and walks to the bar and I see Tully walk up to meet him. They stand chatting for a while and I watch them and I’m in awe of how quickly they have become friends.
We stay for another couple of hours and then we go for dinner at The Pig’s Ear on Nassau Street. We have a few bottles of wine and some absolutely gorgeous food, we contemplate going to Club Nassau for some nostalgia but decide against it as tomorrow is going to be a busy day.
We all jump in a cab and we drop Bree and Rory off first. When she gets out of the cab she says “thanks for a great evening, it’s nice to see you smile at this time of year Nolly, thank you Tully for helping her to smile again. See you tomorrow”
We say goodbye and then we drive back to my house. We climb out and make sure we bring all our packages with us and we put them down in the kitchen while we lock up the house and go upstairs to bed.
I fall asleep really easily dreaming of Christmas presents and children singing.
Day 12
24th December
Christmas Eve
I can feel the sun coming through my window and landing on my face. I smile as I feel Tully’s arm wrapped around me holding me tight. “Good morning Nolly” he says “did you sleep well?”
“I did, I had a really good day yesterday thank you.” I roll over to face him and smile up at his face.
He leans down and kisses me gently on the lips and then he starts singing to me. I listen to the words:
November’s passing by, it’s getting darker
December makes us long for the sun far away
But then comes a time when all is changing
with candle lights, and caroling and jingle bells and snow
Let’s gather family and friends
welcome the angels heaven sends
enjoy that Christmas time is here
and look forward to a happy new year
The ground is white, Santa is coming
we can hear them bells ringing through the air
and up above us all stars are brightly shining
telling us, that once again, Christmas time is here.
Let’s gather family and friends
welcome the angels heaven sends
enjoy that Christmas time is here
and look forward to a happy new year
“That’s beautiful, did you make it up? I don’t think I’ve heard it before” I ask.
“No, it’s by Axel Lindeberg and when I heard it the other day I thought of you and your parents. They are the Angels that Heaven is sending you this Christmas.” He pushes my hair from my face and kisses me delicately on my eyes.
“You are an amazing person Nolly and you have so much to give. Now we need to get up because today is going to be really busy.”
“I need to go to the graveyard for eleven o’clock is that alright?”
“Of course it is, I have already scheduled it in so that we can fit everything in.”
We get up and go down to breakfast and of course we have our French Vanilla’s, I smile to myself thinking of his Christmas present that I made especially for him. He’s going to love it.
After breakfast we get dressed and head out to the graveyard, we had slept in after being out last night. When we get there I see Bree’s car is there already. Tully gets out of the car and walks over to help me out, I can feel the emotions rising inside me and I start to feel sick. “Do you want to go on your own to talk to your Mam and Dad or can I come with you?” he asks nervously.
“I don’t mind” I say sulkily, I hate coming here to visit Mam and Dad. They should be alive to help us celebrate not deep down in the cold earth.
“I’ll come with you and just stay on the sidelines, just in case you need me Nolly. I don’t want you to fall apart today.” He takes my arm and links it with his own and we walk towards the grave, where I can see Bree, Rory, Tyler and Elena.
They all turn to face me and wave, then they say hi to Tully. “I hope you don’t mind me coming with Nolly, but I wanted to say hello to your parents, Bree.”
Bree reaches out and hugs him “thank you Tully, I know you’re making new memories for Nolly and that makes me so happy. Mam and Dad would have loved you, I know they would.”
“Thank you” he says.
I walk forward and kneel on the grave “Hi” I say, because I never know what to say to them. So this year I tell them everything that I have done over the last two weeks. I finish by saying “I know that you would be so happy to see what I’ve been doing and you would really like him, I know that. I miss you both so much, but I know that I need to stop letting this tragedy rule my life. Christmas is magical and this year I actually feel closer to you than I have in the last five years. I realise that if I embrace Christmas and do some of the things that we used to do as a family then you are right here with me and it keeps your memories alive so much more than just blocking it out.” I start to cry and I feel Tully come up behind me.
“I’m here for you Nolly” he takes me in his arms and then he starts talking to Mam and Dad. “I wanted to say hi because I’ve heard so many wonderful things about both of you. I’ve tried to recapture the magic of Christmas for Nolly and I can see that you used to have so much fun at Christmas. I promise to look after her and make sure that you are with us in everything we do. Thank you for bringing her into this life so that I could find her and look after her. I intend to do that for as long as she lets me.”
I sob and he hugs me tight. He puts his hand under my chin and raises my face so that I am looking into his eyes. I know I have tears running down my face, but I don’t care. The look on his face stops me for a moment and I hold my breath, he has tears in his eyes too. “Nolly I believe in fate and I know you were meant to fall over in front of me, I was meant to save you and you have given me a new purpose in life. I know this is very soon, but we have done so much over the last two weeks and I can feel this deep in my heart. I love you Nolly.” He looks into
my eyes to see if he said the wrong thing and all I can do is stare at him with my mouth open.
He doesn’t miss an opportunity and leans down and kisses me. When he pulls away I say “thank you for saving me.”
We sit looking at the grave for a few more minutes and then we say goodbye, as we all walk back to the car Tully says “Bree, Rory do you have some things you need to do? We can take Tyler and Elena for a couple of hours if you want. I have a couple of fun things to do this afternoon.”
I see Tyler and Elena’s faces lighting up and they start jumping around “please, please.”
Bree laughs “ok but you need to behave yourselves.”
Tully goes over to Bree and talks to her quietly, I can’t hear what they are talking about but she is smiling at him, he hands something over to her and she says “Thanks, I’ll see you later and give it to you then.”
We get into the car and Tyler and Elena are so excited. “Where are we going?” Tyler asks.
“It’s a surprise” Elena says and then they both start laughing.
Tully just drives and he asks them “so what is Santa bringing you this year?” They spend the next half an hour telling us what is on their Christmas lists. Tully keeps interrupting them to ask more questions about the toys he has never heard about.
I don’t say anything but I watch him, his face is alive and I can see that he is really enjoying this and not just doing it for me. I haven’t been watching where he was driving us, but all of a sudden he stops the car and I look around us. We are in the middle of the Pheonix Park and there are reindeers all around us. The kids start jumping up and down in their seats.
“My parents used to bring me here on Christmas Eve” he says getting out of the car and coming over to help me out. He then goes to the boot and gets out a bag of something. He must have put it there when I wasn’t looking. “Come on kids let’s go feed the reindeers and see if Rudolf really does have a red nose.” They jump out of the car and we set off across the field, it’s then I realise the bag he has is full of cut up apple and carrots.
