‘I’m practising taking my time.’
‘No you’re not,’ she grinned, tightening her fists in his hair. ‘You’re trying to infuriate me.’
‘Is it working?’
When they got the chance to relax, to joke and enjoy each other, nothing in Flick’s life could be wrong. Then, through the unilluminated room she saw a flash of red, and her body wilted.
‘What?’ Rushe asked, lifting his head up at that the same moment the bell blasted.
Off the couch with a groan of his own, Rushe ran his hands through his hair and went for the door. Her own frustration would be nothing to the fact that he had to go out there and do his job while sporting an impressive boner, which she knew was present because it had been nestled against her not so very long ago. The light continued to flash, but the bell was thankfully silent after that first discharge.
Appreciating that Rushe may be a while, or that he might be less in the mood when he returned, she sat up and straightened her top, then stood to flatten out her skirt. The bell only went when there was trouble, when Rushe was needed, and after a few seconds she heard a commotion from the reception.
On exiting Rushe had left their bedroom door open, so Flick took the liberty of wandering to the hall. With the shouting dying down she heard the slam of the shop door and then a melee of female voices. The women here were under the protection of her love, but she knew nothing about any of them.
Leaving them with him tomorrow ensured their safety, but Flick had no idea who she was leaving her love with. If after she returned she had been unsuccessful with Antoine, then there was a chance that they would be here for a while. Flick had to take the time to get to know these women, especially Tawny, who was linked to such a crucial part of Rushe’s past.
Pulling back the curtain at the end of the hall, Flick made no secret of the fact that she was there. After all, she didn’t want these women to think that she was trying to sneak up on them. Lilah wasn’t there, nor Candy or Tawny, but while Flick didn’t recognise the women present, it was clear that they knew who she was. None of them acknowledged her, though most of them took the time to sneer or glare, while the four carried on their conversation.
‘Someone’s gotta talk to Connie,’ one woman said, referencing another woman, who Flick assumed wasn’t currently present.
‘Karmel tried,’ a tall blonde in a pink robe said.
‘I did too,’ said a woman wearing red satin. ‘I did try to talk to her.’
‘Silver’s gonna go crazy,’ the first woman said.
‘You think Lilah hasn’t told him?’ Pink Robe said.
‘When was the last time any of us spoke to Silver?’ Karmel asked. ‘You gotta talk to Rushe.’
‘Rushe knows,’ Pink Robe said, placing a hand against the reception counter. ‘You think that there’s shit that goes on here he doesn’t know about?’
‘Kick her out.’
‘He’s not gonna do that,’ Karmel said.
‘She’s endangering us all,’ Red Satin said. ‘We’re all gonna get smudged out.’
‘What the hell is smudged out?’ Pink Robe sneered.
‘Fucked until we’re nothing but stains on the mattress,’ Karmel laughed.
‘You get your cut,’ Pink Robe said. ‘You do your job and you get paid.’
‘Who are you talking about?’ Flick asked, and the four women who had snubbed her until now all turned slowly in her direction.
‘This doesn’t concern you,’ Pink Robe said. ‘You go back to your safe little space and cry in a corner somewhere.’
Flick’s smile was easy but automatic. ‘I can have a conversation with you and then do that, if you think that’s what I do.’
‘You don’t work for a living,’ Red Satin said. ‘I ain’t never seen a girl under this roof who don’t work to earn her keep.’
‘I pay my way.’
‘Yeah, I’m sure you’ve got a rich daddy,’ Pink Robe said, and twisted her body to block Flick out. ‘I vote we talk to Tawny.’
‘Tawny’s not gonna do nothing,’ Karmel said.
‘She can get Rushe to toss Connie out,’ Pink Robe said.
‘Rushe ain’t paid to toss out girls,’ Karmel replied. ‘He’s paid to toss out johns who get rough. He ain’t no enforcer, he’s a protector. Connie’s mess don’t mean shit to him.’
‘It will when he knows Tawny’s in danger.’
‘The only clients who cause trouble are the ones Connie brings in, and Tawny ain’t never had none of them.’
‘So we swing it that she does,’ Pink Robe shrugged. ‘Aren’t you sick of just rolling over and taking their shit? These guys think they can do whatever the fuck they want.’
‘Cause they can,’ Red Satin said. ‘You’re in the wrong trade if you’re looking for tender respect.’
The other three laughed at Pink Robe. ‘This shit started when she arrived,’ Pink Robe said, spinning on Flick. ‘Connie started the same week that you showed up.’
‘I don’t know Connie,’ Flick said, aware that the other women were watching on. ‘She’s a new girl?’
‘Keeps bringing in all these kinky clients,’ Karmel said. ‘Guys bent on taking what they want.’
‘Rushe won’t let any of them hurt you,’ Flick said.
Karmel snorted out a laugh. ‘Unless Rushe stands in the room with every one of us while we see every client, there’s no chance of guaranteeing that.’
‘He’d do it for Tawny,’ Pink Robe muttered.
‘He don’t want to watch her having sex, he’s protective as all hell.’
Karmel seemed to be pretty level headed. But from how she constantly balked and sneered, Flick couldn’t work out if Pink Robe was jealous of Rushe and Tawny’s relationship, or resentful of it.
‘Why don’t you refuse to see Connie’s referrals?’ Flick asked.
‘You don’t refuse clients. If you see a girl around here who can pick and choose her johns, then she’s a girl who don’t need to be here, like you.’
‘You shouldn’t work if you feel unsafe,’ Flick said. ‘Someone should talk to Connie about these men.’
‘That’s what we’re talking about,’ Karmel said, turning her focus to the other girls. ‘We talk to Lilah, she’ll talk to Rushe, and he’ll talk to Silver—‘
‘Yeah, and it will take a month – who else is gonna get shot in that time?’ Pink Robe said, and again, all glaring eyes were on Flick.
‘I’m very sorry about Candy.’
‘I’m surprised you’re still here,’ Pink Robe said. ‘Bringing your shit here? Landing it on one of Rushe’s girls... your daddy must be paying him a lot.’
‘Yeah, ‘specially since Tawny’s not happy about you,’ Karmel said. ‘You won’t last long now.’
‘I don’t mean anyone here any harm,’ Flick said. ‘I want to help.’
‘How nice of you,’ Karmel said, as the others laughed.
‘Is that so difficult to believe?’
‘Look,’ Pink Robe said, pushing away from the desk to swagger toward her. ‘You think you’re down here roughing it ‘cause you’ve got a big, bad man looking after you? Do you think this is fun? An adventure? This is our life, this is what we live, so you scurry on back to rich fucking boyfriends and leave us alone.’
‘My boyfriend doesn’t want me to leave here,’ Flick said, unintimidated even when Pink Robe stopped only inches from her, towering above her at a height of at least five ten. ‘And I can be of use.’
‘We don’t need you for nothing. You’re a joke around here, no one gives a fuck about you. When you’re gone, we’ll all forget you in a heartbeat. This is real life, bitch, not a soap opera you can act in while it suits you.’
The shop door opened, and Rushe came in with another man at his back. When the two men saw Pink Robe looming over Flick and the others not far behind they straightened up.
‘What’s going on?’ Rushe asked.
‘Nothing,’ Pink Robe beamed, backing off a step. ‘Did
you get rid of him?’
‘Yeah,’ Rushe said, fixating on Flick.
‘I’m going to bed,’ Flick said, meeting Pink Robe’s eyes once more, to show that there was no fear, and then she spun around and made her way back into the bedroom.
It wasn’t a surprise when Rushe’s hand blocked her from closing the door to grant his own entry to the space with her. Only after he was inside did he let her close the door.
‘What happened?’ he demanded.
‘Nothing,’ Flick said. ‘We were just talking.’
‘Don’t you fucking lie to me, Kit. I came here to get the story from you ‘cause you don’t lie to me.’
‘I offered to help,’ Flick said. ‘They laughed at me. It’s no big deal, Rushe. I hardly expected to win their respect with one conversation.’
‘Help with what?’
‘Connie, this new girl,’ Flick said. ‘She keeps bringing in clients that they don’t like, and they want something done about it.’
‘What were you gonna do?’ he asked, folding his arms across his chest.
‘Talk to Connie, find out where these guys are coming from and what the problem is.’
‘I don’t want you mixed up in this place. Don’t get bogged down in their internal politics.’
‘I was trying to reach out to them, to show them that I’m not the enemy. They already blame me for Candy, and god knows how long we’ll be here after... when I get back.’
‘Don’t make friends here,’ he scowled. ‘You’ll get hurt.’
‘You always worry about me getting hurt,’ she said. ‘You’re always so worried about me.’
Flick knew he worried about her because he loved her and wanted to protect her. She knew about the work he did and why he did it. But Flick still felt it necessary to make a point about this place they were in. Her hope was that he could explain the distinction that she couldn’t decipher.
So going for the bills that Flick knew he kept in the nightstand, she retrieved one and brought it to him.
‘What’s this for?’ Rushe asked, when she handed him the money.
‘Sex.’
His eyebrows came up, very rarely had she seen so much of his eyes. ‘You want to give me money in exchange for sex? That’s illegal, Sweetheart. And a woman like you shouldn’t have to pay for it.’
‘How would you feel if I told you that a man had offered to pay me for use of my body?’
‘Who?’ he barked, balling the bill into his raised fist at the same time he strode up to her until their bodies made contact. ‘What did he look like? When did this happen? Why the fuck didn’t you tell—‘
Flick put one hand to his lips and the other into his pocket. ‘Why is it different for them?’ she asked. ‘Those women through there are exploited for sexual use by men... if I called you one day and told you I was living like that—’
‘Why wouldn’t you be with me?’ he grumbled.
‘Hypothetically, Rushe.’ Her fingers slithered down to his chest. ‘The idea of hundreds of men taking turns with me, one after the other, using my body for their own private sexual gratification—‘
‘Enough,’ he growled, baring his teeth. ‘Don’t talk about my woman like that.’
‘They’re being used for sex, exploited for profit.’
‘The profit is theirs, they chose this. You will never have the choice of this lifestyle, I would never allow it.’
‘It’s not right, Rushe,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘You know it’s not right.’
‘These women choose to be here, they come and go as they please, and this is a safe environment. There are no drugs allowed. There is always a watchman here to look out for the girls as they work. It’s a simple cash for sex transaction.’
‘And you’re ok with that?’
‘I can’t tell them what to choose, Kitten,’ he said. ‘This is the way of the world. There’s nothing we can do about that. No one is hurting them here.’
‘What about Tawny? Are you ok with her being here?’
‘Tawny can’t get her shit together for more than twenty minutes,’ Rushe said. ‘If she’s not here with someone watching her all the time, then she’s high.’
‘She has a drug habit?’
Rushe nodded and ran his hand into her hair. ‘I tried to get her out of here, I wanted to set her up somewhere.’
‘What happened?’
‘She thought I wanted to get married,’ Rushe said, and his deadpan expression made Flick smile.
‘So you ran for the hills?’
‘No, she thought I was in love with her. She wanted me to be in love with her,’ he admitted, and from the prickle that crossed his shoulders Flick knew how uncomfortable that experience must have been for him.
‘But you weren’t?’
‘I didn’t come here for that,’ he snarled. ‘She didn’t understand that. I wanted to know that she was ok. I was looking out for her, but that was as far as it went.’
‘For you.’
‘She seemed in love with me from the second I looked at her,’ he said. ‘I made damn sure she knew it wasn’t about sex or any relationship.’
‘You were a bastard,’ Flick said, knowing from experience how vicious Rushe could be when he was trying to maintain barriers between himself and another person. If his time with Tawny had been so recent to his meeting her, then Flick could understand just why his venom toward her getting attached was so fresh.
‘I tried to explain to her that I wasn’t capable,’ he said. ‘I wasn’t interested in love or commitments and relationships.’
Flick felt sorry for Tawny, because she knew what it was to crave this man and to have him turn his back on you. But Rushe, he’d really believed that he had no capacity for love, and he wouldn’t have shied from making that obvious to Tawny.
‘She was in love with you.’
‘She liked the attention,’ he said. ‘It didn’t matter who I was. The reality of living with a guy like me doesn’t induce love… I didn’t think that anyone could love me anymore than I could love them.’
Her instinct was to refer to their relationship. Until he’d met her he didn’t see any long-term attachments in his future. But this story wasn’t about them.
‘You broke her heart,’ Flick said. ‘Whether the love was real or not, it hurt her to have you reject her. It’s why you never slept with her. You could have, she’s a pretty girl, and it would’ve made her feel better for a while. But it would have set an expectation.’
‘Yeah,’ he said.
‘Did you want to love her? Were you tempted? You could’ve had a future with her.’
‘I didn’t feel anything when I looked at her, other than the sense of obligation I’d felt since I found out about her existence,’ he said.
‘That made you feel guilty?’
‘No,’ he said. ‘I didn’t… I had never looked at a woman and wanted anything else. I could look at a hot woman and want sex, but feelings? The emotional shit… it had never happened to me.’
‘No wonder you pushed at me so hard,’ she said, briefly pressing her face to his chest. ‘You must have hated me.’
‘I wanted to hate you.’
‘You’d just gone through an emotional time with Tawny, who wanted you, and you’d convinced her that you weren’t able to love, and then something happened when you looked at me.’
‘I didn’t convince her,’ Rushe said. ‘I was as cold and as distant as I could be, and I think eventually she accepted it, but sometimes she’d look at me with…’
‘Hope.’
‘She says I’m different now,’ he said. ‘Changed… it’s been easier to talk to her, to tolerate her. I suppose she’s happy to be friends now.’
Friends was the word that Tawny might use, but Rushe didn’t have friends. ‘So you set her up a new life, and what happened? How did she end up back here?’
‘She started using again and got herself into trouble. Eventually I figured that the only thing keeping her clean was t
his place, and these girls. She and a few of the other girls live here full-time. There’s a kitchen and a social area in the basement where they all hang out.’
‘There is?’
‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘Where do you think I slept when I wasn’t in here?’
‘Tawny doesn’t use drugs when she’s here?’
‘Silver won’t have drugs on the premises, as soon as any of the girls try to use they’re out. Johns who try it aren’t allowed back. When Tawny ends up on the street, she ends up worse off, mixed up with shady pimps and dealers. Here, they feed her and look after her. She’s one of the youngest girls, and...’
‘And?’
‘I send an allowance every month to make sure that they look after her, but she doesn’t know that. She doesn’t work much.’
Flick would never fail to be amazed at this man’s generosity. Technically, there was no requirement for him to look after Tawny at all, but his sense of responsibility compelled him to care for the girl who had no one to look out for her. So every month, like a big brother or a protective parent, he went the extra mile to make sure the girl was safe and healthy.
‘It’s a shame that I already love you so much, because I think news like that would’ve made me fall even harder,’ Flick said. ‘Unfortunately, it’s not possible for me to love you more than I already do.’
His brows came together as he lowered his chin. ‘Explain.’
‘You care about her.’
‘Kitten, if you think that—‘
‘Not in a sex way,’ Flick said, dropping her hold to his belt. ‘You lived your whole life with no one looking out for you. But there’s so much goodness in you.’
‘Who knows what her life would’ve been if I had stopped those guys.’
‘Who knows what yours would’ve been if you hadn’t been present in that alley at all.’
‘You’re not angry that I’m throwing our money at a lost cause?’ he asked.
‘She’s not a lost cause, no more than you, or me. Everyone deserves a break, and you’re her guardian angel. She’s very lucky.’
‘She’s a pain in the ass,’ he said. ‘A fucking brat. She’s not even a very nice person most of the time.’
Explicit Memory Page 16
