“Of course.”
“Why did you marry him? Jeff. You said you didn’t love him, and you’ve never had anything good to say about him, so why’d you marry him?”
I sigh, wondering how to give an answer I’ve never really had. “When we started seeing each other he was fun. He took me dancing and introduced me to people. I’d been living in a little studio apartment in south Dallas and waiting tables at a country western club there for about two years. I hadn’t really dated much, and I only had one real girlfriend. I was lonely and bored. Work was the only thing that I had going on, and when I wasn’t working I slept and scrimped and tried not to think about you.”
He puts his arm around me and squeezes. “Aw, babe, you’re killing me here.”
I laugh. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t always horrible. Honestly. I had a place to live, I had food and a car, and I liked the people I worked with. Work was actually a lot of fun. We were all around the same age. We usually hung out after work. It was good. But I was lonely. I didn’t have one special person, so when Jeff showed up and started flirting with me, I was flattered. He really liked me, and he’d sit at the bar through an entire shift of mine just to talk to me and walk me to my car afterwards.”
Colin grunts, and I can tell he doesn’t want to hear this part of my history.
“Eventually, we started dating, and then he got a new job that took him out of town, so he asked me to move in with him. I never intended to marry him, but he asked, and I wanted to have kids, so it seemed logical.”
He nods. “And then?”
I think back to that time in my life—after Sean was born. Deep down I already knew I didn’t have a future with Jeff. He was fun—when he was happy. And he was a wild card when he wasn’t. He liked me, but he didn’t love me, and I’d certainly never loved him.
“He wasn’t much of a father, and I had the tiny love of my life in my arms, and I didn’t have a lot of patience for anyone who couldn’t give Sean what he needed.”
Colin shakes his head. “I can’t imagine what kind of man wouldn’t want to spend every minute doing right by that kid. He’s the coolest little dude I’ve ever known.”
“He thinks you’re pretty great too.” I pause. “Which is why we have to be careful. I can handle having my own heart broken.” It’s a lie, but I won’t admit that, even to myself. “But I can’t be responsible for getting his broken too.”
Our hotel looms ahead of us, the lights from the pools and outdoor patios visible up and down the beach for a mile at least.
“I understand. I swear I’ll be careful with him. No promises I can’t keep, no wandering in and out of his life on a whim.”
“And you’re going to hang around town just to date me? Aren’t you going to get bored?”
He laughs. “Babe, that’s simply not possible around you. And besides that, there are these things called airplanes and automobiles. We can ride them all sorts of places. Maybe show Sean a little of the world.”
My heart clenches at the idea. Colin and I always talked about traveling together. It was a dream of mine as a teen to see the world, find out all the amazing things that were outside of my trailer park in Tulsa. But I never got that chance, and now, I fear it’s too late.
“You know I can’t afford to do that.”
“But your new boyfriend can afford all sorts of things.”
“Boyfriend?” I raise an eyebrow. “Before dinner we were going to try dating. We’ve had one date—it’s not even over yet—and now you’re my boyfriend?”
He walks backwards as he holds my hands. “A boyfriend is someone you date,” he says shrugging. “You said you’d date me, so I’m your new boyfriend.”
“A boyfriend is someone you date exclusively,” I correct him.
He yanks me against him. “You want to date other people too?” he asks, looking down at me with a sexy little furrow between his eyebrows.
I know I ought to say yes. I should keep him on his toes, keep my options open, keep from giving too much of myself to Colin Douglas—who broke my damn heart once already. But I can’t lie to him. I’ve never been much for dating. I’m a one-man woman.
“Not really,” I sigh. “I imagine you’re about all I can handle anyway.”
A huge grin works its way across his face. “Now we’re talkin’. Glad you’ve finally realized I’m all the guy you need.”
I slap him on the arm. “Stop it or I’ll take it back.”
He laughs as he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. I scream.
“Nope. No way, babe. You said it. You can’t take it back now. You’re stuck with me. And I’m your boyfriend.”
I giggle and try to keep my skirt from sliding up as he carries me through the lobby and into the elevator. When the doors close, I have to admit that I haven’t felt this light in years.
WE GET back to the room and tiptoe in. Nick and Lyndsey are curled up on the sofa watching a movie, their darling dog on top of them both.
“Hi.” Lyndsey smiles at us as we come in.
Colin sits in the armchair next to the sofa and pulls me down on his lap.
“Is he asleep?” I ask, pointing toward the room Sean and I share.
“Yep. Practically passed out during the surf movie,” Nick says.
“He was exhausted,” Lyndsey adds. “All that time in the sun and the waves sucks it out of you if you’re not used to it.”
“I can’t thank you enough,” I tell them.
“Please,” Nick answers, nudging the dog off the sofa then standing and pulling Lyndsey up with him. “It was our pleasure. We’re really happy to see Colin. We spent a lot of time together when he was here last year. I don’t get many chances to hang out with big rock stars.”
Colin throws his head back and laughs. “You’re such a dick.”
“Yeah, but I can still out-surf your ass.”
Colin grasps my hips and lifts me off him as he stands up. “True, and now I owe you a big post-surf breakfast. You want to hit the waves Saturday?”
“Absolutely. I’ll swing by and grab you. We’ll go to Diamond Head.”
The guys do their hand-slapping goodbye thing, and Lyndsey clips the leash on her dog before giving me a hug.
“He’s a keeper,” she whispers to me as we embrace.
I smile, and she winks before she and Nick leave, the fluffy dog in tow.
I pause, and there’s Colin, only inches from me. The TV hums in the background, and the sky outside is dark.
Suddenly, I’m nervous.
“I should go check on him,” I say before I bolt for the door to our room.
Once inside, I adjust Sean’s covers, doing that age-old thing mothers do—fussing over something that has absolutely no effect on the kid or his sleep but somehow makes me feel better. I stand over him and watch his easy, slow breaths. When he was a baby I used to do this every night. It was my place to get away from all the stresses I faced—a hard job, not enough money, a husband who was absentee at best, rip-roaring drunk at worst.
Sean has been my reason for holding it together for six long years, and I wonder now if he can see me through losing Colin again. Because hard as I might try not to get attached, it’s pretty tough when he’s just declared himself my boyfriend.
As much as I’d love to enjoy this time with Colin, see where it goes and all of that, I know deep in my heart that there’s no future. He’s a rock star, a talented man with money and connections. He lives a life that I can’t even imagine and could never fit into. I’ve never had any confusion about who I am. I’m a working-class woman raising a child by myself. It’s all I’ve ever been—it’s all I’ll ever be. How long until Colin tires of his walk down memory lane and realizes I’m nowhere near enough for him? When that day comes, will Sean be enough for me to hold it together again?
I sigh, knowing I have to get back out there. Back to Colin and his hopes and expectations. I steel myself, try to hold that little piece of my heart tight and c
lose so that he doesn’t steal it. I’m terrified of the pain I know is ahead of me, but I’ve had so few chances in this life to enjoy something, to have someone treat me like I’m special, that I can’t pass up this opportunity no matter how self-destructive I’m being.
I’ll take Colin for as long as he wants me, and then I’ll manage when he goes. I’ve lived through every other loss in my life—I’ll live through this one too. Sean will keep me grounded, like he always does. And in the meantime, I’m going to enjoy the hell out of something that’s only a fantasy.
Chapter Fifteen
Colin
MARSHA IS in Sean’s room longer than she needs to be. I’m not stupid. I can see the flashes of fear in her eyes when she looks at me sometimes. She’s afraid I’ll hurt her and probably afraid I’ll get tired of her. She has no idea that she’s the only woman I’ve ever really wanted.
“He all tucked in?” I ask when she finally comes back to the living room.
She pastes on a phony smile. “Sound asleep,” she chirps, her tone as false as her smile.
“Come here.” I wiggle my finger at her from my seat on the sofa.
She walks over and sits about two feet away from me, her hands folded in her lap.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I choke out.
“What?” Her forehead wrinkles as she looks at me. If she weren’t pissing me off I’d rhapsodize about how cute she is.
“After everything we’ve been through in the last couple of days you’re going to sit on the other side of the sofa and act like I’m some casual acquaintance?”
She swallows. “Um, I’m sorry?”
“Babe, I’m not asking for an apology. I’m asking you what’s going on? I thought we were making progress here?”
“We were. I mean, we are. I…” She takes a deep breath.
I take one with her, reminding myself to be patient. To be understanding. Reminding myself that I can’t blow it this time. Because she’s it for me and this is my last chance.
“I had a moment.” She points to Sean’s room. “I can’t help but think that your life is so different than mine, and you’re not going to want to stay in Crapville, Texas for long. You’re going to get bored. You have a whole life waiting for you in places like this, and Portland.”
“Hey.” I shift closer to her and run my index finger along an escaped curl, not touching anything except that one lock of hair. “I promise you that’s not going to happen, but this is no different than any other relationship when it starts out. We don’t know exactly where we’re going to end up. I’m promising you that I will do everything in my power to keep you and Sean from getting hurt. I’ll be honest with you, I’ll be patient with you, and I’ll always put you first.”
She watches me for a moment. Then a small smile graces her features. “I know you will. I want this. I want you. For however long I can have you.” She leans into me and rests her head on my shoulder.
We sit like that for a while, maybe five minutes, maybe longer. And as her breathing relaxes and I contend with the electricity that zips through me whenever she’s near, I can’t wait any longer.
“Come here,” I whisper as I stand and hold out my hand.
She grasps it and I place a soft kiss on her lips before I lead her to my bedroom.
Inside the cocoon of the room, I close the door and lock it. We’re lit by only the moonlight streaming through the glass doors. I sway to a song playing only in my head as I touch her everywhere. Her hair, her face, her shoulders bared by the halter top. Touching her is a secret dance, and I remember the steps like it was yesterday. I skim my palms down her sides, allowing my thumbs to graze the curve of her breasts on the way to her waist. When I touch that beautiful dip I also brush my lips across her jaw.
She lifts her hands and flattens them against my chest as a sultry breath escapes her body. I continue my exploration, moving to follow the flare of her hips and then the smooth fall to her thighs where I encounter the hem of her skirt and slowly lift it until I can caress her bare skin.
“Ah,” she gasps, her tongue slipping out and licking my neck. Fuck, she feels good.
I cradle her face between my palms and kiss her hard on the lips. She immediately opens to me and I’m surrounded by heaven—hot, sweet, wet. Her tongue is silky and she runs it along my teeth, making me growl with want.
I reach down to find the hem of that skirt again and am rewarded when I touch hot, bare skin. I move my fingers up underneath the fabric until I hit a sliver of lace. Her breathing comes faster and harder. Her hands are wandering as much as mine, she’s touching my biceps, my pecs, even my ass.
“You’re so much bigger than you were in high school,” she pants.
I chuckle. “You should see Mike.” I move one of her hands under my shirt and shiver at the rush of desire that hits me when she touches my abs.
“I have,” she gasps. “You’re better.”
I can’t help but get even harder when she says it. No woman has ever preferred me to Mike or Joss. I feel like a fucking god.
“You have too many clothes on,” I whisper in her ear, making her twitch with the tickling.
I pull away to see her face and also grab for the tie at the back of her neck. Her eyes tell me to go for it, so I let the silky fabric slip its knot and the top falls away from her breasts. Underneath is the sexiest fucking piece of lingerie I’ve ever seen. It’s white lace, no straps over her shoulders, just the one around her rib cage. The thing defies gravity and holds her tits up like offerings to the gods. They plump out over the top, cleavage spilling into my hands as I palm them and massage the glorious pillows of pale flesh.
“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” I gasp.
“Mmm.” Her head drops back and her eyes flutter closed.
I find the clasp to the bra, unhooking it and letting it fall to the floor. As her breasts fall into my waiting hands, I pinch her nipples and watch the look of sheer ecstasy that flows over her face. I’m transported back a decade to the first time I ever got Marsha’s top off. It was like I’d hit the lottery. I could have stroked and sucked her tits for hours. Only problem was that I hadn’t had sex before, and when I got a handful of one side, a mouthful of the other, and ground against her at the same time, things came to a precipitous finish. Luckily, she never knew.
It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later that we finally had sex for the first time. I had to practice my self-control enough to make it that far.
I’m a lot older now, but it’s still a challenge to keep things in check when I get a look at the best pair of tits ever put on a woman.
I draw one plump nipple into my mouth, and suck gently.
“Oh God, Colin,” she moans.
I suck harder and she writhes in my arms. I walk her back until we hit the bed.
“Did I mention how beautiful you looked tonight?” I ask.
She nods.
“Good. So, you know I love this outfit, right?”
Again, I get a nod out of her.
“But right now, I really need to you take it all off before I rip the shit out of this stuff.”
She laughs. “You paid for it. I guess you can tear it if you want.”
“Mmm. I don’t want, baby. I want. It. Off.”
She keeps her eyes on mine as she reaches behind her and slowly unzips first the top slouched around her waist and then the skirt, letting them both slide off of her hips and onto the floor. She stands there in a pair of lace underwear that matches the bra I disposed of earlier. I look over her shoulder to see the back. Holy thong.
“Turn around,” I command, my voice as rough as the sand on the beach outside.
She complies, and I caress the globes of her ass. I didn’t think anything could beat her tits, but her ass comes damn close. I hook my thumbs in the straps on the sides and lower the panties, following them down with my whole body so that I brush my face against her spectacular assets at the same time. Then I help her step out of the panties and stay on my knees,
nipping her ass cheek and then licking it to soothe.
She falls forward, panting as she plants her hands on the bed. I stand to fold over her back, kissing every bump of her spine from top to bottom. Her back arches and my balls tighten up. I won’t be able to last much longer at this rate. I wrap my arm around her little waist and lift her to stand before I spin her to face me.
“Are you sure about this?” I whisper in her ear, rewarded by a little shiver that moves through her whole body.
“No, but please don’t stop,” she answers.
I nod, understanding her perfectly. It’s fucking frightening, because unlike in a new relationship, we already know how much damage we can inflict on one another. The last time I was with Marsha I ended up in an emotional tailspin that went on for years. I’m not sure what will happen to me if I have to go through that again.
But she’s in the far more terrifying position. I have a family, the guys from Lush, and enough money to last me the rest of my life. She has a dependent son, an ex who’s a felon, and an apartment that ought to be condemned. I could do so much damage to her that it’s humbling. And I vow to myself in this moment that I will do everything in my power to make sure I never damage her again. This woman is safe with me in every sense of the word.
It takes me about two breaths to get my own clothes off. As I lower her onto the bed and prop myself above her, I stroke her cheek so she’ll look me in the eyes. “I’ll take care of you,” I promise. “If you’ll let me, I’ll always take care of you.”
She gazes at me, her eyes so sad they make my heart skip a beat. “I know. I know you will.”
It’s the most I’ll be able to get from her, so I stretch over to the nightstand and pull a condom out —yes, I was hopeful when I packed for this trip. I kneel above her, watching her face as I tear open the packet and roll the latex down myself. Her arms are alongside her face, and she watches me with glittering eyes.
“You’re not the boy I fell in love with,” she tells me.
“What’s different?” I inhale a deep breath chilled by the air conditioner, and I can still smell the ocean from outside.
A Lush Reunion Page 14
