“I’ll make contact when it’s done,” Sal went on.
“I’ll expect one of your boys to call, tell me what to do and hang up and I’ll expect it soon,” Cal said and Sal laughed.
“You can’t be too careful,” Sal remarked.
“No, you can’t,” Cal replied with zero humor.
“Right,” Sal whispered, “so you be careful.”
“You too,” Cal replied.
“You’re a good man, figlio.”
Cal didn’t know what to do with that, coming from Sal so he just said, “Thanks, Sal, later.”
“Ciao.”
Cal heard the disconnect, put the receiver in its cradle and shook his head at the phone. Then he left his office, locked it and walked to his truck so he could get home.
* * * * *
I sat in bed wearing one of Joe’s tees and rubbing moisturizer in my face as Joe walked out of the bathroom wearing nothing but his jeans.
All the family was gone which was a relief. Not that I didn’t like them being there, and the girls loved it, just that I was glad to have this first meeting done and be back to just us.
Joe had been busy that day, having a conversation with Uncle Vinnie, taking off for a couple of hours then having a conversation with Dad. The good part was, after his conversation with Dad, Dad seemed to settle down. The bad part was, Joe seemed tense all day, after the conversation with Vinnie, after getting home and even after Dad seemed to settle in.
I watched Joe pull off his jeans, toss them on the floor, throw back the covers and slide into bed. I put my moisturizer aside as he yanked the covers to his waist then I moved to sit astride him. His big hands went to my hips, spanning them. My hands went to his shoulders and I leaned down so our faces were close.
“You okay?” I asked, searching his eyes.
“Yep,” he lied.
“You sure?”
“Yep,” he lied again.
“What was with the squad car that was outside the whole time you were gone?” I asked.
“Colt was at the Station, he needed to talk to me, he wanted you covered,” Joe answered casually and I didn’t know if this was a lie or not but what I did know was that Joe wanted me to let it slide. The problem with that was I couldn’t.
“Okay, breaking that down, he’s been gone before, and you’ve been gone too, and no squad car was sitting outside,” I pointed out.
“Colt was in the mood to be cautious.”
I bit my lip then let that go. “Okay then, why did Colt need you at the Station?”
Joe’s fingers flexed at my hips and he spoke gently. “Baby, your brother was murdered and then things got intense for you and for me. After that happened to Sam he and I needed a brief. We needed one awhile ago but Colt gave us some time to get our shit sorted. Our shit is sorted, he called me for a brief.”
This made sense but I still didn’t trust it.
“You wouldn’t lie to me, would you?” I whispered.
His reply was a little scary and he did it on another flex of his fingers at my hips which made it scarier. “I’d do anything for you, buddy.”
My head tipped to the side. “Was that an answer?”
His eyes never left mine. “Only one you’re gonna get.”
We stared at each other several moments before I whispered, “You want me to let it go.”
“How many times do I have to tell you to relax?” he asked.
“A billion a day,” I answered.
He grinned then said, “Relax.”
I looked at the pillow by his head and muttered, “Right.”
“Baby,” he called and I looked back into his eyes. When our eyes caught, he lifted his head and touched his mouth to mine. After he settled back down, he murmured, “Trust me.”
“Okay,” I whispered instantly because he needed me to and because I did.
His hands started to slide up my sides, taking my tee with it when I asked, “What did you talk to Dad about?”
His hands went from the outside of the tee to the inside so I felt the heat of them against my skin. “Told him to cool it with the girls. Told him he did the right thing, leavin’ your Mom. Told him she wasn’t with him, he was always welcome here. Told him the best way he could work his way in was not to work so fuckin’ hard. And finally told him his granddaughters already loved him so he could relax.”
One of my hands slid to his neck. “Lucky you, considering he actually seemed to listen when you told him to relax.”
Joe grinned again. “Yeah. You could learn from that.”
I laughed as I felt Joe’s hands divide, one went up my back and pressed me down, one went into my panties and curved around my ass.
I dropped my mouth to his and said softly, “Joe.”
“Yeah, honey,” he said back.
“Aunt Theresa gave me something to give to you,” I blurted.
Now wasn’t the right time, I knew that. I should have done it after we had sex when he was mellow and hadn’t had a day that made him tense. But that picture in my lingerie drawer felt like a smoldering ember ready to burst into flames. Not only it being there and me knowing it was there but the girls knowing it was there and wondering when it would come out for air. Who knew? One of them (probably Keira) might let our scene in the living room that day slip.
He was keeping something from me, I knew it and I was going to let him. For whatever reason, he’d made the decision to make that play and I was going to let him have that too. We were in a relationship. I had to trust him and I did. If I needed to know, he’d tell me. Tim had been a badass macho man too and he’d had times where he clammed up about shit at work or shit he had to do, stuff that would make us worry. I knew when my man was erecting a shield around me and I knew he had to do what he had to do. If I fought that, it wouldn’t be pretty. No matter what it was, I had to let Joe do what he had to do and trust that he could protect me and my girls. And I did.
For my part, the conversation with Theresa, the picture of Joe and Nicky, I couldn’t sit on that and I couldn’t keep it from him.
For me, it had to be out in the open.
“Vi,” Joe called and I focused on him to see he was very focused on me and this time his fingers flexed into the flesh of my ass. “Jesus. What’d she give you?”
“Something to give to you.”
Joe closed his eyes and muttered, “Oh fuck.”
I lifted a hand from his shoulder to rest it against his cheek and guessed, “You know what it is, don’t you?”
He opened his eyes and started, “Vi –”
I dropped my head to rest my forehead against his. “I want him on the shelves,” I watched Joe close his eyes again and pressed on, “with Sam,” Joe’s hand clenched my ass as I finished on a whisper, “and Tim.”
Suddenly, he knifed up to sitting, taking me with him, both arms wrapped tight around me and I knew it was in order to set me aside so I held on.
“Joe –” I said to his profile, his head was turned away.
“Not ready for that, Vi.”
“Joe –”
He turned to me and repeated, “Baby, I said I’m not ready.”
If he wasn’t ready after seventeen years, it was time for him to be ready.
“He’s part of you, Joe, which means he’s part of this family. Let me bring Nicky home.”
I watched his face get hard and his hands moved to grasp my waist, definitely ready to set me aside but I clenched my thighs on his hips and held on harder with my arms.
“You said you’d help me with Sam and you are. And you said I could help you let what happened with Nicky go and you have to start letting me do that.”
His face stayed hard and his voice was tight when he said, “I’ve let it go.”
I risked moving my hands to his jaws and whispered, “Joe, you won’t even look at his picture.” Joe glared at me, his fingers gripping my waist hard and I risked more. “He was beautiful, honey.”
He closed his eyes again, pain slicing
through his face and my fingers tensed at his jaws.
“Christ, Vi –” he started.
“And you’ve always been beautiful.”
His eyes opened and the pain was there too.
“Baby –” I whispered when I saw it.
Joe cut me off. “I got rid of ‘em.”
“What?” I asked.
“The photos, his clothes, his crib. Everything.”
I felt the sting of tears in my eyes when I asked, “Why?”
“Breadbox,” he answered and I blinked, feeling a tear slide down my cheek.
“What?”
“His casket. The size of a breadbox.”
At his words, what they conjured and knowing that memory was burned on his brain, the sob tore from my throat. I couldn’t stop it and it was so strong it seared a path of fire.
“Joe –”
“She’d been straight since before she got pregnant. The longest she’d gone. I thought we had it beat.”
“You don’t have to explain this to me.”
He went on like I didn’t speak. “The Bonnie she was, I’d never leave her with him, not with Dad that fuckin’ sick. I’d never even have a kid with her. But I didn’t think she was that Bonnie anymore.”
“Joe –”
“So I left her with him.”
“You didn’t have a choice, baby. You had to keep your family fed.”
“I thought we had it beat,” he murmured.
“Stop it, honey. You weren’t responsible for that.”
He pulled in breath, closed his eyes and kept them closed a long time before he opened them. Then his fingers wrapped around my wrist and he pulled my hand down to his chest so I could feel the strength of his heartbeat.
“He’s here, buddy, that’s all I could take, that’s all I need. I had to let go the rest. The rest is too much,” he told me.
I was a mother and I was a widow. I knew better than that.
“You need all you can get,” I whispered.
“Can’t take anymore,” he replied.
I pressed my hand into his chest. “That just isn’t true.”
“Vi –”
“Bring him home.”
“Violet –”
“Let me bring him home.”
“Buddy –”
I pulled my hand from his and put it back to his face. “He’s a part of you and I want you, all of you. I want my girls to have all of you. Joe, honey, please let me bring him home.”
We stared at each other again for a long time before Joe whispered a tortured, “Fuck… get it.”
I didn’t delay. I let him go, jumped from the bed and went to the dresser. I pulled the picture frame from the drawer and hustled back to our bed. Then I climbed into Joe’s lap, snuggled close and kept my eyes glued to his face when I turned the picture to him.
Joe’s eyes locked on the picture and the pain came back, stronger, contorting his features as I felt his body turn solid against mine.
When he didn’t say anything, I whispered, “You looked at peace.” My tears could be heard in my words but Joe’s eyes didn’t move from the picture.
“I had the world sleepin’ on my chest,” he replied, his voice low, thick.
I looked at the photo. “Funny how the world can fit in your arm.”
“Funny,” Joe repeated quietly and I looked at him to see that now he was looking at me and then his arm slid around me.
“Joe –” I started, new tears gliding down my face.
“Put him on your shelves, buddy.”
I hugged the photo to my chest and wiped the wetness from my cheeks. The only words there were to say were the words I said.
“Thank you.”
Before I could move he asked, “Girls there when Theresa gave you that?”
I nodded. “Keira said you looked hot, even holding a baby.”
A short laugh came from him. It sounded startled like he didn’t think he’d ever laugh again.
Then he looked down at my chest and muttered, “Fuck.”
“What?” I whispered and his eyes came to mine.
“He’d be old enough to date Kate,” he answered.
I didn’t know what to do with this or what Joe was doing with it so I stayed still and silent and waited.
“Fuck,” Joe repeated.
I braved the uncertain vibe and informed him, “He got even a little of you, Dane wouldn’t stand a chance,” Joe looked at me and I continued, “or Keira would make him her mission and they’d likely be fightin’ over him.”
His hand slid up my back until his fingers sifted into my hair.
“It sucks, sayin’ this, I hate to say it but I’m going to,” he said.
“What?”
“He lived, I might still be with her and you’d be next door and I wouldn’t be right here.”
Quickly, I reminded him, “For good or for bad, that didn’t happen, Joe.”
“You’d be here, alone, or… fuck, you’d be with Haines,” he went on like I didn’t speak.
I was seeing that this was heading down the way, way, way wrong path.
“Joe, don’t. Life is life, baby. That’s all it is.”
His eyes locked with mine.
“It’d never be good with her, she wasn’t gonna change and she didn’t. But, if he lived, I’d never leave her and that’s all I’d have. Except for Nicky, I’d never have somethin’ sweet.”
I set the picture on the nightstand and moved to straddle him, pushing him to his back.
“Yes you would,” I pressed my face into his neck and my lips to his skin. “I saw you, I’d go all Tina and do everything to catch your eye. Watering my flowers in a bikini and all sorts of shit. We wouldn’t be able to fight the attraction and we’d have a torrid affair,” I told him. “It would suck and I’d feel shit but you’d leave her for me and I’d pay you back by givin’ you all sorts of sweet things.”
As I spoke, my lips travelled his neck and throat and his hands started roaming my body.
“You’re full of shit, buddy. I’d see you waterin’ your flowers in a bikini, I’d come onto you and you’d go prude and freeze me out.”
I lifted my head and looked down on him just as his fingers curled around my breast.
“Joe, you fucked me on the hood of your car even when I was seriously pissed at you,” I reminded him. “I think we can take it as read I wouldn’t go prude.”
His thumb swiped my nipple, my lips parted and my hips jerked. At this, his eyes grew dark in a seriously sexy way and his lips tipped up at the ends.
“Yeah,” he muttered, “forgot about that.”
I blinked then felt my body get tight. “You forgot?”
His lips curled into a full-on smile. “Thanks for reminding me.”
Even though I knew he didn’t forget and was just fucking with me, I still heard an angry noise escape my throat and I started to pull away but Joe rolled so he was on top and his face disappeared in my neck as his thumb circled my nipple.
“We had an affair, buddy, we’d probably have to do it on the GT more than once,” he noted against my neck.
“We’d have to do it so you’d remember we did it before,” I snapped back but this wasn’t as effective as it should have been since my breathing was getting heavy and my legs were moving to tangle with his.
I felt his chuckle against my skin then his lips moved to my jaw. “We’d probably have to do it in the car too.”
“Would you remember that?”
He ignored my semi-irate question. “And be creative about other places we did it.”
“Joe –”
“In your car.”
“Joe –”
“In your garage.”
“Joe –”
“In my truck.”
“Joe!”
His mouth went to mine and I stopped breathing at what I saw in his eyes.
“You’re right, though. We would have found each other.”
My body relaxed under his and I whi
spered, “Joe.”
His head came up and he grinned slow. “You realize, buddy, that we’re discussing the ways I’d cheat on Bonnie.”
It struck me that we actually were and that was kind of funny therefore I giggled.
Then I said through a smile and while running my fingers along his scar, up his cheekbone and into his hair. “I met her once, honey, and I didn’t like her much so I’m not too broken up about that.”
His head came down and he kissed me through his gentle laughter.
Then he fucked me but nothing about that was gentle.
It would be later, when I was almost asleep, that I realized we’d both laughed about Bonnie but, more importantly, Joe had done it.
And I fell asleep thinking that, even though it was funny, what we said was also probably true.
And that was even funnier.
* * * * *
The next morning while Kate and Keira were running around like they’d never gotten ready for school in their lives, Keira working herself into a frenzy because it was her first day in high school and Joe was making them oatmeal and being calm which had no effect on them being in a tizzy, I walked out with the photo frame filled with Joe and Nicky and I put it on the shelves.
Kate saw, smiled at me but she didn’t say a word.
Keira didn’t see me because she was arguing with Joe. “But Joe, I can’t eat oatmeal. My stomach feels funny.”
“Nerves, baby, eat,” Joe replied.
“I’ll get sick,” Keira returned.
“No you won’t,” Joe said.
Keira looked at me and cried, “Mom!”
“Eat your oatmeal, honey,” I told her.
She stomped a foot on a repeated, annoyed, “Mom!”
“Keirry, the last time you vomited you were in second grade and had the flu. The last time you threatened to vomit was two days ago,” I said. “You need food or you’ll get cranky before second period. Eat your oatmeal.”
“Argh!” she shouted and then snatched up her oatmeal.
Keira ate her oatmeal and we had seven more dramas before she and Kate climbed into Kate’s Fiesta and they headed out while Joe and I waved them good-bye (well, Joe stood by me while I waved good-bye, he didn’t wave).
When they were out of sight, I turned and moved into Joe, wrapping my arms around him. I looked up at him and he looked down at me.
At Peace Page 57
