“Dear Lizzy. I know there is something troubling you, but I am sure things will all turn out all right.”
Elizabeth nodded at the footman. “We will take tea.”
She turned to her visitor. “You are far too knowing, my dear friend. It is nothing at all to be concerned about. It is just that I have decided to go to London. Mr. Darcy’s business seems to be taking much time and I would rather see him.” She forced an untroubled smile to her face.
“Oh, how lovely for you!” Abigail looked most relieved. “You will be so much happier when you are with him.” She looked closely at her. “But take your time on the journey, you look so tired.”
Elizabeth forced a laugh. “I will be very well looked after.” And she would be, she knew that. It was just that she hated deceiving her friend. But she could not share the truth, her lips must be forever sealed.
She settled back down to try and enjoy her friend’s company and seem untroubled.
Chapter 22
Darcy poured his cousin a whisky and then one for himself. He slumped into his library chair and stared morosely into the fire.
Richard sighed. “You continue to be irritable, Darcy. Poor Georgiana is beside herself.”
Darcy glanced at him. “Can you not imagine why?”
“Of course I can. But you are doing yourself no good, prowling around the house and town like a caged animal.”
He sipped at his drink, appraising Darcy over the rim of the glass. “You must do something, my friend. Even your business dealings are suffering, you cannot put your mind to anything other than the situation you find yourself in.”
Darcy growled under his breath.
“No! It is no good grumbling at me, Darcy. You cannot avoid her forever without settling the matter.” He sat forward.
“And you miss Pemberley. If you are to live apart, then you can put her somewhere other than Pemberley — a house in Bath or something — and forget her. At least you will not feel so trapped in London.” He leaned back again, smiling. “And if you go to Pemberley, you will at least be far enough away from Lady Catherine and my father.”
Darcy considered the matter. Being away from Lady Catherine would be a distinct advantage. She had appeared yet again yesterday, her tone and her manner hectoring.
She was not to know that her constant demands that he annul the marriage were beginning to have the opposite effect on him than she had hoped.
“I think you at least ought to go and see her.” Richard’s voice was quiet. “You may find she wants what you want, and there can be an amicable parting of the ways.”
Darcy grunted. He was not sure about that. She was a pleasant enough young woman, he supposed. At least she had not tried to entrap him, being forced into it as much as he had been.
But she would have got used to the luxury of Pemberley now. He was sure she would not lightly give it up.
It had been a mistake to take her there. But what was done, was done. He had thought to do it for the best and it could not be changed now.
The flames danced before his eyes. Perhaps she would like Bath. It was a tolerably pleasant town, with some good company. If she wished to reconcile with her family, then it was no further from Hertfordshire than Pemberley.
He sighed and glanced over at his cousin. “You are being very quiet, sir.”
Richard laughed. “You have much to think about, and when I have stated my opinion, you must decide what to do. I know you do not decide things lightly.”
“Hmmm.” Darcy drained his glass. “I suppose I have had long enough. Any decision would be better than living like this.”
Richard’s look was sympathetic. Darcy did not know what he would have done without him. He had few friends and no other that he could trust with matters as delicate as this.
“Are you joining us for dinner?” he said suddenly. Perhaps he might eat a little more tonight. The thought of taking some action had made him feel rather more hopeful.
“If you wish it.” Richard smiled. “My father’s house is not the best place to be right now, as you can imagine.”
Darcy laughed, one of the few times since — it — had happened. The muscles on his face were no longer used to the emotion, and ached.
“Good.” Richard was watching him. “Let us go and join Georgiana while you are more cheerful. It will relieve her mind somewhat.”
Georgiana was practicing in the drawing room as she waited for them. Darcy crossed the room to the pianoforte and bowed.
“Good evening , Georgiana. I hope that you have had a satisfactory day?”
“Perfectly, thank you, William.” He didn’t believe it for a moment, he knew her thoughts were full of his trouble, and he ached to relieve her anxiety.
With his distraction he was poor company, and perhaps she was lonely. But she had her companion.
It suddenly struck his attention that he had not thought to appoint a companion for Elizabeth and he wondered how she had been with no one but the servants. He did not know the sort of person she was, whether she was able to make friends easily. But he knew she liked her own company, from her admission that she walked out alone a great deal.
He frowned, he was not sure he liked the idea that she might have made friends around Pemberley. Would she have told them of the peculiar situation she was in, the nature of the arrangement?
He shifted uncomfortably. He must do something. But Georgiana had stopped playing.
“Will you come and sit down, William? There is something I want to say to you.” She looked exceedingly anxious.
“Of course. What concerns you, Georgiana?”
She waited until they were sitting down, and she turned to their cousin.
“Will you join us, Cousin Richard?”
Darcy looked at her suspiciously. Were they going to conspire against him?
Richard shrugged at him, looking unsure of himself, and Darcy turned to his sister, who was sitting up straight in her chair.
“William, I don’t want you to be angry with me, but I cannot stay quiet any longer.”
She was going to berate him about leaving Elizabeth alone at Pemberley. Somehow he knew it.
He leaned forward and took her hand. “I will try not to be angry, Georgiana. But I think I know what you are going to say. I have been talking to Richard and I will be taking action.”
She looked at him sadly. “What have you decided?”
He hesitated and she shook her head. “I am sorry. It is not for me to ask, I know that.” She smiled tremulously.
“It is just — I have not been able to stop thinking about it. The whole situation was not of your making, but it was not hers, either. I wondered if I had been in that position, if it had been me … how it would have affected me, and how you would have felt if the man I was forced to marry had left me alone.” She raised her eyes to him.
“But I know you would have done something, you would not have allowed him to do that.” She turned away. “But, from what you said, it seems she has no one to turn to.”
Darcy had no reply. He sat there frozen in shock, that his sister would have to be the one to tell him how poor his behaviour had been, how ungentlemanly.
The silence in the room stretched out, and his sister looked anxious. He pulled himself together with an effort.
“You make your point admirably clear, Georgiana.” He took a deep breath. He could no longer do nothing. “Would you please excuse me? I have much to think about.”
Chapter 23
He paced round the private sitting room next to his bedchamber, his sister’s words echoing in his head. How could she have seen such an obvious thing, where he had missed it?
He’d even replied to Bennet’s letter in that vein:
I wish to respectfully remind you that, upon marriage, your daughter became my responsibility.
He shook his head. He had failed in his responsibility to her, failed her more, even, than the common workers upon his estate, where he insisted that they were treated wi
th dignity and respect.
He stopped at the window and glared out into the street. It was busy even in the darkness, lit only by the lights of passing carriages, and what light shone from the houses.
Pemberley would be dark and quiet — silent, even. He longed for the peace. He grimaced, he’d resented her for being there, even though he had placed her, left her there, without asking whether she would be content, or where she wished to be.
He had utterly failed in his duty to her. And she was a blameless victim of this whole dreadful affair.
He turned and resumed pacing the room. She was as blameless as a girl who’d injured her foot in the woods and wanted no assistance, in case it brought disgrace upon them both. He smiled thinly. He had insisted. In fact, the whole thing was his fault, not hers.
He wondered how she was. He’d heard of no problems from the staff at Pemberley. In fact, he had received fewer questions from them than he would usually have done.
He rang the bell. When his valet arrived, he turned to him.
“I will dine up here tonight, Mr. Maunder. Something simple, I am not very hungry. And ask Mr. Leigh to see me.”
“Yes, Mr. Darcy.” The valet left the room noiselessly.
When his London steward arrived, Darcy was waiting. “Have my coach ready at dawn, please, Mr. Leigh. I am going to Pemberley. I want to make the journey in two days, so make sure the staff know we leave at first light.”
The steward bowed. “The coach will be ready, sir. Do you wish it to be loaded with your trunks tonight, to save time in the morning?”
“It is a good idea. Yes, send the trunks up, Mr. Maunder can pack while I am eating.” His valet would know he did not need much, he had plenty at Pemberley.
He thought back to his ride that morning. The weather seemed set fair, he did not think any storm would impede his journey; although, of course, the weather might be very different when he got further north.
He wondered how she would respond when he arrived at Pemberley unannounced. Should he perhaps write to her first? But he had not written to her before, he could hardly do that, he did not wish to make her anxious.
Lying in bed, waiting for sleep, he began to think of her more as a person than he had allowed himself to do for many weeks. Immediately after meeting her, he had thought of her, remembered the effect on him of the sight of her ankle and shapely calf below the torn gown. He’d wondered how she was recovering, and what sort of person she was.
Then, when they had been exposed, he had respected her when she refused his offer, had respected her desire not to involve him in her disgrace, and left the area to distance himself from her.
He tossed and turned in his shame that after that, he had not allowed himself to think of her as a person. He’d pushed her away, considered her only as a problem to be solved, dealt with, forgotten.
How could he have behaved like it? And Georgiana had been the one to show him how abhorrent his behaviour had been. He could feel his face heat in a blush in the darkness. He could never forget this humiliation.
But his duty was now clear. There would be problems ahead, he had no doubt. But now he was on the right path, a path he could face with honour and pride.
If he could just forget his chagrin at his behaviour, he might rest more easily tonight than he had for many weeks.
He had returned downstairs as Georgiana and Richard had finished dining and told them what he had proposed.
“I am sorry, Georgiana, that I did not join you for dinner, but I had to decide on a course of action, and I felt I needed time to think.”
Georgiana had sat beside him. “I will be thinking of you, William, and I hope things go well.” She touched his hand timidly. “I look forward to meeting her, when you will permit it.”
He’d forced a smile. “I do not yet know what she will ask from me. But I will tell her that you desire to make her acquaintance.”
He saw dawn lightening the sky. He’d better rise, he wished to be on his way.
It wasn’t long before the coach was rolling through the outskirts of London, and he felt his spirits begin to rise. He didn’t know what faced him the following day at Pemberley, but he thought of her face and figure.
On the journey to Pemberley together, she had been silent when she divined his mood for that, but was interested and perceptive when she’d asked about Pemberley.
How had he missed seeing her properly? He stretched and yawned, rubbing his face. It was a long, hard ride to Leicester. But he was determined to stay the night there, and then it was certain he’d arrive at Pemberley before dark tomorrow, despite the shortening daylight hours.
Chapter 24
Elizabeth sat back, resting her head on the padded seats of the coach. It was nearly noon, and she wondered where they might stop for lunch. She wasn’t hungry, but she would relish the chance to walk a little and stretch her legs.
Mrs. Reynolds had been most anxious that she have everything she needed, and asked several times if she should perhaps take longer over her journey.
“Thank you, Mrs. Reynolds, but the journey here was only two days and I would like to do the same for this journey.” She smiled. “We stayed at the Swan Inn at Leicester and I would like to stay there tonight.”
“Very well, Mrs. Darcy.” The housekeeper curtsied. “If I might make one further suggestion?”
Elizabeth stifled a sigh. “Of course, Mrs. Reynolds. I value your opinion very much.”
“Might Mr. Reed accompany you? I would be most reassured if I knew he was taking charge of your journey, and I am sure Mr. Darcy would, too.”
Elizabeth wasn’t quite sure about the last part of the remark, but she quite liked the idea of Mr. Reed’s calm competence on her journey.
“But what if he is needed here at Pemberley?”
“Mr. Reed quite often goes to London to confer with Mr. Darcy, madam. The deputy steward is well able to manage.”
Elizabeth made her mind up. “Yes, thank you. I will take Mr. Reed. But we must leave at dawn. I must get to Leicester for the night and to London the following day.” She’d had to delay a day, because Abigail Maitland had called and she was now determined to travel fast.
Now she was here, on her way to confront her husband. Her maid was sitting quietly opposite her and she knew Mr. Reed was seated beside the coachmen at the back. He’d suggested lunching at Duffield and she had been happy to agree with whatever he recommended.
She wondered if the landlord at Leicester would recognise her from when she and Mr. Darcy had journeyed north together. She bit her lip when she realised her husband had probably also stayed there a second night on his way back to London. If the landlord recognised her, he’d wonder why they were so long apart and why she was travelling alone.
She closed her eyes. Of course he would recognise her. For the first time, she wondered if she should suggest to Mr. Reed that they should go to another inn.
But she decided she could not bear the thought of explaining the reasons for her embarrassment.
The coach drew in at the next post. Elizabeth wondered if this was Duffield and the chance to take a walk, or merely another stop to change the horses.
The springs rocked and Mr. Reed came to the door.
“Duffield, Mrs. Darcy.” He opened the door. “If you please, I will go and ensure a private parlour is made available.”
“Thank you, Mr. Reed.” Elizabeth watched him go to the door. She climbed down wearily, assisted by the coachman, and leaned against the coach. When her maid also climbed down, Elizabeth smiled at her.
“I am thinking of taking a short walk while lunch is prepared, Emilie. It will be agreeable to take the air.”
Elizabeth looked around. There was a narrow path that wound through the field alongside the inn. She looked at it reluctantly, it was certainly muddy and, while Elizabeth Bennet would have thought nothing of it, Mrs. Darcy should probably not walk there.
“I think you are right, Mrs. Darcy.” Mr. Reed approached her. �
��I have asked the landlord and he has suggested that you might enjoy a stroll across the road there, if you can see. There is a small bridge across the stream and the track is dry.”
“Thank you, Mr. Reed. I will walk that way. I do not wish to go far.” In fact, she felt rather light-headed. Perhaps she should force herself to eat more at lunchtime.
She picked her way along the path, Emilie behind her. She drew in breaths of the raw air, but the land was not as wild and lovely as the lands around Pemberley. She smiled sadly to herself. She was already missing it.
It was not long before she had walked far enough and she turned to make her way back to the inn. She knew the steward would be watching her from the inn, should she need help, but all she wanted was to get back on her way to London.
Fortunately, Mr. Reed was as anxious as she was to get back on the road and on towards Leicester.
She leaned back against the cushions and closed her eyes. One night, and tomorrow she would face her husband.
In these last weeks of his absence, she’d found herself thinking increasingly of him, his handsome features and lean body. But she tried to turn her thoughts away, she must not think of him in this way.
She was going to find him, tell him to annul their marriage. She wanted to set him free, free to be at Pemberley, at the place he loved. She wanted him to be free to find another and marry for love. What had happened between them could never be the strong foundation of a happy marriage.
She felt sad; in her brief time of knowing him, he had been most proper. She could forgive him his anger and reticence towards her — now. But she still resented that his anger ought more properly be directed towards her family.
She sighed, and shifted on the seat. But of course, in his eyes, she was part of the Bennet family and a readily accessible target for his anger.
She wished she could be angry at his treatment of her, but the thought of a young boy hiding in a secret place to grieve for his mother, and having to hide his emotion at school with no one to confide in, had sent her emotions into reverse.
A Life Apart Page 9
