“It wasn’t his fault,” he continued gently. “Being here, being around us, can change people in different ways. I’m sure you had to notice your brother is bigger, stronger.”
I nodded and let myself lean against him. He wrapped his arms around me tighter and I could feel his happy warmth coming off him in waves. For one minute I let myself sink into him like I always wanted to do. For one minute I let myself feel the love and want I always had for him but kept locked up tight in my heart.
“Why couldn’t you be like this in the beginning? Why couldn’t you just be nice and kind and not steal my brother and trick me?”
“I’m nice now,” he murmured into my hair.
“It’s too late now. I can’t trust you and my brother hates you.”
He smoothed my hair back from my face, turning it up to look at him. “It’s never too late. I’ll win your trust back and I’ll win your brother over.”
I shook my head sadly. “There’s not enough time. I’ll be gone soon, remember?”
Jordan’s grip tightened. “I told you, I’m not going to let that happen.”
I grimaced; remember what Lincoln had said the night before. “You’re not … you’re not going to kill Luka, are you?”
Jordan’s face stilled. “No. Are you?”
“Of course not,” I said. “It’s just that, well, Lincoln thought if there was no Luka there would be no curse …” It sounded horrible coming out of my mouth and guilt that I would even ask about it flooded me.
“We don’t die easily. The energy it takes to kill one of us, well, very few of us have that power. Even the jinn that set this curse into place wasn’t that powerful.”
I nodded, relief flooding me. “Good. I like Luka, I wouldn’t want him to be hurt because of me.”
Jordan’s face became carefully blank. “You like Luka.”
“I do. He healed me last night and we talked for a while.”
He pulled back from me. “What did you talk about?”
I stared at him for a moment. “Are you jealous?”
“Should I be?”
I bit my lip, unsure of how to answer and then felt him stiffen with anger. “Luka’s a lot of things you aren’t,” I finally said. “And I do care about him. But this isn’t some soap opera. This is all coming to an end—soon. I don’t know if there could be anything there. Besides, loving one jinn is more than enough trouble for me—”
I gasped as I was swept of my feet and crushed to Jordan’s. He pressed his feverish lips to mine and the arms holding me shook. I decided to fully let myself have that one minute and kissed him back, brushing my mouth over his. He deepened the kiss and my lips molded against his in a delicious way. His arm strengthened and I could feel him smile against my lips. When he finally set me down I wobbled on my feet and was nearly blinded by his radiant smile. “What was that for?” I asked, a little out of breath.
“You said you loved me,” he whispered.
I opened my mouth to deny it then remembered my accidental admission. His cocky grin was ruined by the shine in his eyes.
I wanted to smile too. I wanted to let my mind run away into the future, a future with him. Or maybe with Luka, or maybe as an old spinster who had lived a full and happy life with her family. But none of that was possible. “It doesn’t matter what I said, we don’t have enough time to make things right,” I said sadly. “Any of it.”
He refused to be dissuaded. “It matters to me. And we’ll make time. I don’t know how, but we will.”
I groaned and leaned my head against his chest. He ran his hands through my hair. “I just wish there was some way I didn’t have to … go away. Even if I had to stay here …” I trailed off, thinking. An idea was wiggling around in my mind and I let it build.
I looked up at Jordan with hope and wonder mixed with pain. I was going to hurt him and I didn’t want to. But he had said he would do anything.
“Jordan, can you make my hair blonde?”
He stilled his hands in my hair. “Why would you want to do that? You have beautiful hair.”
I swallowed hard, knowing he was going hate what I was going to say. “Everyone keeps saying they didn’t think the curse would take me because I was red headed—”
Jordan pulled back warily, knew something bad was coming. “Changing your hair color isn’t going to make the curse accept you.”
“No, but what about the other things? Miriam wasn’t taken like all the other girls; she came willingly, like me. And she was in love with someone else, like me.” My voice faltered on that last part but Jordan didn’t even smile. “What if I am the one that’s most like her?”
Jordan shook his head. “No. You’re not. And even if you somehow made yourself more like her by changing your hair, you would be bound here, to Luka, forever.”
“Forever is a long time to figure out how to get out of a new problem.” I stopped. Would being with Luka really be a problem? Jordan was looking at me with narrowed eyes and I brushed those thoughts aside. “Anyway, it’s better than being dead.”
“Ye-es,” Jordan reluctantly admitted, “but—”
“But nothing,” I said. “No one else has any other ideas. Can’t we at least try?”
He stared at me for a long moment. “You’ll still be mine even if you’re bound to Luka.”
I said nothing, just watched him painfully sort out his thoughts and emotions. Slowly, with jerky motions he lifted his hands back to my hair and ran it through his fingers, over and over, touching each strand from root to tip. When he finished he turned me to the mirror and we both stared at my new golden hair.
I opened my mouth to thank him but he shook his head and gave me a sad kiss on the cheek. I watched him leave the room in the mirror and hoped he understood.
Chapter Twenty-One
Emma came back with her ribbon and stopped short. “What happened to your hair?” she gasped.
“Jordan changed it,” I said, lost in my own thoughts. “Emma, I need you to tell me everything you know about Miriam.”
She came slowly to stand behind me, putting my new hair color and curiosity together. “Okay,” she said uncertainly.
“Everything,” I pressed. “Every last detail. I’ve got the blonde hair covered. What else about her?”
Emma shifted my hair in her hands, beginning her braid.
“Well, she loved animals.”
I nodded. I would start working on that one after breakfast.
“And she had a temper.”
I gave a short, sharp laugh. “Well, I’ve got that one covered.”
Emma gave a little smile. “She was pretty stubborn too, and very smart. She didn’t let anyone push her around but she was also very kind.”
I checked those things off in my mind.
“And loyal,” Emma added.
I looked at her curiously. “But what about you? She left you here.”
Emma bit her lip. “She didn’t mean to. I’m sure she didn’t think Machian would hurt me, or use me like this.”
I nodded but added selfish to my list of Miriam traits. And I was selfish too. I had been selfish to let myself fall for Jordan in the first place and my brother had paid for it. Bizarrely, that was counting as a good thing at the moment. And maybe I was being selfish thinking about Luka. I forced my tangled emotions to the back of my heart. “Okay, so what else?”
Emma bit her lip, weaving hunks of hair together. “I haven’t thought about her in so long. I mostly remember she was very pretty and very good with animals.” She sighed and tied a ribbon at the end of the elaborate braid. “That’s not very helpful, is it?”
“No, it’s good, any little thing helps,” I said, hoping I could get more from the others. But my resolve faltered a little and I thought, this is never going to work
.
Emma secured the end of my braid with a little bow and looked at me in the mirror. “Are you okay?”
I gave a fake, sunny smile. “Yep, I got this all figured out.”
She blinked furiously and her grip on my shoulder tightened. “You know what no one has ever tried?”
I twisted around in my chair, excited and nervous. “What?”
“Killing me,” Emma said, her voice barely a whisper.
I began shaking my head furiously before the words were even fully out. “No, no way. I’m glad they didn’t!”
“Bixby—”
“Emma, stop even thinking of that. This isn’t your fault; you shouldn’t die because of it.”
“Maybe I want to.”
I slowly stood up from the chair to look her in the eyes. “What are you saying?”
Her tears spilled over as a tiny sob caught in her chest. “I’m saying I’m tired, I’m so tired of this all. I’ve been alive and away from home and forced to do horrible things for hundreds of years. And I don’t think it’s ever going to end for me.”
“But Emma, we’re going to figure this out—”
“It’s not going to work, Bixby!” she shouted. “You aren’t like her, you’re just not. And I’m going to have to kill you just like I killed all the others and I don’t want to do this anymore.”
Her words chilled my blood and forced ice into my heart. “Do you know … what happens to them? Do you remember?”
Emma shook her head, her sweet face so red and miserable. “No, but what else would happen to them? Luka is kind, but his uncle was so evil. I’m sure whatever plan he had for the rejected girls was terrible.”
I nodded, wondering what I could possibly say to her that would cheer her up but knew there was nothing. There was nothing the guys could say to me to cheer me up unless it was, pack up, you’re going home.
So I said nothing, just wrapped my arms around her trembling shoulders and let her cry.
When her tears finally slowed I put her sad face in my hands and whispered, “I promise, I will find a way out this for both of us.”
She gave a weak smile and I knew she didn’t believe me. Her shoulders remained hunched as she led me down to breakfast, but my resolve grew. I would have my freedom and so would she.
Jordan, Luka, David and Lincoln were all at the table looking decidedly uncomfortable when I finally arrived.
Lincoln spit his drink out when I sat down. “What the hell did you do to your hair?” he asked between wet coughs.
I glared at him. “It’s part of the plan, brother.”
David looked from Luka to Jordan. “And what new plan is this?”
I squared my shoulders and pulled a carafe of juice to me. “I’m going to be the new Miriam. The curse is going to have to accept me.”
David shook his massive head, his tangled hair following suit. “You can’t just make yourself like her; you have to be the most similar to her. I don’t even know what all that entails. And I know you can’t control that.”
I ignored his negativity. “I can control quite a bit of that. Golden hair? Check. Good with animals? I’ll check that off as soon breakfast is done.”
Lincoln looked at me skeptically. “Bee, we’ve never even had a hamster.”
I shrugged. “Well, I’m about to get a pet. And it’s going to love me, I’m awesome.”
He couldn’t help but smile at that and I let myself be encouraged.
I risked a glance at Luka and found him gazing at me with a soft smile on his lips. My heart thudded and I quickly looked away only to catch Jordan’s eyes. His face was hard and cold, totally unreadable. He was silent the entire meal and ignored my brother’s constant glaring.
Lincoln ignored the plate of food in front him, apparently intent on trying to set Jordan’s head on fire with just his eyes. Finally I kicked him under the table and he turned his glare towards me.
“Eat your bacon,” I muttered.
After a minute he picked up his fork and the room remained silent. My food was growing cold in front of me but the tense company had erased my appetite. I risked another glance up and saw Jordan and Luka staring at each other. Their mutual, careful blandness made my skin crawl and I squirmed in my seat. Success in my endeavors meant an eternity bound to Luka. I could understand both of their unwillingness to accept this. But my only other option was death and that wasn’t an option for me.
When the curious waiters cleared our dirty plates, I pushed myself away from the table. “Excuse me, I have some animals to charm.”
Jordan finally broke his silence and chortled. “I have to see this.”
Luka took us out to a massive barn and I remembered seeing Jordan’s horse for the first time. A cold sweat broke out over my forehead as I remembered how big and evil looking they had been, but I didn’t let it deter me.
I should have. Each stall was filled with a massive, snorting, bloodthirsty horse. Well, maybe not bloodthirsty, but they didn’t seem happy to see me. I stretched my hand out towards the first one in the first stall and jumped back when it snorted at me. None of the guys laughed but I turned to glare at them anyway. “I’m a nice person,” I said defensively. “Animals will like me.” No one said anything. Linc stood between Jordan and Luka, visibly trying to control his temper. Luka was back to his icy self and even Jordan couldn’t hide his tenseness.
“God help me,” I muttered under my breath and stormed into the barn.
I tried my best but each stall I went to held another angry horse, all of them bent on blowing me over with the sour steam from their nostrils. I tried each and every one, wondering how Miriam had the courage to encounter an angry mama and win her trust.
My resolve crumpled at the last stall when the horse inside turned and kicked the gate, splintering the wood before I could even approach with an open, shaking hand. I sank down into the nearest hay bale and put my head in my hands.
“This is never going to work,” I moaned. Luka and Jordan shifted on their feet and shared glares back and forth. It took me a second to realize they were having a silent argument over who was going to comfort me. “Seriously, guys? Can you stop for like, thirty seconds? Actually, how about you just go away for thirty seconds.” If they were upset with the outburst I didn’t see it with my face buried in my hands again. I glanced up at a shifting in the hay and saw Lincoln had stayed. He hovered around me, his face contorted with pain and helplessness.
I gave myself over to my tears and cried sloppily into my hands. With my sleeves pushed back, the big tears ran down my arms. A tiny, raspy jolt at my elbow made me jump clear off the ground and a little orange blur zipped around the corner of my previous seat.
Curious, I peered around the edge of the bale and saw two luminous, green eyes peering out at me. They reminded me of Jordan and my heart warmed.
“Sorry,” I murmured, holding my tear salted hand out.
The kitten edged out of its hiding place and approached me cautiously. I held my breath as it inched towards me then finally extended its head to give my finger a raspy little lick.
I held all my joy in, afraid I would scare it away again. “Hi kitty,” I mumbled, trying to keep the shakes out of my hand.
It perked its ears up and regarded me with curious eyes.
From my pocket I fished out an apple slice I was sure I would be feeding a horse this morning and the kitten turned its nose up. Frantic to please it, I searched my other pockets until I came up with a strip of bacon I had been hoping to entice a dog with. The kitten feasted merrily and let me scratch behind its ears and down its back while enjoying the treat.
“Linc,” I said softly, “how do I tell if it’s a boy a girl?”
His eyes bugged out before he rolled them. “Like I know.”
“Well, it ca
n’t be an it,” I said, never taking my eyes from the animal.
“So give it a name,” he suggested, clearly not getting the significance of the event.
I mused for a moment, taking in the fluffy orange coat and fat paws.
“Sherbet. No, Herbert. No, Kitty Meow Meow,” I floundered, trying to come up with a name for an animal that I was sure was going to help save me.
“I thought you wanted to love it, not insult it to death,” Lincoln said dryly.
A million stupid cat names flowed through my mind before I settled on one. “Sneaker,” I finally said decisively. “Because he sneaked around that corner and right into my heart.”
Lincoln rolled his eyes again. “I don’t even think that’s proper English.”
“Don’t care,” I said, “It’s perfect. Now, what do cats eat, because I’m sure it’s not bacon.”
I tucked my fuzzy little bundle into my arms and took him up to my room. Emma brought me a little dish for water and another filled with what looked like cooked, ground meat. Sneaker sniffed around my room and finally settled onto my goose down pillow to lick his butt. I watched him carefully, intent on meeting his every need. He slept under my gently caressing fingers and didn’t even stir when a soft knock came at my door.
I tiptoed over to it and turned the knob with exaggerated carefulness. Luka’s bland face was behind it. “Can we talk?”
I nodded and motioned him in, not wanting to wake my new, sleeping pet.
“Bixby,” he grated and I shushed him with a hand swipe.
Confused, he looked around until his sight landed on Sneaker.
“Ugh, nasty animal, get off,” he snapped, lunging at my pillow to strike my pet off the bed.
My fist came down on the back of his neck and he staggered under it. “Don’t you touch my effing cat!” I shouted, watching the little fuzz ball tear off the bed and under it.
Winter's Dream (The Hemlock Bay Series) Page 17
