Now felt like then, like he’d just materialized from one of those dreams with his sun-kissed skin and white button-up shirt rolled up his forearms, showing off the hints of a tattoo snaking up his arm. He walked to me tall, strong, proud… captivating.
The hint of a smile that tugged at the corners of his lips put me at ease. Just a little.
He stopped just before me and turned the smile up a notch. The sun picked up the lighter blue of his eyes, making them sparkle as he beamed down at me.
Suddenly, those good old nerves came rushing back, reminding me of the way I used to get around him when I was sixteen. That was the year things changed. That night, walking back from the woods, the moment when I asked him if he’d consider me if I were older and he said yes.
I got older, and things took off from there.
“Hi.” I found my voice. It quivered, but at least I was talking. “My dad gave me your address. I didn’t know if you’d be in, so I thought I’d come by and wait until you finished work. Also, if you aren’t really here for long, or busy, please don’t mind me. I’m hours early, and it was perhaps rude to get here at this time.” Babbling. I hadn’t babbled like that in years.
“I’m not busy,” he replied.
“No? Oh, um…” It would help if he didn’t just stare.
“It’s okay that you’re here. The time doesn’t matter.” He shifted his weight from one leg to the other and somehow looked taller to me as he pushed his shoulders back. “If you’re up for it, we could go out to the boat now. We could take it out and do some fishing.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. “Oh my gosh, fishing?”
“Yeah, fishing. Is that a no?”
“You said sailing. There was no mention of fish.” Sailing I loved, fishing not so much, and I used to avoid those types of excursions as much as possible.
“Fishing when added to sailing makes it heaps more interesting.”
I shook my head. “Fine, as long as it’s not for tuna or one of those big monster fish Coop used to catch.”
He chuckled. “I promise you it won’t be that. There will be no reruns of last time.”
I gasped at the memory. It was awful, and to this day I still had nightmares of it. Coop wanted a tuna and he caught one. A monstrous-looking thing that I swore could have eaten me alive.
“I can’t believe you remember that.”
“Olivia, no one would forget that.” When he laughed I thought of happier times. I always thought he had the best laugh. The kind that was infectious when he was on a roll. The kind that created instant happiness. “So, fishing?”
“Yeah, sure. Only if I’m not messing with your schedule.”
“All I had to do today was meet with Bradley and that’s done and dusted.” He tipped his head and quirked a brow. I noticed how he didn’t elaborate about Bradley when he could have. We had a client in common and, given what happened the last time we all met, he could have dived in a little more. He didn’t do that last night either. He just told me what I needed to know.
Marcus was the opposite. He’d start telling me a little more than specifics and that was how we’d end up talking about work all the time. With him I always felt like I was at work.
“Dusted?” I searched his eyes. I guess that dusted could mean, too, that he wouldn’t be here for much longer.
“Dusted. Don’t have to think about anything work related until tomorrow. Give me five minutes to change out of work mode then I’m all yours.”
“Okay.”
* * *
He took less than five minutes to get changed into a t-shirt and ripped jeans, which looked just as good on him as a suit, or his work-mode clothes.
We walked down the beach to Santa Monica Pier and boarded the Blue Beyond, which up close definitely was truly a thing of beauty, and a definite upgrade from the little fishing boat he and Coop took out when I’d joined them.
This was a yacht, not some little fisherman’s boat, and it was exciting to be on it.
As we pulled out of the harbor, it was like I left everything behind me. Everything. Work, the stress in particular over getting the senior associate position, and life, to a huge extent.
I didn’t know I needed to relax until today, and if anyone ever told me I’d feel this way with Sam, I wouldn’t have believed it. I wouldn’t have believed them for a second.
It was getting harder to stay mad at him. This man had crushed me in so many ways that it took me years to attempt to repair my shattered heart, and even now it was like it had only just started to heal in places. I hadn’t recovered yet, and seeing him here, now, at this time, definitely instilled some confliction inside me.
It was only what I could describe as a displacement of emotion. A displacement of emotion and time, because the last time we were together we were hardly apart. I wasn’t used to this version of us.
“Do you remember how to use this?” He held up the smaller fishing rod. The boat came equipped with a whole set. He’d grabbed the two he thought were suitable for us.
“Not so much,” I confessed.
“Okay, let’s just use the one for the moment and see what kind of fish we get. If any.”
“You’re sure it’s not gonna be tuna?” I grimaced.
“I promise. They swim much further out. We’d have to go another mile or two out to even hope we see one. It’s mostly mackerel and perch around here.”
“Perch?” I’d never heard of that fish before.
He tucked his hair behind his ear. “We won’t catch that. I get the feeling you’ll hate the look of them.”
Now I was curious. “What do they look like?”
“Long sharp teeth, a little like vampire.”
“Vampire fish. Oh God, what if we catch one by accident?” I didn’t even want to see anything that looked like that.
He laughed. “I’ll throw it back in.”
“But it could die.” I was sure it would if those sharp hooks that dangled from the line on the rod got hooked into its mouth. It may look like a vampire, but that didn’t mean I wanted it to die.
“Nah, it doesn’t work like that.” He crouched down to open the box of tackle and bait and hooked up a pretty little feathered bait on the end. “They heal. You’re meant to put certain fish back in if you catch them. The endangered ones.”
“There’s endangered fish around here?” I never thought of that. It seemed more like something you’d hear about in the wild or the national parks.
“Black sea bass, which we won’t get so close to the shore.”
Sam adjusted the line until the bait was level, then cast it into the water. I moved over to the railing to watch. The bait hit the surface and plunged deep down.
I looked around the ripples made in the waves, expecting to see a school of fish swim up to it but nothing came.
I thought Sam was going to stand by the rail, too, and hold the rod, but he hooked it onto one of the latches, which I guessed were made with that in mind.
“What if a fish comes by and we miss it?”
“It’ll tug on the bait, you’ll see it and attempt to catch.”
I pointed to myself. “Me?”
“Uh huh, consider this a lesson.”
I frowned. “So I have to do all the work?”
“The work’s done. You just have to reel in the fish as they come.”
“That’s a bad idea. You guys never let me do that part.” I could just imagine all the wriggling and then me dropping the rod in the sea.
“You’ll be fine.” He motioned for me to sit on the little bench near the rail.
I sat and he lowered next to me.
I thought up a few things we could talk about before the awkward silence could get in. One thing was exactly what we were doing now.
“How often do you do this?”
“Not often enough. I guess I should schedule more time for it because it’s kind of the only thing I do for fun.”
I twisted so that I could face him and he did the sam
e.
“You don’t drive fast cars anymore?” He loved that. That was how stealing that car came about.
“No, that’s the sort of thing that could get me in trouble. I fish. It’s safer. Reminds me of hanging out with Coop, I guess.”
It was odd. I didn’t feel the angst that normally came when I talked about Coop with anyone else.
“Coop loved fishing.”
“He’d always get the biggest fish. He was obsessed with the biggest catch.”
“Then he’d come home with it and scare me to death.” I laughed.
“Yes he would. He lived for that moment.” Sam chuckled.
“You both enjoyed terrorizing me. It was so unfair.” I pretended to pout.
“Yeah, I agree, but we didn’t allow anyone to mess with you. Remember Brittany Tate?” He started laughing. “Your dad was so mad.”
I burst out laughing. Brittany Tate was a snob from Beverly Hills. She was queen at my school and had it in for me after I got on the cheerleading squad and she got bumped to alternate. After she started a rumor at school that I’d had a sex change, Sam and Coop filled her locker with fish one weekend. It stank to high heaven on Monday morning when we got to school. Everyone laughed her to scorn for years to come. The good thing was she knew it was my doing, or rather I had people who had my back. We did get in trouble, though. Dad was so mad, and more furious at the fact that every time he tried to talk to us about it we’d all start laughing.
And we were still laughing now.
“You guys were so crazy. No one else would do things like that.”
“I’m inclined to agree with you.” He took a moment to stare at me. It was that look again. Like he was trying to figure something out. “He’d be proud of you, Olivia. Coop would be proud.”
It meant a lot to hear that, because at one point I was sure I got on his nerves. I was always studying, always had my head buried in a book. Harvard was the dream and I was determined to make it happen. Coop was naturally blessed with talents that made everything easy for him. He didn’t have to try hard at anything. It was different for me. However, that strength of his masked the fact that he was in trouble big time.
That first time I saw him taking drugs in the woods was just the beginning. The years that followed made me wish like hell that I’d told Dad. That time didn’t look like it was the first time, but it was the first chance that I probably got to help him and didn’t.
Before Sam went to the Marines, Coop dropped out of college. During the time Sam was away, he’d had two episodes of rehab. Towards the end we thought he’d beaten his addictions. Drugs and alcohol. But he just knew the wrong people.
I had just finished grad school when he died. The months prior to that were particularly bad, like he couldn’t stand to see anyone. He’d lost his apartment so was back at home, and when I got home for the vacation breaks, I’d be studying.
“He’d say I became a professional geek.”
“Hey, he’d probably call me that, too, and who would have thought I would live a life outside the bars?” Although he smiled, I could see the flicker of despair in his eyes.
“I did. I knew you could.” I did. That was one thing that never changed about me. I always believed that Sam could be a good person and use all his energy to do amazing things.
“You did.”
“I guess I figured you’d be more technological, though. Not that a business development manager isn’t cool. If that makes you happy then it makes you happy.”
He looked a little uneasy at the comment. “It’s just…work. The travelling is good.”
I hadn’t gotten around to asking him more about his job. “I’ll bet. It must make it more interesting. In one place for a few days, then gone somewhere else by the following week.”
Would he stay in touch?
This wouldn’t be like when we were younger. Writing to each other didn’t seem to have the same effect. It was a sentiment I’d always cherish, but I couldn’t see that happening now. Not with him or anyone else.
Where had he been all these years? When did he even get back to L.A.? Where would he be going next?
So many questions. Questions that seemed normal, but somehow felt awkward to ask.
“It’s the nomad’s way. You never truly belong anywhere, but that’s me. I never really fit anywhere anyway, so I don’t really know the difference.”
It saddened me to think that he never thought he belonged anywhere even when he was with me.
He gazed out to the vast expanse of the sea before us. It sparkled as if someone had splashed the brightest stars across the surface.
“Olivia.” He returned his gaze to me. “Coop would have definitely been proud of you. To him, there was no one in this world who was more important than you.”
That was the most influential thing anyone had ever said to me. His words pulled on my heart.
“Thank you, that means a lot.”
“It’s true. I didn’t know how bad things got with him because I was away, and when I was home I guess I was with you. I thought he’d grown out of bad habits. Bad habits I got him into. I grew away from the darkness and left him there. If I’d known how bad things had gotten, I would have come home sooner to help him.”
That predominant pain washed over his face. Instinctively, I reached out and covered his hand with mine. I did it even before thinking. I looked to where our hands met and something sparked inside me. It was what we always had. That connection that fueled the mixture of chemistry. The chemistry I was thinking about only the other day.
“You can’t blame yourself, Sam.” I lifted my eyes to meet his.
“I do. It doesn’t matter what anyone tells me, it doesn’t matter how much time passes. It could be a day or a century, but I’ll always feel it. I felt it as I watched him die and tried so hard to bring him back, and I felt it worse when I watched him being put in the ground.”
My lips parted in complete surprise. “You were there? At…the funeral?”
He nodded, tensing his jaw as the muscle there quivered. The line of his mouth tightened a fraction more the more he stared at me. “That was the day I left for good. It was like it signaled the end. So many memories just crumbled before me. And as I watched you cry, I knew there was nothing I could do to bring him back. I was the one who always fixed things. I was the one who always knew what to do, but that was one thing I just… I was just helpless.”
I pulled in a deep breath to keep my tears at bay. That part of me that felt some peace the other day accepted the explanation and the rest of me followed.
“Coop’s death wasn’t your fault. No one blames you for that. I don’t blame you for that. I get why you left. I wish you didn’t, but I get it.”
He held my gaze and reached out to cup my face the way he used to. The warmth of his fingers made my skin tingle. The warmth drew me into that haze of attraction I still felt for him.
We both leaned closer as the lure of a kiss drew us together, but the line of the fishing rod started jumping and we jumped apart.
It bounced and bobbled so hard that I thought the rod was going to snap.
Sam jumped up and grabbed it. He held it out for me to take, but I couldn’t.
“No, it must be something big to cause that kind of crazy movement.” I laughed.
“Know what? You could be right.” He pulled back, reeling the line in. I screamed and ran back to the cabin when I saw a massive tuna come into view.
“Sam, you said they didn’t swim down here. That is a tuna.”
He laughed and pulled it in. “I’ll put it back in,” he promised.
I laughed, too, at myself hiding away from a fish.
He pulled the fish in, unhooked the bait from its mouth and cast it back into the sea.
“Looks like they do swim this way.” He shrugged.
I smirked. “It would appear so.”
He chuckled but looked me over, probably thinking about the almost kiss we nearly had.
Thanks
, Jada, looks like I was going to have one very interesting day.
Another one.
Chapter 11
Olivia
We stayed out until nightfall, talking.
No fish, though. That tuna would have probably been a good catch for the day. Nothing happened after that, which was okay. It gave us a chance to talk.
To catch up.
Admittedly, I talked more than he did. I told him about Silvermans and what I did there, and about Jada and her book.
We came back to shore just before nine. Right back to the harbor that was now lit by beautiful lamp posts that dotted the pier.
“Would you ever sleep on the boat?” I asked as he jumped down to the boardwalk and started securing the ropes.
“I have.” He brightened.
“Wasn’t it weird? I mean didn’t it feel odd to be at the mercy of the sea while you’re asleep?”
“I never thought of it like that.”
I went to step down onto the deck, too, but he reached for me and lifted me down. “Hey.”
“What? It was quicker, and there’s a big gap. What if you fell in?”
I giggled. “The gap’s not that big.” It wasn’t. It wasn’t even a gap.
“Old habits.” He tilted his head to the side and his locks fell over his shoulder.
I walked away and looked back before I could get sucked in by his charm.
He joined me, walking close. So close his elbows brushed against mine.
“You gonna be okay getting back home?” he asked with a grin.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I don’t live all that far from here.”
“Where’s home?”
I glanced up at him. “Near Dad. My apartment is about five minutes away from him. I got the place when I’d decided on staying in L.A.”
“You decided New York was a no?” The moonlight gave his eyes that glossy effect again.
“It was too far. I guess staying here was my way of staying close to Dad and Jada. Being so far wasn’t right for me at the time. But it turned out well. There are good people at Silvermans.”
“Yeah, sure. Like Marcus Patterson.”
Dear Olivia Page 9
