by Shelly Davis
I looked at her, willing her silently to continue. Why? I had no idea. All I knew was lately, every time I saw her, I wanted her; there was never another woman who got me the way Mia did. Now, hearing her story, knowing how she felt, how hurt and mixed up she was, I could understand why she was confused. But there was still one thing I didn’t understand.
“Why didn’t you call me, I woulda helped you,” I said when the silence stretched out too long. I needed to know why she never came to me. We were friends first; she should’ve known I would’ve helped her.
Either she didn’t hear me or she ignored me, because she didn’t respond to my question. She looked far away, like she was somewhere else as she continued. “You know, he only ever came back once? The next day.” She nodded her head, like it was something that I wouldn’t believe. “Mom had locked herself in the spare room; she refused to sleep in the bed she shared with him.
“He came back to pack the rest of his things. The whole time promising me that he still loved me and that he’d still be there for me. It was the last time he came around. I’d called him so many times, but he never showed up. He didn’t come when I graduated high school or college. He didn’t come when I got my first job. And he didn’t even invite me when he remarried a couple years ago.”
Rage burned inside of me for the girl who was destroyed by a father who abandoned her, and for the woman who still didn’t understand how he could just walk away from her. Hearing her tell the story, I could understand why she had a hard time trusting. That man – he wasn’t a father, he wasn’t even a man.
She looked up at me, meeting my eye for just a moment before she looked down once more. She continued placing items in the fridge, not saying anything for a few long moments.
“Thanks,” I said quietly. I was happy she finally decided to talk to me. “Thanks for sharing with me.” The fact was, I knew most of this, but I’d never heard it from her. Over the years I’d pieced together what happened between her parents from things Toni said and what people said in town. Still didn’t explain why she would let that needle-dick prick touch her days after we’d made love though. “I’m sorry you lost your relationship with your father.”
Her eyes snapped to mine, red and shining with unshed tears. “I’m sorrier I lost you,” she said, her tears finally making tracks down her cheeks. She slid onto the table, her body crumbled into itself. Her legs dangled from the table, her shoes falling to the floor beneath her.
I stood there stunned, staring at her. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever known. Sad, tear-filled eyes, her full lips completing her sad pout. I didn’t want her to stop sharing for anything. I wanted her to open up to me and let me in. I didn’t respond, only inching closer, listening.
“You know, I didn’t want him,” she said, watching her feet swinging back and forth. I didn’t say a word, I knew exactly what she was talking about. She was talking about high school and the douchebag I pummeled.
She snickered to herself, a sad giggle escaped her pouting lips. “It’s funny. I don’t even remember the asshole’s name. How could I forget the name of the person who singlehandedly changed my entire life.” She shook her head sadly. “He grabbed me in the hall and pinned me to the lockers. He forced himself on me. He kissed me; shoved his tongue into my mouth, and wouldn’t back off. I told him to get off, but he wouldn’t listen. The only time he backed off was when I kicked him in the balls.” She paused.
“He was pissed and I thought he was gonna hurt me, until you pounced on him. You hit him so hard and so many times, I thought you’d kill him. I didn’t want him to touch me, but I didn’t want you to hurt him either. Not because I cared, but because I was worried you’d get in trouble. I didn’t want you to get in trouble. Eventually you would’ve blamed me; I was terrified you’d blame me.
“I was just so confused by everything. My parents, what I felt for you. It was too much, too fast. I … I …” she stopped and looked at me. “It doesn’t matter anymore.” Hopping off the table, she sighed sadly. “I just wanted you to know, I never meant to betray you.”
She slid her feet back into her shoes and started to walk away. For a moment I almost let her. I was so stunned that she finally opened up to me, I almost missed it when she tried to leave. I wasn’t about to let her walk away until I said what I needed to say.
Grabbing her arm, I turned her until she was facing me once again. Using my finger, I lifted her chin until I could see her eyes. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?” I whispered. “Why’d you let me believe you didn’t care about me for all these years?” I pushed, a little louder this time. All this time I so sure she had betrayed me, only now to learn that she never had. Why wouldn’t she tell me, fight for me, fight for us?
The tears built in her eyes once more, the green in her hazel eyes shined bright as she looked at me. She pulled her arm away and walked backward until we were separated by a few feet. “Because I no longer believe in love,” she said simply.
“What?”
“My parents were so in love once,” she mused. “My dad doted on my mom. They laughed and were affectionate and lovin’ toward one another. They had an amazin’ relationship once upon a time. I remember bein’ a kid and watchin’ them together. They were so in love.
“Then one day things changed. At the time, it seemed like it was over-night, but now I know it wasn’t. There were subtle changes. Dad would often work late. Suddenly he started going on business trips and would be gone for days at a time and he stopped comin’ to any of my meets and competitions.
“Then the arguin’ started. They couldn’t agree on anything, ever. They tried counselin’, and a trip alone. Mom tried talkin’ to him. Then he was just gone, and I found out he had been having an affair with some woman in his office for more than a year.” She paused once more. “I don’t believe in love anymore.”
I rushed her, closing the distance between us. Grabbing her around the waist, I hauled her onto my chest. I held her close, noting how good she felt in my arms, and how her body fit perfectly with mine. I didn’t know what I was doing, or what had gotten into me, but I was out of control. Years of thinking she’d betrayed me, only to find out she hadn’t, had me all tied up. And suddenly I didn’t give a shit about anything other than making up for lost time.
Mia strained away from me just enough for her eyes to meet mine. Her sadness was still apparent, but she seemed almost relieved, like she’d exorcised some of her demons. She didn’t look away from me as she squirmed against my body. I shouldn’t have had her so close. I shouldn’t have crossed that line. There was still so much that separated us. But for the first time in years I had Mia in my arms, and I wasn’t letting go. The more we stared into each other’s eyes, and the more she let me hold her, the more I wanted. I wanted to prove that love was real. I wanted to show her that a real man would never betray the woman he loved. I wanted to own her heart and her body, and to make up for lost time. But there was still a part of me who was afraid of the pain she’d caused me when she left.
Lifting her back onto the table, I moved my body between her legs, our faces so close they almost touched. “You destroyed me back then,” I whispered, surprised at my own admission.
She nodded, not saying a word, only acknowledging my confession. Her breaths came out in short bursts, but I could smell her sweetness. She ran the tip of her tongue across her full lips as she moistened them.
I was lost in that single movement, and I took her mouth with mine, eating up her sweet whimper. Her scent, her smooth skin, her silky hair through my fingers, everything about her invaded my world. I couldn’t see straight, I couldn’t think straight. My head was dizzy with need, and I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was floating away on a breeze. Goddamn, she tasted so good. I didn’t know if I’d ever get enough.
I wanted to soak it up, go too fast, and make up for what we lost. But I forced myself to slow down. I stood between her legs, not touching her body, only my lips on hers, sucking and tasting what
I’d missed out on for years.
When she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer, I almost lost my shit. I pressed into her, feeling her breasts pressed tight against my hard chest. I felt every breath, every rise and fall of her chest, and every beat of her heart. I tried to calm myself between kisses, pulling my lips from hers. I smiled to myself as she tilted her neck to the side for me, inviting me in. I dove for the sensitive spot under her ear, smelling her skin and reveling in her little moans. I ached for her.
Needing to get closer, I grabbed the backs of her knees, and I hauled her to the edge of the table, forcing her legs around my waist. I loved how she molded her body to me. She wasn’t fighting, just drawing me in. Letting me taste her sweet lips and skin.
I wanted more, so much more. I slid my hands up her thighs, gripping her ass in both hands. Holy hell, she was wearing a thong. I kneaded the silky skin, pulling her closer; so close I could feel her heat through my clothes, warming me, setting me on fire.
Mia’s full lips moved against mine, kissing me back. I nipped and nibbled, bit and sucked, and lost myself in her.
Mia was always so responsive. I loved that the meek woman she’d become was nowhere to be seen, and I loved that I brought the audacious Mia out of hiding.
Her hands pressed against my chest, gripping the material of my T-shirt, and pushing me away. Dread filled me as she pulled away. “Stop,” she gasped.
There was no stopping this now. I’d tasted her, felt her in my arms again. I wanted her more now than ever. Why did she stop? I started to pull her back to me, but she slammed her hands into my chest, knocking sense back into my love-drunk brain.
I stumbled back, dazed, as my blood rushed through my body. The desperate need I had to bury myself deep inside her and lose myself was overwhelming. I’d almost lost complete control. I wanted to haul her home and finally have what I’d been missing for so long.
It was like a dam broke in me. Everything I’d longed for was right in my grasp. But the tears in her eyes and the sadness on her face snapped me out of my lustful desire. I didn’t want to be the reason that look was in her eyes.
“Mia,” I said, trying to get her back. She wanted me, I knew it, and I could feel it. Her body was screaming for me just as mine was for her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean …”
She jumped off the table, tears in her eyes. “Please, don’t,” she begged. “I need you to leave.”
I stood, staring at her in disbelief, trying to get my body back under control. Leave? Was she insane? I didn’t want to leave. But she didn’t give me a choice. She grabbed her bag and ran out of the classroom.
I stood there staring at the empty doorway, promising myself this wasn’t over.
Chapter Sixteen
Mia
I ran down the hall. Tears streamed down my face as I burst through the double doors into the parking lot. The only cars left were mine and Jake’s.
Oh, god. I’d let him touch me, kiss me and feel me. And I’d done the same to him. I could still feel him pressed against me, warming me and owning me. The ache of his absence filled my chest and arms. My body longed for his touch. I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anything, but I couldn’t have him. Too much time has passed for there to be any real future between us.
A million questions flooded my head. Why had he kissed me? What was I doing running away, again? What did it all mean?
I started my car and pulled through the parking lot. My last glimpse of Jake was in my rearview mirror. He stood in the middle of the parking lot, staring at my car. God, I wanted to go back and take him in my arms again. I wanted to let myself have him, but there I was, running again.
***
“What do you mean you’re not comin’ to dinner?” my mother complained when I walked into the bar Thanksgiving morning. “You have to come.”
“Momma, I can’t. Please understand.”
“Mia, I don’t understand. So unless you’re gonna explain it to me …” She waited for me to explain or relent, I didn’t know which.
What could I do? I couldn’t be around him. I kissed him. Threw myself at him and then I ran away. What must he think?
“Mia, I don’t know what’s goin’ on, but I need you here today.”
Sighing because I knew she was right, I held my breath wishing yesterday hadn’t ever happened, but I couldn’t do that either. I loved feeling him again. I wanted Jake’s warm, strong arms wrapped around me, and his mouth devouring me to my very soul. I wanted more, but I had to stop it before he did. Before he realized how much of a mistake it was or how much of a disappointment I could be. Before he pushed me away for good.
“All right, momma. I’ll be there. But I’m not stayin’ long.”
“What’s gotten into you?” Toni asked when I walked back into our house. She was wearing a formfitting black dress with matching heels.
“What do you mean? Nothin’s gotten into me. What’s gotten into you? Usually I have to force you into a dress.”
She just shook her head, and ignored my comment. “Bull shit, Mia. What the hell’s goin’ on with you? You’ve been holed up in your room since last light. You didn’t come to the gym with me and you refused to come out with us for a drink. So spill, what the hell’s wrong with you?”
“Nothin’, I swear.”
“You know,” she mused. “When you say, ‘I swear’ I know you’re lyin’. You might be able to convince others that you’re fine, but I’m not just anyone. We’ve been friends too long. Now, unless you want me to guess or start callin’ people, spill.”
I sighed in frustration, looking down and covering my face with my hands. “I kissed Jake,” I mumbled.
She sat there in silence for what seemed to be forever. Glancing up to see her face, I met her amused eyes. But I was shocked when she finally spoke. “It’s about damn time. When did this happen?”
“What do you mean, it’s about time? He’s hated me for seven years now.”
“Mia, you know damn well he didn’t hate you. He was hurt.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter. It’s not like anything changed.”
“Did you tell him what happened?”
“Toni, that’s ancient history. Just because he knows the truth, doesn’t mean he’s gonna suddenly forgive me. And even if he does forgive, it doesn’t mean anything more. Too many years, too much has happened to both of us to just go back. We’re different people now.”
“Maybe you don’t try to go back. Maybe you go forward. You get to know each other now and see if you can even be friends. The basis of our little group was always a fundamental friendship. You, me, Cade, and Jake, we were friends, real friends. You and Jake found more in each other at some point, but you were still friends first.”
Friends? Could I ever just be friends with him? I considered Toni’s words, and knew she was right. We were all friends. Inseparable, loyal, and pure friends. Could I find that with him again? Could I settle for that? After being wrapped in his arms and feeling his body again, I wasn’t sure what I could settle for. Was I even willing to try?
“Look,” she continued, “just be friends, get to know him again. You may like who he is now, but you may not. We’ve all grown up and we aren’t the same people we were back then.”
Nodding, I agreed. “Maybe. I would love to be friends with him again.”
Toni smiled deviously. “Well, how the hell did you end up kissing Jake anyway?” She wasn’t usually one for girl-talk and she never gossiped. But since she was in love, she probably thought everyone else should be in love too.
“After the carnival yesterday. You all left, but Jake stayed back and helped me carry a few things to my room.” I paused. “Somethin’ came over me and I found myself tellin’ him about my parents’ divorce and explainin’ what happened. How one thing led to another until there was such a chasm between us that I didn’t think it could ever be crossed. Then one thing did lead to another and I found myself in his arms.” I sighed, a small smile crossin
g my face. “I miss him so much. No one has ever made me feel the way Jake does. Not one other man has ever made me happy. But Jake has that power and it pisses me off.” Tears built in my eyes and escaped. I never needed to be brave with Toni. I could always be vulnerable because she always built me back up. “I just don’t think I can be around him anymore. If I found out it was all just a mistake to him, I don’t think I’d survive it.”
Toni wrapped her arms around my shoulders, leaned in, and hugged me tight. “Mia, you were never a mistake to Jake. Give it time, maybe things will work out. You can’t avoid him, it’s Thanksgiving and all of our families are just across the parking lot at the bar. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but your mom and my dad have been spendin’ a lot of time together. I think somethin’s up.”
“I had a feelin’ somethin’ was goin’ on. My mom’s been real evasive lately.” I sighed. “But what if Jake doesn’t want me there? I ran out on him again, Toni. After he kissed me, I ran away.”
“You can’t change the past, Mia. If he doesn’t forgive, then maybe you can finally move on once and for all,” she said firmly. “Come with me.” she said. “Jules was pickin’ up his mom and meetin’ me at the bar.”
“I don’t know,” I said. I didn’t know if I was ready to see Jake. What if he thought that kiss was a mistake? What if he didn’t want talk to me? But then again, it was a holiday. I couldn’t make it all about whatever the hell happened with Jake. There was definitely something going on with my mom and I was pretty sure there was going to be some kind of announcement today. I had to go, I promised her I’d be there.
Not giving me any more time to wallow, Toni grabbed my hand and pulled me from my bed. She shoved me toward the bathroom door. “Get a shower quick, and make sure you shave your hairy legs.”
“Toni,” I complained, laughing as she slammed the door in my face.
Showering and shaving in record time, I threw on a modest but flattering wrap dress. When I was finally ready, I walked out into the living room to find Toni standing there waiting for me.
