Lost

by Christina Draper

  Lost

  * * *

  An Affliction Novel

  Book I

  * * *

  Christina Draper

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, business establishments, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

  Copyright © 2013 by Christina Draper

  All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the author constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained from the author.

  For questions and comments about the quality of this book, please contact the author at christina@bookfanclub.com.

  Edited by Roy Draper

  Cover Design and Author Photo © 2013 by Roy Draper

  Original draft completed June 2, 2013

  Original publication October 1, 2013

  Updated October 14, 2013

  None of us knew that the next day would bring hell right to our door.

  Prologue

  “WHAT?” She answered the phone with a snap.

  “I’ve been calling you for two days. Answer your fucking phone.” The voice on the other end said this with more than a touch of sarcasm.

  “I’m sorry. I’ve been busy.” That wasn’t really true, but he didn’t need to know that. “What can I do for you?”

  “He’s dead.” He didn’t say who was dead. He didn’t need to.

  “How?” It was a simple question.

  “Hit by a car. It was bad. Check your email. I’m sending you a link to the story.”

  She opened her email and found the one he sent. She clicked the included link.

  “Beloved Husband and Father Dies in Hit and Run Accident”

  “Thank you.” And she hung up the phone. No good-bye. No pressing for additional information. She scanned the article. And then she saw a picture with a caption.

  “Brian Klevan is survived by his wife, Julie, and their five children.”

  She seized on that one word. That one fucking word.

  She picked up the monitor and threw it across the room. The keyboard soon followed.

  “That bitch!” She brought her hands down on the flimsy wooden desk, and it split in two. The coffee table didn’t fare any better.

  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a picture that had spilled out of the coffee table.

  At one time it was a beautiful picture. A man, a woman, and five children on the beach. All smiling at the camera. It once showed a beautiful mother with a curly-haired, little girl in her arms. A handsome father stood next to her with an identical, curly-haired little girl. In front of the woman a handsome young man kneeled in the sand, and next to him another handsome boy, just a bit older, kneeled as well. And next to the father was an older boy—tall, handsome, and broad-shouldered.

  Yes, at one time it was a beautiful picture. An advertisement for gorgeous families everywhere. But not anymore.

  Now, the faces of the mother and the two little girls had been ripped out. The two younger boys had vicious X’s where their smiles used to be. Only the father and the oldest boy remained, and it was those faces she focused on.

  Her breathing was ragged, and her eyes took on a glassy, lost look, but still she focused on that once beautiful photo.

  “I’m coming.”

  Chapter 1

  “Mom? Do you need anything?”

  I shook the cobwebs from my mind and turned to look at the young man that had just walked into my bedroom. I drew in a sharp breath.

  “Brian?” Wait. Did I say that out loud? It wasn’t Brian. It couldn’t be Brian.

  “Mom?” He walked over to the window and put his arm on my shoulder.

  I looked up into his turquoise eyes. Such pretty eyes, just like his father. I refused to cry on his shoulders. He was 19 and was hurting too. I stood up, hugging him tightly.

  “Oh, Sam. Honey, hi,” I stuttered. “I’m okay, honey. I’m okay. Just thinking.”

  “Mom, I know you’re tired. I can hear you at night, and I hate to bring this up, but I need to make a decision about school.”

  School! 6 months ago, Brian and I had been so excited. Our oldest, Sam, had been accepted to Duke! Duke! And it was time for Sam’s first semester. I think Brian was just excited about the potential basketball tickets. Brian and Sam drove down to North Carolina, just the two of them, van packed with a sampling of Sam’s belongings and school supplies, and they had all kinds of crazy things planned. Tattoos, eating challenges, camping. I got regular texts and updates from their trip down and had laughed at each one.

  When Brian got home, the kids and I laughed at his stories. Carey and Jimmy, our two younger boys, were thrilled with Dad’s new tattoo. Personally, I thought it was kind of dorky. He and Sam both got a little devil. A blue devil. The Duke mascot. I found this to be strange since Brian and I went to the University of Virginia. Despite being giddy that Brian was home, I still missed Sam.

  Sam wasn’t mine by blood, but my heart ignored that. Sam was Brian’s son from a previous relationship. Hell, Brian was only 20, a sophomore at UVA, when Sam was born, but the moment he held that little boy, he was smitten. The same couldn’t be said for Sam’s biological mother. She left before Sam was even released from the hospital! Brian was suddenly a single parent. He stepped up, worked hard, and his parents helped him as much as they could.

  We met our junior year of college. Brian often brought Sam to the campus daycare where I worked, and I adored that little boy, and soon I adored his father. We were married shortly after graduation, and I stopped working about two years later. We just decided that I would stay home with the kids. I loved being a social worker, loved the idea that I could make a difference in someone’s life, that I could help someone. However, when I got pregnant with Carey, it just became too much. So I quit working and made it my job to create a home for our family. Brian continued to bust his butt for us. He was great at what he did, and before we knew it, his construction business took off. He was never afraid to get his hands dirty, he was honest, and despite the housing crunch, he always had steady work. Before we knew it, Jimmy came along, and then the twins - Jessica, or Jessie to most, and Maggie. We had a good life, and then the bottom dropped out.

  Chapter 2

  3 months earlier

  “JULIE!” Brian bellowed. There just wasn’t another word for it. He was loud, full of life.

  “I’m here.” I came out of the kitchen, drying my hands on a rag. “God you’re loud. What’s going on?” There was no animosity in my voice, and I squealed as he whipped me off my feet and spun me around.

  “I can’t believe you’ve had four kids, woman.” He brushed my hair out of my eyes, and I savored the feel of his hand on my face. “Damn, you’re beautiful.”

  I wound my arms around his neck and pulled him down to me. “Oh, really? Show me,” I invited.

  He wiggled his eyebrows at me and kissed my neck as I laughed.

  “Can I get in a quick run?” He asked as he set me down.

  “You didn’t go to the gym during lunch? I would have waited for you!”

  “No. Meeting. Looks like someone finally rented out that old grocery store on Landmark, and I met with the new guys today to talk renovation. Meeting ran a bit longer than expected.”

  “Oh, okay. Well, dinner won’t be ready for another hour or so. You can get in a few miles. And I’ll be here when you get back.”

  He changed into his worn out exercise clothes, gave me a quick kiss, and went
on his way. I watched as he ran down the driveway.

  Chapter 3

  I got mad because he was late. It wasn’t like Brian! I told him dinner was ready in an hour, and it was almost two hours later. What the hell was going on?

  “MOM!” Carey yelled at me from the foyer.

  “What? I’m in the kitchen!”

  “Mom, Carey said some car just pulled into the driveway.” Jimmy ran in to tell me.

  “Can’t be Dad. He didn’t take the car...” I let my voice trail off as the doorbell rang.

  “You guys move!” I shooed the kids out of the way and opened the door.

  “Julie! What’s up, lady?” Amy, one of my best friends, stood waiting on the porch with a bottle of wine.

  “Not much, but Brian is gonna get his ass beat. He went out for a run two hours ago!”

  “So… wine on hold?” Amy asked.

  “No way. I fed the kids, and I’m about to eat myself. He’ll just have to reheat it,” I replied with a bit of asperity.

  We sat down at the table in our kitchen. I laughed, had another glass of wine, and then the phone rang.

  “Brian? You better have a good reason—”

  “Mrs. Klevan?” It was a voice I didn’t recognize.

  I paused. “Oh. I’m sorry. Yes, speaking.”

  The rest of the phone call was a blur. All I remember is them saying that Brian was in an accident, and I should come to the hospital right away. I don’t know if I hung up the phone. Maybe I did. I think I did.

  “Julie? What’s wrong? Who was that?” Amy must have seen me trembling as she rushed over and put her arm around me.

  I leaned into her, praying that it was something silly.

  “Brian... Umm, he’s... wait... he’s at the hospital.” I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t catch my breath. "He was in a... uh... umm... accident."

  “Okay. Alright, I’ve got you. CAREY?” Amy yelled up the stairs.

  “Hey, Amy! What’s up?” My son... our son, looked so innocent.

  Please, Please... I thought.

  “Carey-” I still couldn’t talk.

  “Mom? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Concern filled his voice. He looked at Amy for answers.

  “Hey, kiddo. You know what? We don’t really know what’s going on," Amy said calmly. "Your dad was in some sort of accident, and we’re going to run to the hospital. I’m going to take your mom. Watch the girls, okay?”

  “Yeah, of course.” Carey didn’t ask any more questions, but worry had already set in.

  Amy bundled me into the car, and I shook off my confusion.

  We don’t know what’s going on. I told myself. It’s going to be okay. Whatever it is... we’ll be okay.

  * * *

  I buried my husband four days later. The kids said good-bye to their father. I don’t remember the service. Truth be told I didn’t care what the priest said. I wanted to scream at him to shut up! I wanted to hit someone, anyone. I wanted Brian back. I didn’t want the boys to grow up without him. How would Jessie and Maggie learn what to look for in a man when the time came?

  Amy and her husband, Ben, offered to help plan the service, and I let them. And after the funeral, after everyone had gone home, I sat in my room with Brian’s shirt in my lap. I stared out the window, willing him to run up the driveway. I stared at the phone, silently begging it to ring. I stood in our bathroom, and used his sink. I inhaled his towel… he was gone, and I was alone.

  “Mommy?” A small voice asked from the doorway.

  I turned toward it, and I looked at our little girl. Maggie had on one of Brian’s old T-shirts, and she was holding a teddy bear he gave her. I held my arms out to her.

  No, I wasn’t alone. I still had the kids. We still had each other.

  Chapter 4

  Fast forward 3 months after the loss of Brian to the conversation with Sam

  “Mom? I don’t want to go back to school.” Sam looked at me, willing me to agree with his decision.

  “Excuse me? No. No. No, Sam.” I shook my head.

  Brian had wanted to go to Duke. Unfortunately, money was an issue. He had the grades to get accepted. However, options for financial aid were limited, and the partial scholarships he was awarded still didn’t make Duke a reality. So in-state it was—UVA. It was far cheaper and closer to his family. When the opportunity for Sam to attend Duke presented itself, Brian didn’t want Sam to miss out as he had. Duke had once been Brian’s dream. Now it was their dream... our dream for Sam.

  “Mom... seriously!” He was about to raise his voice. “I can help you here. I can help with the house. I’ll go to school. I won’t have any trouble getting into a school here. I can live at home. Mom it’s been three months since Dad died, I don’t want to go back. I just don’t.”

  I was silent for a moment.

  Sam was getting frustrated. “Come on, Mom. I didn’t even finish my first semester, and the second semester’s almost a month in. The Dean said I had a week to decide. Come back, defer, or leave.”

  I know what I wanted to say. Yes! Please stay. I need help. I’m afraid to be home alone. I’m afraid of answering the phone. But all of that was my problem, not Sam’s.

  “Okay, then get your stuff. Go back to school!” I begged him. “Sam, Duke was your dream. You worked so hard to get there, and you really want to give up?”

  “NO! Mom... No. I don’t feel up to it. I want to be here. I want to be home. Jack still has my stuff, I’ll just go down and pick it up. I don’t have a whole lot. But... home, I want to be home!”

  “Sam...” Desperation was creeping into my voice. I had to make him understand. “Honey. This is hard. On all of us. But your dad wouldn’t want you to put your life on hold.”

  “Oh, fuck that!”

  “Excuse me!” It wasn’t the language that caught me off guard. It was the anger behind the words.

  “NO! He left us, Mom! He left! He checked out. It was dinner time! He had to fit in a run. If he had just stayed home, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Or... Or, you would have been there. Instead, he died in a ditch and left us!”

  I couldn’t tell him to stop, because that would make me a hypocrite. How many times had I railed at Brian thinking the exact same thing? But I’d never had the courage to say it out loud. Sam did.

  I stood up and crossed to him. He was tall, so much taller than me. Just like Brian.

  I took him in my arms, and he collapsed to the floor. His head rested on my hip. He was a little boy again, running to me because he was hurt. I sat back down, and he put his head in my lap and cried. I leaned my head against the wall, and when Carey came in carrying Jessie, I let them curl up next to us. Soon, Jimmy came in with Maggie in tow, and they joined us.

  My babies.

  “Mommy?” Jessie and Maggie called me together.

  “Hmm?”

  “Can’t Sam stay at home?” Maggie asked.

  “Please, Mommy. We don’t want him to go away right now,” Jessie piped up.

  “Mom, Sam should be here. With us,” Carey chimed in.

  In the last three months, Carey had lost the gangly look that had plagued him for years. At 15, he looked older than his years.

  “Guys! I want everything the way it was too. But we have to move forward. Dad wouldn’t want us sitting here."

  “No, Mom. Dad always said we do what’s in our hearts. Sam wants to be home with us. Let him stay home.” Jimmy never said much, but when he did, he cut right to the heart of the matter.

  I sighed. Lying to the kids wasn’t going to work. “Okay. Damn, you guys are good.”

  Sam looked up. “Really?”

  I looked at him, looked at those eyes, and shut mine. Brian’s eyes. “Stay home. I need your help right now. The girls need you. And Jimmy’s right... Dad always told you to follow your heart."

  He hugged me tightly, and the kids all cheered. The girls clapped and looked happy for the first time in months.

  “You need to get me the registrar’s numbers. Or
the Dean of Students! Or someone’s. Who am I supposed to call?” I was already making a list in my head.

  Sam bent down and kissed my cheek. “It’s cool, Mom. I got it. Carey and I will leave tomorrow to get my stuff, and I’ll talk to the Dean of Students. Jack was a great guy. Maybe we can stay a day or so and hang out?”

  “Road trip!” Carey was excited. “Does Jack still live in the dorms?”

  Sam had brought Jack, his roommate, home for a long weekend in September. He was a great guy, and... well, he liked to party!

  “If you come back with more ink, we’re gonna have a talk," I said with a glare. “And remember! Your brother’s not even 16 yet!”

  “Really, Mom?” Sam looked at me in disbelief.

  “Yeah! Really! Not even 16,” I reminded him again and laughed as the little girls formed a circle around Sam and danced. While I shot my best evil glare to each of the kids, I jokingly said, “And don’t think I didn’t notice I’ve been bamboozled here... This was some sort of setup.”

  The guilty looks I received in return said it all.

  Chapter 5

  The next morning, Sam and Carey threw duffel bags in Sam’s old Jeep and came over to say good-bye.

  “Okay, Mom. We’re gonna drive right through.” Sam looked at his watch. “We’ll stop for lunch in a few hours, and we’ll call, okay?”

  I nodded and hugged him. Carey jogged over and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

  “Good-bye, baby girls!” Sam had picked up both the girls and twirled them around. My breath caught at the memories. How many times had Brian done the exact same thing?

  “More. More!” They chanted as Sam stopped.

  “No, I’m getting dizzy. When we get back, okay?”

  The girls looked up at Sam with adoration. He was such a good big brother.

  “You guys drive safe, okay? And don’t forget to call me when you stop for lunch.”