“No—no. I am fine, really, James.” She managed to smile. “Do not concern yourself. Perhaps I’ve been doing too much of late—that is all.”
“Well, from now on everything is going to be different. I’ve always left everything for you to shoulder in the past, but no more. I was scared, I don’t mind admitting,” he confided to her seriously, “when I thought we were on the verge of losing everything and that I might be thrown into the debtors’ gaol. There is nothing like a shock of those proportions to make one sit up and take stock of one’s life, I can tell you. It forced me to ask myself where it was leading, living as I was. It’s made me realise that, if I want to hold onto what I have, I am going to have to work at it, which is exactly what I intend doing. From now on I am going to make a virtuous attempt to reform my way of life.”
Louisa listened to him in astonished silence, unable to believe this was her brother speaking. She realised from the intensity of his voice that he was not speaking idly, and she wondered what could have brought about this startling change in him. Was it his relief at being reprieved by Lord Dunstan, or something else?
“I’m going to devote all my time to this place from now on,” he continued on an enthusiastic note, looking out of the long windows which opened onto the tangled, neglected gardens. “It’s time I did something useful—and besides, if I mean to marry, I cannot possibly bring my bride here with the house as it is. I have not been trained for anything except to be a gentleman of leisure,” he said with a regretful sigh, “with very little money, unfortunately.”
At last Louisa was beginning to understand his reasons for returning to Bierlow. “Have you someone in mind, James?” she asked in a very small voice, hope stirring inside her that this might be so.
“Why—yes,” he answered with a little tremulous smile. “There is someone—Amelia Hacket. Timothy’s sister. Her parents, I think, will have no objections to the match, providing I start to take life more seriously and change my ways. It is important that I prove to them that I can take care of Amelia in the style in which she has been raised.”
Louisa was truly delighted for him, having already gathered that Timothy’s sister was somewhat enamoured of James, despite his profligate ways. “Oh, James, that’s wonderful.”
“You’ve never met her, have you?”
“No. As yet I have not had that pleasure, but Timothy always speaks fondly of her.”
“She’s adorable, Louisa.”
“Yes, I’m sure she is.”
“You’ll like her, I know you will. If she marries me I shall be the happiest, the luckiest man in the world.”
That he loved her Louisa knew to be the truth by the look in his eyes, the sudden quiver of his mouth and the softness in his expression and his eyes. She was happy to see this change in him, and at any other time she would have been overwhelmed by it, but much of the joy she would have felt was overshadowed by her own unhappy predicament.
James looked around the large salon they were in with a critical eye, glancing with distaste at the faded and unfashionable decor, at the threadbare carpets and curtains. Thankfully the furniture was fine and of good taste, chosen by their mother after her marriage.
He sighed. “The old place is a credit to you, Louisa, although it is sorely in need of attention, and from what I saw of the gardens they resemble nothing short of a jungle. I am sure that when we begin hacking away we’ll discover a veritable zoo living in there.”
“I know that, James, but I do my best,” Louisa replied harshly, in no mood after all she had been through for his criticism.
Hearing the hurt in her voice, James reproached himself for the insensitivity of his words. “I know you do, and I am not criticising. Truly. However, with a good gardener, and a lick of paint here and there—and if we purchase some new curtains and have the chairs re-covered, and such like—we’ll soon have it looking better.”
Louisa listened to him in silence, wondering where the money was going to come from to achieve all this. However, she was happy to hear him sounding so positive, and hoped he was in earnest about what he intended doing at Bierlow and would not hotfoot it back to London the minute he became tired of it, as he had in the past.
Seeing the enthusiasm lighting up his face, she saw something of their father in him, who had worked hard to keep the estate intact, struggling against bankruptcy caused by bad harvests, whilst serving as a magistrate and county alderman, gaining respect from all who knew him. She prayed that James had truly seen the error of his ways and would grow to be like their father.
Over the years since their father’s death, James had sold land off piecemeal to neighbouring landowners in order to finance the running of the house—the cost of which Louisa was careful to keep to a minimum—and to support his own more lavish lifestyle in London.
“Tomorrow I shall ride around the estate and see what has to be done. I shall also call on Mr Fenchurch and Mr Bramwell,” James went on, referring to two of his tenant farmers. “With so little money in our coffers we might have to review their rents—and others who rent property on the estate. I am only thankful that I don’t have to hand it all over to Lord Dunstan, after all.” His expression suddenly became serious and thoughtful, as it often had of late, when he pondered over Lord Dunstan’s reason for returning his IOU. “I just wish I knew what it was that prompted him to return my IOU. Such a thing is not normally done.”
Although she was quaking inside, Louisa knew the moment had come when she must tell James everything, for the longer she concealed the truth from him, the harder it would be to confront him with it later. She swallowed hard, knowing she somehow had to get through these next unpleasant moments with her brother—and the thousands of others over the next few days, months and years when, because of the unfortunate predicament she found herself in, she would have to suffer the severe censure and ridicule of friends and neighbours alike.
Noticing his sister’s sudden pallor and frozen stare, James looked at her with a sudden suspicion and he frowned and came to stand close to her.
“Do you know anything about it, Louisa? Were you there when it was returned? Did Lord Dunstan return it in person?”
For a moment all Louisa could do was stare at James, unable to find the words to tell him about the hideous, sinful thing she had done. Her mouth trembled and she averted her eyes. Her distress instantly communicated itself to him and he became alarmed, seeing tears brimming in her eyes when she raised them to his.
“Louisa! What is it? What’s the matter?” he asked with tender concern, wondering what it could be that seemed to upset her so much. “You know more about this than you are letting on, don’t you?”
Biting her trembling lip, she nodded, appeal filling her eyes as they begged his understanding. “Oh, James,” she whispered. “I have done something so terrible that I do not know how to tell you. I—I am so ashamed.”
“Louisa,” James said, his voice quivering, unable to stand the suspense a moment longer. “For God’s sake tell me what it is. What have you done that causes you such distress?” he demanded, his tone climbing an octave higher and sounding urgent as he reached out and gripped her arms with a savagery unusual in him.
Louisa swallowed hard, fixing her eyes on her brother’s. “I—I went to Lord Dunstan—and—and I slept with him, James,” she stammered, “in—in return for your IOU.”
James stared at her mutely, the tenderness in his eyes turning to bewilderment and disbelief, before becoming hard and accusing, and she had to bear the brunt of his anger, his disgust. That sense of dread which she had tried to press to the back of her mind rose up to materialise at last as James continued to look at her, disbelieving, appalled and aghast at what she had told him. Finally his temper became explosive, the depth of his anger reducing Louisa to feeling as helpless as a child.
“You were Lord Dunstan’s whore? You let him tumble you between the sheets like a harlot? Is that what you are saying?”
She nodded dumbly, unable to
speak.
“Louisa, you must have taken leave of your senses. You are too young and inexperienced to take on a man of Lord Dunstan’s ilk. He eats women like you for breakfast.”
“Oh, James. How can you of all people be so cruel as to say that to me?” Louisa cried despairingly, tears she could no longer hold back spilling from her eyes in rivulets down her cheeks. “I could see no other way. I did it for us. I had to. You know how much Bierlow means to me. I could not bear to let it go, nor could I endure seeing you dragged off to the Fleet.”
James was unmoved. “You idiot,” he said fiercely. “How could you be so stupid? You should have let me worry about that. How could you—my sister—take it into your head to do something so cheap—so deplorable? And with Lord Dunstan of all people. The minute my back was turned you went creeping to him, to beg that he return my IOU by the only means you knew how.”
Louisa closed her eyes. This was something she could not argue against, for she knew it to be the truth.
“I should have known on the night we went to Dunstan House that you were up to something—plotting something,” James went on relentlessly. “That dress, which was so shocking in both colour and design—and the time you and he were absent from us all. Dear Lord, have you any idea how humiliating it is for me to discover you went grovelling to him on my behalf? How do you think that makes me look in his eyes?”
James was extremely angry. In fact Louisa could not remember having seen him so angry. “Lord Dunstan thought I was your mistress,” she said, in an attempt to explain, braving his wrath.
“A whore, Louisa, and open to offers,” he accused cruelly, “and you let him go on believing that. How could you?”
“If I had told him I was your sister he would have had nothing to do with me and we would still be in the mess which was of your making, James. He cannot be blamed.”
“Oh, yes he can,” he said through gritted teeth. “A man of his reputation and experience cannot be absolved from blame. I could kill him for this,” he said with a savagery that shocked Louisa.
“No, James. It was my fault. I made a mistake.”
“Then you will have to live with your mistake,” he snapped. “What is done cannot be undone.” He fell silent and drew a long, shuddering breath as he paced to and fro, striving to gain control of his temper as he raked his shaking fingers through his hair.
“Thank God he was ignorant as to your true identity and you will never have to meet again. That way there is every chance that none of this will come out. It’s the sort of gossip which could damage any chance you might have of making a decent marriage in the future, the sort of gossip that would prove titillating to those who would listen.”
Louisa’s limbs were trembling so violently that, unable to stand any longer, she sank onto the sofa, clasping her hands in front of her, crushed by the full weight of what she had done, her stupidity, her gullibility—wondering how he would take the rest of what she had to disclose.
“I’m sorry, James. I am so, so sorry,” she whispered helplessly. “But it is not as easy as that. There is something else I have to tell you.”
He spun round on her, anticipating her words. “What? What could possibly be worse than what you have told me already?”
“I—I am to have Lord Dunstan’s child.”
She spoke the words so softly that had James been further away he would not have heard them. As it was, they were of such tangible magnitude that they hung in the air—in the silence—between them. He became rooted to the spot and stared at her in abject horror at her disclosure, rendered speechless, seeing the truth written all over her guilt-stricken face.
“I—I do not understand,” he stammered.
“It—it’s quite simple, James.”
The colour drained from James’s face. He swallowed hard. “This isn’t true. It can’t be,” he said, total disbelief written on his face, a maelstrom of conflicting emotions whirling through his head. “Good God,” he gasped at length, shattering the silence. “Are you certain?”
Louisa nodded, unprepared for the pain, the fear, the confusion she read in her brother’s face.
Suddenly James’s whole body began quivering with rage and his eyes blazed in his face which had gone from white to livid. He had seen what happened to other men’s sisters who had disgraced themselves. They were pilloried and humiliated, their whole family becoming objects of derision. But Louisa! Louisa was decent and had been raised by God-fearing parents. How could she have done this?
In earnest meditation he began pacing up and down the room once more, wondering how best to deal with a situation such as she had just presented him with, whilst saving them both from humiliation and ruin. Timothy’s father would not consider him a suitable contender for Amelia’s hand when it became known that his sister was to bear an illegitimate child.
“Then this alters matters,” he said, desperation in his every move, in his every look. “I know Lord Dunstan is in London at this time. I shall return there immediately. As your brother and your guardian it is my duty to confront him with this and insist that something is done by way of reparation.”
“No,” Louisa cried in despair.
“Yes, Louisa,” he said, looking at her hard. “The damage is done, but I intend to see that he supplies the means whereby you don’t suffer by his actions for the rest of your life. He has a duty to face up to his responsibilities and I shall make damned sure that he does.”
Louisa stood up in alarm. “Don’t go, James. Please don’t go,” she pleaded. “It will serve no purpose. After what I did he will feel nothing for me but loathing and contempt. He will never marry me—and nor would I wish him to under such circumstances—and I could not bear the humiliation of receiving any money from him. I—I neither want to see nor have anything to do with him again for as long as I live, and I am certain he feels the same about me. I am so sorry, James. I’ll go away. No one need know. I’ll manage on my own somehow. I will do anything to protect you from the humiliation and disgrace which will fall on you should it become public knowledge.”
“Don’t be stupid, Louisa. Where would you go? No, this has to be faced.”
James towered over the trembling, distraught girl who was making every effort to stem the tide of tears flowing wretchedly down her pale cheeks, who had so daringly and bravely tried to hold onto all they had and to keep him out of gaol. She had succeeded in doing so at the cost of her virtue and to find her world falling apart around her. Her strategy to put everything right had backfired with a terrible vengeance. Despite his anger, his disappointment and hurt pride, and the fact that she had humiliated him to the very depths of his being, there was room in his heart for pity.
Not in his worst fears had he imagined that his lovely, untouched sister might give herself to a man in the cheap and shoddy manner which was reserved for the women who inhabited the bagnios in the seedier areas of London. The realisation of her self-sacrifice came home to him with full force. This tender-hearted, self-effacing young woman had surrendered her virtue, which was what she had least wanted to do, because at the moment of decision she had been unable to see any other way out of their predicament.
Their father had made them promise to keep Bierlow secure, and Louisa had fulfilled it on his behalf. He should be thankful and appreciative, not reproachful—and he was deeply ashamed that he had been the one to drive her into Lord Dunstan’s bed. It was his recklessness at the gaming tables that had brought them to this, and because he had been incapable of finding a way out of the predicament himself.
But that Lord Dunstan had dared, had had the temerity, the sheer effrontery, to use her so abominably was deplorable, and he would not allow him to walk away without so much as a blemish to his character. His anger returned hot and strong.
“I cannot simply ignore this. The matter is extremely serious. If you are to retain any dignity at all, and either of us are to show our faces in public again, I have no alternative but to confront him with this. He has com
promised you and he must answer for it. I shall leave for London first thing in the morning.”
This he did, leaving Louisa awaiting his return with dread. Not for one moment did she believe Lord Dunstan would want to marry her, and she could not see him accepting James’s outrageous suggestion that he should do so. And why should he? she asked herself bitterly. Why should he rescue her from a predicament that was entirely of her own making?
By the time James reached London and Dunstan House, having had time to assess the situation more clearly and sensibly, his anger had abated somewhat. He was wise enough to know that if anything at all was to be salvaged from the mess, and he could reach an understanding with Lord Dunstan, anger and recriminations would serve no purpose. Besides, looking at the situation from Lord Dunstan’s position, Louisa was right. When he had embarked on his seduction of her, he’d had no idea she was James’s sister, hell-bent on saving his neck and their home. He’d have done much the same under the circumstances. But he could not overlook the fact that his sister’s reputation had been ruined beyond recall.
When James was admitted to Dunstan House it was to find Lord Dunstan on his way out.
Alistair stiffened when he saw James Fraser in the hall, his eyes narrowing, clearly not at all pleased to see him, his presence at once reminding him of Louisa, whose exceptional beauty and intellectual turn of mind still haunted him—and whose deceit still had the power to raise him to scorching anger. He received James coldly.
“As you see, Fraser, I am just on my way out,” he said, his tone curt and dismissive.
For a moment James shrank from confronting the older man, unable to believe this man of steel was responsible for ruining the reputation of his lovely, innocent sister, but conscious of the purpose of his visit he braced himself, his face taking on a youthful dignity as he moved forward to meet the proud and powerful Alistair Dunstan. He was prepared to defend his sister’s good name by challenging him to a duel, if required, despite the gentleman’s reputation as an expert with both sword and pistol, and he himself not trained in either.
An Innocent Proposal Page 14
