First Love

by G. L. Snodgrass

  My insides relaxed as my heart jumped with pure joy. Yes. I could go on living.

  Chapter Seven

  Grant

  Some things in life only happen once. Things that you wished could happen every day. Seeing Tara in that dress was such a moment. My heart stopped and my mind froze in place. The girl was beautiful. Not pretty, not cute, pure out beautiful. In that hourglass, feminine way that could send a guy’s brain into overdrive.

  When did she get those curves?

  Her hair was up, exposing a long, sleek neck and bare shoulders. Her forest green dress clung to her in such a way that was pure woman. Her narrow waist highlighting both her chest and her hips at the same time.

  I swallowed hard, this was Tara. A Tara I had never known existed. Gone was the bouncing ponytail, gone were the cleats and smudged dirt on her cheek. She had replaced that image in my brain. Never again would I see her as just another friend. From now on, when I thought of Tara, it would be now, this moment, that came to my mind.

  She smiled weakly down at me and slowly descended the stairs. Grace, I thought. Such Grace. She moved like a swan in flight. Then I realized this woman would be stepping onto the dance floor with me. The thought made me so proud. I knew for a fact that every guy in the place was going to be eating his heart out over the realization that she was with me and not them.

  Reaching the bottom of the stairs she stopped in front of me, looking up. A hesitant, questioning look that seemed to be waiting.

  I continued to stare down at her, unable to believe what I was seeing. At last, my manners and the new reality came back to me.

  “You look unbelievably beautiful,” I said, proud of myself that I hadn’t stumbled over my words. Proud in fact, that my mouth had worked at all.

  She blushed slightly and glanced down for a moment, unable to hold my open stare. The two of us stood there for a minute, neither of us knew what to do next. My world had changed. Shifted in a way I had not expected. What did this mean, this new Tara?

  She smiled slightly as she reached up to adjust my tie. “You sort of clean up nice, yourself.”

  A thousand thoughts raced through my mind, but I continually came back to the girl standing in front of me. Looking up at me as if I was special. It was enough to make a man want to conquer the world.

  Her mom coughed behind her hand, giving us both a quick smile.

  “Um … we should be going,” I said as I turned to open the door for her.

  She smiled and put a hand on my arm for support as she stepped out onto the porch.

  She glanced up and caught my look of surprise. Tara never needed help.

  “Heels,” she said, lifting the hem of her dress to show me her shoes. “I hate them, but they are sort of expected with this dress.”

  I looked down and finally understood the phrase, ‘well-turned ankle.’ I shook my head, giving her entire form a quick glance, “I don’t know, I sort of think they are the greatest invention since the designated hitter.”

  She laughed. I saw her relax just a little. Her eyes lost a little of that frightened doe look as her shoulders grew less tense. Her ease made me relax. This was still Tara. She might be the most beautiful girl in the world. But still, it was Tara.

  I held her hand as she stepped down off the porch but then sort of forgot to let it go as I walked her to my car. I had just started to open her door when Mom and Dad rushed out of the house to take pictures. And then Mrs. Pearson had to take some. It was a good fifteen minutes before we could get out of there.

  “You really do look beautiful,” I said as I turned off our street. “I can’t believe how beautiful.”

  She blushed for a second then frowned. “What? I was ugly before?”

  “No, no,” I exclaimed as I scrambled to figure out how I’d gotten into this mess.

  She smiled at me and I knew she was teasing. My insides relaxed just a little. Okay, I was going to have to be on my toes, I realized. Between Tara teasing me, half the male population of the school would be trying to figure out a way to get rid of me so they could move in.

  It was going to be an interesting night that was for sure.

  .o0o.

  Tara

  My heart wouldn’t stop racing. It was pounding so hard in my chest that Grant had to hear it. He had liked my dress. Even better, he had liked me in my dress. I had seen it in his eyes. A quick look of desire. A look that I had never thought I would see. But it had been there, I was positive.

  Since that look, he’d pulled back into friend mode, but for the briefest of moments, he had seen me as I desperately wanted to be seen. As someone he wanted.

  The way he had held my hand as we walked to the car had set my dragons into flight. My hand still tingled from his touch.

  I sat back and soaked up the feeling of happiness. Grant’s leathery aftershave washed over me. Reminding me of where I was and who I was with.Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm down. Keep your hands in your lap, I told myself. That way he won’t see them shaking. Stay calm. Breath normal. Do not let him see the truth. These and a thousand other thoughts danced through my brain while we drove to the Springfield hotel for the dance.

  I tried to take my mind off my fluttering stomach by looking around. He had cleaned his car. A lot. Inside and out. I had to smile to myself. He had taken extra effort for this.

  Glancing over at his strong profile, I said, “Thank you.”

  He frowned. “For what?”

  “This. Tonight. No matter what happens. Thank you.”

  He smiled and nodded. “Thank you for agreeing to go with me. Even if you did make me twist in the wind waiting for you to make up your mind.”

  I laughed, “I made up my mind immediately, I just thought you needed to be humbled a little. It’s not good for you to get everything to easily.”

  He laughed with me and shook his head. Then looked at me strangely before pulling his eyes back to the road. What was that look for, I wondered. It was a look I hadn’t seen before. I thought I knew all of Grant’s looks. This was almost a desperate, frightened look. Like a little boy who knew he could never have what he wanted most.

  I was still trying to figure it out when he pulled into the hotel parking lot.

  “You ready for this?” he asked as he put the car into park and turned it off.

  I shrugged. “It’s just a dance. What can they do, make us graduate and leave school?”

  He laughed as he jumped out and raced around to open my door for me. I stared up at him, surprised, and silently loving it. A girl could get used to being treated as if she was something special.

  He held out his hand for me. I slipped mine into his and let him help me up out of the car. I still felt a little wobbly on these heels, Having him there gave me a sense of confidence that I wasn’t going to fall flat on my butt.

  Once I was out, he slipped my hand under his arm and escorted me across the parking lot and into the hotel. Several other couples were also arriving, the girls in long gowns, the boys in sharp tuxedos. Each of us pretending to be adults. Each taking that first step away from our childhood.

  Grant squeezed my hand then leaned down and said, “Remember, you are here with me tonight. No dumping me for some other guy.”

  I laughed until I realized he was being serious. A special thrill raced through me. Grant wanted to be here tonight. Wanted to be with me. What did it mean?

  I shook it off and focused on not falling over as we walked through the lobby to the dining room.

  When we entered, I couldn’t help but gasp. The room was exactly as I had imagined it would be. Blue and white decorations. A disco ball that sparkled as it turned above the dance floor. Cloth draped tables circling the dance floor.

  A buzz washed over me of a hundred excited conversations. The energy was electric.

  Grant handed in our tickets, then placed his hand in the small of my back to guide me to a table at the far end.

  A shiver passed up my spine from his touch. I had to force mys
elf not to let him know what he was doing to me. But every touch, every smile was pushing me closer and closer to telling him how I felt.

  No, Tara, I told myself in my most strident internal voice. Just shut up. Do not ruin things.

  Taking a breath, I pulled myself together and let him lead me towards our table. My stomach fluttered with worry. What if they thought I looked ridiculous. This was a different world with different rules. Would they think I was being silly? Trying to look like something I wasn’t.

  Three other couples were already there. Guys from the team, of course, Parker, Jenkins, and Walker and their dates.

  As we drew closer, each of them stopped what they were doing and stared, Jenkins jaw actually dropped open.

  “Tara?” he asked with obvious disbelief. I had to fight to hide a smile.

  “Wow,” Meagan, Parker’s date said, “You look great.”

  “Great?” Jenkins said, “She looks spectacular.”

  Jenny, his girlfriend of four years, elbowed him in the ribs to shut him up before he made a fool of himself. Then she smiled at me to let me know she was mad at her boyfriend and not me.

  Walker’s date, Sasha, smiled shyly at me. Like myself, she was out of her safe zone. A sophomore attending the senior prom.

  Grant pulled out my chair and slowly slid it in. Jenkins looked at him and shook his head. I could tell that he was silently saying to himself that once again, Grant got lucky. The realization that they all approved sent my spirits soaring. I could do this, I thought.

  The eight of us immediately fell into a comfortable conversation that within minutes drifted to the team and the upcoming playoffs. Jenny rolled her eyes, but she was used to it. These four couldn’t be together and not talk about baseball.

  “So, what do you think our chances are,” Jenkins asked me as he took a bite of his chicken.

  I shrugged my shoulders. “They will probably start Simpson. With the way he tips his pitches, you guys should be able to crucify them.”

  All four boys froze as they stared at me as if I held the secrets cheats to World of Warcraft.

  “What do you mean,” Walker finally asked.

  “He tips his pitches. You guys know that right?”

  “Um … No,” Walker said, obviously holding his breath, waiting for me to reveal everything.

  “Yes,” I said, unable to believe how clueless they were. “When he is throwing a fastball, he brings his glove up to his shoulder at the beginning of his windup. When it’s a curve, he leaves it at belt level, probably afraid of changing his grip.”

  “No way,” Walker said as he looked at Jenkins.

  Grant just smiled and leaned back. “Not only is she beautiful, but she’s smart. A deadly combination.”

  My insides erupted with happiness. Grant hadn’t said that because he had to. Because he was my friend. He had said what he honestly believed. It was enough to make a girl happy to be alive.

  We returned to eating, the band started warming up, and I tried to steer the conversation away from baseball by asking the other girls about their plans after high school. Poor Sasha had to sit that one out. But the other two both got excited about telling me where they were going to school and what they would be majoring in.

  “I imagine you have to wait until you finish tryouts tomorrow,” Jenny said. Obviously, the entire school knew about it. “I am so excited for you. The UW was my first choice but it was just too expensive. I’m going to Western in Bellingham instead.”

  “Which means, I’m going to Western,” Jenkins said as he gave his girlfriend a quick squeeze.

  “You don’t have to,” Jenny said. “I am sure there will be enough boys there to take your place. I know I won’t be lonely for long.”

  Jenkins placed a hand over his heart and leaned back as if he’d been shot. Jenny laughed then reached over to kiss him on the cheek.

  I felt a special sadness wash through me. They were so much in love. They had always been perfect for each other. And I would never know that feeling. Not with the boy I really loved.

  Biting down the regret that flowed through me, I looked out on the dance floor. The band was getting ready to start and couples were already making there way out there. Grant caught me looking and raised an eyebrow.

  “You want to dance?” he asked.

  My heart jumped. Would it ever be at rest again, I wondered.

  Smiling just a little, I nodded and let him lead me out onto the dance floor. The dragons in my stomach were in full battle mode as my heart pounded in my chest. Grant smiled down at me while we waited for the band to start.

  I looked up at him and realized just how much I was missing. Just how empty my life was going to be when he left. A heavy sadness filled me for a brief moment.

  Grant frowned. “Is everything alright?” he asked.

  I forced a smile and told him everything was wonderful. Luckily the band began, and I was able to pretend that my heart was not breaking.

  Chapter Eight

  Grant

  Things were different. Things had changed as soon as I saw her in that dress. I couldn’t stop my mind from thinking thoughts it shouldn’t be thinking. Not about Tara.

  But everything about her was driving me crazy. The scent of her lavender perfume. The way her body swayed to the heavy beat of the music. How her eyes danced with pure joy and happiness as she grabbed onto life and never let go.

  Everything about the girl was special, unique. Like that fact about Simpson tipping his pitches. What other girl within a thousand miles could have seen that? And still look sexy as all get out. It was too much.

  The evening was going great. We’d dance a few dances then take a break back at the table.

  After our third set of dance, as we were making our way back to the table, I noticed Cindy Lewelly shoot Tara a special look of pure hate.

  Tara smiled back like a cat with a canary, slipped her arm into mine and leaned her head on my shoulder

  “You do have a cruel streak,” I whispered to her.

  “Yes I do, and don’t you forget it,” she said back.

  I laughed hard as I pulled out her chair. The other couples were out on the dance floor, we had the table all to ourselves.

  “You having fun?” I asked as I subtly placed an arm on the back of her chair.

  “Um,” she said as she nodded vigorously. I smiled to myself. It felt so good making her happy.

  “What about you?” she asked as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back on my arm.

  For just a brief moment I forgot about her question as I became lost in the sensation of Tara being this close.

  Get a grip of yourself, Grant, I said internally. This was Tara. Do. Not. Do. Anything. Stupid. Do not ruin a great friendship.

  Gritting my teeth, I forced myself to remain calm. We sat there for several minutes. Each of us in our own little world. Each of us thinking our own thoughts. I wondered what Tara was thinking about. Probably the tryout tomorrow. I knew for a fact that she wasn’t thinking about me. Not the way I was thinking about her.

  “Want to dance again,” I asked as the band wrapped up their latest song.

  She smiled sweetly and pushed her chair back, grabbing my hand and pulling me onto the dance floor before I could change my mind.

  “Come on old man,” she said. “You need the exercise.”

  I laughed and let her lead the way. We had just reached an open spot when the band struck up a slow song. My heart fell. I hadn’t planned on this. I raised an eyebrow, giving her the option to back out. Slow songs didn’t go with best friends.

  She looked up at me with a strange look. A look I had seen a lot recently but could never figure out, then stepped into my arms as if she belonged there.

  I sighed internally as my arms wrapped around her and we began swaying to the beat. A man could get lost in this, I thought to myself. Get lost and never come out.

  She took a deep breath as she lay her head on my chest while squeezing me.

 
; As we rocked back and forth I heard her mutter under breath. Something about not letting go. But that couldn’t have been right. That wasn’t something Tara would say.

  .o0o.

  Tara

  I was in heaven. Pure, unadulterated heaven. The kind of place a person never wants to leave. Grant’s arms.

  A sense of safety and security washed over me. Filling me with contentment. For half a millennium, I had dreamt about being right here. Of holding onto him while he held me. I had always known it would feel like this. Perfect in every way.

  The music was almost an afterthought. The conversations, the movement of the other couples on the dance floor. The sparkling lights and the pretty colors. All of it disappeared. It was just me and Grant. In our own little world.

  As the music stopped, my heart broke just a little as I pulled myself away from Grant and looked up at him.

  His brow furrowed as he backed away a little. Staring down at me as if confused for a moment.

  Great Tara, I thought to myself. I’ve pushed things too far. Be careful. Or he will read my mind and I will die of embarrassment.

  So, instead, I did what any best friend would do and punched him in the shoulder.

  “Not bad. You didn’t step on my feet once.”

  His eyes flashed for a second, then that patented Grant smile spread across his face.

  “You feet are too small to hit even if I tried.”

  We continued to stare at each other, both of us trying to understand the other when the band started up again. Grant sighed heavily and nodded to our table.

  Okay, I thought. I guess dancing was over. It was probably for the best. One more dance like that and I’d be telling him that I wanted to have his babies and he’d be running for the mountains to get away from the crazy girl.

  An awkward silence fell over us as we sat at our table. Both of us trying to understand what to do next. It was as if some small thing had changed and we were trying to figure out all the ramifications.

  “I should probably get you home,” Grant said. “Tomorrow is sort of important.”