JAYDEN

by Becca Fanning

  “I know. Kiko told me before he left. And I didn’t expect this, but I think this is how it has to be. I-I don’t want you both at the same time, Kon. I know that’s what other women have done for you, but that’s not me.”

  “It will be in time, sugar,” he told her softly.

  But she shook her head. “No, it won’t be. I-I can’t. That’s a sin. It’s already a sin what we have here, but it’s just that I’ve stopped caring. I need you too much, both of you too much, to walk away from this.”

  Not that the mate bond would let her, he thought wryly. With a sigh, he pressed his forehead to the transparent glass partition and said, “Is it me first because Jay’s not here?” He couldn’t look at her when she answered that. Why? Could he even admit to himself that he was scared of her answer?

  “No!” she whispered. “Why would you even think that?” He saw her feet move first, and slowly looked up.

  “They always want Jay first.” It had never bothered him before, but this was about far more than some roll in the goddamn hay. This was so much more than anything he’d dealt with before in his life.

  This was his mate.

  His every-fucking-thing.

  “I-It’s not like that with us,” she started to explain, her eyebrows twitching all over the place as she started to scowl then twisted it into a frown.

  “Isn’t it?”

  “No. If anything, it should probably be Jay who’s asking me that.” She blew out a breath. “After all, I usually come to you first, don’t I?”

  He narrowed his eyes at her. “Do you?”

  “I’m here now. I knew Jay wasn’t here.”

  Kon raised a hand and rubbed at his eyes. “What do you want from me, Leila? To put a ridge between my brother and I?”

  “No!” She let out a startled gasp. “Oh my God, is that what you think?”

  Her exclamation, her gasp… they weren’t what attracted his attention.

  It was the blasphemy that did it.

  He studied her, seeing her genuine surprise at his question. She took another step forward then, hesitated when all she could do was place her hand on the Plexiglas. It was corny as fuck, but he raised his to meet hers through the slick surface.

  She swallowed. “That’s never my intention. Ever. You’re twins. That bond is precious.”

  He shook his head. “That’s the thing, Leila. I’d have agreed a thousand times before, but now? Now I have you in my life?” He clenched his jaw, hating the admission.

  “This is my fault,” she whispered.

  “Don’t think by leaving us it will make things better--”

  She held up her other hand. “I’m not going anywhere. It’s my fault for taking so long to come to terms with the bond. That’s what I meant. Whether it was me, and whether it was a shared union, you were always going to find that your bond as brothers was going to stretch and change thanks to finding a mate. This… all of it could have been avoided if I wasn’t such an innocent.” She grimaced. “And that’s exactly what I am.”

  “I know. We know that.” Jesus, it was what kept him up at nights.

  How could he simultaneously be thrilled about something that kept her apart from them?

  Glory in the fact that no other would touch her except them, while utterly miserable with the mate bond still in flux between them.

  The contradictory sentiments only succeeded in giving him a headache.

  “You’ve been kind with me. Generous, gentle, even.”

  “You’re our mate. You’re ours to protect.”

  “I know. But you’ve taken that to extremes that I think none of us expected. Certainly not me when I realized that, for whatever reason, God had put me with two men. Not just any men, but bikers. I mean, I saw you and I was scared. But as time passed, as I lived with you and came to learn you’re mine. That’s the only thing that makes sense. I see nothing else but that.”

  “Then why can’t you bond with us?”

  “I’m trying to, Kon,” she said wryly.

  “Not how I want.”

  “We can’t always have what we want,” she told him, her tone very sad. “I wish I could be that for you. And,” she gulped, “maybe in time I’ll be able to do that. I’ll be able to be between you in all the ways you and Jay hoped for. But for now, this bond between us, well, it needs cementing. That’s not going to happen while I’m still so nervous about your expectations for me.” She sucked in a shuddery breath. “You have to bear in mind, Kon, that when I was in the Church, I expected any day to be told I was getting married.”

  He gawked at her. “You wouldn’t have had a choice?”

  “No.” She looked down at the floor, then swept her gaze back up to meet his. Her eyes were troubled, sad. Fearful for the woman she’d been. Without protection. A fickle family who wouldn’t stand for her, but would stand against her in her time of need.

  Very fucking Christian.

  Kon barely withheld the growl that rumbled from his Bear, but he contained it to ask instead, “I thought that’s why you were older and still single though? Because you’d had a say?”

  She grimaced. “Two things. If I’d apologized to Devon and his family, I truly believe they’d have married me off to him. It was one of the reasons why I couldn’t do it. If I’d thought otherwise, to stay at home, to refrain from rattling the roost, I would have done it. But that? No. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t…” Leila swallowed. “I couldn’t look at him never mind marry him. Never mind sleep with him and cook for him.” A shudder whispered through her; the truest and most pure sign of her revulsion of such a notion. “Secondly, I was very useful to the Church.”

  “In what way?”

  “What I do with Ava,” she said simply.

  His eyes widened. “Seriously?”

  “Yes. I-I don’t want to talk about how, but it was in the leaders’ best interests to keep me single. When I made a ruckus, that had to change.”

  “I want to kill them. All of them.” He growled long and low, but she stopped his anger in its tracks with a simple shake of her head.

  “No. I wouldn’t be here, would I? Not if they hadn’t done exactly as they had done.”

  He gritted his teeth at that particular truth. “Don’t expect me to be grateful for what they did to you.”

  Her smile was wry. “Don’t worry. I don’t. I just want you to realize something… the way I’ve been raised, I’ve known for a long time that I’d be getting married shortly. I-I think if there had been just the one of you, I wouldn’t have found the notion so terrifying.” She let out a sigh when she saw his wince. “I’m so sorry, Kon,” she whispered softly. “I don’t say any of this to hurt you. Truly.”

  “I know. But it doesn’t stop it from hurting.”

  She licked her lips. “I-I wish I could take the pain from you. But I can’t. So, I think if we proceed in a way that puts me at ease, we can at least get the ball rolling. Then, when I’m used to the things you want me to do, to be even, perhaps we can approach that thing you want so much.”

  That thing.

  Two words.

  He wanted to huff at them but knew he’d upset her and that was the last thing he wanted.

  Kon wondered how Jay would react to this. Would he be jealous? Accepting? Would he be sad they wouldn’t be claiming her together? Angry?

  Should he wait? Or was it the best thing to do to let Leila grab the Bear by the balls and let her have control of this?

  That last thought was the catalyst.

  He turned around to shut off the water. When the spray stopped falling overhead, he turned around, grabbed the towel and began to quickly dry himself off. All the while, he kept his glance on her.

  She swallowed, hard enough for it to be audible. “What are you doing?”

  “What do you think I’m doing?” he replied. “I’m drying off and then I’m going to claim you.”

  Her eyes widened. “You are?”

  “Yes.” His lips twitched. “I thought that’s w
hat you wanted.”

  “I do. I did. But, I wasn’t sure…”

  “Jay isn’t going to be happy. I’m not particularly happy. I never thought this would happen like this, Leila. I’m not going to lie. But what have I told you since I got here? That I wouldn’t lie to you. So, that’s me being honest. At the same time, we’ve repeatedly told you that you are our world. Our everything. That means, our wants, our needs, our desires… none of them matter in comparison to what it is you need. You want. You desire.”

  Her bottom lip trembled. “I don’t know if I deserve such devotion.”

  “The very fact you can ask that tells me all I need to know. You’re not doing this to manipulate us, you’re not trying to put space between my brother and I… you’re being honest. Truthful with me. That’s how we always need to be, Leila.” He finished drying up, then opened the cubicle door and stepped out. When she flinched, he sighed, then held out a hand. He remained silent until she slipped her fingers inside his grasp. “I will never hurt you.”

  “I know. But I’m still nervous.”

  “I can understand, but what you felt the other night? I can make you feel so much better.”

  When her eyes widened, nerves disintegrating in the face of her desire and curiosity, he grinned. Gently tugging her, his smile only deepened when she jolted in surprise. “Come on.”

  She followed behind him, but her breath was coming a little faster now, and her nerves were back. Jesus, they were so tangible he felt like they had a corporeal entity in the room!

  With a grimace, he led her over to the bed, then turned to her. “Now. Do you have a problem with being nude?”

  She bit her lip and ducked her head so he couldn’t see her expression. “Not necessarily a problem, but I don’t think…”

  He let out another sigh. Seriously, whenever he’d thought about the fortuitous day when he’d meet and claim his mate, he’d never imagined he’d be doing it with one of them fully clothed.

  Before she could do little more than squeak, he pulled her against him. She slammed into him, hard, her hands coming up to his pecs in astonishment at his dickish move. But, before she could shriek or complain, he bowed his head and pressed his mouth to hers.

  He wasn’t the most romantic man in the world. Jay was the one who’d been gifted with the velvet tongue, and in the past, they’d used that to their advantage. But, as their lips connected, he felt as he always did when she let him in deeper than a peck… like he was coming home.

  She was home. She was more. She was his world.

  He shuddered as he lifted his hands to cup her face, tilting her better so he could sup from her lips, taste everything she had to give. When she moaned, he smiled, knowing she was as into this as he was. Her nails curved, dug into his pecs until he felt the prickle and was aroused by it.

  His little mate had claws.

  Shuddering as his cock twitched in response, he began to flicker his tongue between her lips and began to tease hers. Playing with her, he flicked his along hers, then led her on a merry chase that had her panting so hard, she dropped one hand from between them and used it to press him harder into her.

  She was breathing the air he breathed, and at that moment, he appreciated her nerves because it meant that this moment was theirs. Unique to them and them alone.

  Maybe they could make this work.

  Just because it wasn’t what he’d always imagined, didn’t mean it wasn’t perfect in its own right.

  She moaned against his lips, and he took the moment to drop down, bow his head more and nuzzle against her throat. Soon, she’d bear his mark, and he couldn’t wait. Literally. Nipping there, hard enough to prickle with pain but not to mar her perfect skin, he groaned at her yelp which quickly morphed into a deep groan of need when he fluttered his tongue over the sensitive area. He dropped his hands to her waist, and used one to hold her close, and the other to reach up and cup her breast.

  It killed him that she was covered up the way she was, but Jesus, he could give her that. She had to become used to them, and they had to gentle her to them.

  Time, that was all it was.

  There was no rushing her, not if they wanted her to love this side of their lives together.

  He turned them both, his mouth still suckling her throat, before he bent them both over the side of the bed, not stopping until she was supine. When she started to speak, he moved back to her mouth, began to tease her once more as he grabbed one of her legs and separated the seemingly magnetic clasp her knees had on one another.

  Her skirt was loose around her thighs which helped him greatly and allowed her more freedom of movement. When he arced her leg, opening her halfway, her breaths went from delirious with contentment to halfway to panic. At that moment, Kon put himself in her place. To go from the mentality of keeping her legs closed to having to open them… could there be a more vulnerable moment than that?

  He felt for her then. Not just because he was her mate. No, he felt for every single woman who had to go through this. To make themselves vulnerable for any man.

  Though his cock was pressing into the bed, hard enough for his dick to ache with the position, he stayed where he was, moved his mouth from her lips and began to dot pecks over her brows.

  “You are beautiful, Leila. I don’t think we tell you that enough.” Her hands had been on the mattress, fingers splayed like she was holding on to that as a physical means of maintaining control. At his words, the tension bled out from the digits. “You’re ours, Leila. Ours to love, ours to cherish. Let me cherish you, sweetheart. I want you to feel the mate bond. I want you to know what it feels like to be ours.”

  More tension dispersed. Her hands came to his back now, and he felt the pads digging into his shoulders. He took that opportunity to use his own hand and to stroke her from calf to knee up to her thigh, before tickling around to her inner thigh. As he bent to her throat, nibbling and taunting her there, he repeated the stroking motion until any and all stress had disappeared, and she sounded like she was no longer on the verge of a panic attack.

  His weight was more on the bed than her, but she tugged at his waist as he began to suck down hard, enough to give her a hickey. Simultaneously, her hips jerked up. That alone was like heaven to him. The sign he needed that all would be well.

  He moved back up, not stopping until their lips were touching once more, and then he switched hands and pressed her other leg up high so she was splayed. A little tension appeared but he soon soothed it away with the gentle motion he’d used earlier to quiet her down.

  When she jerked her hips up again, he could feel her hunger once more. Letting his fingers do the walking, he didn’t stop this time until the pads were rubbing against the front of her pussy, down the fabric shielding her from his touch.

  He pulled his lips from hers and stared her square in the eye. “My cock will fit inside you, Leila. But we need to get you nice and wet first.”

  She gaped at him. “Wet? How do we do that? Do we get back in the shower?”

  He would never be able to quantify how hard it was not to laugh at that moment, and though he damn near triggered an ulcer, he managed to keep a straight face as he said, “Not that kind of wet, baby. We’ll get you all slippery and juicy, then you’ll be ready for my cock.”

  “How do we do that?” she whispered, cheeks burning hotly at his words.

  “You have to have faith in me. Do you?”

  Her lack of hesitation was a huge salve to his ego. “Of course I do.”

  “Good. I know how important your faith is to you, which means the world to me, but you have to know I’d never do anything to harm you where this is concerned.”

  “I-I do, Kon. I wish I wasn’t so nervous.”

  He stroked her chin with his pointer finger. “Let me worry about your nerves. Soon, you won’t even understand why you were so nervous.”

  She blinked, then whispered, “I really hope that’s true.”

  His smile was gentle as he bucked off the
bed and wriggled down so that he could kneel beside the base. Her head reared up to gawk at him.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Nowhere, princess,” he told her with a wicked grin as he grabbed her thighs and dragged her down so she was closer to him. Though her eyes widened, she remained silent and simply placed her head back against the mattress. A shudder rushed through her, one he ignored, then he pulled her panties aside and got to work.

  Jesus, her taste. It was like nothing he’d ever known, nor wanted to know.

  He didn’t go gently on her. He knew, if he did, she’d have more time to panic, so instead, he dove in and turned her world upside down.

  He attacked her clit with more speed than a fucking vibrator, not stopping until her thighs were clutching at his head, her hands were in his hair and nearly tearing it out from the root, and she was letting out sounds that could have been of pain.

  The three together told him he was doing a good job. Then, he went in for the kill. Sliding a finger inside her had her freezing, as he tenderly explored her, carefully thrusting back and forth, he pulled away from her clit long enough to say, “Breathe, Leila.”

  He heard her pull in a deep breath and fall back against the bed. Her legs ceased clutching at him as she explored the sensation of being filled. When he inserted another digit, she tensed again and let out a whimper. Carefully, he scissored his fingers. Then, he curled them up and raked them down the front of her pussy. Each time he did that, she jerked on the bed like she’d been electric shocked. He returned to her clit and sucked down hard as he pushed a third finger in.

  “Too much, too much,” she wailed, her hands back on his head, but he didn’t listen. His cock was a lot bigger, and if she wanted to do this, then she needed to take another finger at least.

  With more vigor, he returned to feasting on her. Her cunt pulsed around his fingers in time to her heart, and he wished Jay was here to kiss her and tease her tits, to take her mind off what Kon was doing down here. Jesus, how did men do this alone? He was so used to sharing with his brother, he was a little anxious himself, but he couldn’t let it take hold. He had to be strong.