Iraq still challenges me, even when I attempt to pull apart the fabric of who I am and examine it one layer at a time: as a woman, as someone with a cosmopolitan multicultural upbringing, as an Arab, as a person with a Muslim Shi’a heritage, as a secular individual, as an exile. What persists is my identity as a human being, beyond borders and frontiers, but still with dreams for the land of my fathers.
30 JANUARY 2005 , ELECTION DAY IN BAGHDAD
I wake up with a jolt, wondering if I am going to die. A bomb has exploded nearby, making the two-storey house shake from top to bottom. It is just after 6 a.m. on the day of the first election in Iraq after the fall of Saddam.
A few hours later we gather in the hallway with our ID cards. We are going to walk to the polling station a few streets away. The silence all around us is eerie. What if a bomb has been planted at the voting station? There have been so many threats in these last few days. Although I indulge these dark thoughts, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else at this moment. I simply have to vote. I want to belong, and this is the test. This is going to be my first vote ever, and I am casting it in Iraq after a brutal dictatorship has come to an end after so many years.
The elation I feel after I have voted remains with me me all day as I watch unforgettable scenes on television of people across the country risking their lives to have their say in the future of Iraq. Old women, widows and mothers with dead children, orphans and young men, cast their votes sombrely and with defiant dignity. I am so proud. The euphoria is overwhelming.
Epilogue
After fifteen years, Bibi finally got her last wish. In early 2004 her children decided to move her to Iraq as soon as they could, despite the continuing lack of security in the country. Her eldest granddaughter Leila, who still felt guilty for failing to fulfil her final request, travelled to Damascus to supervise Bibi’s exhumation. As the tomb also held the remains of Hadi and, by this time, Aunt Najla, Leila was concerned that the right body be removed. But when the workman removed the tiles, Bibi’s face was still recognizable, and her hair remained. She was still waiting. Leila smiled and said to her, ‘Bibi, I’m here to take you home.’
A Lebanese sheikh travelled with Bibi through the Syrian desert to Baghdad. She spent a night in her birthplace of Kazimiya, and visited the shrine as was the custom with the dead. Then she was taken to Karbala for a similar visit before the funeral party went on to Najaf.
Spanish military forces had control of Najaf and, confused by the convoy with the coffin, stopped the party from continuing. Then someone remembered that one of Bibi’s grandchildren lived in Madrid and spoke Spanish. Once they had called him and explained the situation, he talked to the Spanish soldier who swiftly let them through.
My father was waiting for Bibi at the shrine, where he had the thankless task of reburying her, a small bag of bones. It took some time for the party to find the plot that belonged to her family in the Valley of Peace, as it is called, as so many had been destroyed and paved over in the last decade, but at long last Bibi was laid to rest near Imam Ali.
Jamila, my uncle Hassan’s wife, died a year later. She had asked to be buried in her old family church in Baghdad, so she made a similar journey to Bibi’s, leaving Hassan alone and inconsolable. Now that she was gone, he expressed his love for her without holding back. His loss was compounded by his growing disillusionment with what was happening in Iraq in the wake of Saddam’s defeat. He had long nurtured hopes that he would be involved in the creation of Iraq’s new constitution, but it was not to be.
On the day the constitution was published we were in a car on our way to a classical concert in London. Hassan particularly liked the violin, and we were going to hear a performance of Bach’s violin and oboe concerto; he seemed equivocal about the oboe. The journey would be long enough for me to read out to him the text of the new constitution in Arabic, which I had printed out that morning. He had called me three times to remind me to bring it along.
And so I began to read, my tongue tripping every so often on the multisyllabic words, exposing my faltering command of literary Arabic. My uncle sat next to me on the back seat, listening intently, his hands flat on his knees. He picked up every mistake I made, correcting every mispronunciation and conjugating the word properly back to me. He was still a teacher as well as a lawyer at heart.
When I reached the end he looked thoughtful. ‘This is not a good document,’ he said. ‘It’s very weak and quite dangerous.’ He said that the second clause – which stated that Iraq was an Islamic county, with Islam being the foundation of its legislation, which also abided by the principles of democracy, human rights and freedoms – represented a major legal contradiction, that the whole constitution process was illegal and that the document had no legitimacy because it was based on another text written under occupation. He energetically slapped his knee to express his frustration as he made each point. Then he went silent and brooded until we arrived at our destination.
In some respects, my family’s long journey has come full circle. Yet of all of Bibi’s children only my father lives in Iraq. But it is no longer forbidden territory: now we can come and go as we please. When Hassan went to Baghdad for a visit he wept when he arrived at the Sif with its palm grove. His tears were of joy and pain. He wept again when he was reunited with old friends such as the singer Afifa Eskandar.
Hassan visiting the shrine of Imam Hussein in Karbala, 2010.
In a long conversation my uncle guided me through my family’s past, explaining the significance of Iraq to it and his own ambivalent attitude towards the country. What he couldn’t observe with his eyes, he has seen through the lens of history and memory. Like the image of a mirror in a painting, the reflections in his family’s story capture what reality may not. Theirs is not a history of ideas and social patterns, but of individuals, of people who lived their lives in the best way they could.
I searched long and hard in Iraq, amidst broken lives and continuing pain, to find that country of dreams mythologized in my family by the power of longing and exile. I discovered faint traces of it, in the old houses and the tales of old men, hinting at another place, other possibilities. But these clues were few and far between. The Deer Palace too was perhaps a dream.
I still find myself harbouring mixed feelings of belonging and not belonging to Iraq. Aren’t there other places that are mine too? Beirut was home until I was told it wasn’t. London, the city in which my family sought exile from exile, has now become my home. And then there are all the places I’ve lived in between.
Some weeks after Iraq’s first election, in the course of a casual conversation in London my cousin Nadia asked me, ‘So does this mean we are still exiles or not any more?’ I couldn’t answer her.
Does exile ever really end? Rather than being a physical separation from a place, I believe that it is essentially a state of mind. It grows and evolves, taking on a life of its own. To have an inheritance of exile is a never-ending journey between myth and reality. Part of my coming to terms with Iraq entails accepting a reality that was built on an old dream; the dream of another home.
Glossary of Iraqi Terms
Clothing:
Abaya: long loose over-garment worn in public
Boyana: cloth that covers part of the head and is held by an usbah, for women
Charawiya: cloth tied around the head, similar to a turban, for men.
Dishdasha: informal long dress made of light cloth, worn at home by both men and women
Faisaliya: almond-shaped headdress for men similar to the Nehru cap, but stiffer and more upright, named after King Faisal I; also called sidara
Hijab: head cover for women; also used to mean custom-made talismans
I’gal: black cord that sits on top of the head holding the yashmak, for men
Keshida: conical hat with a cloth wrapped around its base, for men
Usbah: band covering the front of the head, holding a scarf underneath, for women
Zuboun: waistcoat for men, wor
n over a dishdasha
Food and Drink:
‘Amba: type of rice
Arak: alcoholic drink made from aniseed
Bagila: broad beans, usually cooked with rice and dill
Baklava: filo pastry layered with almonds, walnuts, sugar and cinnamon
Burma: filo pastry stuffed with a mix of walnuts, cardamom and sugar
Chai: tea
Claytcha: soft round biscuits stuffed with mashed dates
Dolma: vine leaves stuffed with meat and rice
Fesanjoon: stew made of chicken, walnuts and pomegranate
Gahwa: coffee
Gargari: boiled and salted lupin beans
Gaymar: cream of buffalo milk
Halawa: flour-based pudding flavoured with saffron
Kubbah: stuffed meatballs mixed with bulgur wheat or rice
Kubbat hamud: stew of meatballs mixed with rice in a turnip and dried lime soup
Mann al-sima: sweet made of the boiled bark of trees, mixed with pistachios and covered in icing sugar
Mihalabi: rice pudding made with milk and flavoured with orange blossom essence
Namlet: locally produced flavoured soda water
Nargilleh: water pipe
Numihilu: lemon-flavoured sweets
Patcha: stew made of boiled sheep’s head and entrails
Quzi: grilled whole lamb stuffed with rice and almonds
Sabzi: spinach and fenugreek stew
Shakar borek: baked sugared biscuits, rich and thick
Shalgham: boiled turnips with sweet molasses, a popular street food in winter
Simatch masguf: fish with a spicy tomato filling, baked on an open wood fire, unique to Iraq
Timan: rice
Turshi: pickle
Za’faran: saffron
Zarda: rice pudding flavoured with saffron
General:
‘Adadah: professional female mourner
Amiriye: Ottoman primary school
Andaroun: harem, women’s quarters
Al-Anfal Campaign: Iraqi forces’ operation against the Kurds in 1998
Ardahaltchi: writing clerk found outside government offices, usually sought by poorly educated or illiterate people
Assalamu alaikum: general term for saying hello, literal meaning ‘may peace be upon you’
‘Azimah: party or meeting, usually centring around food, either lunch or dinner
Baghwan: gardener
Bibi: grandmother
Bulbul: nightingale.
Çelebi (Chalabi): Ottoman honorific title for a man with several meanings: gentleman, sage and, originally, prince
Dawakhana: men’s reception area in a house
Diram: walnut-based lipstick
Effendi: Ottoman Turkish title of respect and courtesy for a man
Eid: Muslim festival; there are two main ones: Eid al-Fidr and Eid al-Adha
Farhud: the ‘Great Loot’, in reference to the 1941 Baghdad Farhud
Hafafa: beautician, sugaring lady
Hajji: title given to men who have performed the hajj, pilgrimage to Mecca
Hakawati: professional storyteller
Hamam: Bath house.
Hashemite: a member of the Hashem clan that originated from Mecca and whose members led the Arab Revolt during World War I
’Idiyah: gift, usually money, given during the Eid
Ingliz: the English, but also used to describe the British
Inqilab: coup d’état
Istikan: small hourglass-shaped teacup
Jiddo: grandfather
Jizrah: small islet that appears in the Tigris River in the summer time, on which vegetables were grown and parties were held
Khatun/Khatuna: darling, a term of endearment for a woman
Kursidar: sitting room
Kutab: informal primary school in a shrine or a mosque, where boys are taught by a mullah
Madarban: corridor
Mahir: official wedding ceremony
Mesopotamia: ancient Greek name for Iraq, ‘the land between two rivers’
Miri/amiri: state-owned lands
Mu’akhar: usually a sum of money agreed before marriage to be paid to the woman in case of divorce
Mulukiye: Ottoman secondary school
Nawab: an honorific Mughal title held by Indians, some of whom came to live in Iraq
Nidir: a wish or plea
Ottoman: Relating to the Turkish dynasty of the house of Osman, which ruled for 800 years
Qabul: weekly ladies’ get-together
Razil: rascal
Safarbarlik: Ottoman Turkish term for military conscription
Sarifa: shack
Sawt al-Arab: ‘The Voice of the Arabs’ radio station, which emerged from Egypt under Abdul Nasser; Arab nationalist and anti-monarchist in orientation
Shanashil: ornate wooden lattices that cover windows
Sibdaj: blusher paste
Siraj: sesame oil, usually used for kosher cooking
Soug: market
Tawli: backgammon
Thawra: revolution
Tinkhawa: mineral hair conditioner
Ukhut: sand fly whose bite can transmit Leishmaniasis, also called the ‘Baghdad Boil’, which can leave a distinctive mark on the body
Za’im: leader
Zaffa: wedding procession, involving music and singing
Zanabil: large containers made of reeds
History and Religion:
Ali: cousin and son-in-law of the Prophet Muhammad; the fourth caliph (successor to Muhammad); also considered the first of the Twelve Imams by the Shi’a, his followers
‘Alim (pl. ulama): man learned in Islamic legal and religious studies Ashura: first ten days of Muharram, when the Shi’a commemorate the death of Imam Hussein at Karbala in AD 680
Abbasids: relating to the second of two dynasties that ruled the Islamic Empire from AD 750 to AD 1258 with Baghdad as its capital; the Abbasid period was known as a golden age in which learning and culture flourished
Ahl al-Bayt: descendants of the Prophet Muhammad through his daughter Fatima and her husband, who is also the Prophet’s cousin Ali
Arba’in: religious observation that marks the fortieth day after Imam Hussein’s death; it commemorates the end of the month of mourning
Caliph: successor to Muhammad in leading the Muslims; the term later came to denote religious and civil rulers of the Muslim community
Fatimid: dynasty that took its name from Fatima, the Prophet’s daughter, from whom they claimed descent; based in North Africa, the dynasty expanded to the Middle East AD 909–1171.
Fatwa: formal judgement or decision of a mufti, a scholar who interprets and expounds Islamic law
Ghadir: festival commemorating the farewell speech of the Prophet Muhammad, during which the Shi’a believe that he designated his cousin and son-in-law Ali as leader of the Islamic community in his stead
Imam: in Shi’a Islam, spiritual successors to Muhammad and his descendants, similar to saints; there are twelve Imams
Jihad: war in the name of religion against unbelievers
Karbala: location where the battle for the Caliphate was fought in 680 and Imam Hussein was killed; today a medium-sized city in Iraq
Maghsal: special area in mosque for washing the dead
Muharram: the second month of the Islamic lunar calendar, during which Imam Hussein and his family were killed by Umayyad forces
Mullah: learned Muslim man with religious authority
Sayyid (pl. Sadah): descendant of the Prophet
Shi’a: group of Muslims who believe in the right of Ali and his descendants (Ahl al-Bayt) to lead the Muslim community
Sunni: often referred to as orthodoxy, position that accepted the authority of the first generation of leaders to follow the Prophet, in contrast to Shi’a beliefs; majority group among Muslims, who have also long held political power
Umayyad: first dynasty to rule the Muslim Empire AD 661–750; headed by a Meccan tribal family, who establishe
d Damascus as their base; in their assertion of power they fought many prominent Muslim figures, most significantly Imam Hussein Wakf: religious endowment, usually property
Music and Entertainment:
Chopi: light popular songs, in comparison to the traditional maqam; often accompanied by dancing
Daqbuli: male servants in the brothels in the
kallachiya of Baghdad
Dunbuk: Iraqi drum made of stretched skin over a clay base
Kallachiya: old red light district of Baghdad
Maqam: form of classical music with a strict structure that cannot be changed by the singer, influenced by Indian ragas; traditionally, the majority of
maqam instrumentalists in Iraq have been Jews
Murshid: master of ceremonies during a zorkhana wrestling match
Oud: type of lute or mandolin from the Middle East
Zorkhana: literally ‘house of force’; traditional wrestling clubs popular in Iraq and Iran
Titles and Positions:
Mejlis/Majlis: council, legislative body, parliament
Mukhtar: head of a village or town
Pasha: high-ranking Ottoman political appointee
Qa’immaqam: Ottoman term for the deputy governor of a provincial region
Wali: governor
Wilayet: province (during Ottoman era)
Transport:
’Arabana: general term for all horse-drawn carriages, later used for cars
Gharri: horse-drawn carriage
Guffa: circular boats used to transport people and goods on the Tigris, propelled with a paddle; they are mentioned by Herodotus in the 5th century BC.
Rabbil: small horse-drawn carriage
Reyll: Iraqi colloquial term for rail
Takhtarawan: wooden palanquin
Late for Tea at the Deer Palace: The Lost Dreams of My Iraqi Family Page 42
