“I can’t help you, TJ.”
“Can’t? Or won’t?”
“I’m sorry.”
TJ had expected Dillon to be cautious, but she hadn’t expected for him to stonewall her. She didn’t know how to convince him of her good intentions without telling him how she felt about Jess, which she wouldn’t do without first telling Jess herself. “I’m not asking you to be a go-between. That wouldn’t be fair to you, and it wouldn’t say much about our relationship if we can’t figure things out ourselves. I don’t know why she won’t talk to me. All I can tell you is I care about her. What she did…” TJ’s throat constricted as her emotions started to show, but she took a deep breath. “Dillon, what she did was one of the most courageous things I’ve ever heard.” She closed her eyes momentarily, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening. “Please just let her know I’m so very proud of her.” TJ rose, preparing to leave. “And while I’m disappointed to leave empty-handed, thank you for being there for her. You’re a true friend, and I’m so glad she has you.”
As she pushed open the door, Dillon’s voice stopped her.
“TJ.”
TJ turned.
“She doesn’t have that number anymore and probably has no idea you’ve been trying to reach her. Here.” He jotted something down on a notepad, tore off the page, and held it out to her. “This is where she’s staying. I have your word you won’t share it?”
Experiencing a relief so profound she fought to stay upright, TJ used her now-wobbly legs to advance upon Dillon and give him a fierce hug. “Thank you. You’re the best, and you have my word.”
“Be good to her,” Dillon said as he squeezed back.
She gave him a kiss on the cheek and took the notepaper. “I will.”
*
When TJ entered the apartment that evening, Kara was seated at the kitchen table doing homework. She appreciated Kara’s diligence in working to turn her grades around. More than that, she was grateful for the type of mentor Dillon undoubtedly was for her. TJ was nearly as excited about the prospect of Kara’s return to work as Kara was, something she wouldn’t have imagined a couple of weeks ago.
It had been a quiet week at home since TJ’s dismissal from Magnate, with Kara emanating dissatisfaction with TJ from every pore. Their only substantive conversation was when TJ had informed her about Derrick Spaulding’s treachery and Jess’s role in his arrest. Thankfully Kara hadn’t said “I told you so.” Even her usual grunts were in short supply. TJ couldn’t blame her. Days of soul-searching had led TJ to the same conclusion Kara had already reached. Jess did deserve better. And, TJ belatedly realized, so did their mom.
TJ sat across from Kara. “I met with a grief counselor from the GU student health center.”
No response.
“For me, not you.”
Kara raised her eyes.
“I’m seeing him again next week.”
TJ had come to understand that Kara was right to have called her out on her peevish attitude toward Evelyn. The loving relationship their parents had was something to be emulated, not discounted, and for the vast majority of TJ’s life, so was Evelyn’s parenting skill. In TJ’s shoes, Evelyn would have assumed that something Jess couldn’t disclose had compelled her to fire TJ, which had turned out to be true. Had TJ followed Evelyn’s example, Jess would already know she had more than Dillon on her side because Evelyn would have stopped at nothing to send that message. Since failing Jess wasn’t an option, and TJ didn’t possess the emotional tools to move forward, it was beyond time for her to consult a professional.
It was already bearing fruit. TJ was coming to understand that Evelyn had stopped caring because she was unable to care. Grief, not alcohol, had left her feeling hopeless and empty. By viewing Evelyn’s alcoholism as a manifestation of her depression instead of the sole agent responsible for her decline, TJ was starting to forgive.
But it came down to something even simpler.
“I have a lot to learn from Mom and a lot to thank her for. One thing in particular. And when I remember that, I can’t stay angry.”
Kara repeatedly twirled her pen around her thumb. “What?”
“You.” Just saying it infused TJ with a gladness she’d never tire of, and she let it show. As Kara wasn’t much for sentiment, TJ expected her to scoff or dismiss what she said. Instead, Kara stilled the pen and held her gaze, which was a good sign.
“And I know where Jess is.”
TJ hated the self-doubts Jess’s disappearance had been stirring. It made her question Jess’s motivations the night they made love, and she didn’t want any negativity invading those precious memories. Uncertainty had been niggling at her like a virus, causing her to wonder whether Jess had come to her out of guilt for preparing to fire her.
TJ hadn’t known Jess was in the throes of her world collapsing around her, but she clearly hadn’t been herself of late. Jess had seemed nearly desperate when she’d arrived unannounced, as if she’d received a life sentence and TJ was her last meal. Her words, her touch, her mouth, her sighs—they weren’t the signs of a woman offering a sympathy fuck or looking for a “wham, bam, thank you, ma’am.” Her tenderness had been achingly sweet. Loving.
Could she really blame Jess for disappearing, when her life was imploding? Could she blame her for not telling her of Derrick’s scheme, when TJ’s reaction to so much less was to doubt everything that had transpired between them?
At least Jess hadn’t been privy to TJ’s insecurities. When Jess had needed her, she’d been there.
And more than anything, TJ wanted to be there for her again.
Even if Jess couldn’t handle a relationship right now, or ever, nothing could keep TJ away. She owed Jess that much.
“I’m going to let her know we’re there for her.”
Setting the pen down, Kara sat back and folded her arms.
“I might be home in a few hours, or I might not come home at all. Whatever it takes and whatever she needs, I’m going to give her.” Since TJ always made a point to come home, no matter the hour, this was the simplest way to convey the importance of her trip.
“About time.”
“You’re right. I’m new at this. I’ve got a lot to learn.”
Kara’s expression softened. “You’re getting there.”
“I hope so.”
“Lucky you have me to help.”
TJ beamed.
For the first time all week, Kara returned TJ’s smile. It didn’t come with any shades of doubt. It carried the confidence of someone who believed she was loved and lovable. TJ’s heart soared. “Maybe you should get outta here and try to get lucky in other ways.” Kara arched an eyebrow.
TJ felt heat in her cheeks. “She needs a friend.”
Kara grinned. “With benefits?”
Knowing the conversation would only further devolve, TJ rose and walked over to say good-bye. Usually when she was leaving, she hugged Kara from behind. Now, Kara stood and wrapped her arms around her first. “Tell her we love her and we’re proud of her.”
TJ hugged Kara tightly. “I will.”
*
“It’s open!” Jess said as she set down her laptop at the knock. Unless Dillon was delivering something, he parked in front of the gate at the top of the drive, so she wasn’t surprised she hadn’t heard his truck. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I would’ve…” The sentence died on her lips as she opened the door and saw TJ. Her throat closed as if she had a terrible head cold and swallowing was painful. “Please go.”
“No,” TJ said, stopping Jess’s attempt to shut the door with her palm. “When did you find out about the scam?”
“I’m not going to have this conversation with you.” Jess had had her fill of people assuming she was a liar. She wasn’t naive enough to think TJ would believe her, but she was loath to have her confirm it. There was something strangely appealing about holding tight to a falsehood if that falsehood made you feel better. Just because a child came to learn
the Tooth Fairy wasn’t real didn’t mean she wouldn’t peek under her pillow at her next lost tooth.
“It was just before you came over, wasn’t it?” TJ asked.
“I’ve known all along, or haven’t you read the news?” Jess couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her reply.
“I don’t believe that.”
“Let it go, TJ. You’ve done your duty. As you can see, I’m fine. Now please go. I don’t need your pity.”
TJ moved into the doorway and forced Jess back a few steps. “I’m not here out of pity. I’m here because I care about you.”
Jess didn’t doubt TJ’s desire to do right by someone she considered—or formerly considered—a friend. If TJ spent even two minutes online or watching the news, she’d hear what people were saying about Jess and her protective instincts would kick in. But Jess didn’t want to be TJ’s moral obligation. She wanted to be TJ’s lover and partner, which after this past week was as likely as Somalia medaling at the Winter Olympics. “Duly noted. You’re officially released from further obligation. Now please go.”
“So I couldn’t possibly mean it?”
“If it makes a difference, I believe you believe you mean it.”
“Do you discount your own feelings as much as you discount mine? Or are yours at least real?”
“I don’t want to argue. Think what you will, but leave me in peace.”
“I will if you answer one question. But I want the woman who had the guts to turn in her father to answer, not the one the media sees.”
As if anyone besides Dillon would believe anything Jess said. She crossed her arms and cocked her head.
“Why did you stay with me that night? The truth.”
What does it matter? Why rehash it? Let it be a happy memory away from the taint of Derrick’s web of lies. “And you’ll leave?”
“If you ask me to.”
The fact TJ had come here asking about the fraud meant she knew very well Jess was responsible for firing her, getting her graduate program shut down, and ruining her reputation. They’d both lost everything. There was no candy-coating it. The only difference between them was that TJ had been a victim and Jess had been partly responsible for tearing her down. She might not be able to provide restitution, but she would own up to it.
“Because I wanted one night to forget I’m a Spaulding, okay? One night to try to forget I’d taken everything from you. One night to pretend I could be a woman you could fall in love with.”
TJ peeled Jess’s hand from her crossed arms. “The bravest person I’ve ever known is a Spaulding.” She kissed Jess’s palm. “The only person I’ve ever been in love with is a Spaulding.” She placed it over her heart and covered it with hers. “And the only thing she’s ever taken from me, I don’t want returned.”
Jess could scarcely understand what she was hearing. The past week had felt to her like she’d been living in a haunted house in which the ghosts of its previous owners rendered the place uninhabitable. As the new occupant, she was going out of her mind, tortured by images of heartbreak she’d had a hand in creating. But now it was as if the apparitions had received the justice they were seeking and could finally rest. They receded into the shadows along with their images of horror and destitution. She wasn’t sure how they’d been placated, but she suspected it had something to do with forgiveness. Having her hand over the heart of the woman she loved settled her in a way she imagined those spirits experienced. She splayed her fingers and enjoyed the strength of the heartbeat under her touch. “Your gray sweats?” she asked, eyes gleaming.
TJ laughed. “That’s where they went?”
Jess let her hand travel up until she cupped TJ’s cheek. “Tell me I’m not dreaming. You really forgive me?”
TJ held her palm over Jess’s hand. “Baby. Tell me what you see.”
The sure and steady gaze TJ leveled at her made Jess’s heart expand as if it were a blossom greeting the sun. “But your internship. And the program. And your credits. And your prospects. I’ve ruined all of it.”
Once again, TJ kissed her palm. “What do you see?”
Compassion. Kindness. Devotion. Love. So many things Jess didn’t deserve yet wouldn’t question. TJ’s assuredness wouldn’t allow it. The answer was as clear as hindsight.
“My future,” Jess said before wrapping TJ in her arms and kissing her.
Epilogue
No wonder TJ had been hurt when she’d been fired, Jess thought as she wound her way through the parking lot toward her borrowed car. It felt terrible. At least the emotional roller coaster she’d ridden for the past six months had helped in one small way—she was too drained to cry. Barbara Nichols, Muriel Manchester’s chief marketing officer, had been against her hire from the start and, based on the case she’d just made against her, had gone out of her way to document issues with Jess’s performance toward the goal of terminating her.
Not that Jess could blame her. Barbara was no different than nearly every other person she’d met since her father’s arrest made headlines. People were as uncomfortable around her as if an Uzi were strapped over her shoulder. At least Barbara had honored the full probationary period.
A sound more pathetic than her internal monologue caught Jess’s attention. Some poor soul’s car wasn’t starting. Jess followed the noise until she reached its source just as the vehicle’s driver raised the hood and stared into the frame. “Need a hand?” Jess asked, though she no longer had access to a car service or an automobile club and knew as much about mechanics as heart surgery.
The female driver wore what Jess recognized as an Armani skirt suit in midnight blue, a look that contrasted sharply with the older-model sedan that refused to start. The woman shook her head and folded her arms. “Rookie move. I left the lights on.”
Jess set down her small box of personal effects and pulled out her phone. “Let me see if I can help.” She dialed Kara, who would be at the shop at this hour.
“Pineapple and Canadian bacon,” Kara said by way of answering. “If you’re calling to find out what pizza toppings I want for dinner.”
“You’re only saying that because it’s my turn to cook.”
“Yes, and I love you for it. I’ve never gotten to eat so much takeout in my life. What’s up?”
“What’s the likelihood you can walk me through how to jump someone’s car battery?”
“Zero.”
“Oh, come on. How hard can it be?”
Kara laughed. “You’ll get dirty.”
Jess pursed her lips and eyed the engine compartment. It seemed as if it had won grand prize at a soot-producing challenge, with black dust and grime covering every conceivable area. Hardly her cup of tea. She glanced at her clothing. The no-name skirt and blouse was nothing special, and now that she suddenly had free time, she could soak and scrub to her heart’s content.
Armani woman fished through her purse on the front seat and held up her phone. “I’ll just call roadside assistance. Thank you, though.”
Jess held up a finger. “One sec,” she told the woman as she scooped up her box. With her chin she indicated her destination. “I’m just over here. I’ll block you.” To Kara, she said, “I’ll risk it. Tell me what to do and promise me you won’t let me electrocute myself.”
Kara laughed again, a sound Jess had come to enjoy as much as a warm blanket on a cool evening. “As hot as my sister thinks you are, not even you could get fried by twelve volts. For three slices of pizza, I’ll walk you through it.”
“Deal.”
Miraculously the hands-on training went off with neither hitch nor call to 911. Dirt accumulation was minimal. Once her car started, the woman canceled her request for roadside assistance. Per Kara’s instructions, Jess advised the woman to drive her car for at least ten minutes. The woman extended her hand.
“Susan O’Reilly. Thanks for the rescue.”
Jess appraised her own palm and held it up for inspection. “Sorry.”
Susan rummaged through the glove
box and pulled out a napkin. “Here. This is my sister’s car, and I’m not used to having to manually turn off the lights.”
Jess wiped her hands, enjoying feeling useful. It had been elusive since she took this job. “Glad I could help. Good luck.”
“What’s half of our celebrity couple doing in the parking lot at midafternoon, rescuing damsels in distress?”
Of course Susan would know who Jess was. She wasn’t famous as much as infamous. Jess smiled. “Heading home. Today’s my last day. Employees can rest easier knowing they don’t have to clutch their wallets so tightly anymore.”
“You quit?”
Jess shook her head but didn’t need to get into the details with this stranger.
Susan frowned and consulted her phone. “On whose authority? I haven’t green-lighted this. Has Muriel been informed?”
Jess didn’t know Susan’s role at the company and decided she didn’t need to. “I wouldn’t know. Nice to meet you, Susan.” She stowed the cables and slid into the driver’s seat.
“Wait,” Susan said, blocking Jess from closing her car door. She had a phone to her ear and, with her other hand, held up her index finger. “Great. Trust me, she’ll see us…Yes, go ahead and do that. We’ll be right there.” Susan swiped her phone and gave Jess her attention. “Would you mind speaking with Muriel?”
“Yes. I don’t know who you are, but—”
“Senior Vice President of Global Human Resources. And you’re Jessica Spaulding. Please. I’m quite certain there’s been a mistake.”
“And I’m just as certain there hasn’t. Let’s not drag this out. Especially let’s not involve Muriel. California’s an at-will state, and the list of my infractions is long.”
For Money or Love Page 31
